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Full text of "The Beat Within 13.44"

THE BEAT WtTHIN - A WEEI\ 









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Congratulations to all of us for electing 

Barack Obama President of the United States. Of course, he 
and his family deserve congratulations, but it is the country 
and the entire world that benefits, so we want to congratulate 
ourselves... 

Those of us of a certain age never thought the day would 
arrive in this country that a blade man would or could be 
elected President. But we were all wrong, and we are so happy 
to have been wrong! It^ hard to understand just how this 
affects those of us who remember the dogs being loosed on 
peaceful protesters in Alabama, who remember a black man 
murdered alongside two white men in Mississippi for trying 
to register blacks to vote, who remember white people made 
ugly by their vicious opposition to courageous teenagers who 
wanted nothing more than to attend their public high school 
in Arkansas, who remember "White" and "Colored" drinking 
fountains, and so much more. This is a milestone in a country 
like ours, built on the backs of black slaves who, even after 
the abolition of slavery, had to live under a separate and far 
from equal set of laws called Jim Crow; and who, even today, 
suffer from poor education and housing, poor health care and 
employment, and huge overrepresentation in our nation^ jails 
and prisons. 

We were in a unit in San Francisco^ juvenile hall last 
Tiiesday night when the election was called for Barack. A 
female counselor, white and older, burst into tears. A young 
man asked, "Why is she crying? Did she want McCain to win?" 
He could not understand why a white woman would shed tears 
of joy for the election of a black man. But we understand, and 
we have shed our own tears of celebration. 

But of all the commentary and outpouring of feelings from 
around the world at President-elect Barack Obama's stunning 
victory, none has moved us more than the letter we received 
from a long-time friend, a man who has spent considerably more 
than half of his life in prison — a white man and a founding 
member of the Aryan Brotherhood, a white racist prison gang 
he helped to organize in the 1960s. 

Beat readers know this man as a regular contributor to The 
Beat Without. He writes under The Beat name, SunMan^ Light, 
and he writes from Salinas Valley State Prison. 

Dwight Abbott has been a friend of this editor since the 
early '90s when he w^rote and had published a most remarkable 
memoir about what it was like growing up in the violent 
California Youth Authority in the 1950s where children had 
to band together along racial lines for self-protection. Many 
of you have read that book, I Cried, You Didn't Listen (recently 
republished by AK PressJ. When this editor read it fifteen years 
ago, I wanted to meet the courageous man at the center of his 
story, and so I reached out to him while he was imprisoned at 
Folsom. Our friendship endured, and I was able to pick him up 
when he was paroled from there, and drive him to my house in 
Oakland. There, I introduced this proud racist to my best friend, 
a black man named "Jimmy." Dwight's jaw dropped briefly, but 
out of respect for me — and aware of his precarious position, 
having just paroled from a long prison term earlier in the day 
— he shook Jimmy's hand and said nothing. 

Several years passed, and we remained friends. Then, 
tragically seduced by crystal meth, he began a new downw^ard 
spiral that led him back into the belly of the beast, w^here 
he now resides, confined to a wheelchair due to a stroke. He 
will spend the rest of his life there. He wrote the following 
letter the morning after election day. in it, he not only finds 
himself rooting for and applauding the election of a man he 
once would have despised for no other reason than his color, 
but he also denounces the vote to define marriage in a certain 
way that conforms to some peopled religious beliefs (and have 
now voted to enshrine their belief in California^ Constitution), 
and confidently predicts that this barrier, too, will fall, as 
the barrier to back achievement at the highest level has now 
fallen: 

"Dear Michael, I really need to share this. 

"I remained awake last night to watch history being made, 
a new day begin. It is my fervent hope President Elect Obama 
does not disappoint me. 



"I believe you know, Michael, that during my life I was 
a hard-core racist; a true believer that a black person had 
no productive purpose upon this earth other than to serve the 
white man. Those who have known me, know of events in my 
life leading to these beliefs that consumed me, leaving no one 
in doubt there as not an African safe in my company, nor that 
of those I associated with. Then there was a defining moment 
— I met a friend of yours... 'Jimmy,' a rather unassuming, highly 
intelligent individual. As I got to know him, there began a 
bewildering, at first, change in me I would never before have 
thought possible. He garnered my respect, which I first offered 
grudgingly, before realizing I actually liked him. 

"For the past few months now, I have been rooting on 
Mr. Obama, believing he will be representative of why I today 
believe if our world is to ever change, it began late last night. 

"I was moved in a way I am unable to find words to describe 
right now. I know I will not be here while the seeds that were 
planted last night are tended, and the fruits they bear are 
reaped for all Americans to enjoy, but I can now die believing 
children of all colors have a chance that was not offered them 
before today. I can leave here knowing the few people I love will 
now be offered during their lives the opportunity to experience 
a world without the hate and discourse that burdened me all of 
mine, dictating the madness in which I have partaken, denying 
me the peace that someday they might now experience. 

"It is unfortunate that this event has been marred by the 
hidden prejudices and hate dictating whom people can marry, 
denying others — but for a moment, I am sure — an end to their 
journey for equality, and simply to be allowed to live as they 
have every right to. 

'There is a calm I see in the storm: It Is my belief our high 
courts will not allow our Constitution to be amended in a way 
solely intended to deny a particular segment of our society the 
rights everyone else is allowed to enjoy. 

"I just wanted to share this with you, Michael. I love you so 
darn much. See you when I see you, brother." 

Thank you, Dwight. Your letter not only is a testament 
to the ability of human beings to overcome the prejudices 
of childhood, it is also a testament to your name, SunMan's 
Light! 

The issue of The Beat you hold, like all issues of this endless 
gold mine, is full of precious nuggets, in it, we presented four 
topics. The first topic is "worry" — Like it or not, we all worry, 
some of us worry more than others. A number of us act like 
we haven't a worry in the world, while others worry like there 
is no tomorrow. This week we want you to tell us, from where 
you sit tonight/today, what is it that you worry about? Why 
are you worrying? How much does it bother you? Does it help? 
Explain in detail your struggles with worrying. What must you 
do to stop worrying? if you claim you never worry, then tell us 
all about the person who worries for you? 

The second topic is 'The TVaveled Road" — "Caminante, no 
hay camino, se trace el camino al andar." [Traveler, there is no 
road. The road is made as one walks]. How would you interpret 
the above quote ? What does it mean to you? Tell us about 
the road you are walking and the path you are creating for 
yourself? What legacy do you want to leave behind, and who 
do you think will be affected by your life experiences? 

The third topic goes back to the theme of this Ed Note, 
'The Presidential Election" — The presidential election is 
coming up on November 4th. Although most of you are not yet 
old enough to vote, we still want to hear your opinions. Given 
where you are right now, which candidate (Obama, McCain, 
or...) do you believe could make a positive impact on your life 
and community, and why? What do you want the next president 
to do to improve our country? 

And the last topic is "My Plan" — You all will one day return 
home, some of you may be leaving tomorrow, while others have 
some time to give. This week we want to hear from you your 
plan upon getting out of the system. What steps are you going 
to take with the hope of never returning and freeing yourself 
of the criminal justice system? 

Okay, Beaters, this issue goes out to our new President 
and his beautiful family. Barack rocks! 



//////// 



The Beat Within, a weekly ne\ 
cerated voutli, is published bv Pacific News 



le Beat Within, vi 



Co-founders: Sandv Close 



Senior Editors: Dav 



Graphics/Layout Editor: Manen Pan 



liumnate vom- leelmgs 



ti Martinez, Patiici 
ton, Slieerly Avni, Jennifer Clarke, Hanif Bey, 
Qy Le, Victor Peterson, Lam-a Vitai-o, 
nan iinKer, Ahssa Blackman, Nic Reiner-Pai 
;gy Simmons, Kirslin Dan, Michaela Levin, Allan 
nson, Kolby Hanson, Sam Peterson, Kim Nelson, 
er, Oscar Peiia Jr.. Julia Scheinbeim. and Neela 




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The Maricopa County, Plioenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department Beat 
Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C., Hillary Shluker, M.C., Lisa 
T,-^r^-v^,„cVi \/{ K Ti,« ^^t^,^i^on staff are: Carissa Allen, Antoinette Flores, Mr B., 
naim, Connie Pybum, Ph. D. Clinical Director, Ph.D. 
Clinical Director. 

Bernalillio County Juvenile Detention & Youtli Services Center Beat Staff: 



Oali Hill - Washington, DC Staff: Alex Moe and Gabriel Prodder 

Fresno : Mai Der Vang, Rosie Wentz, Liliana Romero, Nigel Medhurst, Aslileigh 
Rocker, and Cindy Jenson 

Art: Much props to everyone for the great art this week. 

Spiritual Advisor: Jack Jacqua 

Special Volunteer: Nancy DeMartini 

Book Donor: Maiisela Noite 

Beat Supporters: The Beat Witliin greatefully acknowledges tlie generous sup — ^ 
of fmiders of Pacific News Service's Youdi Commmiications Programs - Calif onia 
Arts Coimcil, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fimd, Commmiity Foim- 
dation of Silicon Valley, Commimity Teclmology Foimdation of California, Comp- 
ton Foimdation. Creative Work Fimd, Cricket Island Foimdation, Evelvn and Walter 



is, Jr. Fimd, Ford Foimdat 
.on, Marin Commiuiity F 
igs Foimdation, Oakland 



dation, Mareuerite Casev Foi 



en and Youtli, Open Society Institute, 
rciniisLiirt v^umiuLumy Foimdatiou, Pliilantliropic Ventures Foimdation, S. H. Cow- 
ell Foimdation, Monterey, Fresno, Solano, Oak Hill - WasMngton DCSan Francisco 
Arts Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Sliimiyo-en Foundation, W. Clem- 
ent and Jessie V. Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foimdation, 
Siu-dna Foimdation, The California Endowment, Tides Foimdation, Van Loben Sels/ 
Rembe Rock Foimdation, Vanguard Public Foimdation, Wallace Alexander Gerbode 
Foimdation, Walter S. Jolmson Foundation, Youth Justice Fimding Collaborative, tlie 
Zellerbach Family Fimd and individual donors. 

Writers: Thanks to all tlie participants in om- workshops in the San Francisco, Mari- 
copa Coimty Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bemalilho Comity New 
Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have any questions or 
comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to become a subscriber, con- 
tact us at 275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415) 503-4170 or check us out at 

www.thebeatwithin.org 
www.myspace.com/theofficialbeatwithin 



Writing Workshop 

(free every Thursday from 4-6pm) 
at The Beat Within office 
275 Ninth St. (at Folsom) 
San Francisco, CA 94103 



Facilitated by Beat facilitator Kim Nelson 
kimba@got.net 



!^ 



t 



Keep Writing. 

Check out the ongoing writing workshops run 
by beat facilitator Kim Nelson at the office of 
The Beat Within. Participants will read, write. 
We'll also look into publishing and performance 
opportunities. 



^ 



Ha 



MPjmrJifimjL. 




From The Beat: In our continuing series from Project WHAT!, 
we bring you this insightful and moving testament to the power 
of the human spirit by Tanea L. She adds yet another aspect that 
children of incarcerated parents often have to deal with — secrecy and 
silence. When her mother later suffers mental illness leading to her 
"incarceration " in a mental hospital, Tenea is far better equipped to deal 
with her mother) absence ' 
father. In the end, she credits the difficulties she) had to overcome in 
dealing with these dual losses for giveing her the confidence in her own 
strength and judgment, and for a spiritual awaltening based on love 
and forgiveness, if you are as moved by TeneaS piece sti we are, you 
can contact Projct WHAT! at; www.community-works-ca.org/programs/ 
projectwhat.html [(510| 486-2340]. 



No More Hidino 



Having an incarcerated parent often means being part of a 
family where hiding the truth becomes a way of life. For me the 
first cover-up happened at two years old when my father was 
incarcerated. I noticed that my father had not been around in 
a long time and I asked my mother why. I had missed his scent 
passing by my room, an air of mystery always around him. I 
can't remember spending lots of time with my father at that 
age, but I remember wanting to. My mother was heartbroken 
at my constant inquiries and she finally decided to tell me 
that he was "on vacation." I soon picked up the phrase and 
continued asking questions, only this time they were about 
when he would return, to which my mother could never give 
me an answer. 

At the time of my father's incarceration my mother was 
twenty-one years old with a second daughter on the way. She 
did everything she could to transition seamlessly into a new 
life without my father, although it meant spending her "prime 
party years" supporting our household alone. She raised my 
sister and me strictly but with more motherly love than one 
can imagine. In one moment she would scold us, putting us 
to shame with a shake of her head, and the next she would be 
sharing her bed with us as my sister and I tried our best to get 
closer to her, to feel her body warmth, her forgiveness. She 
took us to the park when she could, bought us pet fish, and 
always surprised us on Christmas. 

Although she did not always show it, we knew my mother 
was lonely. When my father was first incarcerated, he and my 
mother divorced. They separated on bad terms. (Can there ever 
be a good way to break away from a teenage love turned father 
of your children?) My mother had never fully detached herself 
from my father and the relationship (or lack thereof) made her 
noticeably depressed. My sister and I stopped asking about 
him because we saw the effect that the questions had on her 
attitude. My mother would often tell my sister and me that we 
were all she had. The judicial system had affected us all, it had 
separated us. 

I found out when I was about four years old that my father 
was not enjoying the beautiful beaches of Hawaii as I imagined, 
but rather living in a cold, damp cell. We went to visit him 
sometimes. Early on a Sunday morning we would stand in 
line for a long time behind what seemed hundreds of women in 
heels and too much make-up and perfume, trying to make up 
for the circumstances, trying to cover up the sadness. They all 
looked so sorry. 

My father was in and out of jail so much that we wouldn't 
know he had been out sometimes until we got a call saying 
that he was back in Folsom, San Q^entin, or a county jail. I 
told myself that it didn't matter— I simply pushed it to the back 
of my brain and avoided conversations about fathers. 

I never wanted to stand out by having to explain my 
situation. When we were supposed to make cards for our 
fathers during summer camp or at school on Father's Day, I 
just made a card and took it home without telling anyone I had 
no one there to give it to. The card would sit, unread, until the 
next time 1 cleaned my room, when I would throw it away. 

It was not until I was eleven or twelve years old that my 
father was really called upon to step up and do his job. At 
that time my mother was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and 



schizophrenia (products of each other). The months prior 
to her diagnosis were confusing and scary for me. Unlike 
my dad, my mom had always been the stable one. Now, for 
the first time in my life, she was someone foreign to me. She 
would lock her door and turn off her light— it was as if she 
wasn't home for months. I didn't know what was going on 
with my mom, but I knew it wasn't right. 1 tried to hide as 
much of the situation as I could from my little sister, trying to 
protect her the way my mom had tried to protect me from my 
father's incarceration. When my mom locked herself in her 
room, I would tell my sister she was too tired from working to 
cook dinner, and I would make us cup-of-noodles. When my 
grandmother or aunts asked how my mom was doing, I honey- 
coated the situation to make everything sound fine. I would 
say, "I got us a huge gallon of bottled water from the store. 
We like the taste better," instead of saying, "Mom won't let us 
drink the tap water. She says there is poison in it." Watching 
my mother change was devastating. But covering it up came 
easy. After all, 1 had already spent years hiding the truth about 
my father. 

After my mother was diagnosed, the truth could no longer 
be hidden. My sister and 1 went to go see her in a mental 
facility and could not talk to her unsupervised. She was too 
thin, only two dress sizes bigger than my twelve-year-old frame, 
and she looked sick, a defeated look always stuck on her face. 
My mother's condition was seen as a threat to us and because 
she had full custody we were threatened with foster care. 

My father was fresh out of San Quentin State Prison, again, 
and there was an agreement made by the court that he would 
be on probation for a shorter period and share custody of us 
with my grandmother. We hadn't had much contact with him 
beforehand, only a couple of collect calls where, with the tone 
of a wanna-be hero in his voice, he asked what happened with 
my mom. He acted like he wanted to save us, but when he 
was released he was not much of a father. He still wanted to 
hang out like he had before, and because of his irresponsible 
actions I was asked such favors as peeing in a cup for his 
probation officer so he wouldn't have to go back to jail. He 
never said so, but common sense told me that if he went back 
to jail that meant foster care for my sister and me. So I did 
what I had to do, and he didn't go back to jail, not right away at 
least. 

My mother was away from us for about six months, living 
alone for the first time in an apartment a few miles from my 
grandma's house. We had a group interview and the caseworker 
found it appropriate for us to move in with her again. Soon 
after, my father went back to jail, for a long time, the longest 
time yet. This recent sentence has lasted for three years and 
is not coming to an end soon from what we have heard. 

My father may have truly rehabilitated this time. None of 
us will know until he gets out and stands on his own two feet. 
But I know that I have definitely changed. Having my mom 
back home, 1 regained what was taken from me, and for that 
I am thankful. But I also learned from my mom's absence 
and my dad not coming through as a parent, that I could be 
independent. Once all the difficult truths were out in the open, 
I found that I had my own internal and spiritual resources. 1 
found strength in the thing that made me fall the hardest. 

Now at seventeen, I no longer let myself worry over my 
father's incarceration. My energy lies in loving, forgiving, and 
succeeding regardless of circumstance. 

My mother has returned to her original state as my good 
ol' mom again with the medicine she is taking. She is having 
a baby now, another little girl. My father has remarried and 
is still currently in San Quentin. I am teaching him to speak 
Spanish through our letters and collect calls. My father and 1 
have our ups and downs, but regardless of what he has done, 
or will do, I am his daughter and I no longer have a reason to 
avoid conversations about fathers. 1 no longer feel like I have 
to cover up for others, because I know now that I am myself 
and not a shadow of anyone else's doings. 



/^HR 




f^fsfjir^/r^/^. /// ////#/ //. // 




I'm Supposed to be Dead 



I walk around with a smile on my face and people think 
that I'm ok but I'm not. 

I walk around with a smile today because I'm happy to 
be here. I'm lucky to be alive. I'm supposed to be dead. 
And I'm so thankful that I'm alive that I decided to turn 
myself in. 

Really understand me when I tell y'all that I'm not 
supposed to be here. I'm talking about if I would have 
stepped to the left instead of the right, I would not be 
here. Instead of my dying I had two busted eardrums 
and a little last of hearing. I went to the hospital a couple 
days ago and they said I'ma have to get surgery. I'm just 
happy to be here. 

I've witnessed something that I did not want to witness, 
and I think that is what's motivating me to get my life 
together. People try to take advantage of my kindness, 
but really they don't know what they getting into. I try to 
ignore it, I do ignore it, but it's only so much I can ignore. 
I know I'm getting tested so I'ma continue to ignore it. 
I'ma continue to smile and be happy. I'ma continue to 
stay focused. 

I feel like I owe God that much cause that was not the 
only time where he spared my life. About a year ago I got 
cut with some glass and my main ARTERY and 5 tendons 
were cut and so was my main nerve. If the paramedics 
were not riding past I would have died so again that's why 
I walk around with a smile on my face and again that's 
why I'm gonna stay focused and when I get off I'm gonna 
finish where I left off!!! 

-Cookie, Alameda 

From The Beat; This is Skn amazing story - it seems there are two things 
here to be grateful for; The fact that you survived, and the fact that you 
have a had a deep-level change in your heart because of what happened. 
On a practical level, how arc you going to make sure you do what you 
say here, and stay focused? 



You Got To Surreuder Someday 

Now, there's a bruise in my life called pain 

I'm glad I'm not stupid damn ignorant or insane 

The price to pay when you take away a life 

You end up in the Y then the pen doing life 

My mom said "The mind cannot absorb when the mouth 

is in gear" 

I never took the time to listen and I ended up in here 

It's a cold world and you've got a choice to make 

The man got us in the oven and he's baking the cake 

Better yet he's a vet and we in the war 

We rookies in the battlefield and I ain't saying no more 

He knows our every move- "why"? 

'Cause he's sitting on top 

You murder someone and get caught up and you mad at 

the cops 

Let it go let the rhythm flow through your veins 

Throw away your sin, criticism and the pain 

It just don't stop we rock to the troubles ahead 

I rather lie up in the Bahamas than in my deathbed 

Surrender your souls and goals of bad destruction 

Take your profit and your education to a function 

Never live without some wisdom 

Never twist and turn the truth 

Just surrender yourself to God 'cause I hope you do. 

-Mays, Alameda 

From The Beat; Mays, thank you for yet another incredible poem, filled 
with wisdom and depth. You ask difficult questions in your poetry every 
week — and you always bring up the importance of education. How do 
you apply this to your life? And what are your own goals and dreams? 
Your hopes? 



The Real Me Vs. The Bad Me 

The real me is some boy that wants to be there for my 
family and my kid, finish school, and take care of all the 
people that was there for me. Sometimes I just sit back 
and wonder if I'm ever going to find the real me. 

I guess one day I will find the real me. Because I'm 
getting tired of this place I want to be home with my 
family. I just sit back in my room and feel all types of pain 
running through my body. They say it takes a real man to 
cry - so I guess I'm a real man. 

The bad me is somebody that always falls in one of 
these places. Somebody that always walks around with a 
mug on his face. The bad me is somebody that always says 
F-the world and says that nobody can tell me nothing. But 
if you look at it, tiie real me can lead me to somewhere 
good like college or the football field. And the bad me is 
always going to lead me here or somewhere worse than 
here, or an early grave. 

So what I have to do is stick with the real me, and try 
to run from the bad me. But what I'm saying is, if you have 
a dream to do the right thing, then do it and leave your 
bad ways behind you. But that's all I have Beat. Peace. 

-Charles, Alameda 

From The Beat: Great writing, looks like it was the "real" you who picked 
up the pencil this time. When you look at your life, who are the people 
who bring out the bad you? Where are the places that bring out the bad 
you? And who are the people, where are the places that help you stick 
to the real you... because none of us can ever do it alone. We all need 
help and support. Peace! 



Family 



Family is supposed to be there for you to support you. 
Family isn't limited to your mom, dad, bros, or sisters. 
Some people don't have parents, so people they grew up 
with is considered family to them. 

My family is supportive to me. I'm lucky to have 
parents. My dad is one of the few who is still around to visit 
me in YGC 'cause not many people's pops hung around to 
support them. So if you have parents you should always 
respect them, and have love for them before they're gone. 
Try to do good and make them proud. It hurts me to see 
my dad and mom disappointed and sad for me being 
locked up. 

-C, San Francisco 

From The Beat; Yes, you are one of the lucky few who has both a mom 
and dad in your corner. But the fact that you recognize your debt to 
them means that they are also lucky to have you for a son. We hope 
you take your own words to heart, because if you live by the principle 
of respecting your parents and avoiding things that will hurt them, you 
will also be helping yourself and your own future. 



Beauty Where I live 



Where I live beauty is not well known 

Violence in the street has really really grown 

But I can tell you something positive about my street 

There's all kinds of people in my neighborhood I'd like 

to meet 

Beauty where I live, I would love to help happen 

Have peace in the world stop all the cappin' 

People dying every time, have flashback in my mind 

My cousin was a victim of black on black crime 

All I want is peace to be given 

And beauty on my street, hopefully I'll be livin' 

-Mike-IHike, San Francisco 

From The Beat; This is a wonderful mixture of smart rhymes and even 
smarter ideas! What are your thoughts about how to make that beauty 
happen where you live? What do you plan to do to add to the beauty 
but not to add to the ugliness? One thing you can do is keep writing 
beautiful words. 



/S=^ 



///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // 



///// 



The Prophetic King 



It was a cold and rainy night in the castle of the lord Oracle, and it was 
a night of ancient history. A child was born and this child was one of 
an ancient magic family; the Ropshke. 

It has been said that the Ropshke will turn out to overthrow the 
race of the Taramyth (the opposing and most rivalrous race of the 
Ropshke). And this child born on this night was said to be the one to 
solve all of the problems between the two opposing races; for he was 
the son of highest respected wizard and witch in all the lands of the 
old times. They were the master of the land and the mistress of the 
water; they were the voice in the wind and the silence of the night, 
they were the cold in the ice and the heat in the sun. Together they 
brought balance to the world; they were the spirits of the most ancient 
cities and thus their child will be like them both and he will grow up to 
conquer the Taramyth and end years upon years of cruelty and evil. He 
is the hero for the people and it is their time to be set free. 

{Chapter 1) -Seventeen Years Later- 

His name is Harriah and he is the one that will change history for 
the world though he does not know it yet, as of this day he is a normal 
man. But the elders of his village know his purpose on in this world 
though they tell him not. He is a man's man, he does his work without 
complain and even if and or when he is sick he still gets up and goes to 
work. He knows not of his mother or father for his mother, the greatest 
sorceress of all time, left him to grow and discover who he is to become 
and as of his father, no one knows if he even still lives, and if so where 
he is, he is on his own in this world. 

He lives on his own, on the edge of the woods in a cot that was 
given to him by his uncle, his father's brother. He died and left it to 
him. It was a nice little house on the edge of town. He lives by himself 
though he is rarely home, he is usually in the fields harvesting grain or 
hunting or hanging out with his friends. 

He is the town right now waiting for Eve, his best friend since he 
can remember, there isn't a thing that they don't know about each 
other, and whenever he has a problem he will always go to her. One 
night, about a year ago, she took him to her mother's place of peace, 
far in the woods. He was in awe at the beauty, partly because he walks 
those woods day after day and he has never set eyes on the wonderful 
place he was in. 

Late at night, there was a knock on the door. Harriah got up and 
saw that it was Eve. He opened the door with a smile. 

She grabbed his hand with haste and said "follow me, quick." 

She took him to a beautiful place far in the woods that he has 
never known of, even though he walks these woods everyday. When 
they stopped, he awes at the beauty, surrounding him. 

"Awe it's beautiful. How did you find this place?" 

It was filled with such beauty, even at night you could see clearly 
with the moon's light. There was a glistening pond that was as still as 
the night air, so many flowers of pinks, purples, blues and reds. It would 
have made the most tjTannical person awe at its beauty. With the still 
moonlight he could see her features clearly. She was wearing a dark 
blue dress that accentuated her wonderful emerald green eyes, with 
her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. She looked even more 
like a goddess than in actual daylight. He stayed away mesmerized by 
the beauty like he was on autopilot, he did not pay attention to her or 
anything else. 

She looked around and said "my mother brought me here when 
I was really young before she died, and she said that this was her 
sanctuary." Her voice sounded like an angel's song on the whispering 
breeze of the night, so soft and silky it floated around in the still night 
air. 

"I'm sorry to hear that. My parents died when 1 was young and 
I never really got to know them." He said in a grievous whisper as if 
he thought were he to talk louder the beauty would retreat out of his 
fantasy world. 

"I'm sorry to hear that as well," she replied out of empathy and 
sorrow. 

"Well I think that it's better that way because 1 had no real 
connection with them so it was easier to let go, so to speak," he said in 
a strong tone that im.plied the opposite of what he said. 

He stayed from the memory at the sight of Eve heading this way. 
"Hello Eve," he said coming out of the memory. 

"What are you doing here, Harriah?" She asked as if confused. 
He hardly ever waited for her to finish her lessons with her magic 
instructor. 

Eve is a sorceress in training, and it is said around the village 
that she will be the best since Altross. Altross was a goddess who 
lived long ago and fought for the safety of the villages who could not 



defend themselves. She stood for peace and strength. But there is 
something else about her that Harriah does not know that only the 
village elders know. 

"I was waiting to see if you wanted to walk around and talk," he 
replies with a smile. 

"Oh, OK at first I thought that something was wrong," she said in 
a relieved tone. 

"Oh no, all is fine," he assured her, and they walked from there to 
their place far in the woods where she took him the night they became 
serious friends. 

So they walked and talked until night. When she said sorrowfully 
that she had to go home for her father would send the guards after her 
is she wasn't home soon so reluctantly they went their ways to their 
homes. 

(Chapter 2) 

As they went their way black eyes watched them knowing that 
now they have solid leverage on him and if they must, they can hurt 
him in ways that nothing else can. Silently, they retreat back to their 
home in the Black Forest, Nobody knows of them for they are like 
shadows in the night of the new moon; they are never seen. If event 
they were known, they would be known as the most bold and the most 
daring of all, for no one goes into the Forest ever sees the light of the 
day again. 

It is told that the Dark Wizard's spirit of the ancient world guards this 
place for it was home to him. People say that even when they are within 
one-hundred yards of it that they get a dark almost forbidding feeling 
some say that that is what it feels like to die the feeling that everything 
will be lost and at that moment. They will never be happy again. 

Myth has it that one guy went crazy after he came back from his 
morning walk. Around the village they say he dared to enter the Black 
Forest and there the Dark Wizard confronted him. After that he lost 
everything that he had in his possession, he became obsessed in the 
dealings of the Black Forest - reading up on the ancient myths and 
stories of others who have been crazed by the Black Forest - he dared 
to venture in yet again and he was never heard of after that. People say 
that he went mad and starved himself to death. Other people who more 
believe in the myths of the Black Forest say that the Dark Wizard took 
his life and made him his slave. 

These people who roam the shadows unseen are those who have 
lost everything they own, whether it be their emotions towards others 
or material possessions, to serve the Dark Wizard and now they are 
completely emotionally and physically painless for they feel nothing 
neither pain nor happiness. They are only bodies serving, and they are 
as good as the shadows they walk. 

Upon to returning to the Dark Wizard in the Black Forest, the 
leader of this pack of lifeless servants calls his name. 

"My lord I have returned upon your request with the information 
you required." His voice came alive in the still dark air. 

There is a swirling of the musty air and a voice booms out so 
ferocious it would make even the darkest shadows hide from the 
darkness. 

"Good. What is the news you bring of my rival?" He asks with 
venomous flare in his voice. 

"Your greatness he is preoccupied with a young woman. From 
what I can tell, he has shown no sign of being a magical being, "are 
your sure 'tis him?" He asked. 

"Yes, you simpleton I am sure it is him I can feel the power flowing 
forth from him. I can tell his presence, 'tis the most disturbing power 
I have ever witnessed. We must hinder this before he discovers who he 
is." 

"How will we do this my lord?" He asks in curiosity. 

The Dark Wizard laughs the most evil laugh ever to be heard and 
declares "Leave this to me." 

In the mean time, the shadows will keep tabs on Harriah nothing his 
every move, his every word, every thought. They are with him until 
their lord the Dark Wizard tells them to break away. They blend with 
his shadow with, what he sees. Although he senses something, he 
doesn't say anything for fear of frightening Eve, but nonetheless he 
does know. 

Last night he had a dream. A strange man came to him and called 
his name, "Harriah, you must fulfill the prophecy that you were born 
unto, you are the one that will make history. You are the only one who 
will save the people, you are their hero, Harriah, heed my words." 

Harriah thought nothing of this dream for he had many like it, but 
in this particular one the man speaking seemed oddly familiar like he 
was a long lost friend from a foreign childhood. This man had some 
kind of authority about him that drew Harriah forth, instead of fleeing 
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This man has never come to him, this man has never shown 
his face to Harriah, of this he is sure, but Harriah knows that he is 
somebody connected with him. Though he denies it. He knows that he 
has some class of importance. 

Harriah was told that his parents were both killed in an accident 
involving an ancient battle that has been going on for centuries on 
end. Harriah asked no further questions for he was never really the 
inquisitive type. He always took things as they were, not as wanted. He 
never took things for granted, he grew up a very determined child, very 
motivated, by what though nobody really knew, even himself. 

He and Eve have been living together ever since the night she ran 
away. She had no shelter for everyone, and she knew she was always 
in close contact with her father, so he offered the spare bedroom in 
his little cot. She was reluctant at first but after he insisted for the 
umpteenth time she gave way and agreed. 

They were out all day roaming the woods and talking and laughing 
and they paid no attention to their hunger. But now it is late and their 
stomachs are letting them know what they want. 

"Haven't you anything to eat?" Eve asked going through the 
cupboards. 

"No, actually 1 do not keep food that is promised to expire. I usually 
hunt for my food." He exclaimed. 

"Oh then what will we eat?" She asked hungrily. 

"Well I shall go to the market and I will be back in before sundown 
with supplies for a fresh meal." He said grabbing his cloak and heading 
for the door. 

"What 1 will go with you just let me grab my coat." 

"No, no I must go alone. I must sort through my thoughts." And 
then he turned to see the look on her face and he assured her, "don't 
worry 'tis nothing wrong. I have just a couple things on my mind." He 
explained on his way out. 

The silent eyes watched him with great interest and then, as they 
were instructed to do sent a messenger to their master, then followed 
him to see what they knew would happen. 

Harriah was too into his thoughts to notice the signs of danger 
- the hairs rising on the back of his neck and the pit in his stomach- 
until the lat minute and when he did notice it was too late. 

He tried to turn around, but as soon as the thought finished 
processing, he found himself in a death lock of pain. He arched his 
back and attempted to cry out, but he could not make a sound. He felt 
the weight crush down upon bringing him to the ground with a thud. It 
felt like someone had lit fire to his fingernails and begin to stick in a 
thousand needles one at a time piercing his brain. He felt himself being 
lifted from the ground and just when he though he could no longer 
take it, there was a bright white light that blinded him to all around 
him and all of a sudden he came crashing down and his world went 
black. 

He later awoke to the scream of a woman, but as soon as he tried 
to look up, he could see nothing past the red in his eyes and then a 
searing pain again went through him and he fell unconscious knowing 
what would happen to him, but he no longer cared. 

"You insolent little fool. You arrogant bastard. You dare cross 
me? You dare make me look weak and foolish in front of others?" His 
screaming accusations boomed out in a venomous voice that would 
make even the darkest shadows hide away in fear, though the Shadows 
stood their ground. 

The leader of the pack stepped forward "My lord we did not know 
of his whereabouts or if he even lived. Uriah came-"The Dark Wizard 
recoiled as thought he was hit by a train. "You dare speak his name 
in the presence of your lord? Will you dare cross me yet again? How 
dare you think you can speak his name freely while I am in your 
presence." 

"I-I-I uh..." suddenly he could not find the will to speak. 

"Oh shut up you babbling idiot leave my presence at once and do 
not return until I permit you to. Is this understood, Darkmar?" 

It was all he could do to stand his ground and nod. 

"Vaandross, you will take Darkmar's spot at the Shadow' 
Captain." 

Stepping forward he said, "Yes, my lord. I am at your command." 

"Good, I expect you to be far better than Darkmar ever could be. 
You may leave now and until I send for you then come prepared for 
what happens next. Understood?" 

In many years of experience and loyalty they chanted in unison, 
"Yes my lord I am at your disposal." 

And then with a smile he disappeared back to whence he came- 
no thing. 

(Chapters) 

As the days passed Harriah drifted in and out of sleep and every 



time he did Eve was standing right there over him. Although he 
knew not what had happened, he knew that something was broken, 
but what he could not pinpoint. Every time he opened his eyes, a 
surging pain went through him and he had to squint to keep the 
forbidden light from entering his darkened sight. He heard her talking 
frantically when she was around, but he could not make out the words 
that were spoken, all he could hear was her mumbling and her rapid 
movements as she went about trying to find a means to bring him back 
to normality. 

When he finally awoke from the deep sleep that had taken him by 
surprise, Eve was nowhere around. He sat up in bed with great difficulty 
and looked around and he hear nothing nor did he see anything that 
was out of place. Suddenly, he heard rapid footsteps outside and 
hushed voices. He got out of bed, grabbed the fire poker and crouched 
behind the door to await the enemy. 

The door opened and his heart began to race. 

"He's in here." 

It was Eve's and for a moment he began to think that he had been 
betrayed. 

"Are you sure he is here?" came another voice. 

"I am sure of it," her footsteps resounded and then stopped 
abruptly, "Where did he go? I know he was here when I went for you." 

Then, when he felt like he couldn't take it anymore, he let out a 
scream and jumped from behind the door brandishing the fire poker 
high above his head. But then he saw the man she had brought and 
immediately dropped it. It was Tarlos, the village doctor she had went 
to get him help. 

"Oh please forgive me, I did not know who was there," he turned to 
Eve, "and when I woke up you were not here, so I panicked. I am very 
sorry." He put down the fire poker and tried an embarrassed smile. And 
then he felt his legs give out and fell down and all of a sudden he felt 
weak, so weak it felt to him as if he could not breathe. 

Tarlos leaped after and caught him before he hit the floor. Then he 
eased him to the bed and lied him down and then he began to sweat 
profusely. 

"What in God's name happened to him? Do you wish to help him 
tell me now?" he said urgency. 

"I told you. I would tell you here and not out there because I did 
not want to be overheard. "Last week, 1 found him like this. He was a 
lot worse off his head was bleeding galore and he had bruises all over. 
I cleaned up as good as I could. I did all I could do." She said. 

"Do you know what else happened? If magic was involved?" he 
asked with haste. 

"I told you all I know. I mean I found him pretty beat up," she 
replied. 

"I don't know what I can do. I think that we just may have to wait 
it out. I have no cure for magical illness. You need a healer for that. 
There is one in the town of Gallandria 'tis a four day ride, but 'tis well 
worth it, go to her call her name, she is called Aidendrill. She is a good 
friend of mine. Now go and find her she is the only one who can help 
him now." His voice was grim as he explained to her what she must do. 
All she could do is not an understanding. 

She packed her bags, called her house, Maidenheir, and headed 
off to find Aidendrill the healer. On her way, there she came across 
a lonesome traveler, a Halfling who goes by the name Gaowen, the 
warrior. 

He was on his way to Gallandria and offered to accompany her and 
she agreed. 

"So what might you be heading there for? Gallandria is quite a 
ways from Vildmar," he said in his burly bass voice. 

"I know, my friend has become ill by the doings of magic and I 
must find Aidendrill, the healer, to bring him back," she replied. 

His face became serious. "You say he has become ill by magic do 
you? Well I am on a journey to fight the same forces that brought your 
friend his ill fortune. It was dark magic that destroyed my village and 
took my wife. If you are planning on fighting I am here with you until 
the end." 

"Thank you, Gaowen. We might need the help of a warrior on our 
side such as yourself. It would mean a lot to us if we had you on our 
side," she relied thankfully. 

"Well I'll be there for you. Until the end, I must avenge my wife's 
name as well as my village." He said in a husky replied. 

They went the rest of the way to Gallandria talking about their 
purpose and why they must find vengeance and peace from evil. 

They arrived in Gallandria at nightfall. They walked through the 
city to a tavern and upon entering the tavern they received looks from 
everybody. They went to the bar and the barkeep asked them, "What'll 
you have?" in a very strong voice. 

Gaowen ordered whiskey and Eve ordered water. There was a yell 
from the back of the bar "Hey Milt we need some more bourbon back 



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here" that was followed by some laughter and some more yelling, but 
neither Gaowen nor Eve could make out was said. 

After a while Milt asked them what their business was there and 
offered them a room upstairs that was made for travelers passing 
through. 

"No, thank you, we are only here to find Aidendrill, the healer, do 
you know where we might be able to look?" she asked him. 

"Ya as a matter of fact she lives in the cottage down by the path 
on the edge of the stream. You must be in trouble if you need her help. 
She is the best there is for miles upon miles of here." He implied in a 
husky voice. 

"Yes, it is my friend he has become ill with a magic spell and 1 am 
afraid that is only she that can help. 1 was sent by the local doctor to 
find her from Vildmar, so 1 have come a long ways to find her." She said 
in a worried tone. 

Milt gave them the directions to her house and Gaowen finished 
his whiskey and then they thanked Milt for his help offered him pay 
for the drink, but he refused giving the reason of they are already in ill 
fortune and they will need their money and then they left. 

When they found their way to the healer's house, which was easy 
to find, they knocked on the door anxiously to no answer. Then they 
knocked again and this time to a response there was a beautiful voice 
that said "Yes? Who is it?" 

"Aidendrill it is Eve along with Gaowen, the warrior, we are in need 
of your help. A friend of mine has been brought ill by magic and Tarlos 
said that you are the only one who can help. Please 1 need your service. 
I am willing to pay for your services." 

There was a long pause and Eve was beginning to think that 
she would refuse. But then the door opened and a very beautiful and 
youthful face appeared in the space the door had left "What has he 
been like? Tell me the symptoms of this illness." 

For a moment, she couldn't speak and then she found the words 
that were running away from her, "he has drifted in and out of sleep for 
a week, he has been sweating profusely and he seems very weak. I went 
to Tarlos and he insisted that 1 come to find you." Eve said with hope 
that she will help them. 

Then after what seemed like forever she said, "lead me to him and 
I will do my best." 

After Aidendrill packed her provisions for the trip and they head 
off to Vildmar to the aid of Harriah. 

When they arrived there, he was even worse off than when she had 
left. He started convulsing badly and whispering things that nobody 
could make out. 

Aidendrill said "This is by far the worst case 1 have ever seen what 
has he done to bring such ill fortune upon himself? What did you say 
his name was?" 

"Harriah," Eve said wondering what good that would do. 

As soon as she heard that name, she gasped and looked at Harriah 
like he was a god. "It cannot be, is it really he? Is he really the one?" 
She asked frantically. 

"Who is it that you think he is?" Eve asked wondering what was 
going on. 

"Well he is the son of Uriah and Altross the most powerful wizard 
and sorceress in the world. He is the one that will change history and 
end the Taramyth's reign of cruelty and he will be our savior. Don't you 
know scripture?" She asked appalled. 

"No, Ido not study scriptures and prophecies, but 1 know that what 
you say is not true. Harriah is a normal man and he has no magical 
powers," Eve said with certainty. 

"That you know of, he has yet to grow into them like every wizard 
and sorceress they develop as he grows. You're notjust born with them, 
every wizard and witch have different times that they discover that they 
have magic." Aidendrill said as if rehearsing from a textbook. 

That ended the conversation, and while she set out to work healing 
him from this unknown illness, she left them to their thoughts. 

'Can he really be what the scriptures say he is?' Eve thought to 
herself. 

For the rest of the night, nobody spoke Gaowen and Tarlos sat by 
themselves drinking rum and whiskey, and Eve sat alone in the comer 
thinking about what Aidendrill had just revealed to her. 'Why hadn't he 
told me? He knows that 1 wouldn't judge him.' 

The silence became overwhelming eventually lulling everybody to 
sleep, only to wake up totally surprised. 

(Chapter 4) 

In the morning, Harriah awoke awed at his recovery. He stood up 
and dressed in his usual tunic and pants, opened the door and then 
went outside to find Tarlos and Eve and two other people that were not 
remotely familiar. As he stepped over, threhold a crack in the wooden 



floor awoke the party. 

Eve awoke with a start and turned around to find Harriah 
standing there like nothing had ever happened. She got up and ran to 
him embracing him for a long time and then when they pulled away, he 
saw in her face that something was wrong. 

"What's wrong?" he asked. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, her voice becoming angry. 

"Tell you what?" He asked in confusion. 

"That you are a prophecy, sent by the God and Goddess of our 
world to stop the Taramyth." She asked him becoming furious that he 
had hidden this from her. 

"What are you talking about? I am no prophecy and my parents 
died long ago. Where are you getting your information from?" He 
asked. 

By then Tarlos, Gaowen, and Aidendrill asked him. 

"I know that they died in an ancient battle that has been ongoing 
between the Taramjrth and the Ropshke." He said knowingly. 

"No, Harriah you are the son of the Uriah and Altross, the most 
known and powerful wizard and sorceress ever to live. You have been 
born in their name as a prophecy sent by the Gods to end the evil 
and cruelty. You are our savior, Harriah," Aidendrill told him what the 
prophecy and scriptures told and he was awed at what they said about 
him, but he could not believe what she had said for he did not have 
any mEigical powers, and she told him what she had told Eve the night 
before; that every wizard and sorceress grows into their powers as they 
grow. She also told him of his parents and their significance in his 
life. 

After all she had told him he had no choice to believe for what 
she had given him as proof were things that nobody could know; his 
dreams, his deepest desires, the things that he had never told anybody 
ever, and fter she had finished explaining how she knew, he told her 
his dream of the man that was oddly familiar and asked her what it 
meant. 

"Like I said in the beginning your father is the most powerful 
wizard of all time even the skies yield to him, he was sending you 
a message preparing you for what lie ahead. 1 knew your father and 
his presence is so powerful that you cannot help but be intimidated 
he is that powerful. So when 1 heard your name, I could not believe it 
because I would have thought that you would have. He same effect but 
you did not," She explained. 

"But how could I be this prophecy if I have no one there to guide 
me to learn how to use magic? 1 mean why did my father leave me?" He 
asked 

Aidendrill thought a moment and then decided to let him know 
the truth, "your father left you because he felt that you would be in 
danger if he stayed, he could not risk exposing you to such evil while 
you were so young. He sent me a message saying that I was to find you 
a teacher to help you with your magic, and I know just who this person 
will be," She implied smiling to herself. 

"Anyway enough about you for now meet your fellowship, 
"Aidendrill said avoiding his next question. 

Gaowen stepped forward holding out his hand, "Hi 1 am Gaowen 
the Warrior." He said in a strong bass voice. 

"And of course you know everybody els," Aidendrill said. 

They went on talking about themselves for the rest of the day and 
at nightfall they all fell asleep in the places they were the night before 
only to await the next days challenge. 

They awoke the next day to find Aidendrill already dressed and 
ready to go. They were all anxious to find out what she had planned. 

They all dressed and disembarked following Aidendrill through 
the woods and to the outskirts of town where they found a shack with 
an old man sitting outside. Upon seeing them, he stood up and went to 
greet them. 

"Aidendrill how are you doing? I haven't seen you for so long," he 
said. 

"Starlos I am fine how are you? I expect you know why 1 am here?" 
She implied in a serious tone. 

"Yes, yes I know," he turned to Harriah, "I am to train him like 
I did his father and mother. The best wizard and sorceress I have 
ever trained I'll bet you will make them proud," he said smiling in 
remembrance at their mention. 

"I'll try," he implied. 

Starlos turned to Aidendrill "It will be fine, 1 will train him as 1 did 
his parents. He will be great at what he will do for us, don't worry," he 
assured her. 

"Alright we will leave you two to gain the knowledge of each other," 
Aidendrill said turning away to walk back down the path from whence 
they came. 

"I would like to stay and watch, maybe I can learn something," Eve 
said with much enthusiasm. 



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"Suit yourself, I will be in town getting provisions for our journey," 
Aidendrill implied. 

"What journey?" Gaowen asked in confusion. 

"Oh right 1 still need to fill you in on that," then she turned and 
walked away. 

As the day wore on, Harriah learned more about the powers he 
could have sworn he did not have the day before. As the watched their 
future clan leader. Eve and Gaowen sat and talked about their lives 
getting to know each other better than they had the day they met. 

"My father is a very wealthy wizard and 1 am to become his protege, 
he has me training with a member of the council," Eve told Gaowen. 

"My father was the greatest warrior of my village, he died fighting 
for the good of the people, against evil and I am to avenge him and 
follow in his footsteps to finish what he had started long ago as his 
father did before him. This axe I carry was forged by the elves in the 
ancient times the blade is made of the God's steel, 'tis light as the wind 
yet strong as a troll in his prime. It has been handed down in my family 
for generations upon generations. It was enchanted by the elves who 
forged it to only do what is good and if it is ever used to bring evil upon 
a being then it will shatter," Gaowen told her. 

"Well it seems as if you have a better cause in this ancient battle 
than that of I or anyone else here for that matter," she smiled as she 
said it trying to shed light on the memories of Gaowen's lost father. 

"Well I will fight 'till the end for my forefathers and lift the burden 
that has been placed upon my village since this unjustly war began. I 
will live to avenge my father," he said in the gruff Scottish accent he 
had with all seriousness. 

Eve looked up to find Starlos the Sorcerer and Harriah ending their 
training for the day and walking towards them. When they reached the 
others, they turned to each other and Starlos declared, "be back here 
at first light, we have much to cover in such little time." 

"First light it shall be, I bid you a good night," Harriah replied in a 
tiresome tone. 

Eve stood up as did Gaowen and they made their way down the 
path back to Harriah 's cabin as the day faded to night and the sun bled 
out causing darkness to cover all in its wake. 

"Master, what shall we do? Harriah has learned of the powers he 
has been given and he started training today with Starlos the Sorcerer," 
Vaandross spoke to slay the silent darkness. 

"Why have you let him get that far? Are you turning against me? 
Why did you not interfere and kill the old man? You fool, you stupid 
worthless pile of steaming manure, what are you trying to do? Kill 
me off so that you may take up the throne of the council?" the Dark 
Wizard's accusations boomed forward leaving an eerie silence in its 
wake. 

"Lord, 1 was following orders you said that we were not to interfere 
with the boy until your command took form," Vaandross declared 
without flawing his voice. 

"Oh so you were following orders were you? Well that would be a 
first," the Dark Wizard insulted him. 

"My lord I did not want to override you on your commands, I did 
not want to interfere with your plans for the boy," Vaandross told him 
in a wary tone. 

"Well at least somebody has some consideration for their lords," 
he said as he cast a look at Darkmar, "Well, leave me to revise the flaws 
that have formed in my plans for the boy, and only then will I call you 
back. Until then you will look after the boy and his little fellowship and 
tell me if anything else comes up. Understood?" he asked. 

"Yes my Lord I am at your disposal," they said in unison then 
vanished from the Dark Wizard's presence. 

(Chapter 5) 

As light flooded over the town of Vildmar, Aidendrill arrived in 
town with the required provisions for the journey ahead. She walked in 
the house to find Eve on the couch and Tarlos and Gaowen asleep with 
an empty bottle of rum nearby and Harriah in the bedroom already up 
and ready to go back to Starlos for the training he is to endure. B^ he 
was heading out to the door he caught Aidendrill on her way in. 

"Where were you off to last night?" Harriah asked. 

"I was off gathering the supplies for the journey I am to take you on 
once you finish your training with Starlos today," she said knowingly. 

"What journey? Why was I left uninformed?" Harriah asked 
curiously. 

"Because I did not want you to have to much on your mind, do not 
worry all will be fine. Take your leave, but be back here by last light," 
she said and then turned to the rest if the motley crew. "Up, get up 1 
say, before I throw you onto the bull's pen, and get dressed we have a 
day ahead of us so we do," she started going around nudging them with 
her foot and Harriah had to laugh at the way she was doing it. 



He walked the way to Starlos' cottage on the edge of the wood, 
thinking about what she had meant by the journey ahead and why 
she had not told any of them. 

"Harriah, you are late by a good hour, what is your excuse?" 
Starlos called to him from the crotch of a tree in the break in the 
path. 

"Excuse? I have none, for reason and excuse are two very 
different things. My reason? Well 1 have not that either, what will be 
my punishment?" Harriah asked expecting what was to come. 

"Ha, none my boy, none you will only train harder than you have 
yet, and as I understand it, you will disembarking on a journey and I 
am to accompany you for your protection until you learn to do that 
yourself," he said. 

"Alright then where will we start?" Harriah asked 

"We will begin this lesson with the blocking 1 taught you yesterday. 
Remember that even if you cannot cast magic, which I doubt, you will 
be able to block the spells cast against you so you will have means 
of protection," Starlos told him, and up they went towards Starlos' 
cabin. 

Later that day he and Starlos arrived back at Harriahs's cottage on 
the edge of the woods. Aidendrill was awake to greet as they came in 
through the door. 

"Well how did it go?" Aidendrill asked. 

"It was fine the boy is a natural just like his father," Starlos said 
messing up his hair affectionately. 

"Strarlos, a word with you? In private," Aidendrill donned serious 
look. 

"Oh yes, yes," he replied. 

They stepped to the while Harriah went in to check on Eve. Tarlos 
and Gaowen were on the couch with empty bottles of rum and, yet 
again, whiskey. 

"Bloody drunkards," Harriah laughed under his breath. 

He walked into find Eve already asleep on the bed, he smiled and 
closed the door heading towards the other couch. 

"How is he doing, Starlos?" Aidendrill asked Starlos in an all 
serious tone. 

"He actually has amazing talent. By far greater than his father 
already. I am afraid the boy has some grave peril ahead. But he has 
progressed beyond his father's power. He does not know how much he 
really has. He must be able to harness all of that before it takes control 
of him and destroys us all entirely," Starlos said in a worried tone. 

"You can do it, can't you?" Aidendrill asked. 

"Oh of course I can, of course I can. He will be able to harness 
the power and reign over it instead of the other way around, it is just a 
matter time I need all I can get with the boy," implied Starlos. 

"You can have all the time you are to require, I just need to know 
that you can do it," she replied. 

"You have my word it will be done as soon as my will allows it," 
and wish that they all went to sleep. 

First days light awoke Harriah before the rest, peeking through 
the slit in the curtains, he got up and dressed. Once he was up, he 
looked around and could not find Aidendrill. He wanted to ask her 
about their journey ahead, but she could not be found. 

There were footsteps outside that broke the silence. Aidendrill 
came in the door with all of the required supplies for which they were 
to need for their journey. 

"Aidendrill, I must ask where are we to be going? To what have we 
been bidden?" Harriah asked. 

After a deep breath she said, "We are going to see your father in 
the far west village of Hilt. He waits there for us. He came to me and 
told me that I am top bring you to him so that you may unite your 
power with his and destroy the Tarmyth," she explained to him. 

When he heard this, Harriah was dazed, "we're going to see my 
father? But how will you know it is him? How will I know it is him I 
have never set eyes upon him," he asked. 

"Oh you will know and yes you have set eyes upon him, you just 
don't realize it," she said and then set out to the task of awakening 
every one else for the pilgrimage. 

"Up, up, get up, and dressed I will tend to the horses and ready 
them for what lay ahead so you just wake up," she said in a raised 
voice and then left to open their eyes warily. 

To be continued.... 

-Derrick, Santa Clara 
From The Beat; We hope you dont make us wait to read the continuance 
of your magnificent creation. You have a great talent in writing, in giving 
details, in being creative, being imaginary and thatS something we all 
wish we had. We are sure that you enjoyed writing this as we have 
enjoyed reading it. Honestly, we can wait to hear the ending part of your 
creating. Thank you for such effort and creativity. You are gifted like 
Harriah is. Dont throw it away! 



/S=^ 



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//// // 



Changing So Cops Will Leave Me Alone 

What's up with The Beat? This yo' boy, the one and only 
Ricky aka Flame Mack. But yeah, what I want to talk about 
is working hard for yo' money. 

Some people make money the good way, but some 
people make it by sellin' dope or weed or even crystal. 
See a person like me, I learned that going that route it will 
get you nowhere but in jail or havin' somebody trying to 
kill you because they see you makin' money. But me, now 
when you feel me, I'ma still do my thang, but I'ma go back 
to school on a money hype. 

I'ma get me a education and get me a job so I don't 
have to worry about the police hatin' and want to pull me 
over 'cause they think I got a warrant or think I'm doin' 
something I'm not supposed to be doin. But when they 
see I got a job, they goin' to stop messin' with ninja. 

But yeah. Check me out. Peace out 

-Ricky, San Francisco 

From The Beat; Congratulations, Ricky. You have opened your eyes and 
seen where the path you were on leads — and more important, you've 
made that very adult decision to move to a path that pays big rewards 
down the line. You're right, the police will stop harassing you when they 
see you are a hard-working contributing citizen. But thatt only one of 
the benefits that come with your decision. Besides all the good things 
that will be coming your way, you will find that you are a much happier, 
much less stressed, and much, much freer! 



Thinos Need To Chanoe 



This country tryna get rid of all criminals. They just got 
that Prop 6 shhh and get rid of all of us. I'm 'bouta turn 
eighteen, and soon, and if I get caught slipping, then I 
ain't gonna get fresh air outside. 

Even jobs — a lot of people getting fired, so how they 
expect us to get a job with a criminal record? Man, it's 
like the only way to make money is selling dope, robbing 
people. 

Government gotta start thinking about us. A lot of 
ninjas out there tryna do good, make money, but they 
taking everything away from us. I don't even know how 
I'm gonna support my family when I get out. Things better 
start changing. 

-Dk, San Francisco 

From The Beat; Its tragic to admit that you are right. Things would be 
so much better if the government provided paid work for people both 
to keep them busy and to keep money in your pocket. We wish we had 
a magic answer to give you about how to provide for yourself and your 
family, but all we know is to encourage you to finish school and then 
get a job. The one thing you know las well as we know) is that the 
choices you've made have led you here, and here is no place to be! 



What's America?? 



There's a war coming down between my freedom 

tonight, 

I don't want no war going down, going down tonight. 

Civilization, ha, I call it as I see it, 

I call it buUshhh you know I still cannot believe it, 

Our evolution now it's gone the way of hate, 

A world evolved resolved into this stupid fate. 

All so different, yea, I say we're all the same, 

All caught up in the division game. 

Self-destruction fast impending like a bullet, 

No one can stop it once it's fired, no one can control it, 

A final word, wait it's not a call to action. 

We ain't no sect no this ain't no damn faction, 

Unity, unity, unity, you've heard it all before. 

This time it's not exclusive, we want to stop a war. 

-Skate or Die, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; These are some really powerful rhymes here. You've got 
a lot of talent, and the message is solid. We agree with you; itt time for 
unity, not division. 



Hardlime 



I try to pick myself up off the ground, what's the point of 
trying to get up, I rather stay down, all I feel and absorb is 
the negativity, around me surrounding me, everyday. God 
come carry me away, I hope that I could say I'm happy, 
but am lying to myself, because all of it is far from reality. 
My daddy working two jobs just to survive, I am like a 
major disappointment in myself. Sometimes I wanna cry 
but there's no more tears to shed. I drop to my knees 
every time I go to bed, I pray and I pray for a better way for 
a better day, it's seems like nobody hears me, if you tiiere 
please show me a way. Show me a way. 

(Chorus) 

When all goes wrong, makes it hard to move on, my grip 
is slipping, please show me a way, for a better day, from 
all I'm missing 

Tell me where to go from here, I can't cry, took so much 
down over the years, my tear drops are dry, no direction, 
no way to turn, every path I chose, I done, got burned. 
Smoking on that LaLa, just to ease the tension, for all 
those heading demons lying to themselves. I been doing 
good, but nothing good has around my way only bullshhh, 
so I take another sip of the Henny because it aint no funny 
how, everybody turns from loving to hating you, homies 
to phoneys, fakes to snakes, chicks to heartaches, if you 
there God please show me a way, I said, if your there God 
please show me a way, show me a way. 

(Chorus) 

When all goes wrong makes it hard to move on. ..my grip 
is slipping, please show me a way to a brighter day, and 
all am missing 

-Denny, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; This is a great song, effectively expressing the 
desperation of really hard times. There are people who really care for 
you and want the best for you, there is a way out from this place, 
your stress, fear and problems. It takes time for your "doing good" to 
make its mark on your life. Keep putting the good foot first, and keep 
expressing all the feelings. We hope you can appreciate that you are 
a good writer. Dont get addicted to problems. Keep asking for light... 
OPEISI YOUR EYES, see the light around you, not just the despair. 



A 



I Dii't lilerstail 



What's up with young teens goin' to prison? 

What's up with the ten year olds comin' up missin'? 

How come the '90's babies is barely livin' 

What's up with this world it's becoming a mess. 

I wonder what I'm going to do when I get out or what's 

next 

Man, what's up with this life in prison? 

It feels like the judge sometimes won't even listen. 

The staff in jail sometimes they be trippin' 

And when you in the streets you just runnin' and rippin' 

But when you in jail ain't nothing ' you missin' 

But some patnas and a girl who says she loves you to 

death 

What's up with that girl and yo' best friend having sex 

What's up with the lil' ninjas shootin' them pistols 

What's up with thankin' God that the bullet didn't hit 

you. 

What's up with prayin ' to God 

For waking you up here. 

What's up with thankin' Jesus for dying for us - and that's 

what's up. 

-T-Ceezy, Alameda 

From The Beat; You ask all the hard questions, and yes we need to find 
answers, real answers, as a community, in which we can live up to our 
best selves. Imagine if you could live every day, in touch with the part 
of you who prays for the best. Imagine if we could all do that. 



/S=^ 



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Life... Is It Hard? 

What's up Beat? You know who this is. It's the lil' homeboy 
Cash coining straight out of the max. 

Well, today I want to write about if life is hard or do we 
make it hard. Well, first off I would like to say that some 
people really do grow up driven by fear. The reason why 
I say this is because I unfortunately grew up, waking up 
wondering how am I gonna eat today. I grew up with two 
brothers and one sister, with one mother that barely got 
paid enough to pay the bills, but none to eat. I would feel 
horrible waking up starving. 

My older brother was locked up for a lil' more of his life. 
He got locked up for murder at the age 14. He is now 36 
years of age. He barely got out last year. But unfortunately 
he just went back in, but this time he may never get out. My 
sister was also never there in my life. She was also always 
going in and out of jail. Right now she's locked up for some 
dope charges. She'll be getting out next year. 

And now me... 16 right now in the max for murder. It 
sucks 'cause I thought that I was never ever gonna get locked 
up. It was hard growing up where I did, but somewhat fun. 
I grew up where you shoot or get shot. At a very young age 
I was always around gangs. You picked 'cause mostly 90 
percent of young Hispanics were gang banging around that 
area. My second oldest brother was also a gang banger, so 
our house was always hot. Everyone knew my house as a 
kick it spot. As soon as my mom left to work, the doors 
were open to anyone, until my mom would arrive light at 
night around 12:40. 

I can recall so much about my past all the way to six 
years of age. My routine of the day was wake up in the 
morning starving my ass off, see my brother smoke weed 
and drink (my brother was only like three years older from 
me, but to me that was a lot) with his friends early in the 
morning. It would be a mystery to me how they would get 
weed, but I knew how they got the beer. My mom would 
leave her beer in the fridge, and they would snatch is from 
her when she wasn't around. 

The only time I would eat was when I went to school. 
My brother would drop me off and pick me up after. Not 
knowing what time he would come, I would just wait for 
him even if it took 'til night. Life went on like that for me 
for a long time. I would get in trouble at school sometimes, 
but they wouldn't really trip off me. It went on like that for 
about six years. 

I was 12 years old when I first met my 'hood. That's 
also, when my sister got out of prison. She was the one to 
introduce me to them. One day my sister invited me to go 
smoke with them. I hesitated to say yes or no. I ended up 
sayin' yes. Turned out that they were cool people. I would 
kick it with them here and there. They got to like me, and 
one day they asked me, "Ey bro, do you wanna get in the 
'hood?" I told them that I didn't even gang bang, but they 
said not to trip. They were gonna teach me everything, and 
so they did. The next year I got put on rep. I also started 
gang banging. 

My first time ever locked up was for lil' fights. At this 
point of my life I was on probation... One day (still just 
into my first year as a teen) I was coming back from my 
lady's house. On the way back I had an encounter with my 
rival. We fought and all, and the result of someone getting 
stabbed... caught on the spot with the knife in my hand. 
I was sent to the hall. I'd been at the hall at that point of 
time like six or seven times. So they were tired of me. They 



finally sentenced me to Y/A alternative where I spent 
about three or two years of my life. I got out on Feb. 7, 
'OS at 16 years old. 

A lot of things changed in my neighborhood through 
my stay at Y/A. The first day I got out, I came home happy, 
wondering. The reason I say this is because when I came 
home, my brother was already in my 'hood. Found out my 
sister got locked up again, and found out that my time was 
up with reppin' my 'hood. Now it was time to join it. They 
caught me dumbfounded when they took the first swing for 
them to jump me in. At the end it was a nice feeling I belong 
to someone, 'cause most of my life I have felt lonely. 

A week passed by when my step brother Josh got out of 
prison after doing like 22 years for murder. He was happy 
when he came out, probably 'cause we were from the same 
gang but not the same 'hood. My life went on chillin' in the 
'hood, servin' knocks just to eat. At this point I was close 
to my goal in life. It was small, but good if I would have 
accomplished it. I was two weeks left on probation until 
I got locked up for dope charges. They told me I was the 
youngest kid in my 'hood for selling crack. I was a bailer. 

I also have a child. It's a girl. She was born March 7, 
'OS, my pride and joy. Anna — the only thing in my life 
that I consider precious. While I was locked up for those 
dope charges, two detectives came and interrogated me for 
a murder. Now I'm locked up for dope, murder and strong 
armed robbery. 

It's hard right now in my life. But yet I have hope. The 
only thing that keeps me going is the sounds of my baby 
girl through this messed up phone. 

Was it hard? Or did I make it hard? 

-Lil* Cash, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; First, we want to thank you for writing such a complete 
and comprehensive "life story" (and to tell you that anyone wrho can write 
as well as you do does not need to do crimes to make a living...) But then 
we're thinking of your mother, working her butt off for you and your 
siblings, and you working your butts off not for her, but for your gang 
banging homies! How unfair you treated your mom, and how much you 
owe her! Of course, we also have to say right off that nothing was fair 
in your young life since no child should have to go to bed or to wake up 
hungry, it) a terrible comment about our society, about our country, that 
we allow children to grow up like this, especially when your mom was 
doing all she could to provide for you. But in the end, both your questions 
have to be answered in the affirmative. Yes, the life you were handed 
was very hard (and unfair). But also yes, you have made it a lot harder 
for yourself and for your family. We think of Anna growing up without 
a father at home to guide her, just as you grew up without a father to 
guide you, and it literally makes us cry to think of another generation 
of fatherless children coming of age, to fill these halls and the jails and 
prisons society has made for them. If Anna is precious in your life, then 
you must make your own life precious, too, because you are as critical 
to her future as you arc to your own. We wish you had made different 
choices, but the past is the past. And now that you've told us about it, 
what can you tell us about the future? 



The Presidential Eiection 



Most people think it would be crazy if someone who 
where African American or any other nationality for that 
matter to serve as president. True all past presidents have 
been the race of Caucasian. Regardless of this fact, it is 
not the color of ones skin, eyes, or hair nor the way they 
dress it is the individual themselves. 

I feel Obama would be the honest pick for he cares 
for not only his wants or needs he also takes others into 
consideration. As apposed to McCain, which is more on 
his own personal agenda. McCain is primarily more on 
what he feels is right. Which leads me to believe that he's 
not going to view the peoples concerns. 

My wish is that we can make peace between all 
countries. 

-Megan, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Well, Megan, you chose wisely! Congratulations to you 
and lets hope Obama can help your wish come true. 



/S=^ 



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Money 



[First Verse] 

Give me a perspective, 'cause I'm destined 

To live a messed up life so quit testin' 

You're messin' with my mind, now it's chaos 

I feel destructive, so I take off 

As I enter this world of hate 

I'm goin' crazy 'cause this world ain't safe 

Everywhere I go, there's a place 

A path you could take to choose your fate 

Growin' up at the age of a new teen 

On the block sellin' rocks to the dope fiends 

Makin' every dollar count 'cause we paper chasin' 

Smokin' to sniffin' to everythin' we lacin' 

I push the kush 'cause we know you fiend for it 

I pedal to the metal 'cause I mean to floor it 

Hustlin' on the streets to get what we earn 

It gets us on our feet but it's quick to burn 

[Chorus x2] 

We need money 

It makes the world go 'round 

We spend money 

To bump the beats and the sounds 

We need money 

To make the ladies turn around 

We spend money 

To keep our feet on the ground 

[Second Verse] 

I love money to death 

The reason why is because I love to stay fresh 

So I yearn for the green 

Stackin' up paper and I hustle with the team 

Money is my love so I love to get it 

Spendin' a couple hundreds to stay fitted 

All my homies, you know they love the indo 

So they grab a pound of that indo to get blown 

And my homie J, he just had a smoke attack 

If you rollin' up a blunt you better watch your back 

So forget rollin' with the zags 

If he smells the purp, then it's up for grabs 

Then I'ma grab a bottle of that Hennessey 

We gonna get twisted, come and chill with me 

It brings back a lot of memories 

Pour out the liquor for the homies as they rest in peace 

[Chorus x2] 

We need money 

It makes the world go 'round 

We spend money 

To bump the beats and the sounds 

We need money 

To make the ladies turn around 

We spend money 

To keep our feet on the ground 

-Saetern, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: This is a Piece Of the Weeif for the skill you have with 
words, not for the message which we think is incomplete, if you want 
to paint a truly accurate picture of the life you celebrate here, then you 
should include details like having to spend time under the control of 
strangers and — like now — having nothing but memories to rely on for 
pleasure. But still, you're one hell of a poet! 



Hard Decision 



I would not know who to choose for the upcoming 
election. Obama has the majority of the vote, from what 
I can see. People prefer the things Obama say he's going 
to do when he becomes President, but there really is no 
proof. A lot of people, like the government and city mayor, 
say that they are going to do this and that, but when they 
were elected, they didn't do any of it. 

McCain is hard to choose because it sounds like he's 
going to repeat what Bush did, and Bush has made this 
country very horrible. This country has the highest debt 
ever in the world. Everybody thinks this country is so 
good, but they don't see a lot of the negativity that goes 
on in it. I personally think this country is shhh. The 
only good thing is the freedom. But back to the point — I 
wouldn't know who to vote for. 

-Ramon, San Francisco 

From The Beat; We wish some of those who will be voting were ax 
thoughtful as you in deciding who is best for the job. You're right, its 
hard to judge whether a candidate who wants your vote will keep the 
promises he or she makes once s/he gets into office. By the time this 
Beat is done, we will all know who the new President is. If it's Obama, 
it will mean the first time in American history that we have elected 
someone other than a white male, and we welcome that change, at the 
very least. 



Beanty Wiiere I Live 



In my 'jects it's always something popping. Every day 
somebody outside slapping out the trunk, or they got 
the big woofers stacked on top of each other, waking the 
whole 'hood up with the radio. 

Especially when it's hot, it seem like everybody be 
outside. All the younger homies be playing football in 
the grass, and me and my ninjas be quarterbacking or 
blitzing. We keep it lit with the basketball games too. 

It's all love in my 'hood if you was raised there. 
Mommas be inviting you over for dinner, barbeques and 
the whole nine. Everybody know everybody, so it make 
it a lot more fun. The weekends is when it goes down. 
Females slide through and just be looking for a good 
time. So we show 'em one. You can ask around. 

-Ph Fresh, San Francisco 

From The Beat: You did a fine job of describing the things you love 
about your 'hood. We hope you can find a way to stay out of here or 
places like it. You can't show those females a good time as long as you're 
locked up with a bunch of males... 




ilAy Danoliter Bein' Born 



When my daughter was born it was crazy. I never seen 
anything like that. I felt like I was gonna pass out, but I 
didn't. I watched everything. It looked nasty, like hella 
nasty. I was so happy that I cried that same day. 

When she was bom, my life changed. Well I thought 
it did, but it didn't. I was out robbing the world making 
money for them diapers and milk. It was hard but I made 
a lot of money. While I was out my baby's mama was 
tripping on me and it was stressful. I had the worst day 
of my life with her and I had the best day with her, too. I 
love her with all my heart but she was a bad girl for me 
because she doubted me. Damn it was hard. 

-Lazy, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; We really admire the honesty of this piece — from your 
description of almost passing out at the birth of your daughter to the 
fact that relationships are difficult and often provide both the best and 
the worst days of our lives. We're sorry that having a baby didnt change 
your life enough to keep you out of places like this. Of course your 
daughter needs diapers and milk (someone is providing those things for 
her, even when you're locked up), but she needs a father at home with 
her guiding and protecting her FAR IHORE than she needs anything 
else. Itt not too late to be the father she needs. 



/S=^ 



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Desperate But Positive Ciianges 

I have had a lot of time to think while in the JJC. I am 
so desperate that I am thinking of doing the one thing I 
thought I never would do: Go to the military. I know that 
it would change my life for the better and now that Juve 
has given me a moment of silence, I know that it is the 
right thing to do. 

My plan is to go to the military the way that I am, I 
know that it will teach me commitment. Before the only 
plan I had been thinking of was to go back to the same life 
I had before, but now I see that it was just like planning 
my death, I hope that the military keeps me busy because 
when I have time to sit around and get bored, that's when 
I make bad choices. It was hard to make this decision but 
I know that hard decisions are usually the best, and with 
support I can do it. 

My support includes my grandparents, and my 
boyfriend who is going to the military. I am fully ready to 
move into this chapter of my life. I am putting my future 
and my hopes and dreams before drugs from now on, and 
this is the first step. I feel great about it! 

For all of those of you out there who have hopes and 
dreams of your own, put them into your heart and you 
will achieve them. It is not going to be easy to change our 
lives round. 

The best advice I can give the others is to get yourself 
out of the lifestyle you're in, and that means leaving the 
people you are around too. Those people watch you take 
hit after hit and destroying yourself, and they don't even 
care if you die. Don't be scared, and don't care what other 
people think about you for leaving them either. Make a 
future for yourself. 

-Brittany, Fresno 

From The Beat; Sounds like you have done a lot of good hard thinking 
and planning while in the Hall. We hope that whatever you do when 
you get out that it helps you be the best that you can be, and that you 
still plan and dream and aspire after your time here, always thinking 
about how you can move forward. 



FED 'LO FANI 



In this life, land of misery is very hard 

The same thing Tommy Gun said behind bars 

I try to get insight while I'm locked up 

So when I get out I don't mess up 

My plan is to succeed in life do right 

I don't want someone to turn off my lights 

If I keep doing wrong it would be funeral homes, open caskets 

Rest in paradise to all the fam' that get blasted 

Pain and misery it's in every one's life 

Why when the police come you throw down the dice 

I'm a stay solid you already know 

Incredible Hulk status when you off that blow 

But let me tell you my plan that's what's up 

No more getting shot at or stabbed in the gut 

I want to live large go to college play ball 

I don't want to live short I want to stand tall 

I'm a be myself not be a follower but a leader 

Not gonna pack things not even a heater 

I'm a succeed and realize 

So I could be happy and healthy in my life 

What you do is what you do 

I'm a do me so you do you 

Don't interfere just let me be 

You do you and I'm a do me 

-Sean the Malosi Pacific Islander, Solano 

From The Beat; Sean you are so consistent, we are Impressed. If you can 
keep up this effort and focus in the outside world, we are sure you can 
succeed with your goals. You don't need to be the incredible Hulk, like 
you say, just "do you," and you're life will grow and expand. 



Wiien I Get Back 



When I get back home, I will try to stay out of trouble 
and set a good example for my little brothers to keep 
them on the right track. I will tell them to keep going to 
school and get their education. And they don't want to be 
in the place I'm at right now, so they can keep their heads 
in the books. 

I don't want to see my mom coming to see me in 
here no more because I know it hurts her to see me in 
here every time she comes to visits. And I don't want her 
coming to see my little brothers in here 'cause I know it 
will hurt her real bad to see her youngest sons going in 
the same direction as me and my older brother. I don't 
want them in the stuff I'm in. 

I'ma try my best to go in the right direction and for all 
my brothers to get on the right path so we can show our 
families we not the screw up of the family. 

-Yung D-Smooth, San Francisco 

From The Beat; You are right to be concerned about your younger 
brothers following your example. So you are also right that it) time to 
set a different example. Everything you say to them will be important, 
but none of it will be as important as what you do to set that example. 
We're pretty sure that your older brother didnt want you to follow 
his path, but you did. So how will you change the path for your little 
brothers? What specifically do you plan to do... and what specifically 
do you plan to stop doing? 




Dose of Reaiity 



How we livin' every day is a dose of reality 

Posted up on them blocks wit' that hustla's mentality 

Tryin' to hustle them rocks then yo' block get slow 

So you and rob a ninja just to get you some dough 

'cause you want that new car and that brand new fit 

just to prove to yo'self to that lil' girl that's it 

so you go on them streets and go and risk yo' life 

somebody put a hit on you for a good ol' price 

ten stacks a get you downed now ain't that right 

so it's just you and yo' potna on that cold ol' night 

and you mind, so dark you don't know no light, 

so when you potna say come on you go and take that 

flight 

so y'all take that life and y'all both get caught 

y'all both busted them guns so it's both y'all fault 

y'all get tried as an adult 

and lose yo trial 

then yo' friends forget about you now ain't that foul 

y'all both going to the pen with 25 years 

I'm gon' pray for y'all my ninja even though it sounds 

weird. 

-Lir Purp, Alameda 

From The Beat; This piece gave us the shivers, it) hard to believe you 
manage to describe the beginning and ugly end of a life of crime in just 
twenty lines. You've seen and lived enough to know how true they are, 
and how many lives go down just like this. There has to be a way out - 
what do YOU need to do to make sure this never happens to you? 



/S=^ 



///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // 




Perdi Mis Esperanzas 



I Lost My Hopes 



Derrepente perdi mis esperanzas 

Y nunca mas volvere a recuperar 

Mori aquel dia que me converti en un criminal 

Aquel dia, me quede sin esperanzas 

Sabiendo que el dolor del corazon 

Crecia dia tras dias 

Estoy deseando salir de aqui 

No para volver a ser mi vida 

Sino para hacer dano 

Del mismo modo 

9ue me lo han hecho a mi 

Con un dolor que me tiene sentido 

Por el dolor constante 

Por el dia que ya no podia mas 

Pero tubistes que seguir 

Y perdistes la humanidad 

Y perdistes la motivacion 
Para ser una ser humana 
El dia que te pusistes 

Un pafio y que por tu barrio 

Vas a morir 

Pero recuerda aqui no importa 

El tamano de tus musculos o de tu boca 

Aqui lo linico que importa es el corazon 

Y nada mas que el corazon 
Porque la cabeza no puede 
Aceptar vivir durante meses y meses 

En un cuarto de dos metros y medio por dos 

Pero el corazon no entiende que tiene que ser asi 

Olvidate de tu libertad 

De los suenos y de las esperanzas 

"te ordena el corazon" 

olvidare de todo, menos de supervivencia 

no preguntes porque 

no hay razon 

no hay motivo 

antes de vinir aqui 

no existia la vida que tienes 

antes de esto nunca existio 

lo linico que te mueve es seguir vivo 

al final del dia y ser un hombre 

o morir por demostrar que eres un hombre 

ese es el codigo del gerrero 

sera mejor que entres a tu cuarto 

ya vienen por ti. 

From The Beat; ;Que Linda expresion! Sabemos que en este mundo hay 
personal que nos hacen daiio y que las cosas no salen como uno deseara 
que salieran, pero tienes que aprender aceptar la realidad de la cosa. Si 
alguien te hizo daiio, eso no te da el derecho de hacerie daiio a otras 
personas o de vengarte. La venganza solo te trae mas dolor, mas sangre y 
mas sufriemiento. Conocemos a un joven aqui que trabaja para nosotros, 
quien fue valiado por dos valas. Su vida nunca sera la misma despues de 
su trajedia, pero El dice, "no guardo ningun remordimiento hacia el, y 
todo se lo dejo en manos de Dios y que Dios lo perdone o lo haga pagar 
por sus errores." Es tiempo que lo dejes ir y que empieces una nueva vida. 
Siempre hay esperanzas. 



Suddenly I lost my hopes 

I never ever will get it back 

I died that day I became a criminal 

That day I was left without any hopes 

Knowing that the pain of my heart 

Was growing day by day 

I'm wishing to get out of here 

Not to redo my life 

But to harm others 

The same way 

They have done it to me 

With the current pain 

From that day I couldn't do it anymore 

But you had to move on 

And you lost humanity 

And lost the motivation 

Of being a human-being 

The day you put on 

A rag for your 'hood 

you will die 

remember that in here nothing matters 

not even the size of your muscles or your mouth 

the only thing that matters here is the heart 

and nothing else but the heart 

because the head can't not accept to live 

here through months and months 

in a room of two and a half meters by two 

but the heart doesn't understand that it has to be that 

way 

forget about your freedom 

forget about everything except survival 

don't ask why 

there's no reason 

there's no purpose 

before coming here 

The life you are living didn't exist 

Before this, it never existed 

The only thing that moves you is that you are alive 

At the end of the day, 

you be a man or die to show that you are a man 

That's the code of a warrior 

It would be better that you go back to your room 

They are coming for you. 

-Sparky, Alameda 

From The Beat; What a nice expression! We know that in this world there 
are people who hurt and that things may not go our way, but you have 
to learn to accept the reality of how things are. If someone hurt you, it 
doesn't give you the right to harm others as revenge. Revenge only brings 
more pain, blood spill, and suffering. We know a guy who work for us, he 
was shot twice He!s life will not be the same after his tragedy, but he says, 
"I dont hold any grudges on the person who did this to me, and I'll just 
leave my case in the hands of God, and may God forgive him or make him 
pay for his mistakes." its time to let it go and start a new life. 




reniewher that In here 
nothing matters 
Hot even the size of ifoi^r 
muscles or i/o^r mo^th 



/S=^ 



Escape From my Cell 



Q- vole Beat. What's cracking. 

It's Indio once again writing about 

books and how getting locked up helped 

me appreciate them, 'cause being locked up 

in that room you got nothing to do. 

So I open a book and escape from 

my cell, not physically but mentally. 

And it also helps me understand a lot 

about how education is the key to 

success and for this I am hugely appreciative. 

Even though I had to learn this the 

hard way. With that said I'm about 

to go back to my room and escape 

through the magic of Books. Alrato. 

-Mc Indio, Santa Clara 

From the Beat; We couldnt agree with you more: books are magic. They 
allow you to be somewhere else, be someone else.. .all just by turning the 
page. Keep reading. The more you read, the bigger your imagination, 
and the bigger your imagination, the more you'll be able to achieve in 
this world. 




My Plan 



Well, first and foremost, I would like to give my most 
respects to the homeboys out there. This is the homeboy 
G coming at you from max-unit. Well, I'd like to explain 
my situation real quick, then I can tell you my plan for 
the future. 

Well, I'm in here for some serious charges, and I hope 
to get out in some time less than 15 years. Well, when I 
get out of prison I want to be coo' when I'm out and help 
out my family and not get caught up again. I am going to 
be smarter about what I do and how I do it. I am going 
to think before I react. I am going to get out and get off 
parole. That is my plan and I hope it works out. 

-G, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; Your plan is a winner! Of course, it) never nice to be 
facing the time you're facing, but the most important thing you can take 
into a situation like that is a positive attitude, and that is something you 
demonstrate with every sentence in this piece. Even if you do 1 5 years, 
you will still be a very young man, able to build a life that includes love, 
family, work and even more education. Avoid the beef inside, and take 
advantage of every program and opportunity offered. And dont stop 
writing for The Beat. {You'll be in a position to teach those coming up 
just what they should be doing to avoid your situation.} 




///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // 



Am I Throuoh Thuooin'? 



ij 



Eight months ago I was sent here. Jail's like my second 
home - I should pay rent here. I used to think nothing 
was my fault. Sometimes I would actually believe it, 
knowing damn well I took part, t used to taking five- 
minute showers and being called by my last name. 

But I'm a 17 year old man and men don't complain, 
so I took it, couldn't see past my rooms door. But now 
I've come to realize that I deserve much more ... then I 
went to court and got sent to camp, I know a lot of people 
that went there, but most of them ran, but that's not me, 
my situation wouldn't allow it. Yet another boulder in my 
path - got to find my way around it. Try to take advantage 
of every program that they had to offer. 

Then I met this kid named Amari S. from Contra 
Costa. You could tell he was a thug, the only one from 
Richmond. We talked a lot, we was pretty good friends. I 
used to always bang a place where he had been, and we 
had our fun, but eventually he got released. 

So two weeks later as I was eatin' my meal, a 
counselor came and announced that Amari S. had been 
killed. Wow. From that pint on I made up my mind I would 
lead a straight path and never again pick up that iron. Am 
I through thuggin'? 

Maybe, I think that would be best judging from my 
situation. 

-Dante, Alameda 

From The Beat; This story is amazing, tragic, and inspiring all at once. 
The best way you could possibly honor Amari) memory would be to 
turn your life into a positive one. Or rather, to find and build on the 
positivity you already had Inside. His death was horrible - but if you 
can find a lesson there than you have found a blessing in an unlikely 
place. 



Mind Of a Male Adolescent 



female 



Sixteen I wanta be the king, but I can't have it all 

just like the music videos I see. 

I wanta ball and if a ninja disrespect me I stand tall 

going to the mall I ain't window shopping 

look at these girls seeing what's poppin' 

I love the feeling that I get when I'm with a 

intimate 

it's supposed to be an expression of love. 

I can't love I'm supposed to be a thug 

'cause if I say I got these feelings 

ma patnas say I love these women's smoke weed 

I feel like all the problems and worries are gone, 

but in reality I'm so wrong. 

I do bad things but I'm not a bad guy, 

I just want to be a real cool guy, get drunk and high 

but for why? Young people live for the moment and don't 

see ahead. 

This is out of a male adolescents head, 

I know others feel the same way but it's okay 

you just do you and let the trend walk the other way. 

I realize this the hard way 

be more serious cut out the play 

this is all 

no more I have to say. 

-Daffy, Solano 

From The Beat; This is good. Iti well written, well thought out, and 
like all good literature we learn about what life is like for "an adolescent 
male." You are not a bad guy and can give up the bad things right now. 
It sounds like you can see ahead. It) good to know where you're trying 
to go and commit yourself to doing your best in the moment. We think 
love is one of the most real, most risky experiences in life...and hope 
you don't cheat yourself this experience because of anything anyone 
says. You could get hurt, but you could be loved too. 



ZS^T^ 



7 nn 




// ' ////// ' // ' /// ^mtm 



y/// // 



Wirry 



Y 



What's cracking Beat? Well today's topic is about 
"WORRY." Damn there's hella things I worry about today. 
For example, I'm worrying how my court date is going 
to go for me. Right now it can go either with a pretty 
cool sentence or a very bad one. You know what they 
say, "Hope for the best, expect the worst." But whatever 
happens I'm ready to ride with it, got to be responsible 
for my actions. 

Also, I worry about how my family and loved ones 
are doing every day. I wouldn't have to worry if I didn't 
put myself in this situation. Even though there are other 
things Fd be worrying about on the outs. Well with all 
these worries it's pretty stressful. I hate having to worry 
about all this, when I should be out and living "the life," 
but my action chose otherwise. With all this worrying 
it's kind of helpful, but then it's not at the same time. It 
helps me because I'm on my toes and ready for whatever's 
thrown my way. 

On the other hand it keeps me stressing like I said 
earlier. To stop worrying I believe I need to get my act 
straight and be more conscious in my decision making. 
All my worries won't go completely away, but with that in 
mind most of them will go away. Well I ain't go much more 
to say so I'm out. 

-Abstract Mind, Santa Clara 

Fron The Beat; You're right to hope for the best, but prepare for the 
worst. You should always be prepared to face the responsibilities of 
what you've done. You're also right that some big worries will go away 
if your act is straight. 



IGDtYDII 



I'm scared on what this hall have made me 
I'm used to having staff telling me to do right 
But how will I survive when I get out 
Will I be lost in the world with no purpose 
Or they send me to a group home I have no choice 
I'm just confused and I miss my cousin 
My mother and my brotha from anotha 
I miss my child too 
Aniah I'll come home sooner or later 
I got you. Sorry I messed up 

-Hyfee F, Alameda 

From The Beat: This is such a heartfelt piece - you've expressed a lot of 
feelings that a lot of young people in the hall are thinking. Sorry we 
can't print any RIPt unless the whole piece is about the person...You do 
have purpose, though sometimes it may not feel like it. We all need to 
do what we can for our kids, and in honor of the friends you've lost. 



Free 



I left my family 28 months ago 

I've been through two treatment centers 

In and out of JDC twice 

And I am still not free 

Now, I face a two year commitment 
'Less I can go to another treatment center 
But now Value Options won't let me 
So I am still not free 

I hope they let me because I do need treatment 
I plan on finishing treatment successfully 
Moving on with my life 
But I am locked up and can't wait to be free 

-Jesse, New Mexico 

From The Beat; Be patient Jesse, do as you isy, wait for treatment, and 
once it comes complete it with success so you can go on with your life 
out side of the detention center. 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwrnaUU^ 



Let Me Break It Down 



What's up wit it my name Toure aka Lil' Nite. I'm fena talk 
about my life a little. What I know, assumptions people 
make, and answers to things people I assume always 
wondered. First I guess I should start off by saying, my 
birth name came from an African King many years ago, 
and yes it is French. 

My alias name is Lil' Nite it came from my dad alias 
name Midnight. That's what all the G's called him on 
the street. So a lot of them started callin' me Lil' Nite. 
When I started hearing it a lot I became to like it. It just 
seemed real catchy to me, it sounded very spectacular. So 
I decided to use the same for my celebrity status name. 
Now my definition for Lil' Nite is the light of everything, 
the start of the night. Now I'm going to move on to where 
I'm at in my life. I been trying, well not trying, but I have. 

Been my dream of being a writer, rapper, and actor. 
I've done many auditions in the past two years. I have 
a sum of 40 songs I plan to start recordin' in the studio 
in 2009. Man I love richness so much that sometime I'm 
greedy that's how I got in here. But I'm a very generous 
also. I come from a wealthy family so I get everything 
I need. Plus I work to get what I want. But when I got 
fired for drug related problems. I kind of became like a 
collapsing Britney Spears. Getting caught up in the street 
world. Letting it use me for every dime my parents gave 
me. It was so addicting I lost my mind start stealin', goin' 
clubs, earned money in mysterious ways. Plus my family 
was giving me money and support. So that's where the 
greedy-ness came from. 

During all of this I have experienced and learned so 
much. I think I have seen too much too soon. But now it's 
good I have 'cause it all made me so smart. Because I have 
actually done it and been there. Just like a actor I know 
said to me, "you don't know the bitter if you only tasted 
the sweet." 

My life is made I know for a fact, and I've always 
known this. But still I went and acted like my life was 
as worthless as the devil. So trust me I know every inch 
of what I'm talking about. I have been around the world 
already and I'm only 18 it feels good. I know I'm blessed 
God thank you so much. 

I just have a few quotes I would like you all to think 
about. "Too many people spend money they don't have to 
impress people they don't like." I wonder? Next quote... 
"The happiest and most successful people in the world 
have one thing in common: They act with courage and 
they take more risks than they ever have." 

Moving on to me changing my life my plan is to go to 
college. Get a good paying job over the holiday. Record 
my songs in the studio. Say no to drugs and appreciate 
my life for what it is 'cause it's great. Now to people 
making assumptions about my life and who I am. That's 
just gossip that I'm headed to a world full of so it don't 
faze me. But just to set a few things straight. Something 
I get down on the DL. The answer to that is hell no. Why? 
'Cause I want everything perfect. I want it all yea I'm 
needy. I like my life to be smooth and non-complicated as 
possible. To be con... 

-Lil' Nite, Solano 

From The Beat; You have some good plans. We also suggest that you 
think through what you will do when you are angry, lonely, or bored... 
times when old ways of coping try to slip bacif in. We agree college 
makes sense for you, and that having a few challenging, demanding 
activities that you can really sink your teeth into will be good for you. 



^ 



ZS^T^ 



7 nn 




' P/f^fS ' // ' /// i 



y/// // 



Time To Worry 



Well to tell you I'm not tripping on how long Fm in here, 
but the thing that trips and worries myself is while Fm in 
here something might happen to my family. If my mom 
happens to die then I would not forgive myself, because I 
put myself in this predicament and I couldn't spend her 
last minutes with me. It kills me inside to even think of 
this 'cause I might be charged as an adult. Then I'm going 
to do four-six years as a juvenile, then two years. No biggie 
with my short life, but a biggie away from my family. 

Time stops as soon as I step foot in this place while 
"life goes on!" a Tupac's song go. So, while I'm in here, I 
worry about what might happen to my family on the outs. 
So alrato. Stay up to all the homeboys. Late.... 

-Chango, Santa Clara 

Fron The Beat; Actually, Change, the time to worry about your family 
and your mother) health was before you did whatever it was that 
gave power to the system to remove you from your loved ones. One of 
the worst things about being locked up is that you ate helpless to do 
anything about what goes on outside of lock-up, and things do happen. 
Life does continue, even when you must wait before you can rejoin it. 
Actually, time only slows when you're in here, it doesnt stop altogether. 
You can still read, educate yourself, broaden your experiences and 
mature, but just at a much slower pace. Keep writing. 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwrnaUS^ 



Fort Jamaica \p 

I can remember the last time I had fun without drugs 
or alcohol was a few weeks before I got locked up. I was 
staying at my best friend's house, his name is Richie and 
he's a good guy with a lot of heart. 

Anyway, his dad asked us if we wanted to build a 
fort in the backyard and we said hell yea, so that day we 
started digging holes in the ground and then the next day 
cemented the pole in the ground. Then we started to put 
the floor in, then we put the wall up. 

Damn, I remember Richie's face when we were done 
that day, he looked hella happy, and I remember sitting 
on the roof of the fort (which we named Fort Jamaica) 
chilling with Richie, and that was the last time I've had 
fun. 

Almost 5 '^h months, but I'll be out soon, only seventy- 
five more days in this shhhy place. Well, see you next 
week. 

-Skate and Destroy, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; That does sound like a lot of fun! We wish we had 
gotten to build a fort like that when we were younger. 



V 



\ 



UnsoiiGited Act Of Kindness 



Fakers 

The best advice I ever gave someone was to this homie 
who wanted to join a gang. I knew a lot about him and 
also knew about how this gang life wasn't for him. 

He has it good, he had good support from his family 
especially his grandmother, he has money all the time 
that he got from his family. So I could tell he just wanted 
it for looks and just to have people have his back I then 
explained to him what he was getting himself into and 
that once you're in ain't no getting out. He then changed 
his mind 'cause he didn't want to get himself into all 
that. 

That's what's wrong with some of these kids today, 
they join gangs for looks and just to have homies. And 
then they start selling drugs just to do it and are not in 
the streets and don't need money 'cause their parents 
provide for them. 

I tell you right now that's not why I joined a gang... All 
you locked up, keep your head up, aight peace. 

-Yung Ralph, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: It sounds like you gave good advice to your peer. What 
about yourself, though? If you could go back and give advice to your 
younger self, would you still Join a gang? What is the difference between 
the "fakers" and yourself, other than money? I 



The last night I ever did something generous for someone 
was a week before I got locked up. There was this old lady 
walkin' across the street pushing one of those little black 
carts that you see at the flea market. She was getting by 
alright, I guess. So I just walked past her, but then after 
I passed her, there was a big crack on the ground she 
couldn't get her cart over. 

I heard her struggling, so I told my homies to hold on 
and I turned around and helped the old lady. After I helped 
her, she tried to offer me some goods. I told her that it 
was cool and that she didn't have to give me anjrthing. It 
felt good to help the old lady out, and to tell her she didn't 
have to give me anything in return. 

-Dave, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; You know, doing what you did probably made that 
old lady) day. Its not often that people encounter kindness from a 
stranger, and certainly many older people don't expect to receive it fron ■ 
teenagers. You should be proud. I 



Do My Best to Siiine 



I thank God for giving me another chance for me to not 
get charged as an adult and charged me as a minor. I'm 
just going to take advantage of this opportunity now I'm 
going to Pouts, for am go do my program and do good for 
I can get out in get my girl back. And get a job in be with 
my family, because the judge showed me love, 'cause I 
was fighting my case too, but I beat it so now I'm go do 
my best to shine. 

-Millie, Solano 

From The Beat; Congratulations on your second chance! Take advantage 
of this opportunity! Get a job, your girl back, be with your family and 
do your best — and you will shine. 



1 Trne Love 



Xi 



I did her dirty, I thought that she was another girl I went 
out with. She was straight to the game when she went 
to Puerto Rico. I heard she cried every night for me, she 
even slept with my Mac Dre T. I did some things with 
another girl even though she said she was coming back 
I guess I didn't believe her. I thought she was gone even 
though her family was still here I thought I would never 
see her again. 

I guess I was scared because after she left her brother, 
my best friend and his Mom, and Dad they all went to 
Puerto Rico. But like she said she came back, but not 
to me. I regret everything I did to her behind her back. 
When she was in Puerto Rico she was so scared to lose 
me she said she was pregnant wit my baby that changed 
everything until I found out she was lying. Then she 
found out everything I did. 

I feel like shhh because after everything she was 
always there for me. She told me every day that she loved 
me and after everything I know I love her but I don't know 
how I can get her back. I don't think she will ever forgive 
me. Shhh I wouldn't forgive me. That's all Beat I just had 
to get that off my chest 'cause I couldn't hold it anymore. 
Stay Up Beat. 

-Lir D., Solano 

From The Beat; It sounds like you were both so afraid of losing each 
other you made choices that ended up creating distance, you being with 
another girl, her telling you she was pregnant. If over time you show 
her through your actions that you truly care and you want to be loyal, 
I she may learn to trust you again. 



ZS^T^ 



7 nn 




// ' ////// ' // ' /// ^mtm 



y/// // 



Y 



Wirry 



Everyday that I'm in here, I always worry about my 
daughter because I know she's out there with my baby's 
mama and I don't know if they got money for the supplies 
that they might need. 

Well, it's been more than a month that I don't know 
anything about my daughter or my baby's mama. She 
usually writes me and lets me know how they been, but I 
don't know anything about them right now. 

I called my mom to see if she knows what's going on 
and she told me that my baby's mama disconnected her 
cell phone. And the other reason why is because I know 
the streets are hot out there. There's a lot of killing and 
shooting. 

- Anonimo, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: This worry and not being in touch with these important 
people in your life sounds really hard. How do you deal with this stress? 
But sometimes sending people our protective love and energy can maiie 
us feel better. 



My Home 



^ 



When I'm 64, 1 want to be retired and have a lot of money. 
I want to move back to Florida and buy a big house. Also 
when I'm 64, 1 want to own a few cars because I like cars. 
I also like the palm trees and all of the swimming pools. 
Plus everything in Florida is more spread out and not all 
together like San Francisco. When I'm 64, I would like to 
live in tropical weather instead of cold weather. 

-Darrel, San Francisco 

From The Beat; You said you hope to be retired when you're that age, 
but you didnY tell us what you hope to be retired from. What career or 
occupation do you want to have iietween now and then? By the way, 
there are no mountains or even small hills in Florida. How do you think 
you'd like living where its all flat? 



I I I I 1 I I I M I FT 



Livin' in Madness 



I Didn't do the crime but I ain't even trippm' 
gotta do this time I gotta keep on livin' 
gotta stay strong for my family they need me 
a young ninja facing life boy I'm only seventeen 
it's all good though 'cause 1 day I'm a bounce back 
everybody does and with jail I ain't coming back 
I'm done with that boy it's time to move on 
get my mind together I been doin' this for too long 
I been livin' my life wrong I been livin' in madness 
walking the streets boy think 'n I'm the baddest 
but one day a thought popped in my head 
saying if I didn't slow down I'm gonna be dead 
but at first I wasn't listening 
I thought I was going nutty... 
Till one day that enemy stabbed me. 

-Young Rolo, Alameda 

From The Beat; We're glad you're still here! Also we think that if you 
didnt do the crime you have CMcry reason to be trippin'...However, we 
hope you are done with all that soon, if you live differently when you 
are released what will you do? Do you think that thought that popped 
in your head was a warning? 



Out And Thankful 



I don't have a lot of things to talk about. The only thing 
is that I'm getting out tomorrow and I'm happy about it. 
I want to go school and get good grades so I can get my 
education and help my family. Thank you lord for my 
life. 

-Francisco, San Francisco 

From The Beat; Since you are out by now, you wont be reading this. But 
we hope that whoever is reading it will understand the connection you 
are making between getting your education and staying out of here! 
Good luck. 



^Mmffaffmrnmams mMwrnaUS^ 



Cryino Tears At Nioht 



Why do I cry 

These tears at night 

It don't seem the same 

As it used to be 

Can somebody just try an' come let me see 

The light never seen 

Some nights I feel 

Like I want to go to sleep 

An' never be able to breathe 

But other nights 

I think of my Queen (mother) 

And then that's when I think 

I can live another day 

But everybody say 

I shouldn't feel this way 

About life 

But I say "It is what it is 

An' can't anyone bear the pain 

That me an' my family been through" 

Why do god make me suffer 

Through these years 

Hold no, wait a minute 

I know he got something planned 

And he want me to be the one that do it 

Is it real or is it fake 

I just want to take my life 

But then at the same time 

I cry tears at night 

But don't no one seen to understand why 

So I'm just going to go to my Queen 

So I can be alone to breathe 

And see the light 

-Bri, San Francisco 

From The Beat; We can understand why your situation would make you 
depressed and sometimes want to give up. But when you think about 
what God is putting you through, remember that you are part of His 
creation, and any harm you do to yourself is the same as harming Him. 
This moment is just a snapshot of a single moment in your life, but your 
fife is an entire movie, so let it play out and you might find the middle 
and end much better than the beginning. 



Life Is A Lie 



I have tears to shed 

'cause she is dead 

blood coming out 

of her head 

As I cry 

I watch her die 

when finally she sighs 

she was left to rot 

after she got shot 

I went through a lot 

I was covered in blood 

I was sitting in mud 

my life was crud 

she wasn't afraid of death 

we were around people who did meth 

so now she can't see 

she can't see 

she can't look at me 

so now what is to be 

I cry 

as if I was going to die 

but life is just a lie 

-Stacks, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; Stacks, you really have a story to tell here and each week 
these details come out and break our hearts. Thank you for sharing - 
hopefully one day you can write down what happened here in narrative 
form. And one day, we wish you find peace with this ghost. 



ZS^T^ 



7 nn 




// ' ////// ' // ' /// ^mtm 



y/// // 



^MmMffmmma0m mMwrnaUU^ 



I Ask 



I ask myself everyday why? 

I ask myself everyday why did you have to say goodbye? 

I ask myself everyday why did you have to go? 

I ask myself does anyone know? 

I ask myself do I want to leave this world as mad as you? 

I ask myself do I miss you too? 

I ask myself how can I miss someone who wasn't really 

around 

I ask myself did you really have to hit the ground? 

I ask myself why do I love you so? 

These answers I do not know. 

-Kanna Bean, Alameda 

From The Beat; The pains of our heart are often a mystery... and poetry 
is the best way of finding the answers to that mystery. What if you 
write a poem about trying to find the am^M^nl 



What I'm Goino To Do With My Life 

What I'm going to do with my life? 

I am going to straighten my life out 

What I'm going to do with my life? 

I'm going to go to the UFC 

What I'm going to do with my life? 

Go to the UFC and knock a lot of people out 

What I'm going to do with my life? 

I'm going to get buffer and work on my combinations 

What I'm going to do with my life? 

Never going to go back to juvy 

Finally, what Tm going to do with my life? 

Stay out of trouble and do right 

-Dejon, San Francisco 

From The Beat; If you iieep that last promise — to "stay out of trouble 
and do right" — everything else will fail into place. |Be careful of that 
UFC, though. That) one dangerous sport.) 



Some Life 



It's ten minutes past 5 everybody in the car 

So come on let's ride to the liquor store around the 

corner 

Some say they want 1800 or some juice but I really don't 

wanna 

The avenue is like the one main street where we be getting 

the drank and the boys be making the beats 

We were all drinkin' everything was all chill till they 

started fighting over the Funions 

But what should you expect we're just a bunch of young 

ones 

That when everything got out of control, they started 

flghtin' till one of them started losing 

That wasn't the plan he had in mind but what should you 

expect this new generation is out of their mind 

He got mad pulled out the swift blade, stuck him in the 

gut till he was oozing out blood 

People rushing to give him their last hugs 

Now he's laying on the ground 

Killer nowhere to be found 

Six months later he got snitched on by a hater 

Now he's sitting in a cell in Alameda County Jail 

Murder charges hittin' him hard judge said no bail 

He just wants a fair trial or he'd rather be in hell 

He just want to get out 

And never see another cell. 

-James, Alameda 

From The Beat: This Is an interesting story - its good to see some 
rhymes coming back to unit 9. Sounds like you feel like your genera- 
tion, young people today, are out of control and that violence is expect- 
ed. How do you feel about this? Do you fit into this category? 



Ite Iravelel Worll I live 



I'm 



Sup wit it Beat? This week I wanna talk 'bout the life 
traveling. I'm 15 years of age but my heart, mind and soul 
feels so grown. And I don't mean grown by paying bills an 
all dat, I mean by activities. 

I've seen a lot, an I've done a lot. I could share stories 
but I wouldn't put my kind of experiences out there like 
dat 'cause it holds too much violence, and brings me too 
much pain. And I don't wanna think about my cruel past, 
you see me I'm a one of kind jus put it like dat. 

I could be your right hand ninja to get down when 
needed, or I could be yo livin' hell. But damn, now that 
I'm here in da hall once again an I'm startin to care less 
about thangs, cause I feel real here for tryna be good but 
on the outs my good actions always lead to me tryna get 
sum like damn, a ninja can't jus try to be cool an be 15. 

Hell naw, jus cause I got tattoos I'm a criminal and 
because the fact that I'm colored they stamp me wit da 
Alameda county juvenile hall across ma chest because 
anotha person says I beat on them, dats BS. 

Sometimes I jus wanna go to sleep an dream a perfect 
childhood I neva had, an neva wake up, but I got too much 
pride to survive this hell. An to anybody who reads this 
don't hesitate to write me back if you can relate cause I'd 
like to help an get help any chance I get. So just write on 
my subject next time in da Beat. 

-J-Gutta, Alameda 

From The Beat; We bet that a lot of people who read this can relate to 
your story. Thanks for being open to hear others' stories and reactions 
to your writing. And as frustrating as the system can be, the truth is 
you can only change yourself, not the people who run the system. 



Beauty Where I Live 



Beauty where I live, I live in Oakland, California, and 
it great over there. There, trees are purple and high and 
you can drink fresh water in the park. The parts are free 
and hecka metal for people to have, and nice houses with 
graffiti. 

Hella friendly neighbors and fresh air. Some maple or 
oak trees. And the burrito shop across the street and a 
99-cent store where I get my stuff for cheap. 

-Dan, San Francisco 

From The Beat; We're glad you're able to appreciate what) beautiful in 
your neighborhood. We know about the bad stuff. It) nice to read about 
the good stuff. 



RIP Granny 



Look where I go from here just lost my grandma last 
year but, I still remain ta keep it real like doUa bills. I drop 
tears cant believe my granny is gone. 

Grandma come home why you left us all alone. Look 
I'm coming grams. Just wait at them gates, I'm a be 
running grams arms open, eyes wide for the love ta watch 
me come up from a bug. Now you see your grandson 
sitting in the hall like a scrub but, I wish I can spend 
more time with you, it got me pissed this family and my 
mama too but, please grams wont cha come back for LB 
and see us Jazz'ma, Nambiah, plus Nakiah. 

Grams I really miss ya' and it ain't all that cool living 
off pitchas. all man visit in my sleep. Write a note or call 
man can't believe you left me to be a small man but, I 
knew it wasn't meant to be that's why I sucked up all the 
game that you said to me. 

-Brandon , Alameda 

From The Beat; We can feel how much you miss her, and how close she 
still seems to you from this piece, dedicated to your Grandma. Use your 
imagination to think what would she say to you now if she could. What 
did she teach you that you value? 



\1 



ZS^T^ 



7 nn 




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w// // 



M 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwm.us^ 



Everybody My Mom Has To Bury 

What's up with The Beat Within? Me, nothing much Just 
sitting back thinking about everybody my mom having to 
bury. Damn, it seems crazy. On the 3rd she just had to 
bury my bra and now my uncle Flent just got killed. 

Man, the streets ain't like it used to be. Ninjas out 
here killing each other all over some females that's goin' 
to set them up in the end. What we ninjas an' classy 
females need to do is be on our shhh, get this money, and 
don't trip off the beefing shhh. Leave that behind us, for 
real for real. 

Man, if you continue to beef, before you know it you're 
going to be fighting for your life, and yo' mama going to 
be crying 'cause she want her baby back. I watched my 
Queen go through it, so I don't wish nobody's mother to 
go through the same. But feel me, life is what it is, so we 
got to live it no matter what ya dig. 

-Bri, San Francisco 

From The Beat; We appreciate your advice to leave the beef behind, but 
we have to asic how you plan both to "get this money" and to leave 
the beef behind. We hope you're planning to get your money the slow, 
reliable and safe way, by finishing your education and working for it. 
Any other path is likely to lead right back here! 



W 



X 



What it Mean to Have a Life 

When you have a life, you can stand alone in what is true 
about you or what you believe to be true. You do what 
you feel that's right for you, even when those around you 
don't agree with what you are doing. You mind your own 
business and leave those around you to do the same. 

If you want a life, a good life, you have to stick to 
something long enough to see if it work for you, admit 
when it doesn't work, and move on without fear or anger 
and accepting the blessing from the lesson, cause you 
know every lesson is a blessing. 

Until today you might wonder whether the life you 
live is the life you want. Just for today ask yourself "Am 
I doing the things that are responsible to me, am I grown 
and learning from things that I am doing? Am I willing to 
make changes to require the life I desire to live!" So yep 
your life can be a journey or a struggle. It's what you do, 
whether which life you wanna live but shhh I'm thru wit 
this shhh I'm bout to be released in 2 days. 

-Nguyen, Alameda 

From The Beat; Thanks for your advice and thoughtful words. You've 
been a great contributor to the Beat these past many months. Best of 
luck on the outs, and we hope you stay away! 



Worry Aiiout Good And Bad 



When I worry it has to be something that's bad. Well, not 
really because you can about making an impression on 
people. 

But, one I was worried about was where I was going to 
do my time. One place was ROP but, they did not accept 
me. So, that's out and I wasn't really about to go to the 
Y, because my lawyer said I can't go there but, if I went 
I couldn't cry or stress. I would do my time and keep it 
light. What else can you do but keep it light. 

But worrying about something good is different. You 
could worry about is this girl gone like you? Is your mom 
going to have a good birthday? Is your first child going to 
be a boy or a girl? That's some good stuff you can worry 
about. 

-Young Savage, Alameda 

From The Beat: We like the way you talk about the people you care 
about. It sounds like your relationships are very important to you. 
Wherever you do your time, use it to your advantage. Improve your 
skills, do your schooling and work your program so you can get back out 
and worry about the good stuff. 



Hevii's Got My Brain \ 

What it do, it's Mousie, back in your pages. I'm just here 
on a violation. It ain't no thing but I'm stressin' on y mo 
and my lady Marianna. I got court tomorrow and we'll see 
hat happens, but I can either go back to camp or to a 
group home. 

Feel like the devil's got my brain 

Every day it seems even harder to maintain 

I try my hardest to keep my sanity 

Feel like I got no one, not even my family 

But it's a struggle but I'm solid like a brick wall 

Flag still out my pocket 

And it will never fall 

I'm a youngsta with an older head's mentality 

But I'm also a lost youngsta when it comes to reality. 

I'm feelin' lost in a world where no one really knows me 

I struggle to survive but it's too late for my dead homies 

Why this life? They say it's the life I chose. 

Why drugs, money and guns, that's just the way it goes. 

Locked down but keeping it solid 

But I feel what I feel deep inside 

Don't get it twisted homie, never soft always ready to ride 

And put it down for my side 

But my life don't make sense 

And I don't now why 

But I will make a life that makes sense 

Because I got too much pride. 

-Mousie, Alameda 

From The Beat; We hope you dont mind - we combined these two 
beautiful poems together into one, because it seemed like they both 
express the same feeling - a person who is lost and found at the same 
time... maybe its because you need to re-think what "your side" really 
is. Maybe its not about being on one side of a street war - maybe its 
about taking the side of peace, of hope, of the many people who have 
stand tall for freedom... people like Barack Obama, Cesar Chavea, 
Luis Rodriguez, Martin Luther King... people like the side of you that 
composes poems. 



Friends, Bow Many flf Bs Bave Tiiem? 

Well, I feel that this is my last Beat. ..no stop. It is my 

second to last piece. Enjoy. 

(Dirge just saved Bennie from being stopped by the police, 

by letting him into his car.) 

Bennie: You didn't have to do that. 

Dirge: Well, God gave us a will. 

Bennie: I don't believe in God., why are you doing this 

anyway? 

Dirge: Huh, what do you mean? I'll ask the questions. 

Why don't you have any friends? 

Bennie: I don't trust anybody. That includes you. 

Dirge: Well, why are you in my car? 

Bennie: Quick getaway. Why are you doing this? 

Dirge: Smart. 

Bennie: Why are you doing this? 

Dirge: It's just what friends do. 

Bennie: I'm not your friend. 

Dirge: Then why are you in my car? 

Bennie: Look, you were there and I took the opportunity, hapj^. 

Dirge: I think you don't trust anybody because someone 

did you wrong. 

Bennie: part of it. 

Dirge: And you have not been around people that are 

trustworthy. 

To be continued. 

-Young Voice 

From The Beat; Young Voice, we have thoroughly enjoyed the 
conversations between Dirge and Bennie. You have the potential to be 
a great screenwriter- we hope you stick with it, and stay in touch with 
us at The Beat! 




' ////// ' // ' /// ^mtm 



y/// // 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwrnaUU^ 



Beauty? 

What I noticed when everyone was talking is that 
everyone's beautiful place is a park. Everyone loved 
parks. Why? No one saw the "beauty" in the world. 
Is there any more? Or is it being so overcome by hate, 
violence, and destruction that the only thing left beautiful 
is a designated area for some grass and a playground? 

Thinking about it myself - I could not think of 
something in my neighborhood, either. The only thing 
L close to beauty is children, innocent and young, coming 
out of the elementary school. But even that is ruined by 
the homeless drug addict loitering at the 7-Eleven across 
the street, and the older thugs, smoking. So what, really, 
is beauty nowadays... imperfection? Chaos? 

-Selena, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; Powerful rumination Selena. We bet you'd have no 
problem making a list of a hundred beautiful things, or a thousand. As 
you so eloquently point out, beauty may not be where it) expected. To 
find beauty in a chaotic world requires that we pay close attention to 
our surroundings. The beauty is there, for those who can see, or hear, 
or feel. 



In My NeiohborhoDil 



What's cracking Beat it's your boy Frank the Tank just 
chilling in this playpen. I'm a little disappointed in the 
Beat Within. One because it's been like 3 weeks since 
the Beat came in to our unit. And two I have been writing 
some good Beats and they haven't been published. I see 
some dumb shhh being published that makes no sense 
and is just straight dumb. 

But anjTvays the topic is "Beauty In The Hood." 
My neighborhood is beautiful to me because we have 
everything you need like good looking females, food, hair 
cuts, laundry mat, video store with the people in front 
selling cd's and bootleg movies, and some good drugs if 
that's what your looking for. The hood has a mural in the 
back of pop's mini-mart it's pretty bad. 

There's trouble there also I guess that's what you can 
say is ugly in the hood. I haven't been in the hood for a 
cool minute I was only out for a month and I did nine 
and now I am doing eleven. But it's nothing. I'll be in my 
beautiful hood soaking up the sun, drinking my tecates 
with the familia before I know it. 

We have schools all around so fools can educate 
themselves. You guys from the Beat and people locked 
up should come chill sometime you can find me and my 
family. Orale pues. Hopefully my pieces make it. Alrato. 

-K, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; Time away can really help you visualize and appreciate 
what you have. I hope that you can find in that reasons enough to stay 
out of trouble and to stay in the sun and in the neighborhood for sa 
long Ski you want. 



By Bimself 



\ 



There's a boy in a hole, a very deep hole. He struggles to 
get out. He can't get out. By the looks of it, it seems that 
the boy has been there for awhile. 

The boy looks like he doesn't mind. He shows no 
fear, but I'm able to tell that he feels pain and is suffering. 
I want to help this boy get out of the hole, but I can't. I 
stay there and try to think of how to get him, but find no 
way. 

I think the only way the boy can get out is by himself. 
I really want to help this boy, but I can't, can't help him 
out because that little boy is me. 

-Unity, Santa Clara 

From the Beat; This is a really simple, but well-told and powerful 
parable. The key, of course, is that "the only way the boy can get out is 
by himself." So the question is; how are you going to do it? 



In My Beart I Got It 



\ 



Beat readers this is P-Nut and I'm going to write about 
worry! I worry about many things. The main thing is my 
family. This worries me because I don't know if I'm ready 
to except another one of my immediate family members 
to pass away. 

My father passed and I will go crazy I any of my close, 
close familia passes on. But I keep my worries under 
wraps, to show no fear. I am the man of my house even 
though I don't look it in my heart I got it. If you know 
what I mean. Well that's all I got. To all the beat readers 
keep your head high. 

-P-Nut, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Its a very hard thing to accept that all of us and all 
of our loved ones will die at some point. And we're glad that you feel 
such love and responsibility for your family. We hope you can put that 
fear to good use, and protect them and protect yourself when the time 



Worried 



Hey Beat this your boy Black Bird coming again from 
B-3. Today my topic is worry. I worry for a lot of people 
that I care for. But the most thing is my son Teavon. I love 
the little boy with all my heart, I would die for him. 

There's other people in the mix. I have my mother, 
grandfather, grandmother, and my girls. So Beat that's all 
for now but Black Bird is about to fly out. Gone! 

-Black Bird, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: I often hear people say they would die for someone. 
The real question is; Will you live for him? Will you stay out of trouble 
and in his life? Will you help him and teach him to grow up Si% a good 
person? Itt hard to do that from the hall or from jail. 




I have 7 weeks left in this place and I'm hella excited. 
Today I just got a job. I start next week. I'm hella happy. I 
just want my time to go by fast. I hella need to get out of 
here already. I need to go home. 

I want to be with my mom and my family. I just hope 
my time goes by so I can be poof.. .gone. ..ghost... out of 
here. I pray maybe even sooner. It's up to my PO to set 
another review court. If not, I'll be out in 7 weeks. That's 
it for now. One love, loyalty, trust, respect. 

-C, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; We're glad about that job. That) a good way to get 
yourself back into the outs, a little bit at a time. Before you know it, 
you'll be free and an the right track. 




' ////// ' // ' /// ^mtm 



w// // 



What I Used to Think 



What I used to think 

I hate everything 

Screw society 

Screw reality 

Don't freakin' talk to me 

Romance is misery 

I don't believe in anything 

Lemme tell you what you mean to me 

Nothing 

It's not all it's made up to be 

People think some crazy things 

They cry and lean on hopes and dreams 

It's your imagination 

It's your perception 

What's with the 21 questions 

Roses are red violets are blue 

I'm in jail and so are you 

-Elizabeth 

From The Beat; Wow, we are sure glad you don't think like that anymore. 
ThatS intense and we don^ see how you could get up in the morning, 
day after day like that. What do you believe in now? Do you believe in 
yourself, in your own ability to create a meaningful life? Clearly you are 
intelligent, can you use it to help you grow — not self-destruct? 



Worry 



I worry about seven things and seven things only. That's 
my mom, my brother, my girl and most importantly, my 
two baby brothers and baby sister. I worry about my 
brothers and baby sisters the most because my father 
is locked up and they're all alone with their mother in 
Albuquerque, NM. 

Their mom is an unfit mother, that's what worries 
me because she might leave those babies alone to go do 
some kind of drugs. They are only three years, two years 
and four months. I worry about my other brother 'cause 
he is twelve years old. He says he wants to be like me but I 
don't want him to 'cause what he knows about me is only 
the bad stuff. That's what worries me. 

My mom worries me 'cause she's been stressing 
'cause I am in here and because my brother is saying he 
wants to be like me. Last but not least, my girl worries 
me 'cause she's been stressing 'cause I'm in here and 
also because she's been fighting a lot and I worry 'cause 
I don't want her to get hurt or do something dumb cause 
she says she can't think right without me by her side. 
She is fifteen years old. Those are my worries. 

-Jose, Fresno 

From The Beat; Jose, its clear that you are deeply concerned about 
those you care for. Perhaps you can use that to help you make better 
decisions. For example, when you are about to do something you know 
is bad, stop for a minute and think about how your negative actions 
would impact your baby brothers and baby sister? Think about what 
you would like to tell your brother and tell him so that he does not end 
up in a difficult situation similar to the one you are in. You have the 
chance to be a positive role model for those people you love, so do it. 



A Winter Adventure 



\ 



Dashing through the snow, in a pair of broken skies. 
Down the hills I go, crashing into trees. The snow is 
turning red, I am almost dead. Now I'm in an ambulance 
today. Hey. Sirens wail, sirens wail, siren wails all day. Oh 
what fun it is to ride in this ambulance today. A day or two 
ago, the E.R. let me go. I went back to the snow, a hatchet 
in tow. I tried to chop a tree, instead it just hit me. I'm 
back in an ambulance with stitches in my knee. Oh, siren 
wails, sirens wail, sirens wail all day. Oh what fun it is to 
ride in this ambulance today! 

-Arctic Fox, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; Dear Arctic Fox - please stay away from sharp objects. 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwrnaUU^ 



The Decline 



Where are all these stupid people from? And how'd 
they get to be so dumb? Bred on purple mountain range. 
Fed amber waves of grains to lesser human beings. Zero 
feelings. Blame it on human nature, man's destiny, blame 
it on greed. Scary. Fear of god. Fear of truth. The fear of 
change. Add the bill of rights, subtract the wrong. There 
are no answers. Memorize and sing star-spangled songs 
when the questions aren't ever asked. Is anybody learning 
from the past? We're living in united stagnation. The 
Christians love their guns. The church, the NRA, pray for 
the salvations, pray on the lower faiths. 

The story book's been read and every line believed. 
Curriculum's been set. Logic is a threat. Reason searched 
and seized. I wish I had a schilling for every senseless 
killing. I'd buy a government. America is for sale and 
you can get a good deal on it and make a healthy profit 
or maybe tear it apart. Start with the assumption that a 
million people are smart. Smarter than one. Serotonin's 
gone. She gave up, drifted away. 

Sara fied, thought process gone. 

She left her answering machine on. 

The greeting left spoken sincere. 

Messages no one will ever hear. 

Ten thousand messages a day 

A million more transmissions lay 

Victims of the Laissez Faire. 

Ten thousand voices, a hundred guns. 

A hundred decibels turn to one bullet, one empty. 

Head now with serotonin gone. 

The man who used to speak, perform cute routine 

Feel a little patronized. Don't Feel Bad. They found a way 

inside your head and you feel a bit misled. It's not that 

they don't care. 

The television's put a thought inside your head 

Like a Barry Manilow jingle. I'd like to teach 

The world to sing in respectful harmony. 

A symphonic blank stare, it doesn't make you 

Care, not designed to make you care. They're betting you 

won't care. 

Place a wager on your greed, place a wager on your 

pride. 

Why try to beat them when a million others tried. 

We are the whole intellectually spayed. 

We live on borrowed time, dysfunction ally raised 

The going get tough, the tough get debt. 

Don't pay attention, pay the rent. 

Say us the human existence is failing resistance. 

Essential the future written off, the odds are astronomically 
against us. 

Only morons and geniuses would fight a losing battle 
against the super ego when giving is so damn comforting. 
As we go on with our lives we know the truth, but prefer 
lies. Lies are simple, simple is bliss. Why go against 
tradition when we can admit defeat. Live in decline. 

-Skate or Die, Santa Clara 

From the Beat; This is a big, loud poem about America and its problems. 
You've got a lot of messages in here that are all worth mentioning, but 
since we dont have the space, we'll just say; Keep writing! 



NJ 



11 



America Is for sale and i/ou can get 
a good deal oh It and wake a health if 
propt or waif he tear It apart. 



l^ll 



^ 



nn 




// ' ////// ' // - /// ^mim 



w// // 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwrnaUS^ 



My Baby's Dad 

Today Fm going to write about my baby's dad Jose. 

To start this off, I want to say that I was once in love 
with this "fool" but never again will I be with him nor talk 
to him. 

When we were living together, he talked about 
wanting to have a baby with me. Now that I'm four months 
pregnant, he's running around telling all these females 
that it ain't his kid when he knows it is. 

He needs to "man up" and quit acting like a little kid. 
He was all proud to be a daddy and now all of sudden he 
wants to switch up and say it ain't his kid. He will be the 
one hurting at the end not me. 

After my baby's born, I'm going to get a DNA test. I 
will not let him see my baby if he wants to see my baby. 
He will have to go through court. I'm fed up with all his 
bullshhh that he has caused me. That fool is dead to me. 
I'm moving on with my life and I suggest he does the 
same. 

Well Beat, that's it for now and to all you females that 
think you found the perfect guy to have a baby with, think 
twice because this is the person I thought would never do 
this to me. 

-Crystal, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; We're sorry for your heartbreak, but it is heartening to 
hear a Beat female be so strong and stand up for herself to her man. 
You deserve to be treated better. Be well, remain smart and prepare for 
the future! 



From Anger To Happiness 



As I remain incarcerated within these walls, I focus on my 
education. I learn some vocabulary skills. At night, tears 
of joy come into play. And I want to make a confession. 
My voice flows silently in the wind. My pain burns like 
flre. My heart is like steel. My name is a danger to the 
empire. Justice is poisoned. 

No matter what they say, I remain equal. My desire is 
to move from anger to happiness. Sometimes I wonder 
if I will end up in prison, a disgrace to those who come 
from the bottom, get to the top and remain there. My faith 
grows in passion. It's unconditional, bullet proof to those 
carnales doing time -that 25 to life. 

I only have a year to go and soon I'll be back in 
Watsonville. For now, I remain in chains. My chico 
mentality is the power of self-knowledge. It will help me 
succeed. You all doing time - handle business. To my 
daughter - I love you. 

-Triste, Santa Cruz 

From The Beat; Stay focused on your education. Read, read, read, and 
learn three new words a day. At the end of a year, that adds up to over 
a thousand new words in the bank of your brain. Many studies indicate 
that the larger your vocabulary, the larger your income. Stay busy and 
your time will feel like the blink of an eye. 



Masa 



X 



Well I'm still here, just broke up with my lady. 
Did I do the smart thing letting go of my baby? 
What do you think? 

She cheated on me, lied to me, made a fool of me, made 
me cry, 

made me feel like I can't breathe, made me want to die. 
I'm hurting inside. 

I love her, but one person can only take so much. 
I miss her. I want to hold her. But I'm done with her 
drama. 

-M, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; Heartbreak is something that one can only take so much 
of. It sounds like you made the right decision. 



ICHANGE! 



I'm sick of this place! I'm a leave one day and go back 
to Vallejo high, work at Rasputin's music, graduate, go to 
Solano community college until I go to a real one. 

I think I either want to be a writer, a forensic 
anthropologist, or an oceanographer. But I want to get 
married have kids. I kinda want to stay at home with the 
kids so I'd probably go with being a writer. 

But as for now just run my program go on my furloughs 
and forget about this godforsaken place. I'm done with 
this shhh. I hate being here. I'm seriously not coming 
back! 

But for all you jailbirds LOL! Keep your head up 
and try to do good 'cause being in here is not worth the 
time you're wasting you know hanging with your family, 
friends, missing birthdays, holidays, births, funerals, 
anniversaries . . . etc. But you can't gain or make up the time 
your wasting so do the most/best with your time. Keep 
your head up and be strong, things will turn around. 

-Lady Chief, Solano 

From The Beat; You have some great plans here, some motivation, and 
some good advice. We think if you begin on any one of the three careers 
you mentioned you will figure out what to focus on ai you go. It is 
possible to have a career and kids. Sometimes you can work it out to 
stay with them while they are little. ..too. Good luck, we're so glad to 
hear you're not willing to waste your life! 



,\i 



Itis Pl)i 



When I came into the JJC, I thought I was going to 
have some big problems. When it is your first time, you 
don't know what to expect. I thought there were going 
to be problems because different people come here from 
different places. There were problems but no one was 
down to swing first. 

Two more of my other problems are that I blaze and 
smoke cigarettes constantly, so I thought I would be sick 
for some time in my room. But as the days went by, I did 
not become sick so I was good. I have been here for one 
week and seven days and I have been reading my bible 
everyday. 

I know when I get out I'll stay in my group home and 
not bounce, blaze, or smoke cigarettes. I know I will make 
my family proud of me because I know if I do not need 
these things in here, then I know I will not need them 
when I get out. I can't wait to make my family proud of 
me. 

-Stetson, Fresno 

From The Beat; We're proud to hear you have been able to use your time 
in JJC to improve yourself. Stay on that positive path you've created and 
then youll lee your life change for the better. 



In this Game 



Do or die, as RIPs cry 

Knowing that life is a lie 

When pride gets high people die 

Hang or gang, is a poor man's thang 

As the gun sangs, the pain'U rain. 

In this game it's the same ole thang 

Looking back will drive you insane, 

Rest in peace to those deceased. 

The murder rate in the belly of the beast, 

Waiting for my release. 

-Reaper, Santa Clara 

From the Beat; "When pride gets high people die." We think that) true 
when its misplaced pride - the kind of pride that makes you think you 
have to prove something by acting against someone else. Real self- 
pride, though, means knowing you're worth more than these gang wars. 
Someone with real self-pride doesn't have to "prove" anything. 




' ////// ' // ' /// ^mtm 



w// // 



One More Month 



ve 1 
ore I 



My plan. These two words can mean a lot. They can have 
something to do with my plans for tomorrow, or even more 
so my plans for the future. Right now I am incarcerated 
because of my actions in the past. But what's gonna 
happen when I get out? I have a little more than a month 
left and I already have a set agenda. 

I plan to get my job back, working as a parts driver 
for Pep Boys. I also plan on finishing my application for 
City College. All I have to do is register for my classes. Fm 
so close I can't wait. Most importantly, I plan on obeying 
my terms of probations to the fullest extent. Whether it's 
attending my drug classes or completing my community 
service, I plan on sticking to my plan for my future so I 
can succeed and move on with my life. I have big hopes 
for the future and they don't include coming back here. 

-Esca, Fresno 

From The Beat; Congratulations! Your excitement and anxiousness to 
get bacif into the world is positive, upbeat and inspiring. What would 
you tell others who are getting ready to get out? 



Stuck In The Game 



The quote "traveler, there is no road, the road is made 
as one walks" means to me that every one makes their 
own choices, and depending on those choices is where 
you will end up. So pretty much if you make bad choices, 
you will end up in a bad place such as juvenile hall or 
prison. If you make good choices then you'll end up in a 
good place. 

For me, I would always tell my mom that one day 
I would be a police officer and as I hit my teen years, I 
started to hang out with the wrong people and I ended 
up making the wrong choices, such as a joining a gang. 
Now I realize that I didn't make the right choice, but now 
I have no choice. As they say, "I'm stuck in the game". 

For those who read Uiis, I advise you to make the right 
choices and think about what you're going to do before 
you do it. 

-Jonathan, Fresno 

From The Beat; Thank you for sharing your story. Many of our readers 
will be able to relate to what you said about making bad choices. Its 
not too late to start back on the right path. What would help you make 
better decisions? 



na I 



r Family First 

What's up with it? Man I just got violated this morning 
at the schoo house. Now I'm up in the hall missin' my 
family. My momma, she stay telling me to do good. Go to 
school, Philip, you can be somebody. I want her to know 
how much I love her and my little brothers and sisters, 
even though I barely see 'em. 

I made my family go through hella' stress for me, 
mostly my momma. I keep telling her I'm gonna do better, 
and I keep sayin' it, but I end up cutting and look where it 
got me. My uncle's be tryna look out for me all the time, 
matter of fact all my family looks after me that's why my 
family comes first. 

I'm gonna still have love for my close ninjas. I'm 
gonna still post with them when I get out but when I get 
out, I'm gonna take my lil' ass to school and make my 
family, but most importantly, make my momma proud. I 
love her to death. 

-Lir Phill, Alameda 

From The Beat; This ii a great piece. We're glad to hear you admit the 
mistakes you were making 'cause it takes a lot to admit one) own faults. 
But it seems as though you are maturing and your mind is heading you 
in the right direction, if you really love your mama like you said you do, 
then you would get your act straight and do what you said you want to 
do. Good Luck young homey you can do it. 



^MmMffmrnmams mMwrnaUS^ 



Refnsino To Lose 



\ 



The steps that I want to take when I get out of the criminal 
justice system are to go to school everyday without 
fighting. I'm going to try to stay home without going out 
with my friends and party or go out and do crime. I'm 
going to have to listen to my mom so I won't end up back 
in here. I will also not get my hand on a gun anymore and 
I will stop robbing people that don't do anything to me. 

I'm going to have to start thinking about the things 
I'm going to do and I'm going to have to stop charming my 
street gang. But at the same time when I say these things 
I know that I always say these things and I never do it. 
I don't see myself getting out of my gang because gang 
banging is me, that's what I do. 

The route that I am going doesn't look so good; I don't 
think I'm ever going to do these things or even have my 
own family. But I'm still going to try and I'm not going to 
say I can't because I could. But I don't think I would. 

-Kay, Fresno 

From The Beat; We believe that your inner turmoil of wanting to get 
out is real, but getting out is not a simple quest. The pull that you 
have for this lifestyle is all that you know and unfortunately the deeper 
that you remain in your gang banging existence will make it that much 
harder for you to change. You are right; this kind of living is not a good 
environment for having a family. We urge you to come to terms with 
what you want in your life, if you want a different life it will take 
your all (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually! *o follow that 



T^ 





^gnnnniEB wmw/iimm 



My Parents Worry 



My name is Daniel and I'm from Fremont. My parents 
worry about me a lot because I'm in the streets all of the 
time and they don't know if I'm gone to make it home. 
Some times because I kick it with the homeboys at the 
park and they worry a lot because they love me. 

They want me to stop kickin' it with the homeboys, 
but it is not that easy to stop that but some young homies 
think it is. 

All that's just to waste their life, kickin' it at the park. 
Some homeboys should go get a job so they can make 
money in a good way. It is not just all about kickin' it at 
the park. That's when there are lots of them. It's wrong, 
but they got the game twisted. 

-Daniel 

From The Beat; Not only do your parents worry, but we worry about 
you too, not as much as your parents obviously, but it would be some 
sad news to hear if one of you smart guys with so much potential just 
waste your time kicking it at the park. Or better yet something bad 
happens and you lose your life to the streets or Prison system. You bring 
up a good point that homies need to do some more productive things, 
besides kicking it at the park. What else can you do? 



Thinking 'Bont My Famiiy 



Hey Beat! I worry about my family because I don't know 
what's going on with them and my lil' sister sometimes 
will be by herself in my house and that makes me worry 
about her and my mom. 

I worry about her because she might need help and 
may be struggling on the outs and I want to be there to 
help her and give her support. 

-Christopher 

From The Beat; it) only natural to be thinking and worrying about your 
family while you're locked up. it) funny hour you don't think about them 
when you're out doing bad things out on the streets. We hope you take 
this »% a learning experience and don't take them for granted next tine 
you get your chance at freedom. 



Anotiier City 



My plan is to get out and move with my family to another 
city To start all over. I'm going to take my daughters with 
me. That's my plan it's going to be fun. I can't wait till I get 
out and move forward in a positive way with my family. 
Thank you till next time bye. 

-Anthony 

From The Beat; We are so glad that your family will go with you to 
another city and you can make a fresh start. How do you think you 
will avoid the trouble you tangled with here? Think ahead so you dont 
make any of the same mistakes, and Good Luck. 



My Pian 




My plan is to get out of Juvenile Hall, and to go to school 
and be better than I am now. But if I can stop and think, 
I can do better. But I want to go home and do good. Stop 
being out late, and do what my mom tells me. School is 
all you need. 

-Marcel 

From The Beat: You said it ail. Everything that we would of told you, 
you said it yourself. You've got your mind right and headed in the right 
direction. ICeep up the positive attitude and positive things will come 
your way. 



Worried 



^ 



What's up Beat? The topic is worry. I have a lot of 
worries, like when I'm in here and something happens 
to my family like my lil' bro or my mom. Or something 
happens in my hood. I can't do anything. 

What if one of my close homies gets shot or stabbed 
or we funkin' wit' someone and I can't do anything. But 
when I get out I'm be there for my family, my mom, my lil' 
bro, and my homies. 

-Kolores 

From The Beat: You have a big heart sii we see you worry about the 
obvious people that you care about, which \i your family. But you also 
have to worry about yourself too. ThatS great that you're trying to help 
your fam out but you need to help yourself and stop coming back to 
jail. Yeu cant be worrying about funk when you got your moms and Ml' 
bro to take care of. 



Dirty Raps 



What it do beat 

I'm here to speak 

You already know I gotta' eat 

I ain't never sleepin' 

I'm sometimes creepin' 

I pull the baddest females even on the weekend. 

Damn thizz coke got me sneezing 

I got these girls pleasing 

I even got 'em cheesin' 

When I pull the gun out I got these ninjas freezing 

I get money every season 

I'm out thizz thang. 

-Chilltels 

From The Beat; Rhymes are clever, but whatever your talking about isnt 
too positive young homey. You talking about thizzing, coke, females, 
etc. You can be a great writer if you want to or maybe even rapper, but 
are there other subjects you can write about? 



^■^■^■^ 



W 



Wliat I'm 'lilt 



X 



'Bout action 

The squad 

Stay smashin' 

Lir Syrup Bo known 

To get it crackin' 

I'm doin' the street shhh 

Ya'U just rappin' 

I stay on that lean 

Speakin' on me 

You gone make me plant a seed 

Just ask 

The squad move mean. 

- Lir Syrup Bo 

From The Beat: That was a slick little flow that gives us a small glimpse of 
your life. You're good with the rhyming now can you challenge yourself 
and write another flow that lets know a little more about yourself, and 
what you go through and the issues that affect your neighborhood. 



1] Love's Conraoe 



Ni 



O love the lord, all ye his saints: 

for the lord preserveth the faithful. 

and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. 

Be of good courage 

and he shall strengthen your heart. 

all ye that hope in the lord. 

2) Long-Haul Endurance 

for the which cause I also suffer these things 

nevertheless I am not ashamed 

for I know whom I have believed, 

and am persuaded that he is able to keep 

that which I have committed 

unto him against that day. 

-Lir Tone 

From The Beat: These are beautiful passages from the bible. We wonder 
if you take courage to love from the first, and strength to continue from 
the second. 




^gnnnniEB wmw/iimm 



Keepino It Lit With My Prada Pumps ^ 

Well everyday I worry. As I sit here tonight this very 
moment I'm mad. Damn, am I going though it. I worry 
about getting played and I can do bad by myself. I'm 
worrying about getting played because I'm tired of going 
though the same obstacles over and over again. The 
reason I'm worrying is because too many people be 
contradicting themselves on what they say and how they 
say it. It bothers me a lot because I'm tired of hearing it 
and the simple part of it coming out of people's mouths 
period. 

The thing that I'm gonna do if they can't keep it 100% 
with me then that little thing called the door, I'm gonna 
walk out. Also I'm a keep it lit with my Prada pumps and 
Nikes. 

-Shelkia 

From The Beat; You canY worry about other people being consistent - 
the question is are YOU true to yourself, are you true to your family, 
your future, your goals? And what on earth do Prada pumps or Nikes 
have to do with who you are? 



Rest in Peace Ant 

I hate bein' in this place 

I wish I could go to heaven to see active Ant's face 

I love my life 

But I can't live it twice 

I hate Juvenile Hail 

'cause all these J-cats do is run they jaws 

until I die I'm gonna keep my dossalama 

I wish I could of voted for Barack Obama 

And on the block we count stacks 

Life at war like the people in Iraq 

We can't even ride through the hood in peace 

Without getting' harassed by the punk ass police 

-Lir Dedaman 

From the Beat; Wouldn't you be less likely to get harassed by the police 
if you would stop doing the things that make them suspicious? The 
people in Iraq have no choice - but you do. You don't have to be a part 
of the war...itS your choice. Are you sure you've made the right one? 



Watcii Me Edncate 



N 



I'm a lir hustla, the opposite of fake, 

I'm out here eating on a big ol' plate, 

big ol' steak, pushin' that big ol' weight, no mistake, 

an' the streets is where I stay, women I take, 

money I make 

too much hatin' I don't tolerate, 

just because I'm a lil' ninja don't discriminate, 

you want to learn sit down and watch me educate, 

money helps me concentrate, 

my gear I keep updated, 

my set I holds it down like the golden gate, I don't 

hesitate, 

I take no wrinkled dollars - I like 'em crunchy and 

straight, 

fast money something like a V-8, the streets I graduate, 

and I'm just a lil' young hustla don't need to celebrate, 

you wants stories let me demonstrate, 

I stay out never hibernate, 

ninjas know where I be on so let's communicate, 

I do it so easy - them ninjas I humiliate 

-Lir Youngn* 

From The Beat; Your mad skills are appreciated/and these words are 
not exaggerated/but if you don't change your chances of death will 
be accelerated/and you could end up lost or incarcerated/dont let your 
dreams get frustrated/or your true self get masqueraded/you deserve to 
be elated/have a future where you are celebrated! 



Distrnst 




Watch the people around you they a take ya' life quick 
Ya own potna be the one that put a toaster to yo' shhh 
Yeah you thought he was cool you ain't doubt that was 
yo' ninja 

But y'all was cool that's why he went and pulled the 
trigga 

Or he went and told on you and he took that stand 
Got you 25 years to chalk up like a man 
That's why you trust nobody 'cause this world fast and 
furious 

When he pointed that finger at you said he can't be 
serious 

Because you ain't know he was a rat that's why you put 
yo' trust in 'em 

You couldn't look 'em in the eyes and just the flaw in 'em, 
This for my people out there who going through this 
here 

Who had real long time, doing more than a year - 1 feel you. 

-Lir Purp 

From The Beat; The system knows how to put pressure on a witness, 
they know how to bring in family, fear of a life in jail, and all sorts of 
confusion. They can break a person, even if its a person who believes 
he would never betray a friend. So ni you know, thereS only one way 
to be sure you won't get told on; and thats what? Don't do the crime. 
Works every time. 



Fake 



Some of these cats fake, that fake herd shhh. Don't get 
no play in my ride cousin I been through it all a little bit 
of everything. That shhh be killing me sometime like one 
person say something on some player shhh then the next 
person say something on that fake herd shhh. 

But it's cool though cousin I can see the real from the 
fake. 'Cause them fake ninja always had something fake 
to say. but it's good though I love that. So believe that 
cousin. 

-Baby Quail 

From The Beat; First you m^ its killing you, then that its good though, 
you love that. We dont understand why it matters so much. We think 
its more effective to deal with yourself, and let others do whatever 
they do. 



My Pain 



I go to court on 10-23-08 and my birthday is on the 27th. 
I do not want to be here! I miss hanging out with my 
friends and having drinks. 

Shhh I feel so much pain and so much stress. So cold 
and the dark I say set me free. I say let me be but I cant 
even sleep to be stress free. When will I ever just be me 
without the stress? 

I want to change my life around but I feel like when I 
get out it will be hard because of the things I am around. 
I need the rain to come 'round before I can feel like God 
is feeling my pain. 

I try to tell people that I am not the Devils' child so 
keep my name out the Devil's mind because the Lord help 
make me not the Devil and I was born to praise his name, 
not use his name in vain. I ask God to take rest in me, 
take my battles and use them against the devil. Work that 
will, be coming my way set my mind free of stress. 

Give me the key to open this door! 

-Regina 

From The Beat; We love the way this piece of yours is half poem/half 
prose. You are torn in a few directions - but arent we all? The question 
is which actions lead you in a direction that make you happy - and 
which people support you in those directions? That might be the key 
you're looking for. 




^gnnnniEB wmw/iimm 



What I Would Be Doino 



X 



If I was out of camp right now, the things I would be doing 
is kicking it with my friends and smoking weed. I know I 
would have been doing is kicking it with my friends and 
smoking weed. 

I know I would have done that because before I got 
locked up I used to do weed a lot. That's what I would 
have been doing if I wasn't in camp, and the thing that I 
miss the most is my family even though I see them every 
week. I still miss tJiem a lot, because I want to be with 
them every day. 

-White Boy 

From The Beat: A lot of the things you did before jail are part of why 
you are now IN jail. So dont you thinic now might be a good time to look 
bacif at those activities, the smoicing, the drinicing, the other trouble, 
and ask if that) really something you want to go back to? Especially 
when what you really miss the most is your family! 



Worry 



\ 



Sometimes I worry about my future and what I'm going 
to do in life. I'm thinking I can be somebody and have 
a wife that's going to help me become important and 
successful in life. 

Life is hard. Things just don't come out the sky like 
that, you have to work for it and make your dreams come 
to reality. I worry that I may not have those things what I 
want in life. 

-Rodney 

From The Beat; You are a smart young man Rodney. Like you say, if you 
are willing to work hard, you can make your dreams a reality. 



\ 



M) Sll 

I worry about my son and my life and how am I going to 
succeed, and how I am going to handle my down falls. I 
know that I don't have any room to have and down falls! 
If I have down falls then that means that my son would 
not be in my custody. 

That makes me mad and depressed when I even think 
about losing my son because he is my joy and happiness. 
Without Rafell I am nothing. When I think about my 
mistakes it makes tears come to my eyes because I know 
that that's what they are looking at. But I would do 
anjrthing in my power to get my son back. 

That is my life, my air, my joy, my reason to wake up 
in the morning. I need him and want him in my life. Hove 
you my son. 

-Mommy 

From The Beat; Its good to have a passion and love and goal ai strong 
a^ your feelings for your son. You are a mother, and he needs you, but 
you also need support to help you be the best mother you can. Who do 
you have supporting you In positivity and in parenting? 




My Plan To Become A Man 



The steps I am going to take to hope to not return here 
is to stay away from the weed, drank, and stop hanging 
around the people that sell dope. 

Do right, get home by curfew and don't stay out extra 
hours at night. That's the best way to really become a 
man. 

-Eddie 

From The Beat; ThatS the best way to survive to manhood, but Isnt 
becoming an adult also partly something that happens inside a persons 
heart? What are the things inside you that belong to your childhood, 
and what parts belong to the adult you hope to be? 



It'sBorIno, BolnoTlme 



What' s up Beat, it's me, Terror from East Palo Alto, 
out here in Camp Sweeney. I got two more months to go, 
I've done five months already, time went by so fast. Well 
when I get out I am going to finish my education and get 
a job and also a family and do my best not to come back 
because it's really boring, just doing hecka time. 

Just wasting it time stops for no one, it keeps on 
going and going you can recycle anything except for time. 
What I'm trying to say is just don't go to Juvy or camp, 
it's not a pleasant place to be. Shhh is never fair, staff is 
always racist, and I hate it always choosing their favorites, 
fell forget that. 

-Tenror 

From The Beat; What do you do to find the good things in your days, 
since there is so much about camp you don't like. Is there a program, 
a staff member, a counselor you can talk to when It starts to get you 
down? Or do you read? Or do you have friends you trust, that you can 
really talk to? 



N^ 



This Street Life Is Not For Nobody 

Man what's good Beat? This is Lil' DJ, and I just wanna 
tell you what I worry about. 

I worry about how I'm gonna succeed in life, how and 
why I am not feeling loved by my mom and my uncle. 

I worry about how my lil' cousin Vern is doing in 
heaven. Is he ashamed of me or about what I'm doin'? I 
worry about why my lil' brother is actin' up while I'm in 
here. I be tryin' to talk to him and tell him that this street 
life is not for him... shhh, it's not for nobody. It's just 
what we grow up to do, you feel me? I worry about when 
the hell I'm getting' out. Well Beat, I'm gone. 

-Lil* Dee Jay 

From The Beat; You're right - it is something people grow up to do... 
but it sounds like something that is just filling you with a lot of worry 
and sadness, and then its ittea for the family. Maybe now that you are 
growing up, its time to make other choices besides the street life? 



System 



\ 



Bne More Chance 



I'm very tired of being in the system. I'm very irritated 
with staff. Every time I turn my head and put my nose in 
the air to do the right thing, they hate on me and try to 
bring me down. 

When I get out the system this time I'm going to really 
try my best to do good and keep up with my breathing and 
work on me, because I don't want to come back here to all 
these people doubting me. 

-Babycakes 

From The Beat; The Important thing is whether or not you let people) 
doubts hold you back. Do you believe in yourself? Focus on that, and on 
the people you know have faith In you - does that help you keep your 
eyes on the prize? 



What's good, it's yo' boy Bones. Back in Juvy, just came 
from Santa Rita about a week ago. They are giving me one 
more chance to go back to camp and finish my program. 

I had run from camp because I had hella funk on the 
outs, and let me tell you it wasn't worth it. I did what I had 
to do and now I'm back in juvy. I could have been released 
from camp. This time I'm gonna go to camp and finish my 
program. 

So everybody finish your program, don't do the same 
thing I did, be smart about your shhh. 

-Bones 

From The Beat; Funk on the outs is never worth it - all it leads to is more 
funk. Does this change your idea, not just on staying in camp, but on 
what your priorities should be when you arc on the outs. 




mnniEB wmw/iimm 



Whatever It Takes 



When I get home in April, I plan to get a job and make 
money for my family. When I get out of camp I'm not going 
to come back here. It gets tiring being in the system and 
getting told what to do. I plan to there for my mom when 
she needs me more often than I was when I was on the 
outs last time. 

I am going to do whatever it takes to stay out of jail 
and get a job. Camp is too boring. Another thing I need to 
worry about is finishing High School, that's the only good 
thing about this place. You have to go to school. My mom 
is sick with kidney failure. And she has trouble walking, 
so I help her around the house and whatever else she 
needs. 

-Jay 

From The Beat; We hope you get out soon - it sounds like you Sitc 
needed and loved at home, where you can be there for your mom and 
also be there for yourself, easing of having a sick parent by doing what 
you need to do that will make you feel less helpless. Good luck with 
school, and with work, and let The Beat know if there) anything we 
can do to help? 




I Coilli't Sleep 



I I 



At night I couldn't sleep, because I was very worried 
about what might happen in court. I was scared of being 
judged as an adult, but now I know that I'm not going to 
the Y. I'm staying here until I turn 19. 

-Sad Boy 

From The Beat; Once you get out the stakes are for real, so are you 
ready for it? The law will call you a man, but that's not what matters. 
What matters is do you see yourself sa a man now? And if so, what does 
that mean? 



1 1 I 1 I M I 1 I 1 1 I M rr^ 



My Plan 



Ninety -Nine Problems 



X 



So much anger up inside me I'm starting to not care 

'cause when I talk about my problems staff don't wanna 

take it there 

I try to tell 'em what I'm goin' through but they don't want 

to listen. 

They gone' wish we had a talk when Lil' Purp start 

trippin' 

Trust nobody because I'm in a negative state 

Mind so sick I just rob kill and hate 

Stuck in that mentality all I know is the block 

How to chop down zips and how to bag them rocks 

How to get that money 'cause this shhh don't stop 

How to duck the police when the block get hot 

How to stay away from fake and ride wit' the real 

How to live in the projects and still stack me a mill 

These just my problems they can't fill my shoes 

I got all these problems but I gotta stay cool. 

-Lir Purp 

From The Beat; The human mind is an amazing thing. The block may 
be all you know now, but there) a bookshelf in your unit that has 
stories about every kind of world there is. That would be a good place 
to start. And Oakland has every kind of world too - including positive 
programs, a lake in the middle of the city, community college classes, 
people who want to help you. So it) up to you to decide; Do you want 
to exercise your human right to learn more, to know more, to become 
mere? Because you deserve - more. 



Well my plan is to go home, continue to go to school, finish 
school and go to college and get into the entertainment 
industry, because I have always loved to act. I mean I am 
a very good actor and I love watching young kids like my 
age being in movies and music videos. 

That's what I want to do and I am going to put my 
mind to it and follow my dreams and no one can tell me 
different and I don't care what nobody says that's my 
dream and I am going to make it happen so hmmm. So 
that's me young super Star Ericka doing my thang... I 
GO! 

- Ericka 

From The Beat; There are all sorts of acting classes you can take in the 
bay area. Ask your family to help you search by googling "acting classes 
Oakland teens" on the internet, and hopefully you'll find a good class to 
get you started! Let us know how it turns out. 



-^++^ I'll 



I'm Ready 



M I I M I 1 M M M M I M M I I M I 



Happy These Days 



\ 



What's up with it Beat Within? This is Cash Money, and 
I'm just happy these days because I got my overnighter 
this past weekend, and it felt great sleeping at home for 
the first time in the last three months, and it felt good 
because I got hella drunk with my compitas and my 
primes and it was just like the old days with the homies, 
and I was just talking to this special person when I was 
gone and passed out. 

Then I went out to look for the people that killed my 
homie but I didn't find him, and I ain't going to rest until 
I find him. Well peace I'm out, homies. 

-Kash Money 

From The Beat; Anyone who truly loves you would be frightened by 
reading this. Why? Because the minute you had a chance at freedom, 
you went right to drinking, partying, and worse of all - putting yourself 
in a situation where you could either catch a serious case or get yourself 
killed, let alone make a mother cry tears and grief you can't even 
imagine. Why bother waiting for freedom if you are so willing to throw 
it away? Wake the hell up!!! 



By the time I am out of jail of course I'm going to have a 
plan for myself but I must commit to my word. I've written 
for the Beat a couple times now and I'm ready to get out 
and do the right thing. I'm trying to go to school with 
the ladies, graduate, and do what's best for me and my 
family. 

I'm tired of coming here and getting out and doing 
the same thing. When I get out I plan on changing my 
surroundings and my perspective on people and things. 
I'm tired of seeing my family suffer for my actions. 

I will be eighteen in two years and I haven't been to 
high school yet but I'm looking forward to the change. 
I'm ready to be committed to my family and appreciate 
being on the outside. The hardest thing for me when I 
get out will be going back to the same friends. What will 
keep me on track is thinking of my freedom, family, and 
especially my little brother and sister. 

-J. 

From The Beat; We are glad to hear you sound so determined! Have you 
figured out how you will deal with the challenge of seeing your old 
friends again? 



Pay It Alone 



I feel trapped and alone and there's nowhere to hide. 

I'm cold but unafraid and I don't know why. 

I am so angry but I cannot cry, because I'm holding my 
feelings too deep inside. What I really feel I cannot say. 
It's too strong. It may just blow you away. 
I can't say it here not today, besides there's no one here 
but me anyways. 
Now I'm lost and it's getting dark 

And so I can tell you to pay it, now I'm back at the start! 

-Bb 

From The Beat; How are you going to find what you've lost? When you 
write about the feelings that you hold 'deep inside' does that make 
you feel more found? Writing is part of how we can ease that "alone" 
feeling. 




^MnnnEmE wmwmim 



TheWrap-Up 




Lir Jon gon' spit just give me a minute 

I'm tryna bounce tha' game 

as if tha' game was tennis 

and my mind kind of bad but I ain't no menace 

It's not a lot to say 

So I'm a wrap this up 

You ninjas get ya' mind straight 

Or feel that life, that's above 

Man my life is a shove 

I'd rather play with fire 

Than fly like a dove. 

-Lir Jonjon 

From The Beat; ThereS a fire inside you that is hotter than the streets, 
it can burn hot enough to iceep you on your feet, but you wonY find it 
out on the blocic, that fire is the icey - just turn it in the lock (and set 
yourself free) 



AGGomplishino My Goals 



I'm getting out in December, and my plan is to finish 
up high school and get my diploma and get into a junior 
college. 

Hopefully my PO will find me a place to live, because 
if she don't it's goin' to be harder for me to accomplish 
my goals. 

-Cree 

From The Beat; Its good that your PO is trying to help you. Do you 
have anything specific you are interested in studying when you get to 
college? What icind of career do you want? Don't be afraid to set your 
goals high. 



llStressino 



' ' ' ' 



'''''' 



Do You? 



Do you think about me now and then? 
I'm coming home again maybe we can restart again. 
Sometimes I still talk to her but when I talk to her it 
always seems like she's talking about me. She said you 
left your kids and they're just like you. They want to rap 
and make bow beats just like you. 

It's just not new, but everybody got the game figured out 
all wrong. I guess that's why I'm hearing I can't come 
back home. Every interview I'm representing you making 
you proud, reach for the stars. If you don't make it you 
land on a cloud. If you don't know by now I'm talking bout 
Oakland. 

-Koran 

From The Beat: Koran, this is an intriguing piece, and we want to know 
more! Who is this woman you are talking about? And is she connected 
to your troubles in Oakland? Hope you can explain it all for us in your 
next entry... 



Every Little Thing 



I was mad yesterday because we was on lock down 
because someone took some scissors. I really don't think 
anyone took it. I think they miscounted the scissors. 

Everyone was blaming each other but the scissors 
still didn't show up. We got off lock down a couple hours 
ago because the supervisor said that he don't think that 
anyone got the scissors because they would have gave it 
up. 

I was mad to the point that every little thing got me 
mad. To top it off I finally get sentenced tomorrow. 

-Lir Kev 

From The Beat; By now you must know your sentence. You will need to 
find some new ways to deal with frustration, anger and other difficult 
emotions. ..so that every little thing doesn't get to you.. .so that you can 
do your program well. Keep the big picture in mind. Keep learning 
something new, as much m possible. 



The Beat Within 



I think Obama will change the world a lot, but my 
opinion about Obama, I think he is gonna get assassinated 
because there is a lot of racism out there and the fact that 
the world is gonna be ran by a black man, oh it's gonna 
be bad. 

-Robz 

From The Beat; You're not alone in your fears about Obama, but we 
wouldn't worry too much. He has the best security in the world, and 
a large majority of the country (and world| is happy to have him in 
office. 



We all worry, I don't care what anybody says. It's just 
that some of us have more serious things to worry about. 
Like I'm worried about my case. While others are worried 
about more serious case like murder, armed robberies. I 
worried about, if I get out soon. While others don't even 
know when they'll see the light of day in their homes 
again. 

2)My Plan 

I need to get outta the system. SO I know that I need 
to get outta the gangbanging lifestyle. Get a job, a career 
all that shhh but I know that it ain't finna happen. But I 
know now to stay outta the system I just don't do it. 

-Young L 

From The Beat; When we look at these together, which is how you wrote 
them, we wonder about the connections, if you don^ get a job, arent 
you more likely to re-enter the system, possibly with a more serious 
case? Why do you say you "know that aint finna happen?" Unless you 
get a life we don't see how you will stay out of the system. 



+Lr^ 



ROP 



■^M1 



I'm about to bounce out to Rites of Passage this Friday. 
Today is 10/15/08. I'm trying to complete my program 
'cause ROP is my last resort. Or I'm about to go to CYA 
which is now known as DJJ. I ain't scared to go to the 
Y. it's just why would I want to be in a lockdown facility 
when I could get home passes? So that's what's up. 

One love to everybody. One love to me means one 
peace to each other. And love to all. So you know what 
I'm about. I'm out, one love. 

-Tookie 

From The Beat; Good luck with ROI> Tookie. We hope you can stay 
focused and finish your program. 



lit 



^ 




Can't wait to go to the house to see my boo. 

I 'm thinkin' 'bout my release and seein' when I get 
out what I'ma do. 

Man this stuff is just crazy whoever thought I would 
end up in camp. 

I should've never went over that broken ramp. 

Now the weather's getting' damp. The light in my head 
finally lit that's a trip 

Just a few weeks I was restricted, 

couldn't go to the house but when I did I cut my hair 
and now I'm lightweight dippin'. But we all worry that's 
just a little bit of the things that happen 

Recently for everybody that's through something keep 
yo' head up and keep it mackin'. 

-Trey 

From The Beat; Tell us more about the light in your head that) finally 
lit. With this new light, what do you see, what do you think you've 
learned? What looks different? Share the light! 




^gnnnniEB wmw/iimm 



A Letter You'll Never See 




^ [Free Gates And Lir Ed 



So just because I went to my ex a few times just to have 
fun, you on the other hand chose your ex over me and 
just left me to dry out in the sun. I knew sooner or later 
my ways and my actions would catch up to me, but I can 
honestly say I never thought you would leave. Without 
you at my side I feel like I'm lost in this world 'cause 
ever since I can remember you've always been my girl. A 
day without your smile is like a day with no sun, a night 
with no moon or stars. I love waking up to the sound of 
your voice, the touch of your hand and the feeling of your 
womanhood that's always warm and moist 

Now that you're gone I'll have to find another way to 
get by 'cause I keep telling myself that I'm better without 
you, but deep down I know it's a lie. If I had a chance to 
talk to you face to fact I would tell you that I love you and 
that no one will ever take your place in my heart. I know 
we've both ventured out and tested the water, but at the 
end of the day we realize just how much we love ach other 
and that makes leaving just that much harder. 

Baby I know the things I do are wrong and there's only 
one thing I can say at this point and that's I'm "sorry," 
but as you always say my actions speak louder than my 
words and you're right. But answer this for me, if I didn't 
love you do you think I would've taken you back after 
the things you've done to me? No matter how big of a 
burden it might have been to you I stayed. But now here 
I stand alone. Even if this really is the end of the road for 
our relationship I wanna say I really do love you with a 
passion and that's never gone change. 

If you choose not to write back I'll understand because 
you make it very clear in the letter you sent me that you 
would rather for us to not be in contact with each other, 
But if you do then there's something in you that ain 
going nowhere and that something is your heart. If not I 
wish you the best of luck with your relationship. 

-Baby 

From The Beat; This is a well written letter, did you send it? If you do 
what you need to do for yourself, complete your program, your time, 
and develop yourself m best you can — when you ate released you will 
know whatS in your own heart 



and have the freedom and time to find 



out where you stand with others. 



Get Out aud Stay Out 



I plan to get out of Juvenile hall soon I have been here a 
month and somewhat days. I plan to get out and stay out. 
When I finally get out and stay out of this place I plan to 
stay away from the crowd of people to hang with that got 
me in here in the first place. Also when I get out of here 
I'm gonna roll me a chopper and get high as a kite. I also 
plan to make some money. 

-Thong 

From The Beat; We want you to stay out too, and staying away from 
people who get you to do stuff that brings you to the hall is a good 
start. But you just sentenced yourself to coming back when you 
start talking about doing drugs, and possibly making money through 
something other than a legit job. Pay attention to your own actions 
- they're just as important in your life (if not more so) that what your 
crowd of people gets you into. 



Waltluo 



What's up with the Beat you know me still posted in the 
big dog unit waiting to get out this thang. I'm not stressing 
or nothing like that. Just holla at you next week. 

-Lano 

From The Beat; Hey Lano, what are your plans for when you are 
released? Do you want a job? Have you graduated? If you could do 
what you wanted with your life, what you dream of, what would that 
be? 



They got me and my young thug sitting in here. They are 
trying to throw charges on my lil' dog. To him I wanna 
say I love you and I respect you very much. They don't 
make people like you no more. I love you lil' brah {lil ed}. 

-BiU Gates 

From The Beat; We hear how important it is for you to be loyal to your 
friend. We had to edit specifics. How are you? 



Wheu I Get Out 



Well the topic I'm going to write about today is my plan 
when I get out. What I am planning to do when I get out 
is spending time with my family and trying to stay out of 
trouble. 

Another thing I know I am suppose to do is stay away 
from the homies, but I know that's easier said than done 
cause I can't picture myself hanging out with nothing 
but gang members cause those are the only people I've 
known since I was little. And most of my family members 
are gang members. But my main goal is to spend more 
time with my mom, brother, and sister, and that's all I got 
to say for today, pues orale Beat alrato. 

-Gilberto 

From The Beat; Spending time with your family sounds good. Having 
somewhere to go and something to do will help from hanging out and 
getting in trouble...with anyone. How about a job? What else do you 
like to do? Maybe it would be good to make yourself busy, really busy 
for awhile so you can experience a whole different world than what 
you came up in. 



■M 



The House That Crack Oullt 

I love to rest my back on silk / wake up late night eat 
cereal and get fat on milk / sit on a cushion so soft that 
feel like I sat on quilts / pushing a whip that's all black on 
stilts / sitting back trying to mack on milfs / with a maid 
to clean up the stuff I spilt / as I sit back and think of all 
the crack I dealt / 1 trip off the fact that this is the house 
that crack built. 

-Real Mackin* 

From The Beat: What a fantasy! Unfortunately, the house that crack 
built looks a lot more like a jail cell, with guanlf instead of maids.... 



^ 




■■'"■■■ rt 



My Life 



My life is a thug life I live my life for my block I ride 
for my street my life is about making the right or wrong 
choice. I lived most of my life fighting but for who, and 
what I don't know. 

All I did know was smoking and sipping, I so crazy 
call me the crazy baby. I ain't no crack baby. Well people 
tell me and told me you only live once so it's kill or be 
killed. To me it seems like my life chose me so till this 
day I think what does life have in store for me. 

2) My Plan 

My plan in life is me getting out and finishing school 
and going to college being with my family getting a job to 
help my family out be there for my family my loved ones 
and girl my main plan in life is being someone in life then 
just a thug--get a job, finish school, going to college, play 
football, have a family and die at an old age. 

-Young Bb 

FromTheBeat: Welikeyour writing aboutyour life. When you are young 
you rely on the adults around you to help you make good decisions. 
Sometimes the adults in peopled lives dont make the decisions that are 
best for the kids. Now that you are older you have more choice about 
what your life will be about, and we see that your plan is quite different 
than what your earlier life ivas about. Congratulations on your goals, 
keep working on them! 




^gnnnniEB wmw/iimm 



A Good Way to live 

When my time comes to go home and be on the outs, 
I'm not going to come back here anymore. I'm tired of 
living this way, going in and out of the hail. I hate putting 
my family through this, having to come here and visit me 
and having to bring my little brothers to my court dates. 
It's just not a good way to live and I'm done with making 
stupid decisions and hanging out with the people I used 
to kick it with. 

So my plan when I get out is to transfer out of my 
continuation school to independent studies and then 
after a year there I will transfer back to a regular high 
school so I could graduate from there instead of from 
a continuation school. And instead of always being out 
and kicking it with my friends, I want to spend more time 
with my family and stay away from my friends as much as 
possible. 

-C 

From The Beat; Sounds like you have a solid plan. We hope you can 
stick with it! 




^ I I'm a Be Real With Ya 



Play Ball 



\ 



My plan when I get out is to play ball. Go to college 
and play ball. But my short plan is to graduate from high 
school then play for Notre Dame power forward. I'm 
gonna be number 24. And hopefully I get pick up by an 
NBA team. Hopefully like the hornets or something and 
play with my homie Chris Paul, he my fav player. And 
hopefully some other great players. 

-Jazzy- J 

From The Beat; You've got big dreams which is great - keep dreaming! 
If you want to get into Notre Dame, for now you've got to really focus 
on school, and stay out of the hall. If you keep on track with that you'll 
have a much better shot. 



Crack 



Crack comes and goes. When will it stop? It has another 
victim, the family heart drops, addicted to this substance 
that kills you within. 

-Crack Baby 

From The Beat; This is a short but powerful piece. We would love to hear 
more from you about this terrible substance....What do you know about 
crack, and what are some of your ideas about how to stop this drug 
from hurting so many families? 



BIP Carl 



I can't wait till I go home, this is not a place for me. 
When I get out I won't come back here, this my first and 
last time. I want to be around my family and my kids, 
they all miss me. 

-Lacey 

From The Beat; We're glad you want to get out and stay out. How 
will you stay out of trouble when you are released? Do you plan to 
finish school and get a job? Honor not only your brother^ life, but 
your own. 



J L 



My first time I got locked up was for no reason, just 
wasted my time and why I didn't do anything, because 
once you're in here they treat you like a criminal. I aint 
going to lie, the first time you here you don't know what 
to do and whether it's your rights or not. 

Ma first time I was locked up was because I got in 
an argument with my baby momma, so she called the 
police and said I hit her. And that's messed up nowadays, 
because they're taking this more serious. I know people 
that been through this case and they get 5 yrs. in prison 
with no evidence. 

So I just wanna let you all know that be careful out 
there with them females because it can be your baby 
momma that can mess your shhh up. 

This time I'm here for some stupidity thing I did and 
this can really screw up my chance to see my daughter 
and I think about it and I regret it. But is never too late to 
go out there and handle your business. This goes to all 
the youngstas that are out there with females and those 
that haven't, to take really good care of what they do and 
don't hit this place. 

-Whero 

From The Beat: Watching your actions and your own back is really 
important because no one knows you better than yourself. Sounds like 
you really care about your daughter, and know that you need to be 
there for her. Just keep watching out for yourself, so that you can be 
there for her m much »i you can. 



Bne Too Many Times 



My plan to get out the system is to go to school everyday 
and stop getting violations. I plan to stop getting caught 
robbin' ninjas because that's how it is out here in Oakland 
you feel me? Ninjas is getting robbed and whacked from 
left to right. And I plan to stop coming back to this place 
because I came one too many times. 

My family would like for me to handle my business 
and pimp this system because this shhh messed up my 
life. I can't do all the stuff that I used to do before I was 
on probation. So like I said I gotta just listen to my PO 
and stop doing all this hot shhh just in the mean time. 

-Carlitos 

From The Beat; You have a really great attitude about changing your 
actions, and staying out of the system. But this can't be a "just in the 
mean time" thing. This has got to be a lifestyle change if you want it to 
If you only stay out of trouble in the meantime, you'll only stay 
ntime. Its all up to you. 



stick 

out of the hall in the 



SgIiooI Everyday 



My plan when I get out is try to go to school everyday. 
Try to get a job so I can keep myself busy. "People who 
fail to plan, they plan to fail." 

-Dang 

From The Beat; That is a great quote you've put in there - a lot of young 
people reading this should really listen to it, including you. How do 
you plan on getting to school more often - what do you plan to change 
this time? 



Fly With tlie Birds 

I wish I can break free get out of here I can fly with 
the birds and having fun with the girls but, back to the 
subject. I want out I need a chain saw to break-out of here 
ya' dig. 

-Male Bird 

From The Beat: We donY think a chain saw will get you where you want 
to be. Birds are symbols of freedom for people locked up everywhere. 
Do your program, figure out what you need to do to get out and dont 
come back. 



\ ^1 

th I I My 



School 



Xi 



My plan is to stay out of trouble, stay in school 

Get a job 

Try to get a scholarship and go to college, play ball and 

hopefully make the NBA 

-Pinoy Boy 

From The Beat; These are all good goals, all things that you can work 
towards. Our advice to you is to prioritize - pick the most important 
things that you can do right now (or once you get out|, like staying in 
school and getting a job, and focus on that. 



Why do I do the things I do 

Why do I have to be locked up in this system 

Why do I have to listen to these people 

Why can't I go home 

Why can't I be free 

Why can't the judge see me for who I am and not what I 

do 

Why can't I be happy 

Why can't I be with my son 

Why do they have to take the people I have loved the most 

away 

Why can't I change my ways 

Why do some officers rather see me in a cell or 6 feet 

deep 

than to see me in a classroom getting my GED 

Why is life so hard when I try to make it so right 

Can you tell me why I feel this why 

-Caprice 

From The Beat; The criminal justice system is ONLY set up to judge what 
you do, not wrho you are. That) why even people like U.S. Senator Ted 
Stevens fAlaskaJ will soon be in prison, because of what he did (lying). 
Whoever you are, good or bad, no person is above the law, so if you 
break it and they catch you, you will be made to pay the price. This is 
the price. Your questions are all very good ones, but we believe that 
if you put your excellent mind to the task, you will be able to answer 
them yourself! 



Ready To Do Good 



\ 



I wish I was out. I'm seventeen now. I just wanna make 
a change before I be eighteen. I'm ready to do good and 
stay out of the system, and still do what I got to do to be 
a good brother to my big brother, and have a family in the 
future with my baby, Celene. 

-Jimmy 

From The Beat: You have fine goals that you've set for yourself. What 
do you plan to change in your life (what do you plan to stop doing) in 
order to achieve these fine goals? 



It's Never Too Late 



When I get back to my neighborhood, I'm going to do 
the right thing this time It for my mom so she won't be 
like I was messing up all the time, so she can think the 
right thing about me. I'm tired of my mom thinkin' the 
wrong thing about me 'cause I was doing the wrong thing 
sometimes. But you know, it ain't never too late to change 
'cause your mom always wanted to change you. 
All right Beat. See you next time. 

-Young Toody 

From The Beat; Making your mother proud of you is a good reason to 
change directions. She has given up so much for you, now its time to 
return the favor and give up a few things for her. What are the specific 
things you will be changing when you touch down? 



A Halloween Night 



Halloween is a special day because I'm going to be out 
for Halloween. I'm getting out on the 20th of October. I 
can't wait to get out JJC and stay out. I been in here for 
a month. 

But anyway, Halloween is going to be crazy 'cause 
this the first Halloween with ma homies, that's why. I'm 
going to be something scary to scare my lil' sisters and 
brothers. Happy Halloween! 

-Isaiah 

From The Beat; We're glad you're able to spend Halloween with your 
family. Don't be too crazy, because that kind of craziness can lead to 
poor thinking and poor decisions. In other words, now that you're hone 
and free, STAY THAT WAY! 



Back up in whack-ass Juvi. Everybody knowin' I'm 
holding my own just like anyone else up here. Reppin', 
claming, all that. Peeps like me ridin' out my time — as 
I call it, a vacation away from the streets. I'm keeping it 
solid. Ain't no snitchin' in here mayne. I don't holla 'bout 
my crimes. I'm rockin' on the solo hype, holdin' it down. 
To all the homies keeping shhh on lock, hopefully 
the goons don't get caught up and end up here. But I'm 
here and just thuggin' it out. Free me! When I'm out catch 
me in the backstreets but never in an ally mayne. That's 
real. 

-Toung Rascal Taliban 

From The Beat: From what you've told us here, we hope you enjoy 
this little vacation way from the streets because it appears that you're 
planning to be back. At some point in the future, when you move to the 
next level (of thinking), you'll see that you can't keep doing the things 
that got you locked without getting locked again. As Shakespeare 
wrote, "It follows as the night the day" 



I'm Gonna Canse Hell 



Shout out to Lizzi, Sarah and Pauline for comin' tonight. 
But anyway, what's good with the Beat? I'm just in the 
joint right now eatin' milk an' cookies, thinkin' 'bout 
court in the morning. And ma young ninja that jus' 
dropped, feel me. I am gone see what's good with him 
when I touch down. 

I hope ma baby mama ain't mad ; 'cause I been down 
for a hot one, an' she ain't seen ya boy. I just wanna touch 
down on mamas. I'ma touch down and cause hell. 

-Bossie Bad Azz 

From The Beat; We hope you're getting a taste for the milk and cookies 
in here, because if you're determined to "cause hell" when you touch 
down, then you'll have more opportunities to taste these hall snacks 
in the future. 



I Hope 



I hope I get out on the 23rd because I learned my lesson, 
not to steal. I love my fans 'cause people don't like me 
'cause they hatin' on me. If you haters wanna hate, I'ma 
keep shinin'— and the Jordans I missed, I'ma get them! 
My PO is tryin' to make me go to a group home, but the 
lawyer, the judge and the DA want me to go home. 

-Woo da 

From The Beat; So tell us, if the judge sends you home, what are you 
planning to do differently so that you don't have to face that judge 
again? 



' ' I I ■ M I I I I I I 



Show Some love 



^ 



up in our unit at YGC, me an'four other homies, we stick 
together as one, 'cause these suckas weak. In the city 
where shhh goes down, another dead body laid flat on the 
ground. It's bullshhh in here. The shhh is garbage. A lot 
of foo's in here caught up for serious charges. This shhh 
ain't no joke. We all going away for attempted murders 
and serious robberies. 

Me, myself, I'm going home on GPS and probation 
for a year. Goin' to probation school for a semester, until 
I knock that shhh out so I could be at regular school. 
Knock this probation out and hit the block one more 
time. See the homies in the 'hood and show some love. 

-Crazy L 

From The Beat; Yes, things are getting very serious out here, and too 
many young men like you are gone, either because the system has put 
you away or you have put yourselves away. Things are so serious, we 
want to urge you to be very, very careful in the way you "show some 
love" back to the homies in the 'hood. There are traps everywhere 
designed for you to step in and find yourself back here. DonY fall in! 




^MnnnEniB Mswm 



Sick Of Beino Here 




What was I thinking? Why did I do what I did to get in 
here? Man, I'm sick of bein' in here. I don't know what to 
do, I need help. I been in here for a month now. I don't 
know how long I'm going to be in here. 

Man, I wanna go home. I hope they let me and my sis 
go because it's been a long time since we been here, and 
every time we go to court, they send us right back. That 
messed up. I just wanna go home. That it's Beat, I'm out. 

-Andrianna 

From The Beat; This place is designed to maife you sick of it — so sick 
of it that you never want to come back. When the hail has seen you for 
the last time, then everyone will know that you are REALLY sick of it. 
We hope you get home soon, but more important than getting there is 
staying there! 



My Life Is Over 



X 



Yeah man, this ya boy G Man holdin' it down in here. 
Yeah man, this G Dog. Man I am out here reppin' my 
'hood, hopin' I get out in time to see my family. 

Right now I'm stressin' because I heard some boy hit 
my sister, so I'm thinkin' leave that behind. I hope my 
family stay strong and keep they head up. Don't show no 
fear on the street. 

Me, I used to run the street, me and my homies. Now 
it's getting worser. Police everywhere. People dying. I 
heard my cousin got shot at. It makes me mad as hell, 
so I am in here till I get out. Hope my homies be cool and 
stuff. 

-Gary 

From The Beat: We took out the rap you wrote because threatening 
people with guns violates every rule we have at The Beat. Dont do it! 
If the streets are "getting worse," are you doing anything to change 
that picture? If you cant change the streets, are you doing anything 
to change yourself so that you don't keep finding yourself in this same 
situation? 



i—t-t-H^ 



They Screwed It Up 



\ 



What's good with The Beat? This Roberto, man... Shhh! 
I'm back up in these halls again 'cause I was on the 
run. But then it turns out they tryna play me and my 
homie with a robbery case. It's screwed up because we 
was postin' it and getting' money and shhh, and the 5-0 
screwed it up for us. 

It's good though. I'm lookin' forward to getting out 
this hole ASAP, but I gotta do my time first. That's it for 
now! Stay up to ma ninjas locked down in the halls and 
the Ranch. Gone. Forget the police! 

-Double G 

From The Beat; We see you pointing fingers of responsibility everywhere 
but where they belong... 'The 5-0 screwed it up... They tryna play me..." 
But you are the one who ran, so you are the one who sent yourself back 
into these halls. You were the one posting, so you are the one facing the 
consequences. Until you start taking adult responsibility for your own 
choices, you'll be cursing "them" instead of working on you. 



It's Touoh 



What's up with The Beat? This yo' boy J. Newt. I'm back 
in this rat hole for a min., but ey, they can't hold a real 
goon for long. It's real tough in the streets. You got to 
pack a heater everywhere you go. I am sayin' watch yo' 
back and keep eyes on the streets and one eye on yo' heat 
'cause it's a hard life. And trust yo'self before anyone. 

-Yung J Newt 

From The Beat; Yes, its tough on the outs, so maybe thatS why you 
put yourself back in this "rat hole." Maybe its just a lot easier to be in 
here. But be very careful, since using that heater has left more than 
2000 children (your age or younger) doing life in prison WITHOUT the 
possibility of parole. 



Time Off The Streets 



I ain't trippin' about being in here. I needed some time 
off the streets. But the ninjas I mess with turf gone hold 
me down. 

-The PooPoo Pooka 

From The Beat; We couldnY publish your first piece because it was 
totally inappropriate. Plus, we had to take out your shout outs, which 
we don't do. Use The Beat to teach or say something of value. This sayi 
nothing! 



Change Always Comes 



Being here can be sleep-depriving when you don't have 
your mind on the right things. When you don't have the 
right things that you had on the outs, it's probably the 
hardest thing to get over in here. Sooner or later you 
change, whether you like it or not. Being in here has 
not changed my perspective of this place, just another 
obstacle to get over. 

"Treat your enemies as friends and your friends as 
enemies. Your enemies remain the same, while your 
friends always change." 

-Za 

From The Beat: You're right about things changing. The trick is to try to 
be in charge of those changes instead of letting strangers make them 
for you. So, once you get over the "obstacle" of the hall, what changes 
do you plan to make in your own life? 



Light In My Oarkness 



Suzanne, you are very kind and helpful to The Beat 
Within. You are an inspiring person and the best possible 
explanation of good-hearted. Thank you so much for 
giving me light in my darkness, food in my hunger, and 
knowledge to my ignorance. 

You may not know how much you have done for me 
with so little words, but I hope you come to realize you 
have played an interesting role within my life and my 
thoughts. Thanks, and God bless. 

Sincerely, 

-W 

From The Beat; We canY use your last name, which is why we left it at 
"W." It) like pay day for us when we read that any of our Beat facilitators 
made a positive difference in someone^ life, so we thank you for this 
very kind tribute. 



Hate This Place 



S'up with The Beat? Me? Nothing, holding down at the 
Ranch with a few of my homies, but it's too much shhh 
going on with me. They be playing ninjas up here. We be 
doin' shhh we shouldn't be doin', but, hey, now they be 
doing too much up here. I really can't complain, 'cause I 
brung myself back up here, but I'm going. 

-J 

From The Beat; You don^ explain what you guys down at the Ranch are 
doing to mess up nor how the staff is being unfair by "doing too much 
up here." If you have some legitimate complaints, write about them for 
The Beat if you want, then explain what you would do if you ran the 
Ranch, to improve it for the residents, to prepare them for a realistic, 
productive, safe life en the outs. 



A New Start 



I will start listening to my mom and start doing good in 
my class in my school. 

-Patrick 

From The Beat; We don't usually print one-sentence pieces (and we wont 
againj, but this is the START of a real piece. You have to tell us what 
"doing good" will mean and why you think you'll go to school now when 
you werent going before. 




^MnnnEniB Mswm 




No Kids Any Time Soon 



I ain't got shhh to say. My girl is pregnant. Naw, I'm just 
playing. I ain't having kids no time soon. I'm out this 
thang Beat. 

-Tung ReU 

From The Beat; We're glad that you're not planning to have kids yet. 
We are used to reading about young boys, just children themselves, 
planning on making babies when they get out, which only tells us just 
how much they are thinking like children. You are thinking like an 
adult. Keep doing it! 



Get 'Em 



My block pumpin' 

And I'm tryna keep that hole pumpin' 

If ninjas snitchin' 

Then I let them 

Ninjas hold somethin' 

If ninjas owe somethin' 

Need a doctor's note from 'em 

Or his throat from 'em 

These HI' ninjas 

Thinkin' they fresh and get whipped 

Out ya clothes, youngin' 

I got it all 

But I'll beat ya like ya stole somethin' 

My chick trippin' 

Say I treat her like ma old woman 

I tell that chick I'm pro'ly better off 

With no woman 

-Wayne 

From The Beat; Well, you're in the right place if you're better off with 
no woman. But with or without a woman, you're better off in control 
of your own life, which means not doing the things that let the system 
strip you of your freedom. 



God's Great Gift Of Freedom 

Hopefully when I get out, I'm going to make sure that I 
fly straight 'cause being in here shows me that freedom is 
a great gift from God. So it's up to how I wanna live it. 

-Raymond 

From The Beat; Yes, Raymond, freedom is one of the greatest gifts we 
are given to enjoy — or to hand away without thinking! Now that you 
are thinking in a new way, tell us what you must do (and what you must 
NOT do| in order to stay free. 



Sick And Twisted Taies 



What's up Beat? I am going to write about sick and 
twisted stuff. You know what's sick? Your lady leaving you 
while you're in here, and you can't do nothing, especially 
when you are attached to her and she is just laughing in 
your face while you're locked up. 

And you know what's twisted when you get out? You 
are just walking and walking until you hit the cuts, and 
right there in front of your eyes, she is getting rape and 
she is surely dying in front of your eyes. And the sick, 
twisted thing about the person that it is, it's you that's 
doing it all along. You doing the raping and you are doing 
it off that white girl. The tales is you. That's the sick and 
twisted tales. 

-Chicano 

From The Beat: If you are having fantasies of rape, then you need to 
talk about those fantasies with a counselor or psychologist, because you 
want to make sure they donY push you into doing things that can lead 
to long, even life-long, prison sentences, (if this is not a fantasy but a 
true story, we strongly urge you to face this part of yourself directly, 
and deal with it before it deals with you.J As for your lady leaving you, 
isnt it the other way around? Didn't you make the choice to leave her 
when you did whatever it was that let the system take you from her? 
ThatS how it would look if you could see it through her eyes. 



Gano Banoino Is Over 



What's up with The Beat? Me, I'm still in this thang doin' 
my thang. I got court on the 8th and I'm hoping they don't 
send me to the Ranch 'cause it's gone get real ugly, ya 
dig. 

But I'ma let y'all know that this gang banging shhh 
is over for real! This shhh getting old. But you know my 
team still gone rock regardless, so it ain't no reason to 
beef with us 'cause all we gone do is shut shhh down. So 
call it quits. This that ninja CB, ya dig. I'm out. And stop 
snitching. 

-Cb 

From The Beat; We're not sure what to make of this, CB. You tell us that 
gangbanging is getting old, but then you warn others that your set is 
going to keep on keeping on, no matter what. So, which is it going to 
be? One thing we know for sure; it canY be both! 



'Bent Action 



I'm locked up. They won't let me out. I'm strapped up 
and I got 'em scared bra. Young Man-Man known to get 
active, Better believe ya boy 'bout action. And I'm robbin' 
now. Just thought I let you ninjas know. 

-Man-Man 

From The Beat; Open your eyes and take a good look at the "action" 
you're about now — going to your room, coming out for program, doing 
what they tell you to do. That) action, all right, but not the kind a free 
person values. Think about it. 



Bntii Next Week 



What's all good with The Beat though, man? Well, ta let 
you know who this be, man, it's yo' boy "Play-Boi" on like 
Donkey Kong in this wack-ass unit, straight chillin'; with 
The Beat... you know, my best friend right now at this 
moment, ya dig... 

But man, I'm feeling myself right now writing this 
shhh. But ya know yo' boy just chillin', doin' his time 
tryna think about what I'ma do when I get out this shhh. 
But you feel me, just showing some love, ya dig. But I get 
at ya lata, you feel me. Let me enjoy the vibe and the zone 
and get at ya next week. I'm out. Yo Boy Play-Boi. 

-Play-Boi 

From The Beat; Well, we hope you get at us next week with something 
more than what you've given us this week. We always appreciate the 
love, but what we really want to read is something more serious and 
more thoughtful that tells us where you are and where you hope to be 
going... and how you plan to get there. 



Baiioween 



Halloween is a day when your kids are supposed to get 

candy 

But everything's not cool 

People get robbed 

And bags get snatched 

or ladies get put on their backs 

Some of it's good 

Some of it's bad 

Some of it's wrong 

And some of it's sad 

Wrong may be the same as sad 

But at the end of the day 

I'll be glad 

When I snatch that young boy's 

Candy bag 

-VeU 

From The Beat: Of course, if you snatch that young boy) bag, then you 
can't complain too much when a bigger boy snatches it from you...m 




^MnnnEniB Mswm 



Females 




What I think about females is that they use ninjas to 
get what they want, but when we use them, they say 
we're dogs. When they do what they do, we call them 
"beezies." 

They tell us they love us, that they'll never cheat 
on us, but they got secrets in the dark, and when you 
start bein' faithful to them, they start turnin' their backs 
and start messin' with other ninjas, so that's why I dog 
females. 

I'm not in a relationship right now. My baby mama 
and I still talk, but only reason we talk is because of our 
baby. She's only two weeks old. My BM's going back to 
school, which is good, but if she starts messin' with otha 
ninjas and takes our baby with her, there's gonna be some 
mess. 

-Deangelo 

From The Beat; Lets see if we can understand... What you're saying is 
that you don't mess with your baby) momma any more, but that if she 
messes with another guy, then you'll make trouble. So, what are her 
options? Just waiting for you? We find this quite a selfish view of your 
relationships, which is why we wish you would take precautions so that 
yeu do not bring new babies into the world before you are able. Clearly, 
you are not able to be a father, so you should have made sure that didnY 
happen. All relationships take effort from both people, and both are 
capable of acting with dignity and faithfulness, or with disrespect and 
cheating. It) neither a male nor a female thing, but a human thing. 



Business 



Business, that's getting out of the halls 

taking care of my two-month-old daughter. 

Business, that's going to school 

getting this education. 

Business, tryna something more than I am. 

Business is getting off probation. 

Life is all 'bout business 

but how you go about with your business affects your 

life. 

Mind your business and you won't be in mine! 

-P Jeez 

From The Beat; We admire your "business" goals. If you finish school 
and get off probation, you'll be well on your way to that future where 
business brings you comfort and happiness. 



Downed OnTheOnts 



What's good with The Beat? You know this be that real 
ninja, Lil' Danny. I just wanna tell y'all something before 
it even happen. This Juvenile Hall shhh is going to get a 
lot of ninjas downed on the outs. Chea, boom, 'til next 
time. 

-Lir Danny 

From The Beat; It seems to us that y'all are doing a fine job of downing 
each other on the outs, even without the help of juvenile hall. Ya dig? 



So Damn Tired 



\ 



Life is beautiful outside these walls 

I'm sick of wearing these stinky drawe's 

Never thought I'll see the halls 

Now my life is stuck on pause 

These slippers hurt these floors 

Our hot lunch is cold and 

I'm so damn tired 

-Unk 

From The Beat; You're facing some hard choices — keep doing the things 
that lead here and keep being sick of wearing these "stinky drawee," 
or stop doing the things that lead here and stop being "so damn tired." 
Up to you! 



V 



Recap: Last episode, R called E and asked him to come 
pick him up on a fluke, and when he got there, R told 
'im, he just got on old-boy around the way and the police 
pulled up behind 'em. 

R: Go, go, ninja. Pull off. 

E: Hold on, ninja. Let me get the car started. 

i(As the engine roars up, the police officer grabs the door 
handle and E scratches off. Then E says to R:) 
E: Man, what, man? You got me hot. Rolla's gone be on 
my whip now, and I got a warrant, ninja. 
(E hits the corner left and goes down Missouri St. and 
another right, which leads to a dead end when E says:) 
R: A'ight, man, we lost 'em, man. Calm down, brah. You 
act like you ain't neva ran the rollas befo'. 
(E takes the keys out the ignition. They get out.) 
E: Ninja, it's the point you got my whip, but I know they 
got my plates, my ninja. Damn. 

R: My ninja, let's just get up outta here, fo' the rollas 
come, dude. 

E: Come on and let's stop by trap and get some triple 
stacks and some Dutch, yo. 

R: Fasho, fasho. Ay, call Lil' Monique and wake her ass 
up. It's around 5 somethin' so what? 
(E picks up his phone and dials Monique. Ring. Ring.) 
M: Hello? 

E: Wassup? Me and R Anna slide through. Leave ya door 
open, a'ight? 
M: Ninja, what? 

E: Man, just open the door, fa real. Yo' stop playin'. (Sigh) "A'ight" 
(E hangs up and walks in the trap with R and get four 
triple stacks and some grapes, then head toward Monique' 
spot. When they get to the top of the hill, going towards 
her crib, they see a black Buick creepin' up, and R says:) 
R: E, you see that? 

(E turns around, grabs the boot, is about to draw down, 
but looks at R, who's doin' the same. Then the window 
rolls down... ) 

Tune in next time and see what happens. What would 
have done in this situation? 

-E-Boy 

From The Beat; The truthful answer to your final question is that we 
would never have put ourselves in this situation to begin with, so we 
would never be faced with the dilemma you end with. Frankly, we don^ 
see what this piece teaches except that the world you choose to act 
in leads to jail, to the hospital or worse. Frankly, we are old enough 
(and grown enough) to know that death comes soon enough for us all, 
without doing childish things that are likely to bring it about many 
^csiti earlier than necessary! 



Tiianks, Beat 



Man, what's up with The Beat? Man, how you doing? 
Thank y'all for coming, doing us the favor to get something 
done besides doing the same shhh. 

-No Name 

From The Beat: We appreciate the kind words, but we'd appreciate them 
more if you remembered to sign your piece... Next time, write MORE and 
put your name on the paper. 



No Area Off Limits 



Is it true that for a writer, there should be no area of 
experience that is off limits to his imagination? 

-Marky D 

From The Beat; We hate to print one-sentence pieces because the most 
they can do is whet our appetite for more, just like this very provocative 
question does. To our minds, the answer to this question is clearly yes 
— there should be NO human experience that is of limits to the writers 
imagination. What did you have in mind? 




^MnnnEniB Mswm 




Too Late, Too Late 

Being locked up ain't no fun. Kids out here that never 
got locked up, they want to try it. But once they in there 
and they get wrapped for something big, they will cry, and I 
if will be too late. Too late. " 

-Mj 

From The Beat; We agree with half of what you say, which is that it) 
no fun to be locked up and iiids who think it might be will soon learn 
otherwise. But we disagree when you say "it will be too late." It is never 
too late to make the changes you need to make to remain free. 



^ 1 1 Give My Halloween Candy To My Lady 



^T^f 



Beanty And Halloween 



\ 



The basketball hoops are coo' and the houses are cool' 
too. 

I like trick or treating and scaring people and going 
around having the time of my life and spending time with 
my family on Halloween. 

-Daniel 

From The Beat; We put your two pieces together, Daniel, because neither 
one is long enough to publish by itself. The Beat wants you to choose 
just ONE topic, and write a whole lot more about it. You could write a 
whole page... Next time. 



Hope I Make It 



I just heard them people came and picked my dawg up. He 
got a son and daughter. Man, what they gone do without no 
father? Them white folks sho make times harder. 

I just heard my block hot right now. Some on my block 
right now ready to let off shots right now I gotta make some 
change, man. Ain't tryna be a victim to the game. 

I just heard she expecting a child. I ain't got a damn thang 
she expect, smile. On my streets in my city it's so hectic and 
wild. My ninja T was with me when we first kicked in the 
doo'. I done lost them drugs. We don't kick it no more. 

Things change, man .Christmas ain't Christmas no more 
and I ain't gone never see my ninjas no more. Hope I make it 
before y'all take it. 

-Cal 

From The Beat; Of course, its easy to blame "them white folks" for leaving 
a son and daughter without a father, but then, doesnY your friend bear 
his own personal responsibility for leaving his children behind? The 
consequences he% having to pay are now affecting his children, and 
whoS fault is that? Anyway, you can only be responsible for your own 
choices and the consequences they bring. We hope you make the right 
ones so that you bring about a brighter future than your past. 



KeepYo' Month Zipped 



What's happenin' with The Beat? Me, shhh, just chilUin* 
in this thang still. But I'm writing to give everybody a word 
of advice, ya dig! And my advice is: if you really trying to 
be with this beef shhh you should know the main code of 
the streets and that is don't never snitch on somebody! 
And once that rule is broken, you gone have to hide your 
entire family because they will get killed because of you, 
too. And trust me. I know because I got snitched on and 
that ain't even cool for real. Now I feel bad for him because 
I can't stop my homie from doing what they do! And he 
shouldn't be in the beef if he can't handle the heat for 
real! My advice is don't snitch if you gone hang. Ya dig! 

-Cb 

From The Beat; Your advice is empty, worth nothing. You can warn 
people about snitching 24/7, but it wont keep you from getting locked 
up and complaining about what you cannot change. The only advice we 
want Beat readers to take is this; do not do the things that will always 
lead snitches to trade information for a better deal for themselves. The 
entire system rests on a foundation of snitches, all the way from the 
smallest crimes right up to the most serious. We can't tell you how many 
men are sitting on death row right now because someone they thought 
they could trust snitched them out! (Even the U.S. Senator from Alaska, 
Ted Stevens, got convicted this week of lying, and he will be going to 
federal prison because his "best friend" snitched him out in order to 
avoid a prison sentence himself.) 



Something I do on Halloween — I go trick or treating, take 
candy from people, give it to my female for a Halloween 
present, and she respect it. 

-Ming 

From The Beat; We wont print any more one-sentence pieces from you. 
This is the lazy way to do it, and laziness wont move you forward. So 
we gather from this that you steal from people to give to your girl and 
that she respects you for it? Maybe that's why you are not free to do 
your trick this ^csit... if it was reversed — if someone stole your girlS 
candy and gave it to someone else, where would that respect be? 



The Hnman Clrcns-Pnttlno On Shows For The Box 

Chea, mang, this ya boy, Lil' Rob, just chillen here at the 
Ranch! Man, I'm tired of putting on these shows for these 
people visiting the Ranch! When there are visitors from 
the city or City Hall, the staff make us exercise for them, 
just to show them that the Ranch is so-called "active." 
Man, we put on the shows just to make this garbage ass 
place look good! Man, I'm just tired of it! 

Every Wednesday we have visitors here and we 
residents have to do retarded exercises, like skip, hop 
on one foot, gallop, we run sideways, and if any of y'all 
have heard of it — we do duck walks and retarded by-bys 
Everyone works — running, pushups, jumping jacks 
weight room, all the other stuff I mentioned. It's BS. 

When there aren't any visitors here, someone from 
City Hall or from Juvenile Hall, we do exercises for about 
twenty minutes, but when there are visitors, we put on a 
show for them, like a Human Circus, all for show — just to 
make this place look good. Until I touch down. 

-Lil' Rob 

From The Beat; It isnt fair for anyone to make show horses out of you 
guys, you're right. But so many of you spend a lot of time exercising, 
using weights in the weight room, just to come off the Ranch looking 
buff, looking cute, right? Including you, right? Well, its working. You 
guys look good. But resenting having anyone put any of you on display 
is understandable. Why dont you tell the superintendent how you feel? 
Maybe he'll listen to you and stop all that. 



;i 



My Plan Of Action 



Well, when a ninja do touchdown and yes, lil' homie, 
I'm gone be back soon. Anyway, my plan is to — I'm gone 
smoke my brains out, then I'm gone chill with the felons, 
and see what's good with the spunk, ya dig? I'm gone also 
get some of this money, since we in a recession or some 
buUshhh. Then I'm gone slide and holla at my lil' female... 
Then I'm gone take every day as it come. 

-G Thang 

From The Beat: Why cant you get a job you like, that teaches you 
something you want to learn anyway, that pays you to do it, and also 
earn the pride of knowing you can support yourself, take care of your 
own business, and not live off anyone else? On second thought, if you 
smoke your brains out we'll probably see you right back up here! Hope 
you like it here! 



Yon Can't Talk To Or See Yonr Family 

My feeling about Log Cabin Ranch is poor. This program 
is weak because it's no home pass, plus you can catch 
big time, plus this shhh is not the code, because staff be 
on that bullshhh. You can't talk to you' family up here or 
see them. Log Cabin Ranch is weaker than the hall, plus 
it hotter than hell up here. 

-J 

From The Beat; It was scorching down in La Honda, but now its raining, 
so do you like the dirt turning to mud better? Now the counselors are 
instituting family day for each of you down at the Ranch, one at a time, 
and thinking about letting anybody out early who finishes his program 
and deserves it, but if you mess up once you're out, they'll go get you 
and haul you back up in there for 30, 60, 90 days. What do you think 
about that plan? 




^MnnnEniB Mswm 




I rock wit' real ninjas 

So I'm labeled "the beast" 

Got a full plate 

'Cause it's my turn to feast 

Yea, yah, I'm still in this thang, ya know? 

But them dunnies on the block 

Playin' with that oven 

So stay ya ass out the kitchen 

You can jump in 

But I'm on my chess shhh 

Takin' e'rythang slippin' 

But this Ranch shhh 

Got a ninja ERO 

So I'ma fasholy 

Take this shhh out my system 

Free my homie sittin' in 850 

Ya dig? 

But I'm back on track 

Wit' all my ninjas 

Free my homie sittin' in 850 

Fo' havin' that lifesaver 

I love my ninjas an' e'rythang 

But I'ma dipset out this thang 

You know where I be 

-Young Dunny 

From The Beat; Young Dunny wrote a rap! You go! But almost every 
week you write that you've already decided you're going straight to 
the streets when you get out, and out there, even if you arent going 
to start any mess, you'll still be ready if mess comes your way, right? 
Now you write that people have labeled you a "beast," but you dont 
necessarily call yourself that, right again? But if you really believe it 
will be your turn to "feast" when you're free again, who do you expect 
will be your prey? Doesn't sound like such a good lifesaver, if it got your 
homie lacked up at 850. What future do you think you have 



Love Down Here 



I I 



I Ain't Comin' Back 



What's up with The Beat? You know who this is, ya boy 
R.O.B. I been in this thang two months; it ain't nothing. 
Ya know ya boy finna get out this thang the b-day next 
month. Man, lil' dog, when I get out this thang I ain't 
comin' back. Yeah, but I'm out this thang. 

-Rob 

From The Beat; Well, we admire your promise not to come back, but 
how do you plan to keep that promise? What specific things will you do 
differently when you get out this time? 



The Beat Lifts Bp My Spirit 

What's good with The Beat? Ya never publish a real ninja, 
so I ain't got much to say, ya dig? I love The Beat 'til the 
death of it. You know I show nothin' but love and ya lift 
up my spirit to keep my head up. 

-Yf 

From The Beat; Well, we're glad that we lift your spirits, but we have 
to wonder what you mean by "a real ninja." Experience tells us that 
everyone here thinks he is a REAL ninja. If that) true, then whatS a 
fake ninja? 



It's Beantifni Bntside Tiiese Waiis 

Life is beautiful when you're outside these walls 

Guns or a problem on the outside with the young life 

Young kids get shot 

Some make it in, some don't 

'Specially the environment that we are around 

-Deshawn 

From The Beat: There is a wonderful book called "A Tree Grows In 
Brooklyn" about a child who grows up in a terrible environment, but 
still manages to turn into a beautiful adult. Have you ever seen a flower 
or tree push its way up through concrete? it) possible. It' possible... 



Life is beautiful or not 

Guns is bad and a young life get shot 

Some say God send his son home early 

But why not when he is old 

For he can get love down here 

And up there life is beautiful in the sky 

-Yung ReU 

From The Beat; You, too, can get love down here, and you should not 
have to wait until you get up in the sky to find beauty. What are you 
doing to make your own life and surroundings beautiful? 




I Miss Femaies 



S'up with the females? I be seein' a homie at the gym. 
Damn, I miss being with females. 

I'm tryin' to get into the Navy Seals, then get into 
Special Ops, then into CIA. 

-DBoii 

From The Beat; We put these two pieces together since neither one 
was long enough by itself to print. We figure when you miss being 
with females enough, you'll find a way to stay out there so you can be 
with them. Good luck with that CIA thing. (You know, of course, that 
you have to finish school and go to college to be considered for that 
career.) 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Chanoe into a Man 




My plan is to change my habits and I couldn't — that's 
why I am here, because I don't like to do what's right. See, 
I believe that I should do whatever the hell I feel like doing 
wherever, whenever I want. But see it can't be because 
others feel that way, it just doesn't work. 

It's just messed up that I can express how I feel. 
Anjrways I still plan to change into a man — I do what I 
need and go to finish school. Another change I want to 
make is to keep a job and support my family. The last 
thing I am going to do is try not to come back and be 
successful. 

-J. 

From The Beat; Its hard, whether you're on the inside or outside, to 
resign yourself to the fact that you can't always do what you want. We 
here at The Beat think that expressing yourself is pretty much the only 
way to get through it, so keep up the writing. 



1111 



Havino Fnn 



^ 



I had fun without drugs/alcohol playing football with 
my friends outside on the street. I went camping with my 
family and went to the beach. I was twelve. 

-Ruzz 

From The Beat; Sounds like some good times. Do you think you've 
missed out on any other such experiences since then because of drugs/ 



Stop Crying 



What's up. Beat. This that one and only Rascal coming 
from the max. Just want to say some quick shhh. I'm 
tired of people crying, and I'm not just talking about the 
Beat. 

All these new boys are getting on my nerves, crying 
about Ranch and how much it sucks to be in here. If 
you do the crime, do the damn time, you want to be all 
gangster when you're out, but once the girls are gone and 
the money and everything, people start complaining, but 
whatever. 

Do your time, stop crying, there's two sides to the 
game, homeboy, the fun and then there's doing the time, 
that's when all the fakes come out. I'm out Beat, stay up 
to all! 

-Rascal 

From The Beat; While we agree with you that you have to suffer the 
consequences for the actions you take, it seems like you havent taken 
it so far gii to imagine anything outside the cycle you're in; do the crime, 
get locked up, get out, do the crime, get locked up, etc. and donY cry 
through any part of it. Rather than focus on whether or not its okay to 
shed tears, dont you think it'd be better to think up a new game plan? 



Ml Life 



\ 



What I think about Juvi is buUshhh because I feel that 
I'm not an animal. I know I ain't supposed to be here — 
everyone here shouldn't be locked up, only killers and 
drug dealers. I feel that I'm not a criminal but a villain. 

I should be at home with my loving family and not at 
this boosie place. This system got me messed up. Every 
little thing now, I get locked up — like for smoking little bit 
of trees. Mother nature is what I think about. I can't do 
nothing anymore without looking over my back. 

-Goneza 

From The Beat; You're right about one thing for sure — the system isnt 
perfect. We agree with you that there are a lot of you young people on 
the inside who shouldn't be — but the best thing you can do for yourself 
and your future is to keep your head up and remember your thoughts 
and experiences so you can help other guys avoid the life on the inside 
that) making you angry right now. What, just out of curiosity, is the 
difference between a criminal and a villain? That could make for a 
great, detailed piece of writing. 



When I was a kid, I had many roads to decide to travel. 
The road I chose was the gang banging road. I chose this 
road because I like the desmadre (mess) and I like to 
kick it with the homies. When I took my first hit, that 
felt good. 

Since that day I knew that I chose the right road. Also, 
when I started kicking it with the homies, I felt like I was 
at home because it was all about respect. As the time 
passes and I am doing time, I reminisce with my roomie 
all the good times I had when I was in the outs. He tells 
me that he wants to be a gangster for life. I tell him that, 
Simon, I got his back. 

He also tells me that he is going to keep on putting 
jales (dirt) for the barrio until they put him in a casket. I 
just tell him that just always remember what he told me 
and never show weakness. To all doing time, keep your 
head up. 

-Stomper 

From The Beat; Well, since your satisfied with your choice, you must 
also be satisfied with being locked up and taking orders since that is 
as much a part of your choice as doing jale in your barrio. Get used to 
strangers telling you what you wear, what you eat, who to sleep next 
to, and who you can speak to on the phone. This is all part of your 
choice and will always be part of this choice, so if this is what you want, 
then we can understand how you are satisfied with it... 



I I 



Gool tliice 



Well, it's not the best advice, but it was good. 

Like my sister wanted to spend money on bottles, 
beer, and pills. She had $120 that she wanted to spend. 

I told her hell no, just spend at least 20 on drink if 
anything, but I left my house for 10 minutes. I came back 
and she was gone. 

At the end of the night, all her money was gone and 
she was hella drunk. When she woke up the next day she 
was tripping about her money and I told her and she was 
mad. All I said was, "I told you so!" 

-James 

From The Beat; Your sister might've been tripping about a lot worse 
than money if she was that irresponsible about drinking/drugs. She 
could have gotten alcohol poisoning or worse. Try telling your sister it 
worries you to see her drink so much, because it sounds like she needs 
help. 



Tiie Smaii Figiiter 



Jason leveled the wings of his YF-22 raptor Raptor over 
the Atlantic. The sharp whine of the rolls. The Royce high 
power jet engine pierced through the plexiglass cockpit 
and settled in a high pitched growl. 

He checked his speed meter and chuckled to himself. 
He armed his air to surface misses and aimed for the 
small convoy of ships scattered in the water. The laser 
beam of tracers shot up from one of the ships. "Looks 
like a 30mm Vulcan," said Jason. His navigator grunted 
in agreement. 

He released the bombs attached to the planes under 
carriage and watched the small explosion rock the 
destroyers. A bright flash from the northwest sky shook 
the small fighter. A large mushroom cloud erupted from 
the horizon. "What was that!?" Jason screamed. "I think 
it came from our carrier..." 

-Anonymous 

From The Beat: Oh, Anonymous, you always know how to leave vi% 
hanging on the edge of our seats. The Beat is totally digging your 
awesome descriptive language and suspenseful plot — but we want to 
know more about Jason. What are his fears and hopes? What made 
him want to fly planes? How does he feel knowing that he could be 
shot out of the sky at any moment? What happens next for our hero. 
Anonymous? \tt up to you. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Worryino 



I worry a lot about my family and I worry the most about 
my niece because one time in my apartments some guy 
broke into my neighbor's house and stole stuff. And when 
the cops caught the guy 25 minutes later they found him 
with a gun and stolen property. 

So when I think when I go out and break into people's 
houses I feel sorry for them because I don't want them 
to break into my house with my 2 year old niece in the 
room. So that's what I worry about. 

-Worrier 

From The Beat; ThereS a word for what you're describing here, empathy. 
Empathy is the ability to place yourself in another person) shoes, 
to imagine how they feel. We're hearing the beginnings of taifing 
responsibility for your actions in this piece of writing — you can't break 
into houses anymore without remembering that those houses belong to 
families, and that families want to protect each other. Keep thinliing 
about empathy, and how it might have the power to stop you from 
brealfing in and stealing. 



I Been There and Done That 

I'm going to wait for court in a week and go to placement 
in Utah and I'm not going to run from the program because 
my plan is to get out of the system and when I get out I'm 
going home to spend hellla time with my family to avoid 
some of the things that I used to do! And get through 
probation so then I can beat the system and show them 
what I'm really about. 

And when I'm off, I'm free to do what I want but my 
old ways will change to newer and better ways! And also 
help others out with their struggle cause I been there 
done that. 

-Nolan 

From The Beat; Hey, Nolan, big ups to these ideas. We're especially into 
your commitment to be good to your family and help other guys deal 
with the same struggles you're dealing with now. Think on this; what 
makes a good role model? What does it take to change from someone 
who needs a good role model into someone who can be a great role 
model? You're already way into the first step; getting real. 



It's On Me 

It was this time that I went to the movies with my 
girlfriend and when were about to get in, it was this guy 
next to the door asking for something to eat. And I took 
him to the window - the one that you pay for the tickets 
- and I paid for him. And when we got, in I bought him an 
extra large popcorn and a soda and hella food. And after 
that I felt good with myself, and if I have the opportunity 
to do it again, I will. 

-Christian 

From The Beat; What a wonderful gift you shared with this person. 
We hope he enjoyed his time in the theater too. What movie did he/ 
you see? 



I I I I I I 



II III i 



School and Work 



\ 



My plan when I get out: I am going to go to try to pass 
high school so I can make my mom so happy and my 
brothers and my little sis. I am going to do my best to 
get off probation and not to come back so when I get off 
probation so I could do what I want to do and no PO can 
tell me what to do. I am going to work so I can pay my 
fines and buy what I want and what my family wants. 

-Aip 

From The Beat; Your work ethic is an inspiration — it) great that you're 
thinking not only of how to improve your own life, but how your 
actions affect other people. What specifically can you do to get off 
probation? How will your choices change when you find yourself back 
on the outside? How can you prepare yourself for the temptations you 
will face? We canY print RIP) unless you write a whole piece about 
them, sorry. 




^ I A Cool-Ass Homle 



T is a cool-ass homie. He is like me. We just don't give 
a damn about life. That why I like T. He is the first homie 
that is like me. I have a lot of respect for him. He is like 
my best homie. I never met no one like me, but he is. He 
don't like life, just like me. 

I feel like I knew him in ages. He is like me, so that 
why I have a lot of respect for the homie T. 

-Grizzly 

From The Beat; You may not give a damn about life today, but don^ 
make the mistake of thinking that today will always be the same. 
There will come a time — ski you mature and gain a bigger stake in the 
community through real flegit) work and love and family — see the 
picture changing. As it does, you will find life a lot more worthwhile, 
and freedom a lot more valuable than you're treating it now. 



That three strikes law Is all had, It 
could reallif get we later oh Iff life. 



n 



TT 



MM 



i 



Soher Fnn 



What's up, Beat, this that one and only Rascal coming 
from the max and going off topic right now, but I just say 
my P.O. and I are about to go through fitness to see if 
they're gonna get me as an adult, which is some buUshhh 
cause I ain't an adult, I'm just turning 17. What's the 
point of having a Juvie Court if you're gonna send juvies 
to adult court? It's some dumb shhh and the other law 
that they're trying to get me with is a strike. 

That three strikes law is all bad, it could really get 
me later on in life. If I do anj^hing little or big, strike two. 
That will be hella hard for me to stay out of trouble, but 
I'm not trying to get three strikes so I'm gonna try and do 
my best. We'll see how that goes. 

A strike at 17, ain't that the beauty of Santa Clara 
County. 

But yeah, about a time when I had fun without drinking 
or doing drugs was the other day playing hand-ball, just 
chilling, listening to music. The only person in here that 
is good is Young G, other than that every one else is just 
okay, but yeah, I'm just waiting for the max units to have 
the Oljrmpics so me and Young G could smash. But that's 
really it for now, to all stay up, keep your head up, stay 
striving. I'm out. 

-Rascal 

From The Beat; Yeah, we'll put in your piece! Well, we cant say we 
understand the ins and outs of the system, either, when it comes to 
trying juveniles as adults. As for the three strikes, however, it sounds 
like you understand exactly what that means and how to avoid it; 
don't let there be a second or third strike. If you know the consequence 
beforehand, you cant blame anyone but yourself if you go through with 
the action that leads to it. 



Try Not to Come Back 



When I get out my plan is to go to my group home — it's 
unknown as of now as to which one, but I plan to do my 
time which is about nine to twelve months and then I plan 
to go to job corps so when I'm done I can go to college 
and after hopefully go back with my mom. I'm also saying 
that I'm going to try not to come back. 

-Anthony 

From The Beat; Nine to twelve months is not such a long time, Anthony, 
and we're psyched for you that you're already able to look beyond that 
time into what you really want for your future. What do you want to 
study in college? What is your dream job? The Beat believes that eveiy 
big change starts with imagination — so use yours and tell us what you 
come up with. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Time With My Famiiy 



X 



My plan is to go home and spend time with my family. I 
wanna go home and see my brother and sisters and hug 
them, and I wanna hug my mom and my dad. The other 
thing is that I wanna go to school and graduate and go to 
college. 

My other plan is to get a job and get my house and 
my car and help my mom pay rent and buy whatever my 
brother and sisters need. I wanna go home and live a 
nice life not a bad one and go with my friend and kick it. 
But the thing I really want to do is go home and spend 
time with my family and especially my twin sister and my 
niece. 

-LoLo 

From The Beat; This is great, dude, but tell us more — what maites a nice 
life different than a bad one? What in your past has stood in the way 
of your dreams of college and supporting yourself? Think of what your 
family means to you, which is so beautifully expressed here, and what 
kind of life you think they'd want for you. 



Wlat Toi Make if It 



\ 



We all worry about something. I personally worry about 
my family. I worry about if my mom and sister have a 
place to live, food to eat, and money for clothes. 

I also worry about me being at my group home, I worry 
whether I'm going to complete the program and go home 
or fail and come back here. The way I used to deal with 
worrying is get high, when I'm in here I try not to think 
about it. Life is what you make of it. 

-Andrew 

From The Beat; We couldn't agree with you more; life is definitely what 
you make it. What are you making your life right now, even while you're 
on the inside? How can you start making positive changes today? The 
trouble with worrying is that it doesn't do anything — what can you do, 
actively, to help yourself and your family? Remember that the choice to . 
complete your programs or fail them is yours. I 



My Park 



The neighborhood where I live I think is a classic. There 
is a certain part that is very nice. When I wake up every 
morning, I always take a stroll to the park. There is a bad 
mural painted on the side wall of our handball court. It 
represents handball, the "Amylans." Well this is one of 
the beauties in my neighborhood I thought I'd share with 
you. Stay up. I'm out. 

-Smiley G 

From The Beat; Thank you for sharing this beauty side of your place. 
We would love to go see that side of your 'hood. Sorry we cant print 
individual shout outs. Your morning stroll sounds interesting and 
relaxing! 



I did " 



Released 

My plan is to get out of here. But I think of what 
they're gonna give me the ranch (you know the judge 
and my PO) but I really don't know what they're going 
to decide yet. But until Monday the 20th I'm gonna stay 
here. 

And if I get released I plan to finish middle school and 
go to high school. Also to get a job, and help my Jefita pay 
rent, and to buy food for my sisters and us. Until then I 
might see you again. 

-Jose 

From The Beat; We hope we do see you again, Jose, because we like 
you — but how can we change the "if" in getting released to "when I 
get released?" The system sucks you in and it) up to you to break 
free — how will you break free? What can you do today, this second, 
right now to ensure that you will escape the system — not by running, 
but by changing? 




I Hate It Wiien 



What's up Beat this is WhiteBoy from San Jose. Well I'm 
not feeling those topics so I'm writing something else. 
Damn I hate it when I can't spend time with mi familia. 
I miss my mom, grandparents, niece, sister, cousin but 
most of all I miss my son Eli a lot and I messed up by 
leaving him. 

Now I'm going to have to do 12-18 months away from 
him at a group home. I'm hella sad he is gonna be two 
years old on December 21st so I'm going to get out of the 
group home and raise him the right way cause the vida 
I'm living ain't for my son. I'm going to be a man about my 
things and handle my business if your wondering what 
business I'm talking about, well you know of course my 
son — I'm a be the most dedicated father I can be. Thanks 
Beat. 

-White Boy 

From The Beat; Nothing changes your perspective on life more than 
having kids. What do you want for Eli that you didn't have in your own 
life? In what ways specifically can you be a man for Eli — how can you 
give him a different life than the one you had? Looking back, what 
kind of influence did your father have on your life — good and bad? 
How would you like to emulate your father, and how will you do better 
than he did? Sorry we can't print RIPs unless the whole piece is about 
them... 



Havino Fun Witiiout Drugs aud Aicoiioi 

Although there was a lot of times with the use of alcohol 
or drugs to have fun, there was a lot of times I didn't use 
drugs or alcohol to have fun and I had a really good time. 
I will never forget some of those times I spent with my 
family, it was really fun. 

So anyway, also drinking and smoking could get 
some people in a lot of trouble. Doing drugs and alcohol 
is something you would want to stay away from. 

Anyway, that's it for now, I'm still chilling in the max 
right here until next time. 

-Snoopy 

From The Beat; Good message. What are some of those times, specifically 
that you had fun w/o being under the influence? 



M 



Good Advice 



Ni 



The best advice I ever gave was to my little homie. He 
wanted to run away from his house and I told him, would 
you rather be in the streets than home with your family? 
I told him the best thing to do is to go home with your 
family, and he took my advice. It helped him a lot. 

-Adrian 

From The Beat: That was good advice. Who knows what trouble you 
prevented him from getting into. 



Get Out of Juvie 



^ 



My plan is to get out of Juvie and go to school and make 
my mother happy and finish school and get my high 
school diploma and get my own house. 

Me and my friend D go half on a apartment and live 
the good life because we was just talking about starting 
our own family with a wife and one or two kids just want 
to stay out of trouble but that's what I just want to do all 
right in life. I'm out Beat see you next time. 

-A. 

From The Beat; It sounds like you share some common dreams with 
your fellow Beat boys — get out of juvie, have your own house, support 
yourself and your family, go to school. All those dreams are great — but 
we want to know what makes you special and unique. Think hard 
about what you can do that nobody else can. What is your idea of 
success, and what can you do to make it a reality? We hope we do see 
you next time. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Havino Fun Without Drugs 



X 



The last time I had fun without using drugs and not 
drinking was my homegirl's birthday. Everybody was 
drinking and smoking, but I was on probation so I 
couldn't, but I still had fun anyways. 

We first went to her house and ate some lunch, which 
was pizza, then we went to Great America. 

After that we went back to her house and had cake. It 
was fun because I was watching everybody act stupid while 
I was on top of my game, macking on all the females. 

-Farid 

From The Beat; We admire you for staying strong and sober wliile those 
around you were drinicing and smoiting. Its not always easy to be the 
only sober one, but m you say, you can stay clear and focused when 
you're not under the influence. 



Memories 



X 



A time when I had fun being sober is when I had a family 
day with my girl and my son. We started out with eating 
breakfast at Denny's, which I kind of wish I was blown so 
I could eat more, but inside I'm glad I was sober, because 
it felt better being in front of my family with clear eyes 
instead of bloodshot red eyes. 

After that we went to the mall and bought my son 
some new shoes. Then we went to a photo place and me, 
my son, and my girl took family pictures. It was a nice 
sunny day and the pictures came out nice too. 

After all that we went to the park by my house and 
enjoyed the rest of the afternoon. 

-J.Stunt 

From The Beat; This does sound like a nice day, all around. We're 
assuming you're joking about wishing you were under the influence 
just so you could eat more! Being sober while you're with your child is 
the best wray to help keep him from turning to drugs or alcohol himself 
later in life. 



X 



Wiiat's Wrouo Witii Tiie Beat 

9-onda Beat? Well as you can see it's Angel coming 
back at you. Well I'm freaking mad 'cause you guys never 
publish my damn work. I sit here wasting my activity so 
that you guys could publish my work and you guys refuse 
to, I wrote in The Beat like five-times and I never see mine 
in there. 

The next time I write in The Beat and I don't see mine 
I will no longer write in The Beat Within 'cause this is 
buUshhh. 

Well I hope you take this into consideration. Orale 
pues Beat, alrato, I hope to see my work. I'm gone! 

-Angel 

From The Beat: We know how frustrating it is to put effort and thought 
into something only to have it disappear. Maybe what The Beat has to 
offer you is the chance to learn patience and persistence, if you keep 
tiying, you will always succeed, no matter what. 



Wiieu I Get Home 



X 



What's good Beat? This ya boy Simbo. 

Today's subject is my plan when I get home. Well I get 
out on Sunday, I've been in for almost three months now. 
Well when I get out my plans are to go home first and eat, 
then go to school, and get my credits. Also, I'm 'bout to 
go chill with some girls. I'm also going to complete my 
40 days of house arrest so I could be free. While I'm on 
house arrest I'm going to stay home, stay clean, and stay 
in school. 

-Simbo 

From The Beat; Congrats on your release. We wish you could have seen 
your piece published in the Beat earlier, but its better that you're on 
your way to finishing school and sticking to your plan. 




Well my plan on getting out of the system is first to get 
out of the hall. That's like the first thing you need to think 
about. Then I'm going to work on staying out of here. It's 
going to be hard because I like the fast life, not worrying 
about anything, not thinking about what I do. But that's 
the problem with me I don't think about what I do that's 
why I'm here. 

It's not fun for shhh being here when all my boys are 
out having fun going to parties doing things that I could 
have been doing if I wouldn't have got caught up. But to 
do all the things that I like doing I have to get out of the 
system first. And to get out of the system and to stay out 
I got to do things right. I used to get g-rides. 

I used to make money real quick by selling things that 
I got from the cars or anywhere that I could get something 
to sell. It was just so easy to do it. I did all that almost 
every day. It was just the thing to do 'till I got caught for 
the first time in a g-ride I always use to get away except 
for this time I screwed up and drove the car the next 
morning. I got pulled over a few blocks from my house 
and everything was all bad like about 12 cops pulled up. 
The bad thing was that I couldn't run because my ankle 
was sprained so I just gave up. And I'm still here trying 
to get out on house arrest. So to change and get out I'm 
going to keep it cool for a while I'm going to try and get 
out of the system. 

I'm going to get a job see if that takes up most of my 
time. I'm going to get back into sports see if my PO let me 
do it while I'm on house arrest. That will be more time of 
my day to fill up. I want just to be in the streets as much 
as I can. 

Don't get me wrong I'm still going to party like there's 
no tomorrow but I'm just going to watch what I do I'm 
going to think twice about what I do. And try to stay out 
of trouble it's hard but you know everybody has to grow 
up sooner or later. So this is it all I got to say I'm out. 

-Frankie 

From The Beat; Keep focused on your plans to stay out of trouble, but 
think twice about partying like there) no tomorrow. There is a tomorrow 
- would you rather be spending it in the hall or on the outs? 



Novemiier 4tii 



Vote for Obama and everything is going to change. 

-Rolando 

From The Beat: It looks like you're right about that - Obama is now the 
president-elect and he has a lot of ideas for change. Now it) up to him 
to deliver on his promises and make that change a reality. 



iUissiug Her 



I miss her so much. 

I'm going crazy without her. 

She's my ride or die girl. 

If I'm gonna get down with someone she's right there to 
get down with me. 

I love this female, but it sucks that I had to leave on such 
a short notice. 

I miss her hugs, her kisses, and everjrthing about her. 

I wish I could explain how I feel about this girl on this 
paper, 
but there's no words I can use. My girl is so close, 

but yet she feels to far away. 

Separated by these brick walls, but I can still feel her 
love. 

-Boy In Love 

From The Beat; it sounds like you and this young woman care deeply 
about each other. We hope you're reunited soon. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



My Plans 




What's up Beat well this is Sparky. Well to start off this 
time in here for some stupid bullshhh. I messed up big 
time. Just for kicking it with my homies but if you do the 
crime you do the time so when I get out I'm going to try to 
stay away from drugs especially meth and Mary Jane and 
also cocaine because for drugs I come back. 

Well my plan is stay out and spend time with my 
family. Smoking and doing drugs is how to get away from 
feelings I have, using it as an escape. But would changing 
my feelings stop me from smoking and there for stop me 
from coming back here? 

Well I got to let you go now well don't forget this is 
Sparky. Well see you next time. 

-Sparky 

From The Beat; You bring up some good questions. Tlie system may 
stop you from doing drugs while you're lociied up, but that) just curing 
the symptom. You still have to deal with the cause of your feelings 
when you get released and go back home. Its up to you to make those 
changes! 



Worried 



What up Beat, this your boy Danny. I just wanted to drop 
a couple lines about some of the things I worry about. 
Well when I'm locked up I worry 'bout a lot of things. I 
worry about what gonna happen with my case. 

Right now I think I'm gonna do Life Skills, 'cause my 
PO be hating on this young boy. I worry 'cause that's my 
life and I would rather be on the outs then in here. 

I also worry 'bout the hood and the boys that are on 
the outs and how they doing. I worry bout them because 
they like family to me and I love them all and wouldn't 
want nothing to happen to them out there! 

The thing I most worry about 'bout is my family and 
loved ones. I always think about if I'm going to get that 
visit on Sunday and if I do am I going to get some bad 
news? I always wonder if my mom ok and what she doing! 
I worry 'bout them because I know they worry bout me 
and love me more than I know it! 

And for most who say they not tripping off nothing 
think about it 'cause I know you would be tripping if your 
loved one passes away without you saying good bye or 
you love them. 

Well Beat I'm out 'till the next time you catch me 
walking in that dry creek late! 

-Danny 

From The Beat; Yes, all the worry you have while in here doesnt add up 
to how worried your friends and family are about you. Every decision 
you make affects more than just you. When someone comes to visit you 
on Sunday, tell them that you worry for then, also. 



My life 




My life right now is kinda chaotic... like my court, or 
finding out if I'm gonna get accepted into the JTC program! 
So many people are upset with me, and I really don't 
know why? But all I can do is worry about myself! It's 
hard, though, because people I care about don't explain 
any reason to me why they're upset, or why they did what 
they did! All I really ask for is an explanation to all my 
questions, because being in here and thinking about 
everything really doesn't help - especially when you don't 
have a reason!! 

-Tenesha 

From The Beat; We're sorry that you are confused by the reaction and 
behavior of the adults in your life. But surely, you know what you are 
accused of and why you are in juvy. Ask to speak with a counselor. Let 
him/her know that you are confused. Talk it out and be patient. The 
pieces will come together. And what they say about taking a few deep 
breaths is true. It really can help to calm you. Try it out. 



I'm not liking the topics from today, so I'm gonna just 
write about what's in my head. I can't wait till I'm out. 

First thing I'm going to do is hug my mom and take 
one minute to breathe in fresh air cause juvenile hall 
stinks. I got used to it though. Then I'm gonna go eat a 
fat-ass burger from Carl's Jr. 

Well, that's when my release day comes which will be 
in like 25 years if they grant my release on parole. 

-Longing For Home 

From The Beat; We're sure its been hard being away from your family. 
We hope you get to breathe that fresh air of freedom soon. 



My life Goais 



My life goals are to make a lot of money. My life includes 
finding a lucrative job. Some of my other goals to 
accomplish before I reach my profession are college and 
leaving my criminal past behind. 

I have learned from my mistakes, I'm also trying to 
build a bond, or a stronger relationship with ( ) and all 
of my goals will be accomplished with his help and when 
I make it my credit goes out to him. 

-Robert 

From The Beat: How inspiring! We dont know who you are writing 
about building a bond with, but we wish you luck. If it doesn't work out 
with that person, build a good relationship with someone else! If the 
rest of the young people in here had the same intentions of succeeding 
in life, this world would be different. Make it happen. Set the example 
and show that you can do it. 



Beautifui Piece 



\i 



First, I want to say to all those abstract minded up in 
here to stay up and get out. 

Today Beat I am going to write about beauty in my 
neighborhood, in Gilroy. A beautiful place is my park 
Christmas Hill Park. That's an abstract park, I like to kick 
it with my homies. There we be having barbeques there 
or by parties. It's a big park, lots of green everywhere, to 
spread out, there's a creek, it's just a big beautiful park. 

If anyone in here gets a chance, go over there and 
kick it. Well to all stay up, as for me this abstract vato 
will wait to go to the Ranch, and to my brothers, stay up. 

-Abstract Minds 

From The Beat: Hey Dopey, we're wondering what you mean by 'abstract 
We could go with you having an abstract mind, but then we dont know 
how a park can be abstract. To us "abstract" means something conceived 
I without connection to any concrete, visible reality. Your mind would 
I work, but is Christmas Hill Park a real place, or just in your mind? Also 
I we cant print specific shout outs... if you want to write about a friend, 
I the whole piece needs to be about him/her. 



'A 



i-L±J. 



Giiroy 



As a day unleashes so does everything in it. 

Tomorrow is not granted so we're in it to win. 

One step at a time and never look back. 

Don't judge me by looks but judge me by facts. 

One day in my life and you'll forget how to act. 

It's the Gilroy in the two of us that makes up our pride. 

We will never back down forever we'll ride. 

So the road is made as one walks. 

Not what one says or even what one talks. 

-Slim and Pancho 

From The Beat: A poetic response to the weeks topic. Your lines about 
tomorrow not being guaranteed and defining your life by your actions 
are motivating to all of us. We dont judge you by looks, we judge by the 
excellent writings that appear in The Beat each week. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Which Side? 



This one is for all the bangers, whether you a B or C, red 
or blue, north or south. We all locked up, under the same 
roof, feelin' the same way. It's a trip when we on the outs 
we gun for each other. But when we locked up, we playin' 
Playstation together I know one or two people from the 
other side, I wouldn't kick it with them, but I got respect 
for them in here. 

A lot of people bangin' because they wanna join 
whoever is bigger. I got some homeboys that think they 
need to bang a certain hood because of their race. But 
I say, you should bang with your homeboys and not go 
lookin' for others. 

-Reapers 

From The Beat; It is pretty messed up that people kill each other over 
false divisions; where you're from, who you hang with, what color you 
wear and what one hears. All this violence does nothing but keep us 
down. We hope when you're on the outs, you remember how everyone 
could hang together when you were locked up, and you don't bring 
violence back into it. 



No Drugs 



\ 



Well, a time I had fun without drugs was when I went 
to the San Francisco Zoo with my daughter. It was fun 
watching her laugh and giggle. That's all. 

-Cool J. 

From The Beat; We're glad to hear you were sober when you were with 
your daughter. We hope you always are. It will mean a lot to her sii she 
grows up to know her dad was always there for her 100%, instead of 
50%, or whatever it might be when you're drunk or high. 



M) PlH 



X 



When I return home my plan is to stay out of the hall 
and not come back 'cause in there the food is nasty. I 
rather be in the outs eating whatever I want. 

I'm also going to stay away from the Mary Jane 'cause 
I think that's what's bringing me back 'cause every time I 
get high I don't think about nada I just do it. So that's why 
I'm going to stay away from the drugs and the places that 
get me caught up. And spend time with my family and my 
homies. And to all do your time so have a plan. 

-Creeper 

From The Beat; What will you replace the Mary Jane with? Are you 
going to find a job, a sport, go back to school? If your trouble is that 
you donY think about what you do, find something that does make you 
think. Especially think about how much you hate it in the hail, and why 
you don't want to come back. 



Today 



Today I went to court for my last fitness hearing. I'm 
getting charged as a minor after all. And I graduated high 
school Tuesday. 

-Young-G 

From The Beat; Congratulations on your graduation and getting a 
second chance, being tried as a juvenile. What a relief! 



rFuii 



L. All I 



When you're a youngster everything to you is fun. 
that adrenaline, run around playing games. Give me and 
my primes a ball and we'd have the time of our lives. But 
now that I'm older it's not like that. Give me a ball and I'll 
kick that shhh. I got lazier. But give me a blunt and 40 of 
King Cobra and Fll have the time of my life! 

-JonJon 

From The Beat: Are you really saying you cant still have fun any way 
other than drinking or getting high? Do you realize how quickly that 
will make you gin uninteresting person? Come on, there has to be 
something more to you than that! 




The Best Advice I Ever Gave 

The best advice I ever gave was helping my cousin pick 
what college he wanted to go to, and convincing him to go 
to college because he didn't want to go to college. I feel I 
have helped my family out by getting my cousin to go to 
college. 

-Dj-D RACK 

From The Beat; Education is incredibly important, so we agree with you. 
What about yourself? Are you planning on going to college, too? 



Lock Down 



Ni 



What's good? It's me. Reapers, once again coming out 
of the belly of the beast, still locked down in the max 
unit. Still looking at the same walls, and hoping to get 
out by Christmas so I can go with my family to Mexico. I 
wanna be out in time so I can kick it and see some girls 
at Cancun. I've had 6 court dates and so far, I haven't been 
sentenced. 

My dad is going on vacation with his lady, and I want 
to be out there to go too. I really hope that I'll be out to go 
to Mexico on Christmas. 

To all that are locked down, wherever you're locked 
up at, keep your heads high, they gotta free us one day. 

-Reaper 

From The Beat; A trip to Cancun does sound pretty great. We hope you 
get out in time to go. 



Act Of Kindness 



What's cracking. Beat? It's that Payaso. Well, I've done 
some pretty nice things for people. For example, I try not 
to discriminate towards girls. Don't get me wrong, I have 
my limits, but sometimes I try not to be too self-centered. 
A couple "big-boned" girls have came my way and as 
much as I don't want to do it, I gotta think of others and 
give them what they want. I figure this is one un-solicited 
act of kindness. I don't expect nothing in return, I just 
figure I shouldn't discriminate due to size. 

-Payaso 

From The Beat: It could just be us, but this sounds more like bragging 
and acting big than it does like a story of being nice to others. We'd 
love to see you come up with an actual example of kindness in your life; 
we're sure you do have one. 



Barney 




Smoking a stick a day Barney but not the purple dinosaur 
stuff that ninjas dying for stuff my squad knows Fab with 
the windows up see the smoke pour out soon as I open 
the door soon as I go to the sto voices like wow who got it 
you know who got it ninja summer time coming up can't 
breath without it bring the hypnotic bring the heem mix 
that stuff it turned green. 

-FortyBo 

From The Beat; What are you trying to say to us about drugs? While you 
know how to catch our attention with your words, what do you want 
to do with that attention once you have it? You have a power when you 
write, but put careful thought into how you will use it. 



Doino Somethino Nice 



The last time I did something nice for someone was 
when it was my mom's day off and she needed to go out 
but she needed to take care of my brother, so I told her I 
would watch him. 

-Farid 

From The Beat: We're sure your mom appreciated your help. How did it 
feel to do something nice for her? 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



My Future 




I'm glad to say the next time I leave this place I will be off 
probation, 18 years old and living on my own. I have been 
waiting three years for this. Unfortunately, they are going 
to take six months of my life before that happens. When I 
get out, I'm planning on going to West Valley College. 

I want to take something in business seeing as I'm so 
good at selling stuff. I'm also trying to get a part-time job. 
So I could have that money on the side. I'm not going to 
lie when I get out I'm going to party my ass off, but not all 
crazy. I got a minute to go but in the end it's going to be 
crack in'. 

-Playboy 

From The Beat; Sounds like you have some good plans ahead of you to 
go straight. We also appreciate your honesty. There is nothing wrong 
with partying, if you can Iceep it under control, then again if you are 
being tested, then you must be smart, especially if you value your 
freedom. 



Worry 



It hits the heart like a heart attack when worry strikes. 

To see the walls you lose all your might. 

To continue on missing your family to continue on 

missing life. 

The worry hurts from within to keep on living life of sin. 

My mother worries for her son she feels that I am not 

dumb. 

Worry doesn't help or heal, it just brings more pain for 

me to feel. 

To stop the worry I read and dream to escape the nightmare 

that I call life! 

-Kevin 

From The Beat; Dreaming can change the nightmare you call life into 
something that is no longer painful. Put your mind to work thinking of 
ways to improve the things around you and your mind wont be filled 
with worry anymore. 



The Maiu Mau 



I'm worried about court 'cause I kind of know what's going 
to happen, but when dealing with court people nothing is 
ever exact or you never get a straight up answer. 

I think America needs a drastic change and that 
would be Obama, but I'm sorry there are still many racist 
people in the world and they could be a big danger to him. 
Me, I am going to try and hang out with the same people 
and not do the same drugs. 

- Anonymous 

From The Beat: Well, America seems to have gotten the drastic change 
you asked for! Congrats, lets hope he doesnt let us down. We hope your 
own drastic changes go well. 



^ 



Immaturity 

Man what's up with all these immature people cripin 
here? Even the other homeboys here start acting like 
little kids they make all of us look bad. People need to 
learn how to conduct themselves and learn to start acting 
like a man not some little kid who like to kick the door 
and yell shhh under the door and shhh... 

Well I'm out to all that know me up in here stay up 
don't let no one brings you down late. 

-Guero 

From The Beat; We've \ccn people get pretty frustrated in many facilities 
and beat on their doors and yell. Its pretty distracting for others who 
also live there, at least temporarily. Unfortunately many around you 
are facing some really hard times. Maybe having feelings and feeling 
them is part of learning to be a man. Maybe being kind to them is also 
part of being a man. 



Today I made two choices I never ever would of thought 
would happen. Today is the first time I refused to get 
down in a fight. He was too little. I really thought about 
my priorities. I'm out in two weeks to a sober living 
environment. I get to be out with my lady and my family. 
I know what I'm about on the outs. This don't mean 
nothing. If I make the mistake of letting people know 
when I'm out about what happened with him, I got a lot to 
lose. They could take advantage. 

- Chino 

From The Beat; This is because how rare is it that any person makes a 
decision that they have never made before. It sounds like you are proud 
of this, yet you talk down about it at the same time. We are very proud 
of this decision. Keep making ones like this and you won't be writing 
in The Beat anymore. 



Worry 



Things I have to worry about is hopefully I get out, not 
for my benefit but for my brother's benefit. If I don't get 
out my mom told me that the doctor said he might die 
from depression because he doesn't want to eat at all. 
Because I'm not there to feed him and since I raised him 
he won't eat if anybody else tries to feed him so if I don't 
get out I have to worry about my brother's health. 

-Bb 

From The Beat; That is a heavy burden to carry around, and we're sorry 
to hear about your brother. How do you deal with having someone 
depend on you? It is good to learn how to support someone else, to 
think of others. We wish you and your brother the best. 



^ 



^ ^^^ 



-^ ' ' ' i ^ ' ' ' ' ' 



My Plan 



My plan is to get out. 

Do good. 

Get a job, and be with my family. 

Finish school, go to college. 

I want to be successful in work. 

Stay out of trouble and do good. 

Want to be with my brothers, be outside, chill with my 

friends. 

Keep going to school and finish school. 

Be helpful, chill, and have a house. 

-Hector 

From The Beat; These sound like good ideas. What kind of job do you 
want? How much schooling will you undergo? The details are the most 
important part of any plan so think it through carefully, and then follow 
through. 



My Plaus 



Allow me to extend my love and respect to my fellow 
inmates. 

My plan upon my release is to focus on my family and 
live life on the straight and narrow path that I should have 
followed since day one. 

I'm here till February, so basically I'm going to take 
advantage of my time here and make the best of it. 

My advice to all on the calles (streets) and up in here 
is to do your time and stay solid and keep that composure. 
Plans aren't always good to make, but what I'm basically 
trying to say, is have your mind straight - think of a great |" 
plan and follow through with it because it's easy to say 
you gonna do it but the hard part is actually sticking to 
your plan and being committed to it. 

- Anthony 

From The Beat; lt% true, there is that saying; 'The best made plans ..." 
meaning that some of the best made plans fall through. But when it 
comes to changing oneS life, that commitment is especially important. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 




Looked Like My Ex-Girl 



9-vole Beat! Well this is your homie Monstro once again 
here writing in the Beat. Well I don't really feel like writing 
today's topics. I'm just going to write what's in my head. 

Well today I seen some girl come in when we were 
busy writing on the Beat and they made me think of my 
ex-lady, the way she looked and the way she act. 

At first I thought it was her, but it wasn't, but the 
weird thing about her is that she was from the same place 
where my ex-lady was from. Pues orale this is all I got to 
say for today until next Beat alrato. 

-Monstro 

From The Beat; It seems like your ex-girl is always in your mind. Maybe 
you should find a way to get out and try to get her back with good 
intentions. Give it a try! 



Youno Nasty 



The shady shhh that happens in this world is that my 
older brother is going down for a double homicide and he 
wasn't the shooter. Just being there, will take his whole 
life. Some people make mistakes and the wrong one or the 
wrong turn will take your whole life away, so be smart. 

-Dre 

From The Beat: We are sorry for his situation. These are the consequences 
we have to face when being at the wrong spot, and with the wrong 
people, itis rough to have to learn this really hard way to stay away from 
those places. So many lost their lives in this situation, not just the ones 
who died. So, are you smart now? 



N 



Moving On 

Hey, what's crackin' Beat! Well, I got some good news 
'cause the judge said if I don't get released to the group 
home by the 30th, I'm gonna get to go home. Yea, that's 
what's up. Well my plan is that I'm gonna get my program 
out of the way. But yea that's all I gotta say. 

-Young homie 

From The Beat; Sounds like you're out of the Hall either way by now. 
You've told us what the judged plan for you is, but what is your plan 
after the program? 



Bored 



Well Beat, I'm bored. I got 18 months in a Y.A. alternative 
and hopefully I don't fail. SO let's hope I do good. 

-P'wood 

From The Beat; Things may be less boring at Y.A. but also more difficult 
to stay on track. Dont let boredom get you sent back to the Hall. 



My 'Hood 



The beauty in my 'hood is the park, the streets, and 
stores. You never see those places alone. Wherever you 
look, there are people. 

My 'hood is Sunnjrvale the city of the sun. There you 
see families at the park, a busy city is what it is. The 
private places are the alleys where we can kick it. 

-Goofy 

From The Beat: Thanks for sharing! Be careful with those private 
places. 



Tomorrow 



X 



I'm going to court tomorrow I hope things go good for 
me so let's just wait and see what happens. Hope me the 
best, thanks Beat! This is T-Bone with the Wood's! 

-T-Bone 

From The Beat; Good luck, T-Bone 



I don't want to be suffering on my death-bed. But if I'm 
not, I would like to be in good health and have a nice 
small family, with some grandchildren. But until then, I 
want to enjoy my time as a kid. Well I'm becoming a big 
kid 'cause I'm 18 so I have to start growing up soon. 

-The Might Mouse 

From The Beat; Right! As you get older you tend to have more 
responsibilities. You can still enjoy your time however, just have to set 
your life up so you can handle your responsibilities well. 



Tiie Traveied Road 



Isolated from the world 

alone and scared. 

Turned my back on my loved ones 

my homies and myself. 

Hurt my family in the process 

the devil's drug got my mind gone. 

Regrets of blowing big white clouds 

and feeling that rush 

making my heart turn cold. 

Tears formed in 

my eyes when times got 

real hard. 

Crying I never called it 

but crying it was. 

Inside it hurt me to see 

how much I was changing. 

It's crazy how one drug created my insanity. 

Believing my own thoughts 

into destroying my life. 

Now I'm sitting here wondering how will I survive. 

-Crazy L 

From The Beat: Drugs can be like highway that fast-tracks our life to a 
nightmare world. But recognizing our problems are the map to finding 
our way home. Thanks for sharing this personal story. 



My Pian As Of Today 



Today is just one of those days that I hate being locked 
up. 

Well today is Oct 16th and I have 'till Feb. 14 and I've 
been here since July 20th. But I've been being productive 
since I've been in here. I should be done wit' my GED 
soon. But when I get out I'm going to go to a trade school 
for heating and air conditioning and that is gonna be my 
forever hopefully. But it's good money and it has benefits 
and I am trying to get my own place and be independent. 

But yeah, sorry for the wack writing Beat. It is just 
one of those days. 

-Shyboy 

From The Beat; Well, everyone has an off day. Just kidding, it is great to 
see you write through your writers block. Six months is a long time to 
be locked up but it sounds like you have some good plans. 



Wliat Willi I II Doiig Wliei I'n (4 



^i1 



When I'm 64, I imagine myself still doing what I do. 
Doing what I do is kicking it with my homies, smoking 
weed, and putting in work 'cause that's what I see myself 
doing. Why? Because I love what I do and I am gonna keep 
on doing it until Fm dead, 'cause I don't see myself doing 
nothing else! 

-M 

From The Beat; Why not work at a job instead of "putting in work?" You 
might feel better about yourself and care whether you live (and have 
a family and be able to be responsible to people you love) or die — and 
selfishly not care about anyone who cares about you. We are certain if 
you put some effort into your life you could be worth more to yourself. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Gettino Out 



X 



Waz cool with it Beat? This is Tasha and today Fm gonna 
talk about getting out. Alright - so I know that it's hard 
for a lot of people in juvy, but if you do good and follow 
the rules, then you might just have a chance to get out. 
This is like my first time in here and I feel like I've been 
here before. 

I've realized that you can't always do what you want, 
and get what you want. But all you who are going to be 
in here for awhile - 1 want to say 'keep your head up' and 
all you fools up in here I want to say 'keep strong, don't 
let time control you'. That's when you control time. Stay 
out of trouble and when you get out, stay out of here, and 
stay positive. Alright - late. Until pencil meets paper. Keep 
your head up. 

-Tasha 

From The Beat; You've got us wondering why it feels liice you've been in 
the hall before. Why do you think that is? 



When I'm 64 



This is Stephanie. I'm going to tell you about me when 

1 turn 64. Well, I'm going to have a happy family with 

2 kids, a girl and a boy. And I'm going to be a doctor 
(pediatrician). I'm going to work good - spoil my kids, and 
teach them well. I'm going to graduate, go to college, and 
everything - so my family will have everything. 

I don't want my children to end up like me - getting 
in trouble and stopping here at Juvenile Hall. This is no 
good place to be at. I just want a happy and healthy family 
that live in a big house. That's about it. People out there 
- keep your head up, and your dreams. Bye! 

-Stephanie 

From The Beat; Those are impressive goals Stephanie. We hope you like 
studying. Its a long and difficult road to become a doctor. We admire 
your intentions. Good luck. 



Waitino Here 



What's cracking Beat? Well I'm still living up in here. 
Well I'm going to write about some of the fake phonies that 
try to hate on me, but I aint tripping off one big cockroach 
that thinks he's hard but you know what they get handle 
and they want some more of the most powerful man. 

I'm still going to posted here mob living my life until 
it comes down to I'll be waiting here, I'm out stay up and 
live that life. 

-Paisa 

From The Beat; Who does the life benefit? Does it make your life better? 
Does it make life better for your family or your mob mates? is it just for 
the fun? Question it, question everything, and do whatS right. 



Last Time Writing 



Whatsup Beat readers. Well this is my last time writing 
in The Beat. I have a couple days left here and I'm back 
out to the free world. All I can say is - this time I'm happy 
to have a set plan for my life, because if I get into trouble 
again, then it's to the county I go, and I fasho ain't tryna 
go there. But for all the people doing hard time - stay up 
and get a set plan before you get out. 

-Melissa 

From The Beat; That is very good advice. Maybe we're saying so because 
its the advice we often give to folks in your situation. But it still sounds 
good. Think deeply and honestly about why you're here, what led you 
here, and what you'd really like to do with your life. Then make a plan 
for avoiding a repetition of the bad behavior that led you here, and, a 
plan to lead you toward the life your really want. Step by step planning 
works best. Good luck. 




Beantifni Pieces 



Gilroy itself is just a beautiful place to be! But if I had 
to choose a place it would be my home or at school. I 
choose my home because it's my resting place, I feel 
secure. It's a place where I can have quality time with my 
family. At school it's good because I get to see people. I 
find out about things or events, and at the same time get 
my education! 

-Tenesha 

From The Beat; Who would have guessed - school. Good for you. 



Once Upon A Haiioween Nioiit 

I was rolling deep with my ninjas. I was wearing a ski 
mask and my ninja was wearing a Jason mask. The other 
was wearing a ski mask, and another, a scream mask. We 
ran into some cats from the opposite gang. It was two way 
older and bigger cats. They started talking smack. 

We was like "what the heck". We was looking at them 
acting a fool. So me and my ninja was like "hey - take out 
the shank". We said that to my ninja. He took it out. We 
was like "bring it on suckas - how you wana do this?" So 
we start scrapping. 

They took my ninja down, both of them. Me and my 
ninja started getting down with the cats. My partner cut 
one. Then I come up and punched him. He went down. 
His friend was crying and went to get him. He fell on his 
knees and called back up. 

We ran. They came up around the corner. Then they 
jumped us. But you know how we do - we hit last. So we 
still going back and forth. The war ain't over on anyone 
one who wants to fight us, or me.... 

-Scarf ace 

From The Beat; You survived that dumb encounter. But you might not 
have. How would your mom feel if you hadn't? How would your friends 
feel? And if you had killed one of the kids from Yhe opposite gang', 
how would you feel? The behavior you've described is viscious and 
unintelligent. Yet we know that you are a very bright fellow. What will 
it take for you to treat your life and the lives of others with the respect 
we all deserve? We get one chance to be alive. Its a great gift. Start 
respecting it, before you do something you'll regret forever. 



iH]f Favorite Haiioween Costnme 

What's good Beat. It's ya girl Jacki speakin' about this 
topic for The Beat. Dang, I really don't remember any of 
my costumes, but there was one that made me stand out. I 
was a clown! It was funny. I had the wig and the red rubber 
nose and the whole outfit. My mommy did my makeup 
and I actually looked pretty cute. I was probably about 
6 or something. Maybe 4, who knows. I love Halloween 
though, and dressing up. It's fun and I don't care. I'm a be 
17 and still go trick or treating -haha! 

Well, that's it for me. Hopefully, this is my last Beat. 
I'm out soon! Wish me luck! GONE! 

-Jacki 

From The Beat; We do wish you luck. Now, be gone, and be good. 



Hope to iie Happy 



X: 



When I'm 64 I hope to be healthy and in good shape so I 
can travel the world after I retire. My days of working hard 
will have been over, and I want to travel to places and be 
with my family as much as I can before I die. I just hope 
to be happy. 

-Melissa 

From The Beat; Travel is good for the soul. Good for the brain, too. And 
you don't have to wait til you're 64. We recommend a bit of traveling 
every now and then. Bon voyage. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



One Whole Year 



What up Beat well this is lil' Silent coining out of Gilroy. 
I'm just chilling waiting to go to the ranch, so I should 
be leaving on December then after that I got 6-8 months 
to go. 

My plan when I get out he's try to attend Gilroy high 
and graduate as soon as I get out or at least be a super 
senior for a semester. When I get out I'm going to have 
to do two months of aftercare then start on one of the 
difficult thing gang probation. 

I'm going to have to stay out of trouble for one whole 
year. How I'm going to pass that I don't know but I do 
have a plan but plan don't always go as plan. I'm going 
to Gavelin college for at least a semester then when I'm 
done with that take a vacation to south gate go live with 
my cousins for the rest of my gang probation then after 
I'm done with that come back to Gilroy finish up Gavelin 
then go to San Jose State well that's my plan. Well stay 
up till I see you. 

-Lil* Silent 

From The Beat: Schoolwork can be tough. I've always found that the 
best way to get through it was to take what you enjoy and enjoy what 
you take - find subjects that interest you, but also find things you enjoy 
about what you are taking already. 



Beiny 64 



X 



What's cracking Beat it's Frank The Tank once again just 
chilling. But the topic is "When I'm 64." Hopefully I'll be 
alive when I'm that age first of all. I really don't know who 
will need me I know not my kids if I have any most likely 
I'm going to be needing them cause I'm gonna be so old. 
Maybe I will be worried maybe I won't hopefully I still 
got my familia with me. I really don't like thinking about 
being old because I know my man is going to be gone and 
that sucks just thinking about it. For now I'm gonna keep 
a strong mind and live life to the fullest. Orale pues to all 
those in the struggle keep striving. Alrato. 

-Frank The Tank 

From The Beat; Looking ahead is often hard because of the loss that 
all of us will go through. But the great thing is that for every hard 
time that lies ahead, for every pain, there) something really amazing 
and happy. 



Hopino and Prayino 



I worry for my family, hoping and praying for them each 
and every night. Wishing they're happy and smiling no 
matter what. 

I worry that they'll give up on me. Forget me I worry 
that they're stressing due to me I love and miss them 
dearly. 

-Log Phi 

From The Beat: The great thing about family is that no matter how 
much you love then, they love you just at much back. 



Never Again 



Something I would never do again is hang out with a 
bunch of stupid people that can get me in a stupid 
situation like the one I am in right now, but that's it for 
now. Another thing is I never get anything in the Beat 
no more, so hopefully this ones goes through. Until next 
time, I'm right here chilling in the max. 

-Snoopy 

From the Beat; Well, we put your piece in, but we'd like to hear more 
of your thoughts. For example, did you take skn active role in whatever 
it was that got you locked up? Do you take any responsibility for the 
situation you're in? 




When I'm 64 



When I'm 64 I want to be retired from whatever job I 
decide to do. And I want to have kids, and grandkids, too. 
And I want to always keep my family members close to one 
another and always have family gatherings on holidays. 

-Matriarch 

From The Beat; Hey, did you know that a growing number of people 
reaching the usual retirement age are refusing to quit working. When 
you're working at something you love, work is fun, and doesnt feel like 
"work'. Maybe by the time you hit 64 youll want to work ^il you're 84. 



Stay Lncky 



Hey Beat! How you guys been? Me I'm cool! I haven't 
written in the Beat for a while. Either the unit was on 
lockdown or the Beat guy never came. Well shhh I'm 
back. I'm going back home until next year. I'm going to 
James Ranch. But I know what I'm going to do when I get 
out. I'm about to graduate. 

When I get out I think I might go to city college. I'll 
go for a while and get a couple credits. At the same time 
I'll distract myself by getting a job. I don't know what 
kind of job I want. I'll just be clean and do my aftercare 
requirements. I'll do that then turn eighteen and get off 
the system. 

I'll just keep low and kick back and try to get an 
apartment and live by myself. Well then Beat I'm just 
going to try to stay lucky and do my time. All right Beat. 
Much love and respect. Alrato. 

-Victor 

From The Beat; It sounds like you have some good ideas. Living on your 
own and on your own terms can help you really take responsibility for 
yourself. Definitely living on your own paychecks will help with that. 
Good luck in school and work and life and everything you're doing. 



Gettino Ont 



What up Beat, well today I've been locked up for almost 5 
months. For some dumb shhh. Going to the ranch. 

Well about the topic my plan when I get out is to finish 
my program and get of aftercare so I could kick it with the 
homies. Drink a 40 oz. and kick back at my chante do 
what I want without people telling me to wake up, take a 
shower, and go to school and be able to eat what I want. 
That's my master plan to go back to smell that garlic. 

-Froggy 

From The Beat; That sounds like one plan, but it may well get you right 
back where people do tell you what to do. The garlic is an amazing 
smell fl love it every time I'm in townj, so just make sure you do what 
you need to, to stay there. 



The Beat 



^: 



What up The Beat. I'm going to start off by talking about 
how I got to make the wrong decisions before I got in this 
facility. It is all my fault for thinking I'm the one they 
should look up to on criminal stuff - like wanting to be 
the so-called 'down one'. 

But it was also some of my friends. They influenced 
me to do bad things that I didn't want, but I still did them, 
to be cool. That's the stuff that got me in this joint. But 
next time I won't let anyone try to influence me, so I can 
get a better future. 

-The Jaws 

From The Beat; OK, good intention. Now make your intention come true 
by coming up with a plan. For instance, which of your friends should 
you stop hanging out with? What will you do to get that important high 
school diploma? etc. Put your plans on paper and carry them out. Ask 
for help, when you need it. That) a sign of strength - to ask for help 
when you need it. Get busy. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



My Plan 



X 



What's cracking beat it's the homie Frank the tank 
just posted up. But the topic is "My Plan." My plan for 
getting out of this system is getting a job and applying for 
financial aid to go to college. I'm not gonna go half ways 
with this either. I'm hoping that this will keep me busy 
and out of trouble. 

Doing this would only leave me Saturdays and 
Sundays to party hopefully. But yea I have some other 
plans also. 

I'm not tryna quit my ways so I feel that's gonna 
interfere in a major way but I'm gonna strive for perfecting 
shoot for the stars and I'll land somewhere in between 
if not all the way, but yea that's it for this week to my 
familia stay up. Alrato. 

-K. 

From The Beat; That sounds like a plan, shooting for the stars. And 
finding other stuff you care about certainly can help you avoid bad 
stuff. But it won't eliminate it completely, so make sure you keep in 
mind what the results of what you're doing will be, two days a week 
or icven. 



My One Regret 



I regret bringing a knife to school. It got me probation 
for a long time and if that had never happened, I probably 
wouldn't be locked up right now. It lead me to a bad 
situation. That's like the one thing I regret, 'cause it got 
me in trouble with the law. I think my life would be better, 
but it's too late. 

-Jason 

From The Beat; Cant change the past Jason, but you can have a better 
future, and we think you know what you must do. 



Family First 



Worrying would do anjrthing for you except show that 
you care. I know I worry just as much as the next guy. But 
I try not to show it because it makes me look weak. 

Everybody should worry for their family first any 
other thing last. The more you worry, you will get use to 
it and you'll do it more and more. Instead of worry, go out 
and do something. 

-Tuan 

From The Beat; We don't agree that showing worry makes you weak, 
because everyone is human and people will respect your humanity. But 
you're right that worrying really pays off when you can step out and do 
something about it. 



Worry 



It's the Tank once again just gona drop these line as real 
quick but worrying is a part of life, everybody worries it 
could be for your kid, the familia, loved ones etc. the point 
is everybody worries. I try not to worry in here because 
it does nothing but bring bad thoughts. Worrying doesn't 
help in here especially knowing you can't do shhh to 
help. 

I try to think of a positive alternative for the things 
I worry about. That makes me feel better and worry as 
much. I know my mom worries about me a lot and I tell 
her not to because I'm grown enough to handle mines. 
But everybody's bouncing on me in here so I'm a cut this 
right here. Alrato. 

-K. 

From The Beat; You make some good points. Wi not good to let worry 
consume you when you're caught in one place, because it can snowball. 
But make sure when you're thinking of other things that you dont 
ignore what you should be doing. Worry isn't helpful sometimes, but 
itt there for a reason. 




My Baby Momma 



I love her to death and when I get out I'm going to make 
things work out this time. I never meant to hurt her and I 
never will again! It will never happen again. I love her. 

-Evil 

From The Beat; Good. But now you have to come up with a plan for 
taking care of your family. And that means finishing school and getting 
your degree. For starters.... 



X-L 



Jnst Posted 



What's good Beat? Haven't wrote a piece for a minute. 
I finally got transferred to the life skills unit. I'm just 
taking it day by day trying to knock my time off. I got 
about 56 days to go. Hopefully I get that 2 week kick so 
I could be out for Thanksgiving with my family. My boy 
just got out. And to my boys that's doing time, ya'll keep 
ya head up. 

I'm trying to prepare myself for society once again. I 
know I made mistakes before but hey, nobody is perfect. 
All I know is I'm going to try my best to be successful and 
to get out of the system, once you're in the system it is 
very hard to get out, well Beat, ya'll stay up and be safe. 
Until pencil meets paper. ..gone. 

-Mouthpiece B 

From The Beat; You sound pretty determined to stay free once you're 
out. No ones perfect, but you'd be surprised what you can do if you 
help yourself, and make sure you stay out of the wrong situations. 
Good luck. 



Never Again? Did It Again! 



There are many things I've been convicted, been convicted 
for things, but yet I still keep doing it even when I said I 
wouldn't. 

Caught in a G-Ride. Drove one again. Walking when you 
can mob in a free car with free gas. Got wrapped up for pills 
and bud for intent to sell. Said I'd stop. Got out! 

My pockets was hungry and I wanted to eat. So hit up the 
old knocks, said "I got it." Also got caught with possession of 
a fire arm. Extra charge for it being a semi-auto (automatic). 
Hella stupid. Didn't even think they can do that! 

My cousin got shot while I was locked up. Perfect timing 
huh?... 

-JonJon 

From the Beat; We edited for you. Our question is, WHY? Why do you 
keep doing the same things? Why are you continuing this downward 
spiral? Its not that you dont have the power to change your life, you 
just havent decided to do it yet. We hope you dont wait any longer. Life 
is too short to waste it like this. 



\ ho the Ranch' 



! I I I I I I M I i I I M 



What's up Beat and Beat reader. This is my plan and 
shhh. 

My plan is to pass me ranch and go back to the hood. 
And kick it with the homeboys. Get drunk. Do some of 
that with the girl and just get messed up and shhh. And 
do some stupid shhh again nah, but put in it down for my 
town. 

This just might be my last Beat I am going to the ranch 
in 2 weeks from now. But see you at home brother I am 
gone to the ranch. Not this Tuesday but next Tuesday the 
10/28/08 love you brother see you. O my ninja Noey I am 
out 'cause to the ranch just keep your head up ninja see 
you at the ranch you will be more soon and shhh. Well I 
am gone. One love gone. 

-Sammy 

From The Beat; Good luck at the ranch and on the outs. I hope you 
don't do any of those things you suggested. Remember one love means 
one love for everyone. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



A Day in the Life 



As I walk down the street with my homegirl to Jean's 
palace, an undercover walks up behind me. He flashes 
his badge and tells me to pull over. He asks me what gang 
I belonged to and why I was wearing so much red. Even 
though the only red I had on was a Cincinnati Reds hat. 
He searched me and called backup. 

After searching they took me home and began to 
search my house. While they were searching my house, 
one undercover began to interrogate me. He began to talk 
shhh to me and threatened to send me to the hospital. 
When they were done searching they took some clothes 
and other stuff that wasn't even gang related. 

-Reaper 

From the Beat; This must have been a really frustrating encounter. It) 
not right, and we're sorry it happened to you. 



\ 



My iife tiirougii tiie System 

What's up Beat!! My life through the system it sucks 
because when you're locked up you belong to the state. 
Because when you are in the system the state provides 
you food, clothes, health care, but the most thing that 
sucks is that they make your decision for you. 

For example: Me, I m locked up in the Juvenile hall 
and in here I can't not do anything. For example, when 
I want to go to the restroom I have to ask if I could go. 
Because be in here you lose your basic rights; the system 
decides for you. They tell you when to eat, and what to 
eat, when to take a shower when to have free activity, and 
what clothing to wear. So this is it. Beat. This is how my 
life through the system is ok. Pues Alratos. 

-Stitch 

From the Beat; It can be really awful to have no freedom. We trust that 
this wonY be your whole life, though. Not if you make a change in your 
life once you're on the outs again. 



Do My Dest 



What up. Beat? It sucks in here. On Wednesday Oct. 1st 
I got sentenced to 120 days. One of the reasons why I'm 
here is cause I got shot. And that's pretty messed up but 
it happens. I wanna say that I don't wanna get locked up 
again, but every time I say never, it happens again. So 
instead of saying never, I'll just go out there and do my 
best. This is my last stop in here. I'm about to be IS. I get 
out 28 days after my b-day. So all I gotta do is try. 

-James. 

From the Beat; Its true; if all you do is Mk^f "never" without changing any 
part of your game plan, the outcome) going to be the same. So when 
you go out there and do your best, think about the mistakes you made 
before, and figure out a way to avoid getting sucked into the same old 
cycle. 



Keep Dieedino 



I remember one year when I was younger, I dressed up as 
a skeleton. I had a bleeding mask and chest plate, where 
I would press something in my hand and blood would 
gush. I'd go around my whole neighborhood with my 
parents and get a pillowcase full of candy! Then, I took off 
the suit and went around with my bro as a "serial killer". 
Maybe everyone felt bad cuz they thought we didn't have 
costumes. I'd go home and sort allllUU my candy. It would 
last me forever! I never finished the peppermint patties or 
candy cones. 

-Selena 

From The Beat; Hey, you're lucky no one put cereal in your treat bag the 
second time around. 




Wiiose Car is It? 



I will never get in a person's car if I don't know whose 
car it is. It was a Friday night and it was my 18th birthday 
and I had a lot of fun all day and the day before too with 
my friend ,but he had to leave at 11:30 on Saturday. So I 
got dropped off at my boy's house and we decided to get 
a hotel and throw a party, but we wanted to go to a party 
and say we're gonna have an after-party. We got picked up 
by my friend. My friend was with another. A police pulled 
out a shot gun and told us to get out. The car was stolen 
and I got locked up. 

- After the Party 

From the Beat; This does sounds like a "wrong place at the wrong time" 
situation. It sounds like you've learned to be more careful with who 
you associate with, so we hope you wont find yourself in the same 
situation again. 



My Pian 



My life plan for when I get out is that I'm gonna start 
working for my kid and for myself. I got a lot of things to 
accomplish in my life. 

The first thing is to show people that I'm gonna 
change and never come back again. My sister started to 
cry and started to write me letters saying that my family 
wants me back home. My other plan is to finish school 
and go to college. So, I'm just wishing for me to go out 
and finish my problems in the streets and accomplish my 
goals. 

-Main Goal 

From The Beat; It is great that, even though you acknowledge your 
kid and your family, you say that you are going to change for yourself. 
That) the key to making it happen. 



Daiioween 



^ 



When I was younger I just loved Halloween. I couldn't 
wait to get all dressed up and go trick or treating. I would 
always want to be a princess. 

-Anonymous 

From The Beat; These days, it seems like everyday is halloween ■ for some 
people. We saw someone dressed sii a bumblebee today, walking down 
the street, talking to a fellow dressed sii a peanut butter sandwich. 



Tiie Life I Ciioose 



Bro are you listening 

Depression got me heading right 

My obsession with the dank 

And the powder. I treat every minute like 

It's my last hour cause death 

Could come any second. This life 

That I like is so young and reckless 

I done seen homeboy get shot on my block. 

That's how I know my life could end any second. 

If you don't put this in the Beat for everyone to read 

then please respect it. 

As I sit in my cell I think, how did my life get like this? 

I know this is the life I was raised with and this is the life 

I choose. 

Much love to all the homeboys. Keep your head up, I'm 

gone. 

-Gone 

From the Beat; We're so sorry you lost your friend to violence. No one 
should have to face that kind of tragedy. Dont let his death be in vain, 
however; dont get caught up in the same circle of violence. The best 
way you can honor your friend is to lead a safe, happy, and productive 
outside of the streets. He would want that for you. 



■^ 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Good For My Dauohter 




What's cracking Beat readers? It's the homeboy Shrek 
finally looking forward to getting out. So I'm looking 
forward to chilling with my daughter and going to work. 
Also I'm looking forward to getting off probation. 

But damn it's hard to do good but I'm hella trying so 
yeah I been doing good lately. My PO is still hating on 
my though but it's good I'm a show her how this G gets 
down and do good for my daughter. Anyways later I gotta 
bounce so stay up to all and do your time don't be stupid. 
Later I'm out. 

-Shrek 

From The Beat; You've got the right idea, Shrek. When someone doesnt 
think much of you, the best way you can prove them wrong is to live 
right. Not only do you stay out of the systems grip, but you also become 
the kind of person that they didnt think you could. 



llcky 



\ 



When I was still out, I used to drink alcohol every day. 
Preferably malt liquor. Everyday I would make a trip to 
the liquor store and shoulder-tapped to try and get some 
brew. In the beginning I told myself I wasn't gonna make 
drinking a habit. But eventually it turned into one and I 
couldn't shake it. 

I tried a couple times to stop for like a week. This girl 
got me to make a bet with her if I could stop drinking for 
a couple weeks, but I couldn't do it. I ended up cheatin' 
and drinking again. But since I'm in here I'm pretty sure I 
could stay away from drinking when I get out. But not for 
long!... Joke Lang! 

-Dave 

From the Beat; It doesn't really sound like this is a joke. You need to get 
help for your addiction. We have faith you can clean up if you really try. 
It) worth it, we promise. 



Hold it In 



I promised that I would never talk back to my mom, but 
I keep breaking that promise because I get mad and I just 
can't hold it in, because she keeps pushing my buttons 
and don't know, I just wanna be able to hold it in and not 
cuss at her and not break my promise anymore. 

-Travel J 

From the Beat; Not talking back doesnY' mean holding it in. Can you 
talk to your mom without yelling at her? Can you explain your side 
when she makes you angry? 



! I I II I M I M ITT 



Never Aoain, Look Up 



Never again will I let my family down 

Never again will I make my parents frown 

Staying out of trouble was hard for me 

But now I will to stay out to be free 

Free from stress and pain 

Free to use my brain 

Do the things and go to school 

Instead of hanging out acting a fool 

Be there for my girl who I love so much 

Be there for my son so he can feel my touch 

Never again will I get locked up 

I'm a keep my head high and look up 

Because now I give a shhhh 

And this experience I'll never forget. 

-J stunt 

From the Beat; You're smart to take so much from being locked up. We're 
sure you're going to value your freedom once you're out again, and do 
the right things so you can keep it. 



What's good it that one and only Sneaks coming from 
that B-2 unit I want to give a shout out to all the solid 
homeboys and let these females know I'm single once 
again. 

-Sneaks 

From The Beat: All the girls will be on the lookout, I'm sure. 



Worry 



^: 



I worried that I'm not going to be next to my lady when 
she has my baby. 

-Eliseo 

From The Beat: That is one of the most important moments in a persons 
life, and we hope you can be there for it. Even if you cant, make sure 
that you are there for your kid afterwards »% well. 



By All Means Necessary 

Yo, what up Beat. This be that 

boy coming out that max to write 

About something I said I 

Would do and that was get off 

Probation, but somehow trouble found 

Me and shhhh happens, right, so 

I aint going to sit and cry about being locked 

Up, but just use this situation to 

Better myself by all means necessary 

With that said this boy is out 

To all homeboys and homegirls doing time 

Keep your heads and keep going, alrato. 

-Indio 

From the Beat; Trouble found you? How, exactly? You talk like you had 
no part in what happened, but "trouble" isnt a person; it can't act by 
itself. If you don't take responsibility for the things you do, how are 
you ever going to change your future so that it doesn't look like the 
present? 



[Help You A Lot 



The thing that I won't ever gonna do again in my life 
and is the thing that I don't wanna do again, and I think I 
won't do again is smoke weed or do other kinds of drug. 
Also I think the weed makes you be stupid, burns up the 
brain. 

And I wanna be different and better every day and to 
keep doing that I have to come inside or you and if you 
wanna change I think the other person that can help be 
better and yet whatever you want is Dios. He is the only 
one that you can talk to and he can help you a lot. 

-Better Every Day 

From the Beat: Drugs do make you more stupid, its true. They kill brain 
cells. You're still smart, though - we can tell. Stay that way, okay? 



Always Worryino 



Me I'm always worried for what happens in here 'cause 
whatever happens in here will affect my mom my babe 
and my lady, not just that, but I always worry for what is 
happening in the streets trippin', thinking if my boys are 
still alive and living 'cause it's hard on the streets for my 
team. I roll with the pimps and hustlas people who know 
how to get messed up. That why I worry 

-Young Money 

From The Beat: Do you want to hang out with people who make you 
worry all the time? Maybe rolling with people who know how to avoid 
getting messed up would put your mind at ease, no matter where you 
are. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Beino Locked Up 



X 



What I think of being locked up is it's a waste of your 
time, because people on the outs love you, like your 
family, girlfriend, your homies. But sometimes you have 
to do what you have to do. But that's all I got to say to the 
homeboy. Keep doing what you're doing. Late 

-Trucha 

From the Beat; If you keep doing what you're doing, our guess is you're 
going to spend a significant part of your life ioclied up. As you say, 
those that love you are on the outs...donY disappoint them when you 
get released. Stay straight and stay out. 




lytime I 
I'm not I 



My Worries 

My worry is that I am not going to be released anytii 
soon because I have court tomorrow and I feel like 
going to be released, but then I feel like I am. 

Well it bothers me kind of a lot because I really miss 
my house and my room and I want to continue to go to my 
school 'cause I don't want to get kicked out of this school, 
and I also want to see other people like my friends. I think 
it doesn't help because Fm really trying to be with no 
worries but if there's a way to help I just can't find that 
way. 

Well, I'm struggling a lot on being here because I don't 
know anyone. I'm sleeping with a complete stranger, and 
that is like worrying me. 

Well, in my case, the only thing that is going to stop me 
from worrying is getting out of here. I do worry but there 
is a lot of people who worry about me like for example my 
man worries for me. I'm not just saying that 'cause he is 
my man is because I been with him for nine months, and 
well it's not even that. It's like I would go with him and 
he would tell me: "Call your mom! Don't drink!" But you 
know that just means he cares about me. 

The kind of path that I'm creating myself is no good 
so that why I need to get out in life and enjoy. So when I 
get out I'm going to do what's right for me and stuff. 

When I get out it is all going to be about the present, 
not the past. I'm going to forget the fact I came to the hall 
and everything I did I wasn't supposed to do. 

I want the new president to let Mexicans cross the 
border! 

-Irene 

From The Beat; Well Irene, it sounds like you have a great boyfriend 
there. It is rare to have someone looking out for you in such a good way. 
We also appreciate your political RS. there! 




Foolish Tiiouoiits From Her Heart 



This the first time I'm writing to The Beat, it's kind of 
weird knowing everyone goin' to see this, but anyways I'm 
going through some confusing times up in here Beat. 

Check this out: a home girl like me coming from the 
streets, I met this firme-ass man that's everjrthing that I 
ever needed, wanted and looked for. 

Well check this out, yeah, he became my man. Well, 
he just went to prison and he's been there since May 
30th 'till this day and I been here since September 19 
and I know my man, he's probably wondering why I'm 
not writing him which makes me sad 'cause he probably 
thinks that I'm messing around or something which I'm 
not. So that gets me thinking at times like he's probably 
stressing or putting in work in jail 'cause he's mad, 
confused on the fact that he hasn't heard from me and on 
top of that, check this out - 'cause this is what's got me 
tripping up in here: I just met this female four days ago 
and guess what I'm feeling her. It's weird 'cause I never 
seen a girl the way I see her and she's more of a manly 
type and I guess I'm attracted to her. We were talking 
and I always feel nervous around her. She makes me feel 
good. I'm always smiling around her and we make each 
other laugh. 

When I go to sleep at night I tell myself this ain't right 
- 1 have a man in prison and I'm over here falling for some 
girl. 

So Beat, let me know what you think ASAP. I'm going 
to be out soon. So do you think it's a lust or am I just 
confused somehow? But my heart can't help it. I can't 
help it when I see her. I'm scared that my heart gonna be 
broken in the end somehow with her or my man. 

-Foolish 

From The Beat; Well Foolish, thanks for asking our advice. Sorry it 
wasnt so fast. But sometimes feelings pop up that we can't control no 
matter what we think we should be feeling. It is most important to be 
honest with yourself. 



i«y Life Pt. 2 



My mama died, my daddy died 

Gangland homicides 

Gunshot wounds, .45 to the neck and eyes. 

Leave your body paralyzed, 

Bodies get televised 

People get terrified. 

Leave your block petrified 

People wanna testify 

He can be the next to die 

In the land of crackpipes, AKs and dirty needles. 

Gang violence, race riots, and colored people. 

-Reaper 

From the Beat; This is a pretty bleak poem, and sad because \tt based on 
your experience. Is there anything good in your world, 
it may be? We hope so. 



however si 



Mil 



Young Nasty 



The shady shhh that happens in this world is that my 
older brother is going down for a double homicide and he 
wasn't the shooter. Just being there, will take his whole 
life. Some people make mistakes and the wrong one or the 
wrong turn will take your whole life away, so be smart. 

-Dre 

From The Beat; We are sorry for his situation. These are the consequences 
we have to face when being at the wrong spot, and with the wrong 
people. Its rough to have to learn this really hard way to stay away from 
those places. So many lost their lives in this situation, not just the ones 
who died. So, are you smart now? 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Get Drunk and StartaFipht 

I will never do something stupid like get drunk and go 
starting a fight. That's why I am in the situation I am in. 
But like I said, don't be a punk to anyone, but also before 
you do what you do, think about it if its worth it. Pues 
arato. 

-T 

From the Beat; ThatS probably a good thing not to do again. And 
thinking about the consequences before you act is always a good rule 
to fellow. 




^ [seino here for the last time 




Finally Sentenced 

What it do. Beats! Well I was finally sentenced to CYA. 
About time. Well much love to those who give it in return. 
Well I'll always live it forever cause I can't change these 
ways. Well eventually I'll be shipped out and happily 
doing my time. Like me stay low to the brain and forget 
those who oppose. 

-Lunatic 

From the Beat: Why cant you change your ways? 'These ways" are going 
to keep you in prison your whole life. Do you really want to spend your 
life in a cell, never getting to breathe fresh air or be with the ones you 
love? Why would you throw everything away without even trying to 
keep it? 



I Failed Life Skills 



9-vole Beat? It's this guy is writing in this thing once 
again. Well first of all, I'm here in this unit because I got 
failed from life skills, so now I don't know if I'm going to 
the Ranch. If do, I'm going to get cut in November, but if I 
don't, I'll get out next year 09 November. 

Well this guy is out but not for long. To all of you 
know who you are take care and keep your head up. 

-Stomper 

From The Beat; What made you failed your program? Try to do your 
program, so you can get out of here. Good luck to you! 



Well Beat, I'm coming out of the max unit of *-9. I sure 
do hope this is my last time getting locked up cause I 
have big responsibilities now for being close to 18. 1 have 
a 1-year old baby girl named Jasmine waiting for me. And 
now I got another one on the way. It's due in March. So 
when I get out I have to straighten up. I got 4 months to 
do it so I'm prepared. 

-James 

From the Beat; That is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. Your 
kids are going to be counting on you and looking up to you as an 
example of how to be. Make sure you set the right example for them, so 
that they dont find themselves where you are on their 18th birthdays! 



M]f Plan 



My plan is to stay out and succeed in life. 

To think positive and to go to school. 

To pass probation and go to college. 

To stay out the Justice system and succeed in business. 

My plan is to stay out of trouble and to be with my 

family. 

-Jimmy 

From The Beat; This is the best plan to have, and we hear a lot of people 
express the same plan, but we still see them coming back to the hall. We 
want you to stay motivated and stay out. 



Frustrated 



! i 



Today I had court but when I went there, I found out it 
was canceled because my public defender wasn't there. 
I've been here five montJis and they still haven't done 
shhh with my case. 

I have court in two months I get so irritated because 
I know my public defender ain't gonna do shhh about my 
case. He ain't doing shhh to help me, and I know when I 
get sentence I'm gonna get a long-a~ time. 

-In need of An Advocate 

From The Beat; That does sound really frustrating. But perhaps 
educating yourself about the legal system will help you understand and 
one day you can become a lawyer to help people like yourself. 



Worry 



There's not a day when I don't worry about something. 

If I'm not worrying about my family or my court, 

I'm worrying about something else. 

When I worry about something, I think about it most of 

the day. 

That's what I hate about myself- I worry too much. 

-Don*t Call Me Worry Wart 

From The Beat: It is often hard to get out of onels head, especially when 
you are locked up and have nothing to do but think all day. But donY 
be too hard on yourself, thinking is a good thing. 



1 



D-Raq! 



What's up. Beat? I been kicking back in the nine with 
my Dogg Snoopy. I am sad, he is getting released. He is a 
cool cat, he makes all kinds of funny monkey noises. His 
nose is huge! 

I never thought I would be cool with someone like 
him. He is Iranian, this is my official goodbye to the beast 
from the Middle East. So as my Dogg Snoopy would say, 
"MADARGENDA" to you. 

-Ben 

From the Beat; Its amazing how people of different backgrounds are 
almost never m different m they first assume. It sounds like you've 
made a true friend. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



My Mind Parti 




What's up Beat? Today I ain't feeling this topic. I hope 
yall publish what I'm about write about. Well it's like this, 
I have a lady and I think I love her, but every time I see 
another girl that's fine, makes me think "I'm young, I got 
hella girls to mess with, but I'm locked up." The homies 
say "you're locked up, might as well stay with her." 

It's better than nothing, but then again I hella like 
my lady. I want to have a kid with her and she's down to 
be my baby's momma. She knows I'm going to the Ranch 
and she's gonna wait for me, so I'm tripping and she's 
not a "witch." I am always thinking of her. I wanna give 
her my world, but I'm scared she's gonna mess up in life 
and do something stupid like when she wrote me a letter 
telling me she wants to kill herself. 

-Lir M 

From The Beat; Go with what your heart says. If you really love this girl 
and want to maife a family with her, you better start finding a way to 
be there for her. She seems to be an understandable person, yet it is 
concerning that she talks about hurting herself. 



My Plan 



X 



To tell you the truth I don't have a plan for when I get 
out. I will probably do the same thing I was doing when I 
was out, drinking with the homeboys. 

Sometimes I think aboutgoing to college or something, 
but then I know that I just say that now. But, I will be 
probably different when I get out, so I just live one day at 
a time. 

Well I'm out. To all up in this place stay up and stay 
free. 

-Guerro 

From The Beat; Well, we think that there is time for you to think about 
what you really want to do. Herelt some help to reflect on: if you go back 
with your friends, you might end up in jail, you can get hurt by others, 
your freedom will be taken, you won't be able to see your people, be 
happy, or smile etc. On the other hand, if you go to college; you will 
meet different people with higher expectations in life that can give 
you the motivation to become a better person, you can achieve a good 
career that can give you a lot of money, maybe a get a nice car, pay your 
own rent, a nice cell phone, a nice girl, and a proud family. \tt your life, 
your choice, and your desires. What sounds better? 



IWorry Abont... 

I just came back from a visit, so I don't have enough time 
to write what want. But I worry for a lot of things. I worry 
for the world, my family, and my G's. Well this G is out. 
Stay up. 

-Smiley G 

From The Beat; Why awe you worried about? 



President Eiection 



What's up Beat, it's your one and only coming from this 
unit, keeping it abstract minded in here. On this topic, 
about choosing a president, I will be more than happy to 
share my opinion with you. 

I feel that Obama should be elected because he's 
"black." I know he already has a different mentality than 
all of those past white presidents. So I feel he knows 
more about where we are coming from, and can relate 
to us. So he could possibly help us blacks and Mexicans 
out. I gotta go, so to all stay up. This abstract minded vato 
is out. 

-Abstract Minds 

From The Beat; Thank you for your opinions! Well, he got elected and 
now is the president of the Unite States of America. We are also hoping 
that he will make a change. If you were a president, what would be the 
first thing that you can change? 



My plan when I get out of here is to do better for myself, 
get a job, pay my restitution, pay off my debt of juvenile 
hall, and try to pass my G.E.D. test, so I can get my 
diploma, go to college and get tatted up, go kick it with 
my homeboys, spend time with the family and stay out. 
That's my plan when I get out. 

-Droopy 

From The Beat; It seems that you have a lot of positive plans for your 
life and we like that. On the other hands, there is also a plan that 
can throw all your dreams and achievements away. Think about. So be 
careful with what you wish for. 



My Pian For Tiie Fntnre 



Well today I feel like writing on the last topic. Well I got 
sentenced to the James Ranch on September, so that 
means that I will be getting out some time next year. 

But my plan for my future is to not get drunk on my 
OT's. Then when I get out, I am going to stay cool until I 
get off of after care. Then start holding my biz and, and 
start doing what I do. 

I am not going to get caught up either. But if I do get 
caught up, then I ain't really tripping because I choose to 
get into the trouble because I ain't gonna do the crime if 
I can't do the time right. 

Well late then for now and hopefully I will still be on 
A-level so that I can go to the next beat within. 

-Gato 

From The Beat; It seems like you are going to make an effort in 
completing your programs, but in your piece you are talking about 
trying not to get caught. What Siwe you trying to say? Are you trying 
to sxy that you'll be doing the same thing, but being careful not to get 
caught? What do you mean by, "start doing what I do?" 



Wiiat I Hope 



Some people say I'm touched, but not by an angel, 

the shrink seems to think I'm a troubled individual, 

I am simply a product of my environment, 

on the street, selling drugs for an early retirement, 

I look deep inside in search of my soul, 

only to be disappointed when all I find is a hole, 

there's something wrong with me I feel no regret, 

but I hope someday people can forgive and forget, 

I always seem to be in the wrong, 

when all I really want is to belong, 

I told the judge that I was sorry but I'm not, 

I know I'm sorry I only got caught, 

until I behave I'll be in my cell, 

hopefully this will be my last time in jail.. 

-Nathaniel 

From The Beat; Can you forget and forgive yourself for the life you've 
been living? It seems that the environment where you've been raised 
has made you the way you are. Honestly, if you don't find a way out 
of it, you will regret it for the rest of your life. There are others way of 
living a normal life, a life that can provide you different things than 
the one you've been experiencing. Find a way out. There) always one 
way out. 



Tiie Transparent Road 



"Traveler, there is no road. The road is made as one 
walks." 

The above quote refers to life. As of recently, I have a 
plan to go to college and get my master's in psychology 
and after that I'll probably go to a school for music down 
in Florida where I can become a producer. 

-Kraka Jak 

From The Beat; Nice! Make it happen! You got nice plans for a bright 
future. Dont change your mind. 




^MnnnEniB MSWMMWA 



Thouohts 



X 



I worry about my family more than anything else in this 
world. I wonder how my beautiful mom and dad are doing 
and my brothers and sisters. Everyday I feel depressed 
and stressed out, you know, me and my family are going 
through a lot. I wanna be with my family through hard 
times like this. 

I have set goals for myself now. I got plans which I 
am really gonna try to accomplish for me, my family and 
loved ones. They believe me and I am gonna make me and 
my family proud. I miss my mom, dad, my brothers and 
sister more than anything in this world. I love my family 
forever. 

-Denny 

From The Beat; We also agree that your family needs your support 
especially in hard times. Thinking in making yourself and family is 
exactly what you need in order to make things better. And it will also 
take some stress off their shoulders. How giwe you going to make them 
proud? What »te those things that you would like to accomplish? You 
forgot to Mention those things. 




M]f Get Out Plan 



My plan is to get out and get a job, 'cause I don't have no 
more probation to tell me I have to go to school anymore, 
and I can get my GED cause I don't need to go to school 
anymore because I'm too old. 

When I achieve my GED, I am promised a car and 
since I'm old enough to drive I want to get that. 

-Bs 

From The Beat; Dont just do it to get a car. Do it for a better future and 
better opportunities for your future. 



To M]f Jaina 



It's this guy from San Jose. Well I'm not feeling this 
topic, so I'm going to write about something else. Well 
my jaina (girl) is pregnant and she's about to have it any 
day now. Well I just want to say that I'm going to try to be 
there for my girl and hija (girl). 

-Lir c 

From The Beat; What do you mean by, "I'm going to tiy?" Get yourself 
out of there and be a responsible man. 



TT-T 



Ain't No More Coming Back for IHe 

I ain't trying to sit here and write about my life to people. 
It would take a couple pages for it, you feel me? So I'm 
just gonna say keep your head up to all the homies locked 
up and going through it cause I got a couple more days, 
then I'm out of here, getting released since I'm 18 now 
with no probation. 

Ain't no more coming back in here for me. It's county 
from now on, so I'm gonna try and chill out and stack my 
money, you dig. To all the counselors that gave me advice, 
good looking since I've been here too many times, and 
thanks to the Beat for what y'all do, this is a cool program. 
Aight then I'm out, to all keep doing your thing. 

-Yune 

From the Beat; We hope when you get out you "chili out" by staying out 
of trouble so you don't ever have to go to County. Take stock of your life 
now, while you're on the verge of adulthood. There are many paths you 
could take, and it) not too late to turn over a new leaf. 




>1 

ear | 



My Plans 

The steps I'm gonna take when I get out so I won't return 
back is going to college. If I can, I'm even go to a four-year 
university. Since I'm gonna have my GED once I get out of 
here. I ma be going to college or to a four-year university, 
so I won't be in the streets getting in trouble. 

I'm also working, so I can be really busy in school 
and at work instead of being in the streets. I'm also gonna 
be with my lady chilling with her and helping out since 
she's pregnant and is gonna have my baby. I ma be with 
my family, so I'm busy, so I won't be in the streets causing 
trouble. That's my plan. 

-Dv 

From The Beat; Those are the plans that you really need to stay out of 
trouble, to raise your future kid, and to become a better man.. Keep 
your plans active, especially now that you are going to be a father. 
Having a kid is having a lot of responsibilities. Dont forget that. We 
are having a feeling that you will make it. What are you going to name 
your baby? 



Havino Plans 



What's up Beat? Today I'm gonna talk about what my 
plan are. My plan is to get out of the Ranch on a good 
program and get out but in less then 9 months. 

I hope to do good on probation, so I could smoke and 
drink by 2010, but I really want to get out and drink a 
beer and see my family. That is my plan, so I could finish 
school and get as much credits as I can while I am in 
here, so I could take advantage of school. I want to get a 
job and stack some money, so when I get off probation, I 
could be balling with money in my pocket and buy stuff 
for my little brother 'cause he is getting older. He is gonna 
be one in January 15. I will be in here, but his dad is in 
prison for 2 years, but when I get out, I will be there for 
him. 

-Noey 

From The Beat; Why making an effort in getting out if you are planning 
to drink and smoke. By doing this, you are opening the road to come 
back to the system. If you're going to do one thing right, you might as 
well do all of them right at once. Or else, dont even bother. 



My Plan Is School 



Well my plan will be first pass the Ranch. Since I'm a 
junior and have almost 200 credits to get my diploma, 
so when I pass my 6-8 Ranch program, I'm going to go to 
Foothill or De Anza Junior College. My step is just going 
to school and do what I'm supposed to do. 

-Gadsden 

From The Beat; Thatt the spirit. Stick with your goals and make them a 
reality? What are you planning to major in college? its really important 
to know what you really want to be in life. 




^MnnnEniB mmmA 



What I'm Gonna Miss 

I worry I might not ever go home. I think the longer 
your locked up people forget you're even alive. Not you're 
family, but the homies and girls the ones you thought 
were down for you, but there's always some that remember 
you. Those are the ones that you keep close. 

I'm the only one here who came and they can't release, 
but that's just the way it goes. Can't trust anyone for real, 
too many people are two faced. I worry that every body is 
growing up with out me, and I'm missing my youth. This 
is the time I should be, you know. ..but I can't have that, 
I just gotta grow up. It's jacked up though, it seems like 
I'm the only one focused and knows what I want. I get 
nervous on what I'm gonna miss, but other then that I 

don't give a 'heck' about it 

-Nuevo Mexico 

From the Beat; Each time you write, Nuevo, you start to open up then 
at the end your anger gets the best of you. Liice so many of your other 
pieces this one too we had to omit the last few lines, because you know 
they are not appropriate for the Beat. Next time you write, tell us how 
you truly feel about being in detention and how you want to change. 
But remember one thing; control your anger and frustration before you 
finish your piece, because we at the Beat would like to publish at least 
one of your writings in full with out having to go through deleting 
anything. 

1 t I I I i i I I i i i I i I i i i i \ i i i i I i t t" 

/ worrif ahoMt are the ho^Piles 
I've heeM In the gang with at 
Ban lose since I was 12,,, 




style 



\ 



This Wastefnl Life 

The things I worry the most about, is, if I go to a treatment 
center I just want to go home. I want to get out and be a 
follower of God I've been to a treatment center before at - 
Santa Teresa, The Peak, and it was ok, but I can't stand to ' 
be away from my family. 

Another thing I worry about are the homies I've been 
in the gang with at San Jose since I was 12 or so and all 
it brought me was stress and pain from my family. I don't 
regret it because the homies all ways have my back. They 
write me and send pictures, but I worry that it brings me 
down. If God says to not do it, then I will give up this 
wasteful life style. I just want to be with my family and my 
girl, she wants me to merry her and I do too. 

-Gerald 

From the Beat: "I will give up this wasteful life style" you just told 
yourself that you are living a wasteful life, the question to you is. If you 
know your living this life then why do you continue to live this way? 
Why let your "gang" bring you down, sure they may send you pictures 
and write, but the ones that truly care about you is your family. 



All I Really Want to Do 

My Plan when I get out is to find a good job, and take 
care of my kids. I need to get my own place again too. My 
plan when I go to YDDC is to start taking collage courses 
because I got my G.E.D. 

All I really want to do is take care of my girl and kids. 
I think if I give my life to God, then that's all I need to do 
to stay out of the system. 

-Yoron 

From The Beat; You mention that you are going to YDDC? Let us know 
how long you're looking at, but most of all keep in touch with us here 
at the Beat. You can always write while you are in another facility to let 
us know how you are doing. 



^i 



1 1 



When I get out I plan on going to church more, getting 
my G.E.D and going to UNM cuz I want to be something in 
my life. I don't want to see my brother and sister in here, 
and one day I will have kids and this is the last place I 
want to see my kids. 

I have to start setting some good examples and start 
showing my P.O. and the Judge that I can do, and show 
everybody that I want to do well and that I can do well. 
They don't' want to let me out 'cause I cut my ankle 
bracelet, so now I got to show them my plan. 

-Gerald 

From The Beat: This is a good plan Gerald, but remember actions speak 
louder then words. It's good that you don't want your brother and sister 
to follow your footsteps, and you're right about not wanting to see your 
kids in detention. Just think of how your mother and father think of 
you being locked up. First and foremost you must want to do this for 
yourself not any one else, and once you do your actions will set a good 
example for you siblings. 



I Worry 



i 



I worry about my family 

I worry about being in the Juvenile detention center 

I worry about going back to the wrong life again 

I worry about the people I hang out with 

I worry if I don't get out on November 10th 

I worry about coming back in the Juvenile detention 

center 

I worry about my gang if there ok or bad 

I worry about this life 

-Dopey 

From The Beat; It seems that the gang life and the friends you hang 
out with are the ones that are keeping you from having a life out side 
detention? Continue with the path you are on and the only thing you'll 
be able to look forward to is looking outside behind locked doors? Is 
this what you want? 



Worrying >^^ 

Today I worry, tomorrow is the same worrying, it's part 
of life. Sometimes I worry about everything. I worry about 
my family, my bro, and my mom, and I worry about them 
a lot, but I'll be out before long. 

I worry about my girl and what will happen next, is 
she loyal and honest? This is the true test, but I can't 
worry forever because I can't change what will come, so 
I'm going to live life to the fullest and just have some 
fun. 

-Roman 

From The Beat; Roman you should live life to the fullest, but you should 
be living your life out side detention. You need to evaluate your life and 
figure out what is pulling you down, and make the changes you need so 
you can stay out of detention. 



A Good sight 



This is about the system, now listen. I'll stay away from 
the haters, because they'll just fade us, and they will pass 
on, hit the bong. Well I will stay strong and make it to my 
future as an all star playing football, make sure I ball and 
then the old haters will crawl. I'll just pass and laugh. I 
don't want kids, quick, I'll just have a lot of girls for real, 
and take care of my mom and show her I can make it in 
life. She'll see me in a good sight. 

-Troubles one 

From The Beat; If you keep hitting the "bong" as you say, no football 
team, pro or other wise, will take you sa a player. Before you can get 
on the football team you need to worry less about "haters" and start 
thinking about how you can change your life for the better. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Better Choices 



^ I As Day Go Lono 



When I get out of the system and Get out of the hall, 
I'm goin' to run with my plan and keep my music career 
going. I'm a try to take what I learned in here and try to 
help others to stay out of the trouble and go right with 
their life. 

I'm going to finish school and go to college somewhere 
down in the south like Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, or 
Texas. I want to be successful in my life. Probably play 
sports, basketball is my sport. I'm going to try to stop 
smoking, but that's kind of hard to do, but I got to think 
about what it will do my life and make better choices. 

-Vic 

From The Beat; We like your ideas, and think helping others will always 
help you too. Its important to remember why what you do with your 



life matters so much. ..and sometimes easier to see ii 
our own. If you can quit smoking you are more free! 
basketball and college. 



others than in 
Good luck with 



Worry 

I worry about when the next time I'm going to see my 
family and when I'm going to get out . I worry because I 
miss my family and I was always there for them but now 
I'm in here and nobody's there like I was. 

It bothers me a lot because I'm used to seeing my 
brothers and my sister and my mom every morning when 
I would wake up but now it's been taken away from me. I 
know that for one my family is really worried for me and 
that they can't wait for me to get out. 

-Chris 

From The Beat; You sound like you have a close relationship with your 
family. Do your program, think hard about your life and figure out 
what changes you need to make — to keep you free and with them. Then 
make plans for how to do whatS most important to you when you are 



[And Then What] 




My plan to get out is run a straight program, make step 
3, and do everything that staff says. After I do that then 
I'm likely to get good comments and the comments go to 
the Judge. The Judge will probably let me out (And then 
what) 

When I get out I'll try to do good and see my PO 
whenever he wants me to come so I don't get arrested. 
Then I'll go back to school so I can get all my grades up 
because I'm behind in a lot of school credits and by getting 
clean drug test for a little while then I might be able to get 
off probation and I say that because I'm supposed to be 
on probation till I'm 18 that's it. 

-Antonio 

From The Beat: These are great plans. It sounds like you expect yourself 
to be perfect though. How can you help yourself cope when things are 
difficult? Think through what you can do when you are angry, or lonely 



■'■■■■'■■■■' 



My Worry 



My worry is about getting out this Friday. I'm light weight 
scared 'cause I ain't tryna do nothing stupid and end up 
coming back. But I got a plan to graduate and go to a trade 
school. I'm going to learn to weld better and to be a better 
mechanic. So ya know whatever happens happens. It's in 
God's hands. Well I'm out... Stay up to ya'U that' down 
and ya'U that's getting out. Be safe... 

-LBee 

From The Beat; You have a great influence on whatever happens in your 
life...dont let that responsibility and choice go for a second. ..your life 
is in yours and GodS hands, you work together. We hear welding can 
be a great job. 




As time go by I just wonder why 

sittin' in my cell just tryin' not to raise hell, 

make better plan so I can live 

and I ain't playin for real. 

-Anthony 

From The Beat: Yes! Take time to make a plan, so you can live free. 



MY PLAN FDR WHEN I GET RELEASED "MASTER PLAN' 

What's up beat, I just wanted to say this is going to be 
my last paper until I get out. I don't know how to get 
the issue delivered to my house so that I can continue to 
write you. I'll give you my information, so that I can get 
the weekly issue. So please get back to me and let me 
know what I have to do. 

When I get out there is a number of things that I have 
to do, accomplish, and stay away from. First off I have 
to go back to school and graduate, and attend a two or 
four year college. I'm going to stay focused, attend daily, 
complete all of my work, and work extra hard. 

Then I have to stay away from drugs and alcohol. I 
have to stay away from most of my friends and maintain a 
clean and sober life. At the same time, I'm going to stop 
smoking cigarettes. I am telling myself no and think of 
what's going to happen if I use. 

I'm not going to steal or be out after my curfew, unless 
I'm working, or doing something productive. I'm going to 
stay away from certain places and be at home 60% of the 
time. I have to take responsibility and do better in life. 
THE END 

-Anthony 

From The Beat; You really sound determined to accomplish your goals. 
It would be great if you could remind yourself of your dreams, of what 
your aiming for, often. Maybe you could put a list of your goals up on 
the wall, or read books you find inspiring before you go to sleep.. .or 
find something to support you putting the right foot forward. ..The more 
days you do like this the easier it will be to keep going. Good Luck. We 
have your address and will send you the Beat and you can write back! 
Thank you for all your writing and participation! 



MY PLANS 



When I get out from New Foundation I got some plans. 
When I get out I'm going to move in with my uncle I'm 
going to start working in landscaping or in warehouses. 
He tells me and my family they don't want me in jail or 
looking like someone else in the streets. 

I want to be someone in the future, I want to show 
some of my family wrong that I could be something in life. 
I want to have my family when I turn 23 or when I know 
it's the right time for me. ..and one thing to find the right 
women for me. Next Time Beat. 

-Lil* Elfy 

From The Beat: Great! We're glad this Uncle is pulling for you, willing 
to help you out. Take him up on the helping hand he) offering. You can 
do it and we know you'll enjoy life a lot more in the world than inside 
a ceil. You can do it, day by day. 



I I I I t 



t I I I I 



I I 



Get My Diploma 



^ 



My plan is to stay out and be the best Vallejo citizen 
there is. ..And get a job. Hopefully graduate from school 
because I plan on being a firefighter as I want to graduate 
and get my diploma and laugh at my probation officer 
with my diploma in my hand and even though she sent 
me to Fonts. Hahahaha.. 

-Luis 

From The Beat; When you have your diploma in your hand you can 
laugh at all the naysayers that said you couldnt do it...work hard, donY 
always be funny, work hard. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



My Plan 



X 



Get Out and Stay Out 

1) Get a Job 

2) Stop smoking 

3) Stop drinking 

4) Stop popping pills 

5) School — 11th grade-graduate 

When I was a little kid I wanted to be famous and rich. 

-Motivated 

From The Beat; We like your plan. What were some of the reasons 
you eouldnt accomplish this plan before? Maybe you can get help 
while you're inside so that you can accomplish your goals when you 
are released. 



When I Get Ont 



I got two months and one week left. I get out Christmas 
eve or Christmas day. My plan when I get out is to start 
going to school, get as much credits as possible and then 
start going to adult school while Fm working so I will 
have most of my time occupied so I will have a lesser 
chance of getting in trouble. 

Eventually I will go to the army when I graduate and 
get my high school diploma, so that's my plan when I get 
out. If I go to Iraq then I really wouldn't care, the only 
thing that I would trip about is me being away from my 
family. 

-Josh 

From The Beat; You sound lilie you're ready to get started on this plan. 
School is very important, and you're wise to hit it hard. If you are 
committed to school hopefully you'll find subjects you're interested in, 
and this interest also will help you stay engaged and out of trouble. 
We hope by the time you join the Army you can Just train and get % 
for college. 



I'm FInna Stay Working 



My plan when I get out is going to be to get back in 
school and be about my money. I'm gonna try to stay out 
of the halls its hella weak in here. I got three months left. 
Kind of long, but I got to do it you know. 

I'm finna stay working when I get out and try not to 
get kicked out of school, so that's my plan for when I get 
out of here. So until next time aight then stay up and 
keep your head up 

-Boy Star 

From The Beat: tti good to finish school and work. Maybe you could 
focus on doing well and you wonY have to even worry about being 
kicked out. Practice that while you're here in New Foundations. 



M]f Feelings 



X 



Wassup beat, this ya boy, D. holdin' it down in New 
Founds. Keepin' it solid everyday. Everybody always 
talking bout changing. That's them j cat suckas. I'm a 
do my shhh in a smoother way. But I'm a real mobsta. 
Straight smashin' everyday. In my city it goes down. You 
already know Valley Joe bidness. I'm just not ready to 
change. I gotta keep it mobbin. It's against my religion 
not to. Stay true to the game and never give up. Don't 
let time change yo mind. Get wit or get lost. I'm a mainy, 
sick minded, dread head. 

-D. 

From The Beat; Well some people need a HUGE stop sign before they 
want to change anything. Maybe New Foundations isnt big enough 
for you to see? Just about everyone in the adult system didnt think 
they would get caught. Just about every one of them misses the life 
they could have lived, the woman they could have loved, the family 
they might have had who would have needed them. But maybe all you 
want is money? 




Why Doyen Lie: I Lie Becanse 



Do you live to be cool or do you do it to be cruel. Do you 
lie to fit in or is you lying to win. Do you lie to get out of 
trouble, do you lie to get in trouble. Why do people lie? 

I lie because I'm just me. I lie because I wanna be 
free. I lie because I do what I'm good at. I lie because I'm 
the (hood) man. That's why I lie. 

-Lir T 

From The Beat; Lil' T no matter why you lie, it doesnY seem like its 
doing you any good. Here you are locked up. Why not tell the truth and 
see where that gets you? 



Growing lip 



My plan when I get out is to finish school and get a job. 
I want to move back to the city, so I can work with my 
grandpa. So I can support my family and lil' ones. 

Out here in Fairfield there ain't nothing but lil' game 
goofy guys. Who ain't even wit it! I hate it out here. But 
I gotta say that I love it because there's a lot of money to 
make and I'm making it. 

-The Curb 

From The Beat; That) great you have the option of moving back to the 
city, and working with your Grandpa. Maybe you and Fairfield are just 
not the right fit. Its a dangerous game to hate it and take advantage 
of it at the same time. 



IS 



^ 



Yesterday I lost 85 points. 

I can't blame no body else 

But dam that's hella points ya dig! 

LADY B GURL 

85 yesterday 50 the day before and 20 before that.. ..that's 

155 points but man people need to just leave me alone... 

talking 'bout girl that's just tough so I gave them tough 

love back, and this what got 155 points I could never get 

back. 

-Amber 

From The Beat; Ouch. If you had the chance to re-live that choice 
would you make the same decisions? You have to take care of yourself 
inside, as well as in the outside world. How can you help yourself do 
your program? 



First to Gradnate 



My plan is to get out of jail, and graduate high school. 
Then I will go to 2 years of junior college. Then transfer 
to a university. Apply for medical school. If that doesn't 
work out then I will just get my masters in my major. 
Then apply for the job of corrections officer in the juvenile 
system. 

-Jix 

From The Beat; You have a serious path worked out. Set out and work 
hard and see where it takes you! Good luck Jonathan. 



Wtei I (et Dit 



XI 



Man I get out in 13 days and I'm a do good. My son is 
about to be born and I wanna be out when he's born. So 
that means I have to still run a good program. That means 
I have to stay away from the immature kids. Right now it 
looks like I'm getting out so yeah I have a job at the Beat 
Within when I get out so it's good. 

I'm a take care of my son and baby mama. I'm not 
doing anything that's gonna take me away from them. 

-Dallas 

From The Beat; Hey Dallas! We want to hear from you!! Get ahold of 
the Beat. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Life After Facility 



X 



What's up Beat. My plan after I get out is to go to the 
army. Why? Well, let's just say I need some time away 
from where I am staying. I am used to structure so the 
army might be good for me. Sign up for about six years 
and go live with my girl. 

And if I don't go that route you can probably catch 
me in county or even worse the pen. After I get out of 
the military I might get in college and earn a degree. 
Architecture. 

-Ali 

From The Beat: We never heard the Amy sound so good, but when 
compared to County or the Pen it sounds much sweeter. Do you have to 
sign up for six years right away? Good iucit. 



Find A Joii and GotoSciiooi 

When I get out I'm going to find a job and go to school, 
try to go to college if I can stack my money, stop spending 
money on dumb stuff like clothes and weed, only if I ain't 
gone sell it, stop smoking everyday all day. 

And when I turn 18 if I'm getting it buy a house. If 
not get an apartment somewhere. Or move in with my 
brother but I'm a have to have chips to do it 'cause I ain't 
flna be the broke man out of the bunch. 

-L 

From The Beat; Get a job and go to school. If you smoite all day 
everyday you won't be working on any goals. You can have a life if you 
woric, and get an education. Therek no reason you'd have to be broke. 




Restarted 



Wassup Beat I'm tryna go home I got like 4 months to go. 
I just got kicked out but they put me back in but restarted 
my shhh. Now I got to do this all over. Now I know it's full 
of snitches and cheesecakes in here that try to put stuff 
on me so they don't get in trouble. But it's cool tho I'm 
just going to do my time aight then. 

-Gino 

From The Beat: That must be hard to have to start over. Did you 
seriously have no responsibility in whatever happened? if you just deal 
with yourself, responsibly, it shouldn't matter what anyone else does. 




Tiie Presidential Eiection 



I think Obama should win the election. I haven't seen 
none of the campaign but, I still think Obama should win. 
I think he should win the election because we need a 
black president. I think he will be a good president. 

-M 

From The Beat; Well apparently many Americans agree with you because 
we all know now he is our next President. We need a good man to be 
president, one with skills, education, vision, and energy — and Barack 
Obama is all that. He is a black man too and we're happy that America 
could vote for him, in a historic landslide, that fact is truly amazing 
and cool. 



Siie's My Worry 



What's up Beat me just waiting for my release. I cant lie 
I worry all day long. 

I worry about if my lady really means it when she says 
she loves me or if she is being faithful to me. I know she 
is, it's just a worry I've been with her for three years or 
something. Days I love her to death but sometimes you 
cant help but to worry. Well anyways that's my worry.- 
GONE- 

-Spanky 

From The Beat; It) no fun to get caught up in the worry machine. It) 
worth your time to really think about what you get out of this worrying 
about your lady) faithfulness. If you plan to marry, trust will be very 
important to both of your future lives together. What do you risk by 
putting your faith in her? Isn't it worth it? 



Pian for Me 



^: 



When I get out I'm a stay in school and get a job so I 
don't have time to get in trouble, then when I get back to 
regular high school I'm a play football again. I hope to go 
to college to be an x-ray tech. 

-Spooky 

From The Beat; What will help you stay in school? How come you didn^ 
stay in school before? Try to solve those issues, and have fun with the 
football. X-ray tech sounds like a good job. 



Tiie Presidential Eieotion 



If I could vote I wouldn't know who to vote for. I don't 
even know what difference Obama or McKain are trying 
to make. Al I know is what I see on TV is that they're the 
ones running for president this election. That's it, that's 
all I know. To be honest I don't really think they can 
actually make a big difference. 

-Carlos 

From The Beat; We need some changes, so we're all watching and 
working together on how to make them happen. We'll have to see. By 
the next election we hope you'll be an educated participant! 



Hioli Hopes 



I have high hopes but hoping is not a fluke. My opinion 
on getting my hopes up, is not getting them up at all 
because that's not possible. I am excited, Really Excited. 
I hope all this isn't just getting my hopes high just to be a 
greater fall. That's my worries on high hopes. 

I can't control my excitement, I am anxious but at 
the same time worried. That my hopes are too high! 
Challenge would be shocked if they even had an idea of 
what I'm talking aboutl 

-Remy 

From The Beat; Well none of us know what you're so excited and 
hopeful about, but we "hope" it works out for you! You're wise to keep 
dreams private sometimes, sometimes others dont understand their 
importance. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Little Sister and Mom 



X 



There are only two people that I worry about, my mom 
and my little sister. Being here worry's me. But what 
bothers me even more is that I know that my ma is out 
there worrying like crazy about me. 

-Nikko 

From The Beat: We are glad that you have such a strong family 
support. 



Wiiy I'm Here 



Man I'm in here for some petty crap. Ran in someone's 
house and took their crap. Did that, and almost got away. 
Turned around and the cops in my face, so now I'm locked 
behind a door. When I get out this means war. No, I'm just 
kidding, that's a joke, I'm going to stop, man I hope. 

-Jerome 

From The Beat; Its good to keep your sense of humor despite the 
difficulty of being in the JJC. We hope you will stop too. What will you 
do to stop? 



Waltlno To Get Cleared 



\ 



My biggest worry is getting a lot of time especially 
because I didn't do anything. I just got done doing a year 
a month ago and now I'm back, so the judge is going to 
think that I like staying in trouble and he might give me 
another year. 

-Incarcerated Worrier 

From The Beat; Keep strong and worli together with your family support 
system. 



Ill Bi| Plai 



\ 



When I return home I'm going to turn my whole life 
around. I really want to change my life, but it is very 
difficult. But I'm going to try my best to change. 

-Anthony 

From The Beat: Changing is difficult but, can be accomplished. It will 
be hard and take time but, you can do it. 



Off to Colleoe 



My plan for when I get out is simple I will do the monitor 
time. I will finish the 11th grade on home studies. 
Once that's done and my body heals I can get ready for 
basketball season and play my last year. I'm hoping if 
I try hard enough I can get a scholarship and go off to 
college. 

-Javonte 

From The Beat; We will be looking out for your name in college 
basketball. We wish you success in reaching all of your goals. 



My Family 

First let me start with my mom, I like my mom because 

she takes care of me. 

Also she shops for me, and buys me clothes. 

She helps me in school, and takes me places. 

That's why I like my mom. 

My sister is fun to be around. 

She loves me a lot; we have a very close relationship with 

each other. 

She drives me crazy about horses, and that's my 
relationship with my family. 

-Quinton 

From The Beat; Wow, seems like your close to your family. Being around 
family is fun and can make one feel really loved. 



My Mom 




My Mom worries a lot about me and what I do out in the 
streets. Like when I go places like to my homies pad. 
She thinks one of these days something might happened 
to me and my homies. Sometimes my mom cries for me. 

-Damien 

From The Beat; Sometimes the streets can be a dangerous place, and 
your mother is trying to keep you away from danger. Things happened 
all the time in the streets and as a parent one will worry about their 
children. 



M 1 I I I I I II I I I I I I 



Hood 



^= 



I live in the hood it's a bad hood because there's a fight 
every day. One day I got locked up because I got in a fight. 
Because someone called me a bullfrog, so I hit him. They 
hit me back and I seen the cop and I ran. The cop caught 
me and took me to JJC I got in a fight in f pod and I won. 

-Andrew 

From The Beat; Fighting can definitely get one in trouble. Think of 
different hobbies you can do, this will take most of your time and away 
from the streets. 



My Plan To Chanoe 



My plan yeah I already know what I'm going to do. I 
want to change for my family and my girl. I'm going to 
stop ditching school. I'm going to stop doing drugs and 
drinking. Stop smoking cigarettes; I got family and friends 
that care for me to much. I'm going to play football when 
I get out. 

-Samuel 

From The Beat; Education is very important. Stopping the use of drugs 
will help you build a better relationship with your friends and family. 



Stay Out! 



X 



I have had a lot of time to think about how I am going to 
stay out of here, when I am finally out. I am going to stay 
on parole like I should have so that I don't go in again, 
that's my first step. 

-Lir Mama 

From The Beat; Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing 
to do. We understand how confined you may feel by the conditions of 
your punishment, but sometimes following court orders can actually 
help keep you out of trouble, and give you the time to think about 
what you want to do to better yourself when you are done with your 
consequences of your past actions. 



My Plan 



My plan for the future when I step out of the Hall is being 
successful. Going to college and maintaining myself will 
make my plan succeed. I'm not going to lie but it's really 
hard out there for someone like me to maintain because 
the fact that I'm around all bad. I hope for the best. 

-Gera 

From The Beat; You have a good plan for your future and we also wish 
you the best. Try to replace some of the bad with good influences and 
good energy. If you stumble along the way get back up and learn from 
your mistakes. 



n 



n 



The Plan 



1 1 



I'm still going to court so I don't have a plan yet. When I 
get committed I plan on doing my time as fast as possible 
and get out. I don't plan on coming back. I got too much 
on the outs. Well right now this is the plan. 

-David 

From The Beat; Although your court plan is not set but you have the 
right attitude. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



My Opinion 



X 



My opinion is that we should have an African American 
President. I think that because we have never had an 
African American President before that it would make 
history if we did. I would like to be part of the year that 
we have our first Black President. 

I know it is not a good thing but I would really like for 
Obama to make Marijuana legal so that everyone could 
smoke it, and I would like him to lower taxes for us. 

-cj 

From The Beat; How would everyone smoking help the country be a 
better place to live in? Lowering taxes is a good idea, but don't you 
think that there are better things to spend that extra money on besides 
drugs? 



Life 



Life is something that can be good or bad. 

You could get lucky out there, 

While others may be killing for a few bucks. 

I know that God has a plan. 

But it is not an easy task. 

I sit back and take a swig from my flask. 

As time goes by and I look at the sky. 

Being in the JJC makes me want to cry. 

-Kevin 

From The Beat; Are you sure that it is just luck that decides what hind 
of life you are going to have? If you believe that your God has a plan, 
do you believe that it is also your job to make sure you see that plan 
through? 



Pilitics 



X 



I think that if Barrack Obama gets elected the country 
will change a lot. Obama will probably make himself into 
a dictator, and turn America into a communist country 
and we will have a civil war. He might get assassinated. 

Right now I think that he is playing a front just to get 
elected. I think that his ties to terrorists will come back 
to bite us all. 

-Duck 

From The Beat; There are a lot of instances where people pass around 
information about politicians that just isn't true. People tend to judge 
others, not by the facts, but by what others say about them. How much 
do you really know about this man? Do you know that these rumors 
about him are 100% true, or are you just falling into gossiping like 
others are doing? How much of what you think are educated opinions 
and how much of it is what you think might be the case? 



TTT 



No Remorse 



My guy, 

no lie, 

my very first time I went to that guy, 

was when I was kicked back and getting high. 

I hit it and I felt like I was dying. 
My guy said to lie, but I was too dang high. 
My guy took me to the store, and took me home to hide. 
My mom knew I was high; 
she took me to the back. 

But I didn't really care, 'cause I was too dang high on 
smack. 

I let my little brother hit it, and then he started to cry. 
My mom came in and I told her that I am a boy from this 
side. 

-Rambo 

From The Beat; It sounds like you didnY show your mom or your brother 
much respect by what you did. Do you want your brother to end up in 
the Hall too? Maybe you could be a better role model for your brother, 
and a better son to your mama by working on changing your attitude 
while you are inside. 




Piannino For Tiie Fntnre 



^ri 



When I get out I am going to stop doing all of the things 
that I used to do. So hopefully I will be able to get a job. 
I have been wrong about my life, and so now what I am 
going to do is to never come back here again. 

-Optimist 

From The Beat; So you have decided what things you won't do anymore, 
but have you made a list of the things you can do instead, that can help 
you reach your goal? 



Layino Pians 



V 



My plan when I get out is actually pretty simple. I just 
want to keep it real and continue doing what I was doing 
before I got locked up. Only difference is I won't be 
acting a fool or acting like I can do crap and won't get 
caught because I learned everyone always gets caught 
eventually. 

My plan is to get out, move myself back in with my 
mom because there ain't no place like home. I'm going 
to continue my years in school because for me it is 
important to graduate. I plan to get another work permit 
and actually look for a job. The good thing is my mom will 
help me a lot and I believe I can find a job and start a new 
way and life. 

-Joseph 

From The Beat; You have been doing a lot of hard work in planning and 
figuring out how you will make a better life for yourself when you are 
out of JJC. We're proud of you for wanting to make a change in your life. 
What will you do to make you follow through with your plan? 



Dear Beat Witiiin 



When I get out I want to be a different person. I want to 
succeed in the future and go to college. I don't want to 
be another number in the system. I surely don't want my 
daughter to grow up without me. I have a six-month-old 
girl and she sure is pretty. 

I also want to lay low from gangs 'cause I know for a 
fact I'm going to end up dead or in prison. 

-Jesus 

From The Beat; Ending up dead or in prison would be devastating for 
your daughters future. It is important for you to be in her life, and 
we're proud you realize that. We hope you get out soon so you can see 
her grow up. 



TT 



Passing Tiie Time 



X 



\ 



Ever since I ended up in here I wish I would have never 
did what I did. I know it hasn't been that long but it seems 
like it's been forever. My plan when I get out of here is I 
will not make bad choices anymore. It was just I was at 
the wrong place at the wrong time. I wish I wouldn't have 
been there that day. 

When you're in here, you always think about when you 
are going to get out and I notice that you are not supposed 
to think about that time because it just goes slower. It's 
better if you find something to distract yourself and time 
will go by so much faster. But an5rway, I am going to make 
the best choices I'll ever make in my life because I never 
want to end up in here again. I am smarter this time. I will 
stop hanging out with the wrong crowd and I will only 
listen to myself, no one else. 

-Devin 

From The Beat; it sucks to be stuck in a place, just thinking all the time. 
Sometimes that can make your brain go crazy. But creating a plan for 
the next steps of your life and finding ways to stay active are great 
ways to pass the time. When you're thinking so much, you need an 
outlet to let everything out. Writing is a great tool to get your thoughts 
out, so keep writing because it'll help you survive. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



stress 



X 



The life I live is very crazy. Always worrying about my 
daughter, my family. But more or less, I gotta watch my 
back at all times because bullets are flying and people are 
dying everyivhere I go. Just seven or eight months ago, 
my sixteen -year-old friend was shot and killed. He was 
one week into being sixteen. 

Crap like that makes me wonder when it will be my 
time to go. Always worrying about money cause I can't get 
a job. So I have to get it any way I can, even if it's illegal. I ^ 
guess what it really comes down to is "do I worry?" Yeah, 
all the dam time. 

-Jon 

From The Beat; Finding a job is not easy for anyone. When you get out, 
we encourage you to find a program that helps you develop job skills, 
such as how to fill out an application, create a resume, and complete a 
job interview. When you have these siiilfs, you've given yourself tools to 
be successful, independent, and provide for your daughter. Its a crazy 
world out there, but don't give up. You have too much to live for in your 
daughter. 



I I I I I I M I I I I I ! t i I i i ! I 



My Life Today 



My life today is bad because I am back where I started. 
It makes me worry about a lot of things that I don't want 
to worry about, like my family. But I try to face the fact 
that this is my fault, and now I have to try and be a man 
about it. 

-Brian 

From The Beat; Its hard to iieep your head up when you get bacii in the 
Hall, and realize you didnt learn what you should have the first time. So 
what can you do now to malte it better? What do you thinii it is that you 
should be learning so you donV have to come back here again? 



n 



Worrisome 



\ 



My worries are that I will be convicted of something that 
I did not do, and no one believes me. 

-Innocent 

From The Beat: We are sorry to hear that you may not deserve to be 
here. We hope that the truth comes out, and that you take what you 
learn from this experience and let it guide your actions in the future. 



Time To Grow Up 



My plan is basically to get out. Most of these kids 
just want to get out and go party. Yeah you're probably 
thinking that I'm going to do the same, but this is my first 
time in here, and God willing, it will be my last. 

I'm in here for four misdemeanors, but when I get 
out my plan is to go back to work in the electrical field 
and go back to church and finish school. Then get my 
license and just do better in life because my fun time is 
over and it's time to grow up and be a "man" and do it for 
my girlfriend that I love, and for my family that I love a lot 
too. 

-Joseph 

From The Beat; You sound mature beyond your years and it is good to 
hear that you are moving forward with your life despite your time in 
JJC. Knowing what you want to be a good son and boyfriend will help 
guide you forward. 



Court 



\ 



What I am worried about is my court date and whether 
I will be getting to go home, or if I will have to stay here 
or not. 

-Everardo 

From The Beat: is that all you are worried about? If you do get to go 
home, what are you going to do so that you don't have to come back 
again? 



Eiection 




I would vote for Obama because he is going to cut 
taxes. 

-Christian 

From The Beat: It) good to be able to see policies that you agree with 
in the candidates. If Obama cut taxes, what would you use that extra 
money for that could help keep you out of the Hall? 



Brotiier. Oil Brotiier 



My worry is my brother. 

I worry about him because 

He's the only one that has my back 

And I have his too. 
It doesn't help that I am 
Away from him and can't see him. 
I miss him a lot and am trying 

To be strong for him. 
We always tell each other 
That the world is crazy. 
But we won't let it break us though. 

But the problem we both have is that 

We make bad decisions 
And always end up messing up. 

-Cynthia 

From The Beat; It is always a blessing to have someone else in your life 
to share your trials and struggles with. There is strength in numbers, 
and if you can start the change by taking small steps, then your brother 
will take your lead, and you will both be happier for it. 



Worryino \ 

We all worry. Especially us young adults that are 
incarcerated. We take tomorrow's worries and act as 
if there is no tomorrow. What I worry about the most 
is my future. But the problem is that my future is not 
guaranteed. 

Especially if your future is unknown like mine is, 
because you are doing time. In my case, they might be 
sending me to a lock down system. Although I worry 
about this, I also worry if God is going to be on my side. 

In Romans 8:28 it says, "He works for the good in 
every situation." So no matter how stormy or messed up 
it seems, something good is going to happen. 

If you allow Him to work in your life, then you are 
learning because life is a process that takes time, nothing 
happens over night. Have trust in a higher power. 

-Precious 

From The Beat; You always have good insight to how you can apply your 
actions to the future. Having faith can wrork for believing in a higher 
power, as well as believing that you can change your life too. So what 
can you do to get started on your new path Precious? 



It's My Name 



^ 



I feel a lot of pain 

I think I'm going insane 

I hate going to court and hearing my name 

I don't hear the other stuff, all I hear is my name 

DA wants to give me hella time 

And it's wrecking my brain. 

I know I messed up but now they are trying to throw me 

away for some years. They do what they want, but it's 

okay, they throw my people away like this everyday. 

-Rb 

From The Beat; Hearing your name called because you've gotten into 
trouble is never an easy thing to hear. The whole process of going 
through the system can sometimes wreck your brain, as you say. So stay 
focused, stay up, and remember that we at The Beat will endure this 
process with you, so keep writing to us. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Gettino Touoh 



X 



I've been in a gang since I was a very young teen. Now I 
am little older and things aren't easier. The past few years 
I have had so many homies die. I feel hopeless because 
I'm locked up. I have a funny feeling when I get out, I'm 
going to get shot. 

Just last month, one of the homies died. ..one of my 
enemies had the rage to stab him seven times in the face. 
If you think I'm playing, come to my hood. 

I wish I could take back all of the things I've done. But 
now that I'm older, I'm proud of what I have become. I am 
a gang member and I'm proud of it. 

-Jr 

From The Beat; We're sorry to hear about your homies, but now we're 
worried about you. Having pride in yourself maifes you strong, but will 
dying make things better? What about your future? What are some ways 
you can survive life in the hood? Does it mean having to leave the hood 
to find more positive opportunities somewhere else? 



1+1 



Worried About Family 



As always, what worries me is wondering what is going 
on in my family and wondering if my mom is ok while 
I am in here. Worrying about it gets me really mad and 
frustrated, and upset. I struggle too because I know my 
mom worries just as much about me. 

Every time she comes to see me she cries and it really 
hurts me inside. I want to tell her not to cry because it 
hurts me so much. My mom gets me more upset when 
she comes because she tells me to do right and to never 
get in trouble again so I don't have to come back to this 
boring place again, because it isn't for me. 

-Sarah 

From The Beat: Excessive worrying is not good for anyone, but a little 
worrying is good, it causes us to have to make decisions about the 
future, and to see the error of our past choices. We hope that you are 
thinking about how you can stop hurting your mom and how you can 
make your own life better when you get out of the Hall. 



I Worry 



X 



I worry about my little brother. 

I worry that my little brother is in trouble. 

I worry that my little brother cries. 

I worry that my little brother is going to hate me because 

I am not there for him. 

-Elvia 

From The Beat; The thing about younger siblings is that they learn a 
lot for their older family members, so although he may be upset that 
you are not around, you have the opportunity to show him how people 
make mistakes, and teach him how to pick himself back up, by doing 
the dame for yourself. Keep your head up, and renenber that what we 
do affects more than just our own lives. 



Mil 



How I Feel About My Mom 



What's up Beat? This is yo' boy. Pretty Boy Bookman. I 
am writing about my mom. What can I say? My mom is 
everything to me. She's here for me to the fullest and I 
love her for that. My mom is the number one person in my 
life, in the world. She used to spoil me all the time. She 
even put me first. 

I love my mom to death. She is a beautiful Nubian 
queen. I love her dearly. When I get out I'm going to do my 
best, not try, but DO. I love you mom! I don't even deserve 
to call you mom. I'm out! 

-Pretty Boy Bookman 

From The Beat; It) great to hear how much you appreciate your mom for 
all that she has done for you in your life. So many other young people 
cant say the same because their moms aren't always there for them. 
Your mom sounds like a special lady, so we hope you take advantage of 
every opportunity to show her how much you love her. 



Get iUy Son Back 




I am awaiting sentencing so that I can do my time. After 
I get out I want to get my life straight so that I can get my 
son back. 

-Adriana 

From The Beat; We are glad that you have a goal in mind, but what 
steps will you have to take to make this happen? Where can you start 
and what small steps can you take to move a little closer to your goal 
every day? 



A Pian To Be Tiiere For My Famiiy 

My plan is to get out and be a good dad and stay out of 
trouble for my son. Work to support my baby and stay 
out of the system. Be a better father then my dad was and 
drop all of my bad habits. Leave the criminal life behind 
and go on to accomplish great things in life. Because it's 
not what you did it's how you change them. Be a positive 
role model to my kid and my brother and sister. That's 
my plan and how I am going to stay out away from the 
bad life. 

-Earnest 

From The Beat; It) great that you realize what you want to do once 
you get out. Your right it is important to be a good role model for your 
loved ones. Stay positive and change will occur. 



Bard Life 



The path I took was nothing but a big mistake. The road 
I made for myself didn't lead anywhere. It only led me to 
a place where there is always stress, pain, and sorrow. I 
wish I could restart my path, but now it's too late because 
I'm in a bad situation, such as being locked up, and yeah, 
you know the other things people do out in the streets 
these days. 

This path I took ain't no joke, for real. Always having 
the cops stalking me left and right, and always having 
to watch what I do because a lot of things have been 
happening to gangstas, know what I mean? It's hard living 
this life I took, but it's on me though. I ain't no punk that 
starts something and don't finish it. I'm going to finish 
the path I made for myself, no matter what I go through. 
That's the way of a real "G". 

-Vence 

From The Beat; Despite all the difficulties and obstacles that are in a 
person) life, it is never to late to make a change. Changing your path, 
doesnt make you less of a 'G', it only means that you can be smarter and 
not relive your mistakes. 



WIei I (et Oit 



^ 



When I get out I'm not going to come back because I 
don't like it in here. When I'm in here I don't know what's 
going on out there in the real world. There could be so 
many things going on out there and I wouldn't know 
about them. There could be problems with my family, like 
one of them could have been hospitalized and I wouldn't 
even know about it. 

I wouldn't be able to be with my family, and without 
them I wouldn't know what I'd do. If I get out soon, I'm 
just going to stay home so I don't get into trouble because 
if I come back I'm going to be doing some time or going 
to a group home and I don't want to go there because 
without my mom, I don't know if I would still be alive. 

-Lit* Dube 

From The Beat; Being away from friends, family and society can create 
a feeling of isolation and disconnectedness from life. Have you talked 
to your family lately? It) a good idea to stay home more and try not to 
get in trouble, but you can't stay home your whole life. What else can 
you do to improve yourself? 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Plans 



X 



My plan when I get out is to change my life. 
To become a better woman so that 
I can be a leader, one who others will follow. 
My plan is to shoot for the stars, to aim for the moon. 
My plan is to take care of my little sisters 
Because we don't have a mother. 
I don't let it bring me down though, 
Because I know that I am a boss. 

-Pierre 

From The Beat; Its hard to be the one that others count on, but being 
strong for others often helps us get through for ourselves too. Keep 
your head up, and remember that your sisters look up to you, so quit 
being selfish and become the person you need to be, not just for them 
but for Pierre too. 



Take a Break, Let Your Worries Go 

What worries me? There aren't many things that worry 
me. For instance some are like, "What my mom could be 
doing right now?" or, "How I could try hard to not come 
back." Sometimes I'm glad I don't have to worry about as 
much things as other people. 

I just don't see how people could get through life just 
worrying all the time. Wouldn't that be stressing them 
out? I don't know but this could be one thing I'm worried 
about. Some people just need to take a break and let 
their worries go. 

-Anthony 

From The Beat; We agree with you, worrying is not constructive, 
although it is healthy to reflect on a good solid plan about your future 
while you are doing your tine in Juvenile Hall. 



The Next Road 



X 



My interpretation of the quote is that it relates to what I 
want to do with my life, and what path I want to go down 
with school. Hopefully I can go to college and get a good 
job, so that I can get back on my feet. I want to work in a 
clothes store. 

I hope that I get to so that I can help my mom out with 
a lot of the things she can't do by herself. The legacy I 
want to leave behind me starts with telling my mom that 
I am sorry that I messed up. My legacy will include never 
coming back to this place again. I want to make the right 
choices and think twice before I act, because I know I can 
do better then this. 

-Sarah 

From The Beat; Thank you for sharing. So what can you do first in order 
to start taking the steps to see your goals through? 



Never Back Bown 



X 



JJC sucks! That's all I got to say about this place. This 
place ain't the life for me. I'm pretty sure some guys can 
say the same thing too. 

But I'm in here for a BS charge. I mean what else 
are you supposed to do when someone's jumping your 
brother at the Fresno Fair? Are you just going to sit 
there and watch? Not me, I'll never back down when my 
brothers are getting jumped, even if I know we're going to 
get beat up. 

But to all you guys out there that are going through 
what I've been through, all I have to say is never back 
down. 

-Chevy Man 

From The Beat; Sorry to hear about your brother. Its tough to see 
someone you love getting hurt, physically. Maybe you could have acted 
differently, for example pull your brother out of the fight, or encourage 
him to walk away from the fight in the first place. What do you think? 



Planning 




I have trial soon, and I am waiting for the best to happen 
to me while I am in here. 

The marine recruiters are coming to meet with me 
because I want to turn my life around. So I plan on getting 
out and getting my life together ASAP. 

-Natalie 

From The Beat; The best doesnt just happen to us Natalie. We can hope 
that people will recognize our mistakes and give us the opportunity to 
try to correct them, but our happiness and path in life is made by us, 
so no matter what your court date may hold for you, we want you to 
think about what you can do differently in the future so you can get 
passed all of this. 



Missing ilAy Mama 



N 



Hey Mom, 

I know that you are hurt right now because you are locked 
up too. 

I wish I could be eating my mom's cooking and not the 
food in here. 

I miss how she used to wake me up in the morning and 
told me she loved me. 
I miss the way her clothes smell. 
I know that she will be my mama no matter what. 
I would die for my mama. 
She is such a good woman. 

She had my six sisters, my seven brothers, and me and 
she always took good care of us. 

I am locked up because I went to a place that she told me 
not to, but I still went. 
I should have listened to my mama. 

-Francisca 

From The Beat; We dont think that dying for her is what your mama 
wants for your life Francisca. The best thing you can do to show your 
mom how much you love her and miss her is to be the best daughter, 
and person that you can. To not follow in her footsteps and to strive for 
goals to become a happier member of society when you get out of the 
Hall. So we want you to ask yourself, where can you start first? 



Tiie Armed Forces 




Why sacrifice yourself for other people? 

Why fight in a war, and give up your life for other 
people who don't care about you? People don't care when 
soldiers die, because they didn't know them! 

That's what I think about doing stuff like that. 

-Doubtful 

From The Beat; We are sure that to some extent you understand what 
it means to fight for something bigger than oneself. We bet you would 
do it for your own family, and we hope that you realize someday how 
much happiness you can bring to your own life by stepping outside of 
yourself and making the world a better place, by thinking about more 
than yourself. We challenge you, when you get out, to go visit a family 
who has lost a loved one to war and gain some of their perspective, 
because we dont think any of them regrets their family members 
decision to protect them with their life. In the end it is your choice how 
you want to live your life. Find happiness! 



Motiiers And Sisters 



My feelings are cool but sometimes I am sad because I 
am not home and I worry about my family a lot. I worry 
the most about my mom and my sister. 

I miss my sister so much it hurts. I know that she is 
not ok right now because everyone on my block is bad to 
be around. I cannot wait to go home and see her soon. 

-Francisca 

From The Beat; its hard to be strong when you live in an environment 
that you did not choose, but what can you do when you get out to 
surround you and your sister with better people so that you can better 
both of your futures? 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Makino Plans Helps 



X 



My plan is to go to high school and finish it. 
Then I want to go to college 

be able to buy my mom a house someday, and the car 
that she wants. 
I want to also go to church and praise the Lord too. 

I thank God for having these beautiful young ladies 
around me in the Hall, 
because they help me stick it out in here 
they make me want to achieve my hopes and dreams. 

-Cynthia 

From The Beat: We are glad that you have plans in nind, knowing what 
you think you might want to do is the first step, it doesn't mean that you 
will get there without road blocks or hurdles, there will be obstacles in 
your path, but how you deal with them will make all the difference and 
will help you appreciate how far you have come. Good luck Cynthia. 



My Plan 




My plan, when I get freedom again, is to attend college. 
I really want to further my education. I want to attend 
church and live right. Maybe I will even start a family one 
day if that is God's will for me. The steps I will have to 
take are to keep away from bad folks. So I will need to 
stay around positive, encouraging, and loving people. I 
know for a fact that those people will rub off on me. These 
are the basic steps I need to take in order to change my 
life and to accomplish my wants, dreams, desires, and 
expectations. 

-Precious 

From The Beat; o it sounds like you have a list of goals to start taking 
your life into your own hands. What can you do first? Sometimes it 
takes baby steps to keep goals in sight, and to not get toe overwhelmed 
by change. 



Oops! Did It Again! 



My biggest worry at the moment is what my family thinks 
of me. I am a little worried about going back to court 
because I don't know what the judge will say. I could be 
in here for a year but I'm not sure yet. All of this worrying 
is getting to me. I don't regret what I did I'm just mad I 
got caught. 

-Angel 

From The Beat; Without knowing the details itt really hard to 
understand your logic. We are concerned that you do not have remorse 
mainly because we wouldn't want you to continue coming back with the 
same idea of "oops" I got caught again, I'm so mad. 



The WDrld Will Never Cliange 

Have you walked the streets of the world today? So 
much killing, so much drugs, so much of everything. 
Would you want to live in a world like it? Well would 
you? I did not think so. 

So, why does the world fall into a bigger hole every 
time someone does something to the world? What did 
the world do to us? Nothing, but give us a home and 
some where to stay. Do you ever ask yourself what will 
it be like if there was no world today? Just ask yourself, 
tell me what comes to mind. 

-Young Lee 

From The Beat; We hope that one day you will not feel that the world 
is crumbling all around you. The world has so much to offer, places 
to travel, people to meet, getting an education, and many wonderful 
experiences which doesnt have to involve killing and drugs. We hope 
that one day you will find this peace. 



N 



My Life 

Yeah, what's up The Beat Within? It's me, just got 
yesterday for a warrant. But it's hard out here in orange 
cove with the gangs and drugs. Just getting out of court, 
and they gave me another year in a group home. This 
is my life. Everybody thinks that I am a low life gang 
banger! But I didn't make my life like that. 

Ever since I was little my mom was locked up. My 
dad I never knew him. So why is everybody judging me? 
'Cause I have a few tattoos? But that don't mean nothing. 
I want to live my life; I check how my life feels. Banging 
every day, so whoever is reading this and behind bars. 
Keep your head up 

-Alfredo 

From The Beat; Living around gangs and drugs can be difficult, 
especially when one wants to change. It) hard to change when one 
grows up in the neighborhood, and its hard to change when one goes 
right back to the same neighborhood. However, if one wants to change 
they can. It will be difficult and hard but achievable. 




fY-;^\fr^. ">v .| >ifef-^ 



Learnino From Yonr Mistakes 

Before I was brought in I was already in school and 
trying to manage good grades and so far I was passing 
all but two classes. So when they let me out I plan on 
going back and catching up on what I missed. Maybe 
get a job, save up some money and get myself a nice 71' 
Buick Regal with pumps or switches, rims and what ever 
else I want. 

To stay out I plan on not breaking any laws if I do try 
not to get caught for it. If I get on probation or a monitor 
just do what they tell me to and stay out of trouble. 

-Driver 

From The Beat; The best bet is not to break any laws, period. The wrong 
answer is "if I get caught." 



NewBeolnnino 



X 



My release date is in February. When I get out I'm 
planning on doing good and finishing probation. I get 
off probation two months after my eighteenth birthday. 
The only way to get out of the criminal justice system 
is by finishing probation. I also have to do everything 
probation wants me to do in order to finish it. I don't 
want to come back no more. When I get out I'm going to 
try my hardest not to come back. 

-Isreal 

From The Beat; in preparation for your release, start thinking about 
getting all your support lined up. Begin asking your counselor, 
probation officer or judge for college direction. Remember to focus on 
staying out and wearing blinders to keep on track. Try to stay clear of 
those influences that may get you back in the system, isreal, you must 
be firm about your journey, and not get sucked back in. We wish you the 
best because you are a good individual and will bring positive change 
to the community. 




/^y,-/ry^A/#^^v 



Chillin 



^ I Cheering My Way Out 




There was this one time where I had fun without drinking. 
I was driving around and I was coming to the stoplight. I 
was going to stop for some 151, then I saw a cop posted 
at the liquor store, so I grabbed my phone and hit up the 
homies to see if they got beer there. Next thing I know I 
was like in a rap that goes like this: 

Chillin' at a house party. 

Choking off dank, rolled up in the cavorly 

Girls were everywhere 

I'm peepin the scene, seeing who I'mma mack at 

This girl walked in lookin' real presnity 

With no hesitation I stuck to the griznity 

Saying how you doing baby, can I spit at you 

Saucy, young tender, can I get at you 

She must have recognized point pimpin' on sight 

Because she was jockin' me for the rest of the night 

I couldn't help to notice this dude was staring 

I thought he was trippin' off the clothes I was wearing 

But he stood up to me and said "what's up punk" 

You been messing with my girl and now I want some 

funk 

I said I'm not with drama so you can save theatrical 

I mack on your girl because she appeared to be 

mackable 

Instead of this dude being real on a player 

He took a step back and tried to steal on a player 

I said look foo', nobody smash me 

I throw these things like young cassius clay 

With a blow I sent the punk to the floor 

And said get your butt up if you want some more 

These dudes ran up I think they was his crew 

Now tell me what the heck was I supposed to do 

So I went to the crib and got away from the play 

To get this girl's dude from up out of my face 

Now I'm far away, hoppin in my Cadillac 

I'll hit you up with part two next week. 

-T. Hard 

From The Beat; You've got talent as a rapper and writer. Thanks for 
sharing this rap with us. Our advice is that next time, you should be 
more careful when tallting to girls. It) not worth fighting, getting 
arrested or dying over, especially if it is some girl you hardly know. 



When I get out I want to get back into cheerleading. 
When I used to be in cheerleading I was ranked in the top 
of the Nation! I was on ESPN, and when I get out I want 
to do it again. 

-Tiffany 

From The Beat; We are glad that you are involved in something you 
seem to love a lot. Sometimes having passion in something and being 
part of a team that needs you just as much as you need them, helps to 
keep us moving in the right path. How can you start to prepare for what 
you want right now? 



My Life 



When I was young I got introduced to the game. I've 
been shot at, and been through drug deals. I started to 
turn on my family. My family started to get me mad; they 
didn't want to see me anymore. My mom kicked me out; 
I had nowhere to stay. That's when I started robbing 
people, and getting into the system. I got in the system 
at a young age. Then they committed me to 9 months I'm 
just in here waiting until I get out. That's a little about 
my life. 

-Waiting 

From The Beat; Sounds like you've been through a lot and have seen 
a lot. Is this the path you want to follow? Remember that change is 
always possible, if one wants to change. 



Wiiat I Want To Be 



When I get home I am going to start school, and take care 
of my nephew like I said I was going to do. I am going to 
be good instead of being stupid. I want to get my diploma 
so that I can start Beauty school. I want to be a makeup 
artist someday. 

-Angelic 

From The Beat; How can you put your plans into action Angelic? What 
can you plan and start right now while you have quiet time to reflect on 
your past and plan for a better you? What will it take to become what 
you want most in life? 



Emotion 



X 



Most people I see in Juvenile Hall have talent. Some 
people I see in the outs are wasting it like me. My mom 
always used to tell me she hated seeing black males waste 
their potential in where they don't want to be. 

-Toung Gifted And Black 

From The Beat; It is a waste to see so many young men locked up. We 
hope that your talent will not be wasted. 



Beiiind a Door Tiiinkiny Wiien 

When will I get out? 

When will I get on track to a good path? 

When will I change, when will I turn to god and stop 

walking in satins cradle. 

When do I leave here to go home..., but when..., God..., 

but when. 

-Jekicho 

From The Beat; Sometimes it takes time to walk onto the right path. 
Figuring out whatS right for one can takes time. Make goals for 
yourself, goals that will help lead you into the right path. 



--'^m-^- 



Diiama '08! 



If I was old enough to vote I would vote for Obama, no 
offense. I think there are too many white presidents. I 
would like to see how our community would be like if 
there was a different race president. 

If Obama was the president I would like him to lower 
gas prices and lower the reinforcements. I think there 
are too many cops and all they do is try to put something 
on you so you get in trouble and they get paid. 

-Voter 

From The Beat: It is good that you are aware of your political views and 
that you have a desire to vote. There are many people that do not use 
their voting power. 



My Pian And Soiiooi 



What's up Beat? 

When I get out of the system, I plan on going and 
completing school to get my high school diploma. Also 
I'm going to go to college and try to become a firefighter 
or go into corrections. Also in the mean time that I am 
in high school and college I plan on playing football and 
baseball. 

I plan to get off probation so I can have my freedom. I 
plan on obeying my parents' until I am 18 and get my own 
place. 

-Lee 

From The Beat; Great goals! Getting an education will help in the long 
run. Going into corrections or becoming a firefighter are great fields to 
go into. Remember that change is possible!!! 




^Mnnf^^^mmMMmism/^ 



LoQueTengoQuePensar 




Mi barrio es Undo porque ahi esta toda mi familia y mi 
raza lo cual es lo que mas quiero en este mundo. 

Ahora lo que estoy pensando es que voy a hacer con 
toda mi familia y mi raza, sobre que es lo que tengo que 
cambiar, y de lo que hice en este pais. Se que tengo que 
cambiar muchas cosas. 

Cuando tenga 64 afios, voya ser un senor bien 
sentrado con toda la familia, mis hijos, mis nietos. La 
voy a pasar muy bien, si Dios me lo permite. 

From The Beat; Parece que tienes mucho que pensar. Ahorita que tienes 
todo el tiempo para pensar y a reaccionar en la cosas malas que has 
estado haciendo, y pensar en las cosas que te convienen. ^Si pensar es 
tu primer paso, cual es el siguiente? 

What I Have To Think Ahout 

My 'hood is beautiful because my entire family is there 
and my people who are what I love the most. 

Now what I am thinking of what am I going to do with 
my family and my people, about what I have to change, 
and what I did in this country. I know I have a lot of things 
I have to change. 

When I turn 64, I'm going to be a very settle old man 
surrounded with my family, my kids, my grandchildren. 
I'm going to spend it well, if God permits it. 

-Marlon, San Francisco 

From The Beat; It seems like you got a lot to think about. Now you will 
have enough time to think and to reflect on the things you're doing 
wrong in your life, and think of new ways to do things that will benefit 
your life. If thinking is the first step, whatt the next one? 



Playa, Familia y Amioos 

Hay dado consejos a mis amigos pero no se si los aiga 
tomado en serio. Mi amigo se llama Juan, pero el vive en 
Mexico con sus padres el usaba drogas, coma la coca y 
mota y le dijo que ya no usara esas drogas. Entonces, 
yo me vine para los Estados Unidos y despues no supe 
que pasa con el porque ya nunca me communique con mi 
amigo Juan. 

El major dia que me la pase bien fue con mi familia en 
la playa en Mexico, antes de que yo me viniera a este pais. 
Ese dia me bane en el mar, corri en la arena y comi lo que 
me mas qusta comer cuando voy a la playa. Despues me 
regrese a la casa con mis padres. Ese fue el mejor dia felis 
que pase en mi pais, Mexico. 

From The Beat; Aunque tu amigo no esta tomado tu consejo, 
es importante que dices a otros de las problemas que resultado 
cuando usan drogas. Tambien, parece que tendrias In gran 
dia cuando fuiste al playa. Que otras memorias felices tienes? 



Beach, Famiiy & Friends 



I have given advice to my friends, but I am not sure if they 
took it seriously. My friend's name is Juan, but he lives in 
Mexico with his parents. He uses drugs, like cocaine and 
marijuana and I told him not to use drugs. Then, I came 
to the United States and after that I have not spoken with 
my friend Juan. 

The best day that I have had was when I went with 
my family to the beach in Mexico before I came to this 
country. That day, I swam in the ocean, ran on the sand 
and I ate what I enjoy eating when I go the beach. Later, 
I returned home with my parents. This was the happiest 
day that I had in my country, Mexico. 

-Humberto 

From The Beat: Although your friend may not have taken your advice it 
is important that you tell those you care about the problems that result 
when drugs are used. It sounds like you had a great day when you went 
to the beach. What other happy memories do you have? 




La Beiieza De Mi Pnehio 



Que ondas Beat! Aqui contandoles un poco sobre mi 
barrio y mis seres queridos. Bueno, en mi barrio hay 
muchas cosas bonitas. Tenemos un campo de football 
donde vamos a practicar de martes a viernes y a jugar 
partidos con otros equipos los Domingos. 

Desde el campo, se observa una loma muy bonita con 
una cruz en medio donde Uebamos a nuestras novias a 
respirar aire puro porque hay muchos arboles. Tenemos 
un parque en el centre de mi pueblo donde van los ninos 
a divertirse. En frente, tenemos nuestra iglesia catolica. 
Es un pueblo realmente bonito. Hay muchachas bonitas. 
Los fines de semanas, cantan varies grupos musicales ya 
sea rancheras, o romanticas. Hay vatos que rapean y yo 
tambien rapeo aveces. Q^i^ro volver a mi barrio. Espero 
muy pronto regresar. 

En Halloween recuerdo que nos disfrazabamos con 
mis amigos y andubimos asustando a mucha gente. Nos 
divertimos mucho y salimos de casa en casa a pedir 
dulce. Algunos se vistieron de draculas, hombre lobo, 
fantasmas, y otros personajes divertidos. 

From The Beat; Despues de haber describido tu lugar, nos dio unas 
grandes ancias de conocer este lugar. Ese lugar parece el lugar apropiade 
que necesitas para mantenerte alejado de las malas influencias y malos 
lugares. Deberlas de conciderar volver y quedarte alia. 



The Beanty Df My Town 



What's up Beat! Here I am sharing something about my 
'hood and my loved ones. Well, in my 'hood, there are 
a lot of beautiful things. We have football camp where 
we practice from Tuesday to Friday and we also practice 
against another team on Sundays. 

From the field, you can observe a beautiful hill with 
cross on top of it where we take our girls to breathe pure 
air because there are a lot of trees. We have a part in the 
center of the town where kids go and play. In front, we 
have our Catholic church. It is a town very beautiful. 
There are a lot of girls. Over the weekend, many musical 
groups come to play and I also rap sometimes I want to 
come back to my 'hood. I hope to go back very soon. 

In Halloween I remember that we dressed up with my 
friends and we were scaring a lot of people. We have a 
good gun and then we went from houses to houses to get 
candies. Some of my friends dressed like Dracula, The 
wolf man, ghost and others wore others fun customs 

-Rosny, San Francisco 

From The Beat; After describing this place, you created a huge urge to 
visit this place. That places sounds like the right place you need to keep 
you away from bad influence and wrong places. You should consider 
going back over there and stay over there. Wouldn't that be nice? 





^MnnE^^^mmMMmism/^ 



Aqui En Este Euyar 



Todos los paisanos que vienen de Mexico no hacen nada 
en la vida porque en la carcel esta muy duro. Esto no 
es una casa, no se ve el sol, ni carros, ni un ruido. Por 
eso, te escribi esta carta de mi palabra porque yo ya estoy 
aqui. 

From The Beat; Que bien que te hayas dado cuenta del lugar donde 
puedes caer cada vec que andes en males pasos. Si este no es un lugar 
para ti, busca el lugar adecuado que te haga sentir vivo y feliz. La 
decision es tuya. 



Here In This Place 



All the people who come from Mexico don't do anything 
in life, because being in jail is very hard. This is not a 
house, because you can't see the sun's light, cars, not 
even a noise. That's why I write these words because I 
am here. 

-Rafael, Fresno 

From The Beat; Its a good thing to realize where you can end up when 
being on a bad path. If this is not a place for you, look for a place that 
can make you feel alive and happy. The decision is yours. 



Ml Vlda En El Slstema 



Yo quiero hablar sobre mi vida en el sistema. Quiero 
contarles primeramente sobre como vine aqui a la juvenile. 
Vine aqui por no andar en buen camino, o sea mejor dicho 
por andar vendiendo droga en la calle. Por eso es que vine 
aqui y me siento muy triste por no poder salir. 

Bueno no ha sido una experiencia muy buena. No puedo 
hacer las cosas que hacia afuera ni tampoco puedo ir a los 
lados que iba antes. Solo me toca estar dormiendo y viendo 
por la ventana a las personas que pasan por la calles y las 
personas que trabajan aqui. Ellos nos miran de menos solo 
porque somos Latinos, mejor dicho porque no somos de este 
pais. 

Mi vida ha sido un verdadero terror todos los di'as. Aqui 
hay que evitar peliarse porque si uno pelea aqui tarda mucho 
la salida. El problema es que a uno lo provocan. 

Gracias a Dios El me ha dado la fortaleza de seguir 
adelante en este camino. jDios te bendiga! 

From The Beat: Es natural que extranes a todo lo que estas aconsumbrado 
hacer afuera. Ahora not e queda mas opcion mas que resignarte a 
cumplir con las regulaciones de este lugar. Esto no quiere decir que tu 
vida se ha venido abajo, esto quiere decir que este es el momento que 
tienes para refieccionar en las cosas que tienes que hacer. Acuerdate 
que despues de la tormenta llega la eaima. 



Life In The System 



I am going to write about life in the system. First of all, Til 
like to write about how I came to juvenile hall. 1 came here 
because I wasn't in the good road, for selling drugs on the 
streets. That's why I came here and I feel very sad for not 
being able to get out of here. 

Well, it hasn't been a good experience. I can't do the 
things I used to do on the outs nor I can go to the places 
I used to go before. All 1 do is to sleep and look at people 
walking through the windows and the people who work here. 
They look down on us because we are Latinos, in other 
words, because we are from another country. 

My life has been a horrible life everyday. You have to 
avoid getting into fights in here because if you fight, it will 
take you longer to get out of here. The problem is that you 
get provoked from others. 

Thank God, because He has given me the strength I need 
to move ahead in this road. God bless you. 

-Jose, San Francisco 

From The Beat; It) natural that you miss everything you are used to 
on the outs. Now, you have only resignation is your last choice and to 
follow the regulations from this place. This doesnt mean that your life 
has collapsed; instead, this means that you need time to reflect on the 
things you have to do. Remember that after a storm, the calm comes. 



^ 




Ml Lnoar Y Ml Mnndo Inocente 

Mi barrio es Undo porque ahi estan todas las personas 
que queremos, osea ahi estan la gente de uno. Admiro 
todo y el parque es bonito. Tengo cosas muy bellas. Ahi 
no solo se toca algo, ahi se hace fiesta. 

Cuando Uegue a tener esa edad, me gustaria estar en 
mi pais con mi familia en Honduras. Me gustaria estar 
con mi mama, pasiar, buscar las cosas de Dios y cuidar a 
mis hijos. 

Bueno mi historia de nifios es muy bonito porque 
me gustaba agarrar muchos dulces. Di muchas bromas 
pesadas. 

Un mundo inocente es cuando uno va por un buen 
camino. Mi mejor traje fue una mascara de Spiderman 
que me la compro mi mama. 

Creo que ya escribi todo y que Dios los bendiga ahora 
y siempre. Dios ayudeme! 

From The Beat; Parece que tubistes una ninez muy divertida y que 
tambien piensas pasar tu vejez muy relajado y rodiado con las 
personas que quieres. Todo es posible en la vida y si sigues pensando 
positivamente, lograras tus metas. Pero para llegar a tanto, tienes que 
empezar a escalar tu camino hacia lograr lo que quieres. 

My Place And My Innocent World 

My 'hood is beautiful because there are the people we 
love, in other words, our people. I admire everything, and 
the park is very beautiful. I have a lot of beautiful things. 
There, they don't even play music but make parties. 

When I get to that age, I would like to be in my country 
with my family in Honduras. I would love to be with my 
mother, do outings, look for God, and take care of my 
kids. 

Well my kid story was very beautiful because I used to 
like to grab a lot of candies. I played a lot of heavy jokes 
on people. 

An innocent world is when you are walking through a 
good road. My best custom was Spiderman and my mom 
bought it for me. 

I think I covered everything, and may God bless you 
all and always. 

-Santos, San Francisco 

From The Beat; It seems like you had a nice childhood and that you 
are planning to spend your old age surrounded by the people you love. 
Everything is possible in life and if you continue thinking positive, you 
will succeed with your dreams. But in order to make this happen, you 
have to start building your way up to reach what you want. 



Nnnca Dtra Vez 



\^ 



Nunca otra vez voy a volver a hacer el nino con dos 
padres, el niiio con una ninez de jugar afuera con mis 
amigos porque alguien me lo arrebato. 

From The Beat; Que triste se esucha esto. Si miras alrededor del mundo, 
y miras las situaciones de otras personas, te daras cuenta que lo tienes 
todo para vivir una vlda mejor y feliz. No sabemos lo que te ha pasado, 
pero hay formas como evitar pensar de esa experiencia tan marcada 
de tu pasado. Si sientes que no puedes con tu pasado, hay gente 
profesionales que ayudan con esos tipos de probiemas. ;Busca ayuda! 



Never Again 



I'll never again be a kid with parents, the kid with 
a childhood of playing around with friends because 
someone took it away. 

-Rolando, Alameda 

From The Beat; That sounds very sad. If you look around the world, 
and see other people) situations, you will Find out that you have 
everything you need to live a better and happier life. We donY know 
what happened to you, but there are ways to avoid thinking from such 
as marked experience from your past. If you think you cant deal with 
your past, there are people who are professional that are focused in 
helping with those types of problems. Look for help. 



^Mnnf^^^mmMMmism/^ 




Amo A MiMadre 




Mis Seres Queridos 






Yo espero en Dios y saiga de la juvenile para estar con 
mi familia, darles un abrazo bien fuerte a mi mama y a 
mis hermanos y nunca separarme de ellos porque ellos 
son los que mas quiero en este mundo. 

Tambien me gustaria que mi padre reaccionara y nos 
quisiera por lo menos un poquito para poder sentir el 
amor de padre. 

Yo les doy mucha gracias a mi madre porque me 
quiere con todo su corazon. Yo y mis hermanos somos lo 
mas importante para ella. 

Tambien le agradezco a mis abuelos porque ellos han 
sido como un padre para mi. Ellos me han cuidado desde 
mis 8 meses de vida y la veo como una madre. La sigo 
valorando como una madre. 

Lo que me gustaria hacer cuando saiga de aqui es 
estar con mi familia y no volver a separarme de ellos. 
Tambien portarme bien y no meterme en problemas. Eso 
es todo. 

From The Beat: Apesar de que no tubistes el calor de padre en tu vida, 
has tenido el apoyo de toda tu familia y eso also que deberlas de estar 
agradecido. De la misma manera ellos se preocupan por ti. La solucion 
la tienes en las manos, no deje que se te escape. Piensa en lo que te 
quieren antes de hacer algo que te perjudique a ti y a ellos. 



My Loved Ones 



I hope in God to get out to be with my family, give them a 
strong hug to my mother and my brothers, and never be 
apart from them because they are what I love the most in 
this world. 

I also would like my dad to reflect on himself and at 
least to give us a little bit of father's affection. 

I thank my mother very much because she loves me 
with all her heart. My brothers and I is the most important 
thing to my mother. 

I also thank my grandparents, especially my 
grandmother because she has been like a father to me. 
They have raised me since I was 8 months old and I see 
them like a mother. I also value them like a mother. 

What I would like to do when I get out is to be with my 
family and never separate myself from them. I also want 
to behave better and never get into more trouble. That's 
all. 

-Maria, Fresno 

From The Beat; In spite that you didnt have the warmth and the 
guidance of your father, you have the support of your family and thatS 
something to be grateful for. The same way they love you, they worry 
about you. You have the solutions In your hands, so dont it let go. 
Think of those who love you before you do something that will affect 
you and them. 



Si, me preocupo por mis hermanos y por mis padres. 
Cuando no quiero preocuparme, me pongo hacer algo 
para no estar pensando en ellos. 

Gamine por el camino del mal y se que no hay pero. 
Uno siempre tiene que ir por el camino del bien. 

Yo votaria por Obama, no soy de este pais pero dice 
que el va ayudar a los imigrantes y yo soy uno de ellos. 

Yo digo que a la carcel no regreso porque cuando 
saiga de aqui voy a tratar de trabajar. Vamos a tomar el 
camino del bien y no del mal por el cual andaba. 

Primeramente Dios, El va hacer que me prepare para 
el bien y no el mal. 

jDios, Jesus, ayudamel 

From The Beat; ^Cuales son esas cosas que haces para dejar de pensar 
en tus problemas? Nosotros tenemos problemas tambien. Esperamos 
que Dios y las ganas de hacer el bien sesi io suficiente que necesitas 
para salir adelante. Nos parece que tienes buenas ideas en como salir 
adelante, que no se te olviden. Es hora del buen camino! 



I Love My Mother 



l+l 



Yes, I do worry about my brothers and my parents. When 
I don't want to worry, I do things to stop thinking about 
them. 

I walked through the wrong path and I know that there 
are no excuses. You have to always go through the good 
road. 

I'll vote for Obama. I'm not from this country but he 
says that he will help immigrants and I am one of those. 

I say that in jail I won't be back because when I get 
out of here I'm going to try to work. I'm going to take the 
good road and not the bad one I was on. 

Hopefully God, He will prepare me to do good and not 
bad. God, Jesus, help me! 

-Thinking Good Thoughts 

From The Beat; What are those things you do to avoid thinking of 
problems? We would like to know. We got problems a^ well. We hope 
God and the desire to succeed give you the willpower to moving forward 
in life. It seems to us that you have good ideas in how to succeed, so 
donl forget them. It is time for the good road! 





^MnnE^^^mmMMmism/^ 



Si Cambiara El Sistema 



X 



Esta vez voy a escribir acerca de que si yo tubiera la 
oportunidad de cambiar la manera como manejan 
juvenile hall. Lo haria. Por ejemplo, en terminus de la 
comida tubieramos nuestro propio menu y ordenar lo que 
quisieramos para comer. 

Sobre nuestra actividad que nos dieran dos horas al 
dia. Tambien cambiaria la visita. Dejaria que no solo tu 
madre sino tus amigos, tus hermanos, hermanas, y novia. 
Eso estaria bien. Fuera las primeras cosas que cambiara. 
Esoe s todo lo que hable esta semana. 

From The Beat; Nos paiece una gran y buena idea que hagas de la 
juvenil un poco mas flexible para todos. ^Y que tan si a los jovenes les 
gusta este lugar mas que la casa? Pueda y no les importe caer aqui y eso 
crearia mas crimenes en nuestras comunidad. 

If I Can Chanpe The System 

This time 111 write about if I had the chance to change 
the way juvenile hall is being running. I would do it. For 
example, instead of the food, we would have our own 
many and be able to order what we want. 

In terms of our activities, I would ask to give us two 
hours. Fd also change the visit rules. I would allow that 
not only your mother can come to see you but your 
friends, brothers, sisters and girl. That would be nice. It 
would be the first things I'd change. That's all I have to 
write this week. 

-No Nombre, Santa Clara 

From The Beat; it seems to be a great idea to maice juvenile hail more 
Mice flexible place for all. What if young people lilfe this place more than 
being at home? They might not care and that also increase the crime in 
our communities. 




Cuando Estamos Afuera 



Aveces cuando andamos en las calles sentimos que todo 
lo podemos, pero eso no es verdad porque lo linico que 
vamos a parar es en un centre juvenil. Yo he estado aqui 
por mucho tiempo y he venido aqui varias veces. 

Ahorita ya me cause de lo mismo de estar aqui muchas 
veces. Ya estoy enteniendo que esto no me lleba a ningun 
camino. 

Bueno, ahorita que saiga, voy a tratar de no hacer 
lo mismo. Le pido a Dios que me ayude a encontrar el 
camino correcto y un buen trabajo para alejarme de las 
calles y estar con mi familia. 

From The Beat: Esperamos y llegues a encontrar ese camino que 
realmente necesitas para que puedas desviarte de ese camino malo que 
llebas. Ese camino que llebas no te llebara a nada bueno y de eso te has 
dado cuenta. Ya has estado aqui varias veces y creemos que es hora de 
parar terminar en estos lugares. No es el lugar de estar para ti o para 
los demas. 



When We Are On The Onts 



When we are on the streets, we think we can do anything, 
but that's not true because the only place where we end up 
is in juvenile hall. I've been here for a long time and I've been 
many times. 

Now I am tired of the same thing of being here many 
times. I have realized that this will not lead me to a good 
road. 

Well, when I get out of here, I'm going to try not to do the 
same. I am asking God to help me find the right way and look 
for a job to get away from the streets and be with my family 

-H, San Francisco 

From The Beat; We hope you get to find the road you need to change 
the directions of the road you are heading. That road you are heading 
will never guide you to something good and that you know it. You've 
been here many times and we thinit that it is time to stop getting back 
to this place. It) not a place to be for you or anyone. 



La Raznn Por La One Vine 



Alguna vez quise estudiar en la Universidad de Honduras. 
Gracias a Dios me gradue de mecanica auntomotris, pero 
nunca pude asistir a la Universidad a estudiar porque los 
recursos economicos de mi familia no me ajustaba para 
asistir a clases. 

Decidi viajar hacia este pais porque aqui existen 
mucho mas oportunidades. 9^^^"!^ hacer dinero y 
regresarme a mi tierra natal con dinero para volver a 
la Universidad y estar con mis seres queridos que mas 
quiero en el mundo. Solo le pido a Dios que me de solo 
una oportunidad y no lo voy a desaprovechar. 

From The Beat; Entonces venistes aqui por un gran proposito, pero nos 
preguntamos que fue lo que te pasb. ^Oue fue lo que te robo tu sueiio? 
Si llegas a tener etm oportunidad, aprovechala y aprende de este error. 



The Reason I Came Here 



I once wanted to study in a university from Honduras. 
Thank God I graduated from automotive mechanic. I 
never had the chance to attend to a university to study 
there because my family couldn't afford it. 

I decided to come to this country because here we 
have so many opportunities. I wanted to make money and 
go back to my native land with money to be able to attend 
to college and be with my loved ones who I love the most 
in this world. I just ask God to give me a chance and I 
won't dump it away. 

-Flaco, San Francisco 

From The Beat: So, you came here for a good purpose, so we are 
wondering what happened. What took away your dream? If you get 
a chance to get that dream, take advantage of it and learn from your 
mistakes. 



Cnando Regrese A Ml Casa 



^ 



Cuando regrese a mi casa voy a empezar una nueva vida. 
Voy a portarme bien, voy a entender cuando mi padre me 
diga que vaya a la escuela o cuando me regane. No voy 
a andar en las calles, no voy a andar en malos pasos ni 
andar haciendo males a otras personas, no voy a andar 
robando cosas como lo hacia antes de que estubiera aqui 
en la juvenile. 

Por eso digo que andar haciendo cosas malas nunca 
te trae nada bueno. Por eso ahorita me arrepiento de 
estar aqui encerrado y todo por no hacerle caso a lo que 
mi padre me decia. 

From The Beat; Nos parece buena idea que estes planiando lo que haras 
cuando saiga. Estamos seguro que si sigues los planes que tienes en 
mente, tu vida cambiara y no tendras que preocuparte mas en estar en 
situaciones que no te gusten. jTrabajalo! 

When I Come Rack To My Honse 

When I come back to my house, I want to start off a new 
life. I'm going to behave better, I'm going to listen when 
my dad tells me to go to school or when he corrects me. 
I'm not going to be in bad things doing harm to others, 
I'm not going to steal things like I used to do before I 
came to juvenile hall. 

That's why doing dirt doesn't being anything good to 
you. Now I am regretful for being locked up and for not 
listening to what my dad used to tell me. 

-Moreno, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: it sounds like a good idea to plan out what you'll do 
when you get out. We are sure that if you keep those plans in your 
head, your life will change and won't have to worry about being in the 
same situation you don't like. Work it out! 




A-ij^/.M^Ti^^ msmamim/ / 



€£ml 



^^ 




Me PreoGupo 



Yo me preocupo porque todos los que estamos aqui 
estamos pagando por algtin dano que hicimos. Pero en 
mi caso, yo le hice dano a la persona que mas quiero. No 
se como remediar ese error porqyue le dije palabras a mi 
novia nomas por decirlas sin medir consecuencias. Ella 
se las creyo y por esa causa es que estoy en este lugar. 

Se que pronto voy a salir, pero con una orden de 
restriccion de ella y no vamos a poder vernos porque mis 
cargos fue de violencia domestica. 

Mi mensaje es para todos los chavos que aman a su 
novia que no le hagan lo mismo que yo le hice a mi novia. 
Cuando caimos aqui a las manos de la policia, por ley te 
separan de la mujer que amas y ya no importa el amor. 

From The Beat; Cometistes un gran error y vemos que has aprendido 
de tu error. Golpiar a una persona no es permitido aqui ni en ningun 
en el mundo. Otra cosa que tienes que tener en mente es que si estas 
separado de la mujer que amas, sino que lo que tu hicistes algo maio lo 
cual la consecuencias es la carcel. 



I Worry 



I worry because we all are here paying for a harm that 
we do. But, in my case, I did harm the person I love the 
most. I don't know how to make it up tp her because I told 
her words without meaning it and without knowing the 
consequences. She believed them and that's the cause I 
am here in this place. 

I know that I'll get out soon, but I'll have a restriction 
order from her, and we don't be able to see each other 
because my charges were of domestic violence. 

My message to you all is that I you live your girl don't 
do the same thing I did to my girl. When you end up in the 
hands of the police, by law, they will separate you from 
the women you love the most and they don't care about 
love. 

-Julio, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: You made a big mistake and we see that you have 
learned from your mistake. To hurt another person is not permitted in 
any place of the world. Another thing that you have to keep in mind is 
that they didnt separate you from here, but what you did was wrong 
and jail is the consequences of your action. 




Nunca Me Han Gustado Las Drooas 



Hola a todos mis paisanos de Mexico. Espero que se 
encuentren bien y a sus familias que Dios los bendiga. 

Yo soy de Mexico, pero ahorita estoy en la juvenile. La 
razon por la cual me encuentro aqui es por las drogas. A mi 
no me gusta ningun tipo de droga ni el alcohol. 

Estoy aqui porque un amigo mio una vez vendio droga y 
los narcos nos agarraron. Como yo iba con el, tambien a mi 
me detubieron y por eso estoy aqui. Les pido a todos los que 
andan en droga que se alejen de ellas porque eso nomas te 
perjudica la vida. 

A mi nunca me han gustado las drogas, pero por la 
copania tambien estoy aqui adentro. Aqui la vida es muy 
triste porque no puedes estar con tu familia ni disfrutar de 
tu libertad. 

A mi me van a deportar a mexico, pero no me importa 
porque voy a estar con mis padres. Por eso les digo a todos 
los compass Mexicanos que no tiren su vida a la basura. 

From The Beat; Cada accion que este volucrado en cosas negativas traen 
consecuencias. TU situacidn es un gran ejempio de las consecuencias 
que esto traen. Te agradecemos que nos des ese consejo de las drogas. 
Realmente las drogas, perjudican nuestras vidas de una manera u otra. 
Gracias por tus palabras, esperamos que mas de algunos aprendan de tu 
escritura y de tu experiencia. 



\1 



I'le N(i(r Likel Driis 



Hi, to all my people from Mexico. I hope you are well and God 
bless your family. 

1 am from Mexico, but I am in juvenile hall. I'm here over 
drugs. I don't like any types of drugs or alcohol. 

The reason why I am here is because my friend sold some 
drugs and the police caught us. Since 1 was with him, I also 
got charged with the same case and that's I am here. I ask all 
who are dealing with drugs to get away from them because 
they only affect your life. 

I've never like drugs, but because of bad company I ma here. 
Here life is very sad because you can't be with your family or 
enjoy your freedom. 

They are going to deport me back to Mexico, but I don't 
care because I am going to be with my parents. That's why I 
tell all my Mexican friends not to dump away their lives. 

-A, Fresno 

From The Beat; Every action that is involved with negativity, there 
will always is consequence. Your situation is a great example if the 
consequences it brings. We thank you for your advice based on drugs. In 
reality, drugs harm peoples life in a way or others. Thanks for your words 
and we hope someone learn from your writing and your experience. 



Per El Licor 



.| Cuando estoy en la calle, me la paso tomando licor, pero 
no le hago a ningun tipo de drogas. Pero por tomar licor, 
es por la cual estoy aqui en este lugar. No me gusta estar 
aqui porque me siento aburrido. En este caso, quiero 
salir de aqui lo mas pronto que pueda. 

From The Beat; Ya sabes cual es tu debilidad. ^Que tienes pensado 
hacer al respecto? Si crees que tienes un gran problema con el alcohol, 
deberias de alejarte de su uso. Estamos seguro que te evitaria muchos 
nalos ratos. 



Because Of Liquor 



When I am on the streets, I spend my time drinking liquor, 
but I don't do any type of drugs. Because of my drinking 
habit is the reason why I am here in this place. I don't like 
to be here because I feel bored. In this case, I want to get 
out of here the sooner I can. 

-Anonimo, Fresno 

From The Beat; You know what) your weakness. What do have in mind 
doing about it? If you have a big problem with alcohol, you should get 
away from its usage. We are sure that by doing so, you will avoid many 
bad time. 



///////^/////f. /// Fff/ffMf //. // //// // 



//^TFJ ^^^'^^^'i ^iJ' f.IJ££iJL 




111 mi 



I miss you like crazy 
Memories hazy, time passed 
My love for you will last 
Beyond words and all. 



'^U^TTS HBU/XLL,' 



mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 



Hill, Pennsylvania. Kurtis is a superb writer coming with some clean 
slicit rhymes, but with some powerful meaning behind it. He's not just 
trying to put words together and rhyme, heS trying to convey some 
strong messages in his writings. In the following poems you see how 
descriptive he gets with his slick similies and metaphors. 



Second Pass 

Profound, found 

Prolific with the lyrics 

My throat, lemme clear it 

Ahem phlegm 

Spit on the mic 

And hand it to him 

Drop a hot rhyme on a whim 

Player please, ya' pushin disease 

Got the remedy for ya' fleas 

Got a multitude of degrees 

It's graduation like Kanye, but hotter 

Been in the game for a minute 

It's basic, givin tims away 

So pass the plate, get some seconds 

A little taste 

Of my blessings. 




I I I I 



hand It to him 

Drop a hot r hi/we oft a whim 

Vlaifer please, ifa' pushin disease 

^ot the rewedtf for t/a' fleas 

^ot a multitude of degrees 

hand It to him 

Drop a hot rht/me oft a whim 

Flat/er please, t/a' pushlft disease 

^ot the remedtf for t/a' fleas 

^ot a multitude of degrees 



I Fear 



I fell in love with you 

But was too foolish to realize 

The reciprocation in your eyes 

I knew how powerful 

Only after I was taken from you 

You could be my everything 

If time could bring us back together 

I know I never deserved someone as sweet as you 

Deep blues like the sea 

I can see only the best shining through 

I knew you were special 

A long time now 

Regretful I pace this cell 

Knowing my love could be a hard shell 

But you're in my soul 

I see you in dreams 

I hold you in my heart 

Now apart 

I feel what was once real 

Could have faded 

It was a steal, my love 

You ran away with me in spirit 

Now nowhere near 

The idea I'll never see you again 

I fear. 



///////#////>f. /// yff/ff^/ //. // //// // 



f/^TFJ ^^^'^^^^^ ^ J , ' ,tUif iJL 



'Aff7ff^US ¥Bf7/7II¥' 




Dear Beat Within 



Greetings to you and all of your staff. My name is Markus 
Trurell Yearby (aka Hennessey) and I am writing you from 
one of the deepest depths of the belly of the beast. The 
Corcoran (SHU). I received my very first issue last night 
and I love it. I commend you all for this fine piece of work. 
The voice that needs to be heard is getting louder and 
louder. It is pleasing to me to see that so many others 
share my views. I have been a victim of punishment and 
violence since a child. What that has molded me into is a 
being that has punished and exhibited violent naturistic 
character towards individuals who may or may not have 
contributed to the events. 

I have grown up as many of us have, being products 
of our environments, thus being catalyst for the 
furtherance of violence and the ignorance of this type of 
punishment inflicted upon others. I have been dealing 
with incarceration off and on since 1987. I can say that 
my life has been filled with blessings as well as curses. 
Unfortunately my curses have often robbed me of the fruit 
of my blessings. 

One thing that I have been blessed with and 
maintained is my mind and the ability to think creatively 
and independently. It has been a real work in progress 
but I am convinced this day of the way and correct path to 
continue my journey. I shall straddle the fence no more. I 
found a great realization in the editor's notes of vol. 13.22 
a great deal of my understanding was revealed in those 
paragraphs. You are on the same level as I. How do I go 
about submitting writings that you use in future issues? I 
love to write, I would love to be apart of your publication. 



Our next writer is sending us his tiioughts from Corcoran State 
Prison in Corcoran, Ca. Markus is a smart individual and a talented 
writer writing to educate himself and everybody else thatS willing to 
listen. He talks about power but within knowledge because knowledge 
\\ power! If we take the time to study and educate ourselves it is a way 
to self empower us and have a voice through writing. And Markus is a 
great example! Knowledge is power! 



Power Vs. Poweriess 



Of course it is possible to possess and exercise power 
without violence. Violence is only one form of power, 
actually its lowest form. The true essence of power 
is "the ability to act or produce an effect," in certain 
circumstances and under some conditions to say and 
or do absolutely nothing can be considered an act that 
will produce an effect. Thus constituting power, strength, 
fighting skills, use of weaponry, intellect, versatility of 
speech and wealth are but a few endowments through 
which power can be exercised. 

It is of utmost importance that one understand the 
power that they posses. Solidity and caliber of character 
are refining attributes that are necessary to harness, 
cultivate, regulate and balance the execution of ones 
power. Without these virtuosities to maintain a positive 
stable execution, ones power can in the same vein 
have negative effect and negative consequence causing 
the wielder of power to suffer a deprivation of power. 
Powerlessness. I am a prime example as a 38 year old 
second termer convinced that it is my character that 
is needed most to improve. My lifelong quest for power 
is meaningless if I can't make constructive use of it. 
Supreme and absolute. Thank you. 



'HBD/pxn n. u/BST£rf?an/<' 



To Tiie Staff Of Tiie Beat Witiiin. 

I recently became aware of your publication and 
would like to be added to your mailing list. I've been 
incarcerated since age 17 and believe I can contribute 
some knowledgeable words to not only the youth but 
other lost souls. I've been writing for years and can give 
guidance to those that not only come from the streets 
like me but also those working to better them selves as 
I am. Twenty-two years of no freedom provides me with a 
vast degree of wisdom I've put on paper and hope for the 
opportunity to share with your readers. Thank You. 
Sincerely, 




Our next writer is writing to us from California Correctional 
Institution in Tehachapi, California. He) a first time writer as he 
recently came across the pages of our publication. Cedric has been 
locked down since the age of I 7 and has been locked up for twenty-two 

years! ~ " "" ------- - - 

a considerable amount of knowledge and is now ready to share it with 
all you readers that sitting in the same place he was once sitting. Cedric 
introduces himself and also comes through with a inspirational piece! 



Prayer Ciianoes Tilings 



As I sit and contemplate this shit I'm surrounded by 

I ask myself how did it happen 

Or better yet LORD why? 

Locked in a cell 23 hours a day 

Reminiscing about the times I use to clown in my tray 

Everywhere I look as far as the eyes can see 

Wanna be thug's perpetrating. B.G. 

The hood took me under is my reality and pain 

But real ninjas prevail while the turf remain the same 

22 years of incarceration, patiently waiting 

Lonely, along defeated and fading 

Till I prayed, seeking relief form the pain 

Finally deciding even a loc can find realism in change 

No, I didn't lay down my honor like so many now choose 

But through GOD's word I start living to win 

Instead of expecting to lose 

Prayer Changes Things! 



^ 



///////#////>f. /// yff/ff^/ //. // //// // 



//^TFJ ^^^'^^ ^WfU. r ,fJ-/JJ.JJ- 



'/^f7/7Tn IIf7/7ffRXL,L,XB/7' 




Time and distance are tiie few adversaries 

In this subterranean world we contend with 

But behold, death is the real enemy 

The one I try to understand 

For he can be a fearsome hunter 

One who reminds me that time waits for no one 

So waste no time with regrets or doubts 

There is only one time for right decisions 

Executed with determination 

Death doesn't know when my time will end 

Neither does destiny 

For if he did know he wouldn't tell 

The cold winds blow away the one 

With no inner life into oblivion 

He is a thing, carried away 

By the forces that enslave him 

Lost, not knowing where he will land 

Or what he will be up against 

A tattered shred of cloth 

At the mercy of its surroundings 

It's all survival in here 

As I struggle for meaning and purpose 

Alone in my concrete dwelling 

I watch the ruthless and chaotic events 

I am no longer either of those events 

They have their own war 

And I have my own 

I fight for power 

A personal thing 

A freedom fighter if you will 

One with a duty to defeat 

The inner demons and monsters 

The ones that hold us captive 

In our own minds. 



The following two pieces are from Beat writer Mario Barraillier 

who wrote us as he is in \ ' - - --- 

of the 3-strikes law. We dropped the ball, and forgot to send Mario 

, and for that we 
apologize. He wrote to remind us of that recently, and we decided to 
publish his words again in this issue - they're just that good. Sorry 
Mario - our bad! We hope you will give us another chance, and write 
to us again soon. Mario is currently at the R. J. Donovan Correctional 
Facility in San Diego. 



Oil Mioiitjf One Let Me See Fnrtiier 

The essence of things 

With all of its beauty 

You are a force to be reckoned with 

Let your intent light the flickering flame 

From within me 

You know my world is full of demons 

With angel faces 

Still I sit alone 

And in the name of self preservation 

I choose to step out of bounds 

From their own rationality 

I made the sacrifice of my life 

And nothing is the same 

My thinking has taken a somersault 

Into the inconceivable 

Uncover my eyes if you will 

Guide me so I no longer reach 

For that empty light 

The one without brilliance that reaches all 

The one that's hiding 

Its infinite catastrophe. 



'ffnTHnn¥ nfj{//7/?B^ u/p. ' 



Oear Oeaters 



It's your boy Ant. And though I myself haven't had any 
recent issues sent to me, one of my boys let me catch 
up by letting me borrow volume 13:37. As always I took 
the time to hear all of you out. Now it's time to hear all of 
you out. Now it's time for me to step my game up and give 
you young brothers and sisters a raw and uncut reality to 
your entries. 

First up this goes to a young brother outta Alameda 
County. I find that this part of your life heart is tied to 
your city and it is your pride that is telling me to show you 
pity. Though I don't know you, it is obvious you've been 
misled. Your setting your death on a piece of material, 
a rag of color that means nothing when your gone, your 
even singing a death song letting your ninjas know you 
tried your best. Why can't you see that those that truly 
love you are going to miss you? Not your rag nor your city 
and nickname. Stand up as a man and do you. Open your 
eyes before it's too late and all you are is a statistic of the 
game for banging a color that don't mean nothing. 

I see you got talent and a lot built up inside just by 
the four lines you put in your entry. Continue to express 
yourself and do one thing strive to better yourself HI' 
brother. 



Our boy Playboy Ant is back to give y'all readers some advice. 
Playboy sends his props out to everyone writing in the magazine 



to people. Ant, who was once participating in hobbies that obviously 
landed him in the Pen, is now trying to involve himself back into the 
community in a real positive way. As for his politics, or anyone^ politics, 
what you read is strictly the opinion of the writer(s), they do not reflect 
the opinions of the publisher! He) currently serving his sentence in 
California Correction Institution in Tehachapi, Ca. 



My Opinion 



It's time I stop letting all this madness that surrounds 
me, infuriate me to the point where my concentration in 
getting at you Beaters is absent. Mind I say this setting is 
truly disappointing. I find myself surrounded by a spirit 
that can't be named, a spirit that behind these walls is 
free to roam. I hear on the news and read in the newspaper 
about a proposition that will set this same spirit free in 
society. 

It's a path of destruction and a gateway of spiritual 
warfare. For the youth and generations to come they 
will be led to believe that this lifestyle is ok to live. 
Their seasons will end and there spirit will forever be 
condemned. Though I cannot name this spirit for it will 
not get recognition in my eyes. I only will state the fact 
that society needs to open tiieir eyes for the generations 
ahead. I support voting yes on Prop. 8. 



] 



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//^TFJ ^^^'^^^'i^i ^ ' ^,Ll/J LL 



'fff7¥ SRHCHB^' 




To The Beat 



This is my second letter to you, and like I said I feel 
what's being said. Why, cause I've gone through what 
most of these youngsters has gone through. And still 
causing "myself pain and misery. I say this because of 
the attitude I have had all my life. And that was screw the 
world. 

What did that cost me? "AH" my teen years in prison, 
that breed even more hate and destruction inside of me. 
I caught another case for a weapons and drug charges. 
Did just over 1 1 years on that. Why that conviction? I say 
all this and how I've been there. I got a screwed up family 
literally. But now that I sit back and think, no one put a 
gun to my head and made me do the things that I did. I 
just did what was done to me. Anyway I got 26 months 
in night now and there's possibly some light at the end. 
Plus, I've met some people that have given me some 
insight. Which has me pretty much dead set on helping 
this younger generation. I mean, what can they say I don't 
know what I'm talking about. He's old he hasn't been 
through the things I have. They're sadly mistaken. 

What has sparked this change in me? You got time 
right? Ha! Ha! I had a woman that was writing to me that 
has a child (not mine). No father. And I've never seen 
my daughter period. Who's fault? My own. And she's 15. 
Who's she or had she had a father figure in her life? Who 
knows for sure? I want to get to know her. 

Next, my mom died in 05' at a young age of 53 and I 
went a little crazy in and out of prison. 

I thought it was my way of "life" that did it to her. Well 
maybe a fraction of it. She's gone and there is nothing I 
can do about it. Last but not least. I'm not getting any 
younger and I've heard somewhere that if I can just help 
one person change, not make them change then I've made 
an accomplishment. 

Well The Beat, I'm not sure if this is a piece to print, 
but, if you want to, then go right ahead. 



Remember Me 



Will anyone remember me? 

Recall the contributions 

I've made to my community? 

I've communed with thieves 

Confused my dreams with greed 

My need to be liked invited those 

Who'd re-write my mind 

Enticed with crime I'd find 

I hunger for hood approval 

Will I be remembered with love? 

What have I given? 

Those still living should think of? 

I'm more than a dealer of drugs 

But who'll remember me 

As anything more than a bad seed? 

A "G"? 

A local thug? 

We only truly die 

The day we're last thought of 

And I fear to be forgotten. 



Our next writer is no stranger, and one of the elite writers of The 
Beat Within. Writing from Pleasant Valley State Prison, in Salinas, 
CA, Ray always comes through with masterpieces. Whether it's some 
clever raps, or a story with a very important moral behind it, RayS 
writing varies in style but \i always brilliant, in his upcoming pieces 
he explains exactly what het doing with his pieces »% he takes you on 
journey through his imagination. 



Lemar 



Our next writer is a fairly new contributor to our 
publication. He's writing from Crossroads Correctional 
Center all the way in Cameron, Missouri. Lemar sent us 
his own story talking about why he wants to write to The 
Beat Within and what he's trying to accomplish. So listen 
to his story as he tells you and shares his passion to 
educate us readers. 



The Nameless 



He was one of many. He had no name. Not one that 
mattered anjrway. Everyone on his street and nicknames, 
aliases, and changed them as often as a snake sheds 
its skin. Regardless of his name, his childhood and 
upbringing was like so many other sons of the ghetto, 
life, and its lessons, were hard. He was lucky enough to 
know who his father was. That was not the norm for this 
part of the city. It was his father who told him what it is 
to be a man. A man is a protector, a provider. A man puts 
his family before himself, regardless of risk. 

Now, as he stands in the night, he knows that he is 
doing what he must to ensure his own child does not 
have as hard life as he has had. Just as he knows he has 
had a better life than his father. 

As he left home, he kissed his daughter and reminded 
her to be good for her mommy, and feels warmth in his 
heart. The warmth vanishes with the closing of his front 
door. Time to put his game face on, disassociate his self 
from society, and allow survival and greed to drown out 
his conscience. 

He knows he's selling poison. But why should he 
care. His outlook on life was Darwinian. If you were stupid 
enough, weak enough, to kill yourself with drugs, then 
you deserve to be taken advantage of. "Screw You! Pay 
Me!" attitudes are a part of their mental software, and are 
exuded in their every move. They risk prison, death, and 
worse, but don't care. The future doesn't matter except 
in how it applies to the status of their drugs: when to re- 
cop? Should I stack in case of drought, or just splurge? 
How much longer till I make my quota? Nothing farther 
than this directly affects the here and now. 

He stands in the shadows, easily in view to those 
who seek to do business, but able to melt away into the 
darkness when threatened. He feels nothing but hunger 
and the tiniest trickle of fear. The fear is not something 
to be ashamed of. It keeps him aware, on edge, alive. He'll 
go home to stash his money, shower, relax, and be human 
once again, leaving his sociopath persona at the door to 
feel the warmth of love and safety yet again. He'll kiss his 
sleeping daughter goodnight, go to bed, make love to his 
lady, and sleep. 

So many others will repeat this process with minor 
variations. But they don't think of this as they grind. They 
think of nothing but the here and now, knowing that the 
future may not come. Knowing that they may in fact die 
tonight. But, other than the police, no one seems to care, 
so they don't either. They realized they are simply one of 
many, and that none of them have a name. 



///////#////>f. /// yff/ff^/ //. // //// // 



f/^TFJ ^^^'^^^^ ^ /" ' ^ ^J£i li i 



'fff7¥ Sf^nnHB^ canr.' 




Juiced! 



Listen, Sonny Jim, I don't run with no boys 

Just grown men 

Who don't grin often 

Off Henn, I've sinned wit' multiple women 

But in middle school, no game 

Just knew gin and Mary Jane 

Cancelled complaints from dates, erased, 

In-hi-bitions 

Saw Uncle Paul, wit' a speedball 

For the first time fixin' 

When I asked why he did it, he spit this 

"The needle's my prophet 

Narcotic's religion" 

Multiple years later 

I held katers and became the man to trade grams 

Fo' paper, scrapers, and sexual favors 

Respect a young playa 

Who's mo' afraid of losing face wit' his neighbors 

Than facing fed time 

Fo' tech nine 

That smashed the spines of five haters 

Come to hate the engraver 

Who etched fear on my soul 

So foes became scapegoats 

Xenophobic equipped wit' arsenal and told 

My life would be better wit' bullet hole in rivals 

Their goal 

To use young folks like a chess piece 

If I could just see 

My future free of multiple tefs enmeshed 

In my chest piece 

I might hope. 



Dear Beat Within 



First off, I wish to extend my utmost love and respect 
to all of you, and hope this kite reaches you in the best 
of health and spirits. I'd also like to wish you all a Happy 
Halloween, regardless of your current incarcerated state. 
I don't know about you, but I miss Halloween. Going door 
to door with my daughter. Sassy. God, it hurts my heart to 
miss this! To not be able to share this with her! 

It's lonely right now. My baby's mamma and I broke up 
after being together for eleven years. I'm in the hole for 
weapons that weren't mine. My dog, Roscoe, may be put 
to sleep soon. My little brother is going to the army. So 
much to deal with... So much to weigh down my heart. 

It's easy to give in to depression and hate life. But I 
don't. I can't. I have people who love me, I owe it to them 
and to myself to try and come home. I read in a book 
that death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than 
a mountain. It certainly feels that way. But then again, 
nothing worth having comes easy. I recently have been 
talking to a psychologist. She likes to give me homework. 
Stuff that's supposed to reveal various insights into my 
character. Recently, she gave me two pictures and told me 
to write stories based on what I saw. She wanted to know 
what the characters were feeling, where they've been, 
where they're going, what they're thinking. 

One picture was of an old man surrounded by 
gravestones. The other, a man under a streetlight wearing 
a fedora, looking kind of shady in the night. What I came 
up with surprised me and I thought I'd share it with you. 
I feel these stories really expose what the gang and dope 
game can put you through. I hope y'all feel what I got to 
say. 



Tiie Ones 



'^XD' 



If only one was going to heaven 

I'd be surrounded by family and friends 

If only I was going to heaven 

I'd forever be with family and friends 

The ones that really knew me 

The ones that never judged me 

The ones that embraced me 

The ones that hugged me 

Not the ones that hated me, but the ones that loved me 

The ones that rode it out through the hard times 

and the ones that enjoyed the good 

The ones that were fake 

But the ones that had my back and didn't hate 

The ones that helped me 

The ones that felt me 

The ones that knew what I was doing 

yeah the ones that told me I was being stupid! 

The ones that didn't let me get shot by cupid 

And the ones that did 

The ones that knew my by Michael 

And the ones that knew me as Kid 

The ones that went their own way 

Even though they wished they could stay 

The ones I pushed away 

And the one whose life I didn't want to mess up 

The ones at night I kept up 

The ones that would think about me 

Not the ones that wouldn't blink around me 

If only I was going to heaven. 



Our next writer is an old time writer as he use to write for our 
publication when he was a youngster in Juvenile Hall. Now he has 
moved on and finds himself In the adult system facing a very long 
sentence. Kid is trying to reignite his writing once again thru The Beat, 
as he delivers a short piece, but powerful and lets you know what heS 
feeling. Kid writes us from Caiipatria State Prison in Calipatria, CA 



Greetings To Tiie Beat Witiiin Staff 

Good afternoon or morning. Depending on when you 
check your mail. As always I send my utmost respects 
to you and your family. Hopefully the letter reaches you 
as I know its been a while since the last ones. Hope 
everything is good. How's The Beat? Just in case, I've 
included a lil' something for you to put in, it ain't much. 

My writing has become less frequent over the years. 
Mainly to family and friends. To see how they're doing 
and let them know I'm doing good. Prisons been quite an 
experience but you've heard it before! Right now I'm in 
Calipatria, near Calexico in the Imperial Valley! Hot! The 
cold water in the sink comes out warm and tasted like 
bleach! But other than that I'm doing good. Getting ready 
for my comeback. If it happens I still got hope. 

Well I don't want to take up too much of your time but 
before I go I was wondering if you could send some Beats 
my way, something to get my mind flowing. As always its 
much appreciated. With that said may you have a great 
week and take care. Tell the rest of The Beat folks. I send 



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//^TFJ ^^^'^^^ ^M f , 'J./JLilL 



'Uanf7THf7n AfTLLB^' 




We're Wrono 



Do you want to be a bad boy, or a good man? What's good 
about the human life is you can choose what way you want 
to live. 

Look how sophisticated and complicated we are as 
human beings. What does a shark eat? Fish and an occasional 
surfer leg or arm? What do bears eat? Meat and honey, right? 
As humans we eat a million different things with a million 
different sauces, we have a million different outfits to wear 
and looks we sport. Yet to be discovered other wise human 
beings are the smartest creatures on the planet, maybe not 
circumstantially. Given our circumstances we do what we do 
and animals and friends do what they do. 

Animals aren't the ones killing people in God's name, or 
stating a war is over safety, nuclear weapons posing a threat 
to our country then procrastinating any substantial warring 
advance to avoid blowing up precious oil fields. Mean while 
we spend crazy amounts of money to build bigger prisons 
and supply more beds for people to spend the rest of their 
life in, instead of spending money on educating criminals 
into learning how to work and be a productive member of 
society in the free world where they will make a difference 
and people, many people will benefit an honest job making 
life easier and the world go around. Plumbing, electricians, 
carpenters and construction workers even landscapers are 
just a few jobs that make cool livings and that the whole 
community bears smiles from. Instead of investing money in 
progress of the human race they waste it and put it in their 
pockets. 

What does prison teach us? It's different for everybody 
but I don't really see prison making too much of a difference. 
They call it corrections, but they don't live up to that title. 
Most the world's problems are a result of human made 
decisions. As far as I can prove human beings are the only 
suicidal species on earth. 

Everything on earth is reaching out to God. Only when we 
are content are we happy if we are not satisfied we will search 
for something else. Some people benefit from other people's 
problems financially like drug dealers, the government who 
builds prisons and the government who sends soldiers to 
kill and die for what we call the mystery war, because what 
the soldiers are fighting for, what ever it is its up in the air as 
to what for Ignorant means lacking knowledge. So it is fair 
to say the government is ignorant of many things such as 
understanding, relation and relating to what they are actually 
doing. Because if they understood what they were doing, they 
would be doing something different. I believe because they 
are isolating the benefit recipients of this war. The soldiers 
are left in the dark as they are procrastinating the fighting for 
which they know not what for. We're suffering our families 
fighting in this mystery war. Gas is up. The government 
indulges in our problems. They benefit financially. Money is 
evil more so then women. Both can be good don't me wrong 
women are people but when money becomes evil is effects so 
many. 

I see the big wars the armies of countries participate 
in all over the world and I'm not impressed. People killing 
people over money and power prison's a different world you 
could get killed over the slightest thing, nothing even. It 
could be over gossip or a hard look. You think that war in 
Iraq is stupid and dumb. The wars that take place in prison 
are 100 times stupider and dumber. I seen dudes go to war 
just to compete. Boredom is a factor on the sanity corruption 
that takes place in here. The whole world is a prison. It's 
all wrong. But if we are not going to take responsibility for 
changing our self how can we expect any one else to change. 
Changing the world starts with us. You and I. 



Our next writer is sending us his powerful pieces right through the 
steel gates of New Folsom Correctional Facility in Represa, California. 
Jonathan comes through with some stellar writing for y'all to indulge 
in. He doesnt get too much into his religious praise, but does mention 
some important knowledge for all to soak in. He hits his writing with a 
whole different point of view as he informs us that we all have choices, 
and the consequences of our actions come from the choices we make. In 
his upcoming pieces he contributes some very interesting facts, and we 
definitely could use some more of his knowledgeable advice. 




Psych Patients Point of View 

Modern day psychology will tell you have the right to be 
angry. You have the right to be whatever you want as far as 
I'm concerned. You can feel what ever you want and you 
also have the right to express your feelings. You have the 
right to any feelings you want. It's possible to feel them 
all, but how are you going to deal with your feelings? How 
are you going to express your anger, your lust, and your 
hate? Huh? Don't you know you also have the right to 
experience the repercussions of your actions? That's the 
catch to the right you have to express your feelings. 

So, yes you have the right to feel angry, but do you 
want to feel angry? I don't, it gets me in trouble. I do my 
darndest to defuse my anger. Anger leads to Evil. Evil can 
produce permanent solutions for temporary problems. 
Anger will deceive you because it is not your friend. I give 
my anger to God and pray in my own way. Why should 
I take it out on some one else and get HURT when it 
bounces back instead of putting out the fire for not just 
me but everybody else around me? 

Let me give you an example of my logical, most sane, 
rational point of view. You are in your cell with your celly. 
You get angry at him for what ever, this or that. You can 
say " he is my problem, I have the right to be angry at 
him," but I assure you he is not the problem, your anger 
is. It's really you and your celly against the anger, the 
demon of anger flaring and working you up inside. 

Now, demons have deceitful tactics. They will not care 
to fight one against your two so he will try against your 
celly. He will try to deceive you and if he does you and 
your celly will suffer your decision and instead of joking 
and laughing and you will cuss and bleed. Why you would 
make things harder on yourself is a question you should 
find an answer for. I did it. It was stupid. Doing bad to 
your celly is failing to satisfy your needs and desires. It 
puts you in a more uncomfortable position then you were 
previously in. It is your right to treat yourself however 
you want. 

People that go through the system have more rights 
stripped from them as they make bas decisions. So 
modern psychology says, "You have the right to be angry" 
But I'm telling you, "you also have the right to be happy". 
Not only that, but you do have a choice. Chose wisely. 



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'^nnfJTHfjn rfXLLiB/? canr' 




God's Will Part One 



There is always somewhere to go and you are always 
somewhere. If you accept your situation and put your mind to 
it you'll figure it out. If you had some weed and you wanted to 
smoke it, but there were police all around you'd find a place 
to go where there weren't any police. Life is a situation we've 
been put in and the decisions you make will either make 
you or break you. They will make things better or they will 
make things worse. With a worldly mind you limit yourself to 
worldly options. Free will is the ability to think for ourselves, 
the ability to experience what ever we want and what ever is 
possible. God said we could have free will there fore we have 
it. If you're smart you will learn from your experiences. You 
were in the free world, which had laws. That's the situation 
that you were in. Your free will got you locked up. You chose 
to be where you are unless you were ignorant to the law. 

Well now you're not. You're experiencing the 
consequences of your actions. Do you like it? Now you had 
the free world life where you can go to other cities, counties, 
even countries, you could go to parks, date women and so on. 
Now you're locked up in a world of discipline. You chose to 
go to certain cities, counties, and countries. I'm not calling 
you gay but you chose to be with out women. You still want 
to talk about how cool it is to get high? If it's so cool how 
come you're not doing it? You choose not to be in a world 
where everybody's twisten' up. 

If you're going to learn things the hard way don't forget 
to learn. You don't need drugs to be cool. You choose not to 
be in a world where no one's twisten' up, but you're still cool 
right? This is God's will that you learn, or is it your will? 
You wanted to use drugs then took it away from yourself as 
a possibility. You're confused like I was. I didn't know what I 
wanted. I naturally want to feel: happy, loved and respected, 
but 1 ignored the preachers and monks. I refused to 
understand. I refused to understand that there's a universal 
picture. Not just a worldly picture. It's okay to acknowledge 
a worldly view, but recognize it for what it is. You will see 
God's will is the only will to live by in order to be happy. You 
ever hear somebody say, " You better recognize fool?" You 
should recognize everything, but recognize everything for 
what it is. 

Some people believe in Heaven and Hell. Some people 
believe in reincarnation. Both these theories are built on 
reason. The reason for Heaven is to be rewarded for living 
a Godly way, according to God's will and Hell is punishment 
for living, let's say the wrong way. So Heaven is for people 
who live right and hell is for people who live wrong. In a 
universal picture punishment is hell and reward is bliss. 
Reincarnation involves the law of karma which is something 
like Jesus said, " You reap what you saw" So are moments. 
A man getting raped is a man experiencing Hell as far as I am 
concerned. Time is eternal. You will exist forever. 

When you put out hell you will receive hell. Some way, 
some how these philosophies are significant to our existence 
on Earth whatever you believe there is one truth. Even the 
Bible speaks of many mysteries we just can't seem to get 
solved. The mysteries of God. I have a deep love and Respect 
for Buddha and his teachings. He has pointed out many 
helpful things: My appreciation for all the religions; Hindu, 
Buddhist, Christian, Mystic and all the religions that teach 
the laws of love. 

Free will gives you the choice to love what you want. Be 
careful. On Earth your decisions will make or break you. You 
will discover. At least I will pray that you discover there is 
only one way of the universe. It's not your way. It's bigger 
than us dude. It's bigger than you and me. 



Division 



The gangsta' life. 

Your homie dies 

You're hospitalized 

Your loved ones cry 

You think that violence makes you stronger? 

Hate awaits to divide and concur 

It don't take heart to pull a trigger but to build love 

It takes hustle to play soccer not to sell drugs 

For the cause we kill for the cause, we die 

What's the cause anjrway, living life? 

The road you're walking insane and violent 

What you get is the right to remain silent 

Jail cells, courtrooms, penitentiary 

No good to the females they probably don't mention me 

You say " Stay down for your race represent with pride" 

Then you pick up a knife and kill your own kind 

I'm crazy dog, what's crazy anyway? 

You can't comprehend 'cause crazy can't be explained 

You could kill in the street and smoke out of glass 

Gloriiying that really shows you where you're at 

That's sorry man 

What don't you understand? 

You ain't going to live long like that man 

You just can't 

A violent persona I blamed God for my actions 

" You gave me free will" the devil started laughin' 

I denied responsibility 

I wasn't a man 

Prison ain't a good retirement plan 

Three meals a day 

I had better food 

And everybody here's got something to prove 

We're divided in here, we self-destruct 

I await the day when we live as one. 



Stay Down 



Just because a phrase is catchy doesn't mean it has any 
merit. How about this one? " Stay Down". Let me tell 
you about Dip. Hopefully you will realize something. Dip 
was a drug dealer who sold speed. Someone owed him 
money. Its never enough to kill for, but in this situation 
Dip thought it was. He killed the dude and still didn't 
get any money from the dude. He got arrested for it and 
God showed him some love. Dip ended up with 13 years 
for manslaughter. Dip was down for a dope fiends debt, 
because for him it was the principal. He was down for his 
principal's. 

Now he gets to prison talking all big about what he 
did so the shot callers see someone they can use. They 
installed a few more principals in his head for him to live 
by. "Stay down for your race." Dip was told if a particular 
dude who broke the convict code. Now figure this out. 
In order for him to "Stay Down" for his race he has to 
destruct it. Make any sense? No? Good. 

So Dip stabs the dude. Doesn't even know him. So 
he's down for his race and another 3 years of prison. 
He proves how down he is 3 times this same way. Now 
he'll be down 10 extra years on his sentence. Another 
10 years. When we think we know it all our ignorance 
is peeking. I don't know it all, our ignorance is peeking. 
I don't know it all, but I bet Dip is not happy with the 
decisions he made. I wouldn't be. Would you? Stay down 
Dog. Stay down. 



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//^TFJ ^^^'^^ ^^^U., l£LU,OJ- 



'AfxnHf7BL, Afn^TnnB¥' 




Dear The Beat Within 



I am writing to The Beat Within, once again. And I hope 
you like the few pieces of writing I am sending you all 
your way. Things about how God works. It's all good. 
(Never too old to learn.) 

Seeing life for what it is worth. I hope you like these 
pieces of writing. Every Beat Within my writing gets 
published in I would like to have a copy of. Thank you 
very much for your help. 



Make It Better 



If I want my life to be better than it has been. I got to 
make it better. That's no one else job. It's my job if I want 
my education to be better. I got to make it better. 

If I want my understanding to be better, I got to make 
it better. I got to make it better. Everything about my life 
falls back on me. So whatever I want to be better be about 
me. I got to make it better. 



Never Too Bid To Learn 



No one is never too old to learn. Learning has been 
around for ages. And it will always be around. Learning is 
a way of life. Learning is a part of growing. No matter how 
much I have I know I can never learn enough. I can never 
learn enough. No matter how much I know. I can never 
know enough. 

There is always something new to learn. Learning all 
that we need to know don't come over night. It comes 
through experience. I'm not pointing a finger at anyone, 
but many people here in prison think they done got to old 
to learn. Some think they know it all until they feel so far 
up in age. Until they just give up on learning. Thinking 
they are to old to learn, we are never too old to learn. 



It's Aii Good 



When life offers us 

hardships 

It's all good 

When life offers us pain 

and suffering 

It's all good 

When life offers us things 

that we don't understand 

It's all good 

When life offers us fears 

It's all good 

When life offers us trouble 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

incarceration 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

physical isolation 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

darkness 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

punishment 

It's all good 

When life offers us 



deprivation 

It's all good 

When life offers us egos 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

improvement 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

advantages 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

adversity 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

disadvantages. 

It's all good 

When life offers us life. 

It's all good 

When life offers us death 

It's all good 

When life offers us 

downfalls. 

It's all good 

When life offers us down 

and moments. 

It's all good 

When life offers danger n 

It's all good 



Our next writer has been blessing the pages of our publication for 
quite some time now. Never coming through with dull writing, sn his 
words seem to bright up the pages like glitter shining. Michael always 
comes through with positive writing that everyone can feed off of. Even 
though he has been locked down for nearly two decades you wouldn't 

emotion. Mlhcael writes 
us from prison in Raiford, Florida. 



Things Ahont Bow God Works 

I'm still learning from my own experience, as how God works in 
our life. Some time God's work is hard for us to understand. If we 
don't know the working of God. 

When 1 was young. And had no knowledge of God. I use to 
think God was against me and my family. But I was not able to 
see at that time that God had plans for what he was doing to 
me and my family. He was using hard times to prepare us for 
that plan. Now I am able to see God's work and testing with a 
understanding mind. God has so many ways of testing us. 

So when God is working we should not look at it as a bad 
thing because he will put us to test. And it is not our call as to 
what kind of tests we have to face. God placed people in our way 
for a reason. This be a part of his testing. But there has been 
times when I strive hard to do the right thing, and I would have 
my eyes on the lord. 



Seeing life For What It Is Worth 

In the life that we live. We all may not all have the same 
out look. But life is not about the way we see it. Life is 
about the truth. Life is about being real with ourselves 
and the world around us. Our own life can be what we 
make it. 

But life it self is what it is, nothing less or nothing 
more. So it ain't but one way to look at life. And that 
is for what is worth. We can't make life what we want it 
to be because life is going to be as it is. No matter how 
someone else sees it. 



Who Bid It To Me 



I did it to myself. Who put me in prison? I put myself 
in prison. Who got me in prison for life? I got myself in 
prison. Because even when I was young, I always knew 
right from wrong. 

Who got me locked down on close management lock 
down for almost thirteen years. I got myself locked down 
like this. So nobody did it to me but, I'm the one who 
made my life hard. I'm the one who made life hard for 
myselfl 



Bniy Me Can Free Myself 



other than God only me can free myself 

No man has the keys to my freedom 

No amount of money in this world has the keys to my freedom 

No gold has the keys to my freedom 

Just being in the outside world does not has the keys to my freedom 

My mother do not has the keys to my freedom 

My brother do not has the keys to my freedom 

My family do not has the keys to my freedom 

No drug has the keys to my freedom 

True freedom comes from within 

Gaining true knowledge of self is freedom 

Maintaining true knowledge of self is freedom 

Being able to do as I want 

When I don't know any better 

Is not freedom 

Worldly riches is not the key to my freedom 

Knowing who I am 

And knowing God is the true keys to my freedom. 



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7/^7FJ ^^^''^^ ^J[iJ, {./..UJi/i. 



'TB/7/?¥ HTHHTHU/B^' 




Beware Young Men 



Beware young men, beware of all the allurements of 
wantonness. Let not the harlot tempt you to excess in 
her delights. The madness of desire shall defect it's own 
pursuits and from the blindness of it's rage, you will rush 
upon destruction. Therefore, do not give your heart to her 
sweet enticements. Also do not let your soul be enslaved 
by her enchanting delusions. The fountain if health, 
which must supply the stream of pleasure will quickly be 
dried up and every spring of joy shall be excused. 

In the prime of your life, old age shall overtake you; 
the sun shall decline in the morning of your days. When 
virtue and modesty enlighten her charms, the luster of 
a beautiful woman is brighter than the stars of heaven 
and the influence of her power it is in vain to resist. The 
whiteness of her bosom transcends the lily. Her smile is 
more delicious than a garden of roses. The innocence of 
her eyes is like that of a turtle. Simplicity and truth dwell 
in her heart. The kisses of her mouth are sweeter than 
honey. The perfumes of Arabia breathe from her lips. 

Do not shut the heart to the tenderness of love; the 
purity of its flame shall ennoble your heart and soften it 
to receive the fairest impressions. Therefore, get yourself 
a wife and obey the statues of God. Get yourself a wife and 
become a faithful member of society. Be sure to examine 
with care but do not attempt to fix suddenly. On your 
present choice depends your future happiness. If much 
of her time is destroyed in dress and adornment; if she 
is enamored with her own beauty and delighted with her 
own praise; if she laughs too much and talks too loud; if 
her foot does not abide in her fathers house and her eyes 
with boldness rove on the faces of men. 

Though her beauty is as the sun in the firmament of 
heaven, turn your face away from her charm, turn your feet 
from her path. And do not let the soul suffer from being 
ensured by the allurements of the imagination. When 
you find sensibility of heart combined with softness of 
manners and an accomplished mind with a form agreeable 
to your fancy; take her home to your house. She is worthy 
to be your friend, your companion in life and the wife of 
your bosom. O' cherish her as a blessing sent to you from 
heaven. Let the kindness of your behavior endear you to 
her heart. She is the mistress of your house, there-fore, 
treat her with respect. 

Do no oppose her inclination without cause. She is 
the partner of your care. Make her one of your pleasures. 
Reprove her faults with gentleness. Do not exact her 
obedience with Rigor. Trust her with your secrets. Her 
counsels are sincere and you shall not be deceived. Be 
faithful to her bed because she is the mother of your 
children. When pain and sickness assault her let your 
tenderness soothe her affliction. A look from you of pity 
and love shall alleviate her grief or instigate her pain 
and be of more avail than ten physicians. Consider the 
tenderness of her sex, the delicacy of her frame. Do not 
be severe to her weakness and always remember your 
own imperfections. 



Our next writer is writing to us from South Central Correctional 
Center in Licking, Missouri. He delivers quite an exceptional piece 
about women. Its a delightful piece, as he descriptively paints 
picture on how to treat a lady. 



The Beat 



It's me again! The enclosed writing is very helpful info 
to young brothers on how to choose and treat a woman. I 
really hope that you all print this. If not, it's still all love. 
Again, no matter what. I want you all to know you are 
appreciated. Keep doing your thing. 




T 



he whole world is a 
prison. It's all wrong. 
But if we are not going 
to take responsibility for 
changing our self, how 
can we expect any one 
else to change. Chang- 
ing the world starts with 
us. You and I. 

read the rest of Jonathan Miller's BWO piece on page 76